The whistles blew and I looked up from my book. My lifeguard hopped off the stand and quickly pushed it up away from the water. A second later he collapsed beside me on my towel. He was so close I could smell the intoxicating mixture of sunscreen and sweat on his skin. I felt myself leaning a little closer. Kristen was right. There was just something special about a guy’s scent.
"We're going to play in like ten minutes." He put his hands behind his head and lay down on his back.
"Okay." I sat up so I could look down at him. But then I wished I had stayed lying down too. Because now all I wanted to do was lean over him and kiss him. It had been far too long since our first kiss and my lips were craving him.
"So why are you suddenly so interested in that number?" he asked.
I shrugged. If the number of girls that had seen him naked wasn’t important to me, I probably wouldn’t have even realized what he was talking about. But it was important and I was interested in the fact that his number was four. "You asked me last night. And then I was wondering about you. So...you've had four girlfriends?"
"No. I've had two girlfriends."
"Oh. So what were the other two girls?"
He sat up. "Girls that I wasn't serious about."
"Hmm." His response was a warning sign. I thought about the fact that he drove a motorcycle and my mother’s warning. He was a very bad boy.
"Don't look at me like that, Jellyfish Girl."
"Like what?"
"Like you think I'm a bad person."
"I don't think you're a bad person." It was true, I had been thinking he was a bad boy. But a bad person? I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. J.J. definitely wasn’t a bad person. "When did you break up with your last girlfriend?"
"It's been a while. A few years maybe. Yeah, over two years."
I already knew that his first girlfriend cheated on him when they went to different colleges. So that left the mystery of the other people who had seen him naked. "And where do the other girls fit in?"
"My last year of college."
"Were they like…one-night things?" It felt like I was pulling the information out of him in an extremely awkward friendship way.
"You're suddenly awfully curious about my sexual history. What about you? You've only had sex with Aiden?"
I scrunched up my face. "Yeah."
My lifeguard laughed. "It seems like you want to change that."
"Maybe I do." I dug my heels into the sand. With you. Why couldn’t I just tell him that I liked him? Every time I came close, my lips seemed to press together, keeping my secret locked away. “So…about those other girls…”
He laughed. “You’re very nosy today.”
“And you’re avoiding the question.”
He turned away from me and looked up at the sky. "I told you that I'm not thrilled about my job this fall. I was kind of a mess my last year of college. I know that's not really an excuse."
"And I told you that I don't think you're a bad person."
"So you still like me?" He flashed me a smile.
"I really like you." I coughed. "As a friend. Of course as a friend. You're my buddy."
"Right." His smile faded.
Fuck. What is wrong with me? That had been my best opportunity yet. Just tell him how you feel!
"You guys ready?!" Clint yelled over to us.
I was happy that I was being offered an avoidance tactic instead of just creating them in my head. I quickly stood up. I was still a little wet from my dip in the ocean. Hopefully that would prevent me from getting too sweaty. Whenever I worked out, I always seemed to get way sweatier than anyone else. And being nervous around my lifeguard wasn't going to help the situation. I was lucky that he wasn’t coming on my supposed five mile run tomorrow. He’d probably just keep on running away from me if he saw how sweaty and red I got.
My lifeguard slowly sat up, took off his sunglasses, and tossed them onto my towel. He looked up at me with his blue eyes.
I didn't want to play football. I wanted to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me again. I wanted more than whatever it was we were. Somehow I needed to make him realize that. And since the words escaped me, maybe I could show him in a different way. By body tackling him into the sand during touch football, even if that was technically against the rules. It was the only logical option. I put my hand out for him. He grabbed it and I pulled him to his feet.
"Can I be on your team?" I asked. I didn't let go of his hand. Or would it be better to not be on his team? How could I flirt more? Tackling meant being on the opposite team. Unless I was going to throw in the towel and be really bad and tackle my own teammate. Which would be really hard for me to do because I loved winning. Maybe that’s why my being bad at love was so hard for me to accept.
"I'm not sure it's up to me, buddy." He squeezed my hand and then let it go.
"Oh, come on. You knew what I meant."
"Actually, I didn't. Maybe you could describe it in more detail." He smiled at me.
I knew he was messing with me, but it seemed like another perfect opportunity to tell him the truth. Why is this so awkward? I swallowed hard. His eyes were so distracting.
"Yo, guys! Come on!" Clint yelled again.
I smiled at my lifeguard and started walking toward the group of lifeguards that had formed away from the water. It was impossible to talk to him, so being more flirtatious was definitely the only thing I could do. I walked over to Clint. "Hey, your girlfriend seemed nice. Is she going to come play?"
"Who? Elle?" Clint laughed. "I don't have a girlfriend, Stalker Girl."
"Oh." Awkward.
"Okay, Reggie and I are the captains," Clint said. "I'll take J.J."
My lifeguard walked over and stood next to Clint. He whispered something in Clint's ear. My heart started beating fast. It felt like I was in high school all over again. I didn't want to be picked last. It was always so mortifying just standing, waiting. And I wanted to be on my lifeguard's team. I hoped he’d just told Clint to choose me next. I wouldn’t let them down. After all, I was a beast.
I started to pull my hair up into a ponytail. It was time to get serious.
"Hey, are you any good?"
I turned my head toward Reggie. He was looking right at me. I turned around to see if there was some big strong man behind me who Reggie was actually staring at. Nope. I looked back at him.
"Who, me?" I asked.
"Yeah, you." He smiled at me.
"I'm...okay." I was standing next to two tall, muscular lifeguards. He couldn’t seriously be about to pick me. It didn’t make any sense. From a competitive standpoint, I should be one of the last picks just because I was so much shorter than everyone else. Smaller legs meant slower.
"Come be on my team,” Reggie said.
I definitely didn't expect to be picked first for someone's team. I looked over my shoulder at my lifeguard as I walked toward Reggie. He looked kind of pissed. Maybe this was just what I needed. If I could make him jealous, then maybe he'd admit that he wanted to be more than friends too. Besides, now the tackling strategy was a go. We were about to take a sexy roll in the sand.
Reggie leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I haven't seen you around. What's your name?"
"Mila." I put my hand out for him.
He shook it. "It's nice to meet you, Mila. Are you just here for the summer?" He was completely ignoring the fact that it was his turn to pick someone again.
"Um, I think it's your turn to choose someone."
"Right. Alex!" he said and turned back to me. "Are you going to the 4th of July beach party?"
"I actually didn't know about it. Is it just on the beach somewhere near here?" Rehoboth beach wasn’t that big, but if it was on the other end of it, I might miss it. How had I not even heard of it?
"Yeah, and it's going to be a lot of fun. They set off fireworks and there's tons of food and drinks. You should definitely come." He called out another name.
"That sounds great. I'll think about it." I looked over at my lifeguard. His hands were in his pockets and he was scowling slightly. This is working.
"I'll give you my number after we're done so that I can tell you where it is," Reggie said.
I wanted to say, "Can’t you just tell me now?” But I knew he was probably just flirting with me. It made me realize that I didn't even have my lifeguard’s number yet. Why didn't I? Wasn't exchanging numbers one of the first things that people who liked each other did? This is so frustrating.
After both teams were selected, my team got in a circle and listened to Reggie. Apparently they did this all the time. And they had terminology that I had never heard of before. All I understood was that Reggie was the quarterback. Embarrassing J.J. wasn’t what I wanted to accomplish today…but it was looking like that was what was about to happen. I shouldn’t have told him I knew how to play. Tossing a football around with my dad didn’t exactly make me an all-star.
"Sorry, what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Just try to get open," he said.
"Okay." I stood next to Reggie when we got into formation. We were running something called a slant route. Fortunately it had nothing to do with me.
My lifeguard positioned himself directly across from me.
"You're going down," he said.
"In your dreams."
"I have dreamt of you going down on me."
What? "Shit," I mumbled. The play had started and I was still standing there staring at him. "Stop distracting me," I hissed and tried to run past him. My heart was racing from his comment. Was he serious? Had he really dreamt of that? Focus on the game!
He kept moving in front of me so that I couldn't get past him. I put my hands on his abs and tried to push him out of the way. He just laughed and kept blocking me. Someone else caught the ball and was stopped a quarter of the way toward the line in the sand that signaled the end zone.
"Shouldn't you be paired up with someone your own size?" I asked and playfully shoved J.J.’s arm.
"I'll go easy on you the next play. Show me what you got."
I got back in position. This time my lifeguard let me run past him, but Reggie threw the ball to someone else. When I walked back over to Reggie, he high-fived me.
"Great job getting open. The next one is coming to you," Reggie said.
I smiled to myself. I so badly wanted to score against my lifeguard. Then I could do a touchdown dance and rub it in his dirty mouth. Thinking about his mouth was distracting again.
"And, hut!" Reggie yelled.
I ran past my lifeguard again and turned around. The ball flew toward me. I reached up and caught it perfectly. But before I could turn back around to start running, my lifeguard wrapped his arms around me.
"J.J.!" I screamed as we both fell into the sand.
He laughed as he rolled on top of me.
"Isn't this supposed to be two hand touch?" I couldn't help giggling. This was so much fun. He had done to me exactly what I was hoping to do to him. Tackling was so much better than limiting it to two hands. I liked my whole body pressed against his.
"I did touch you with two hands. And then I tackled you. I can touch you again if you need me to, though." He raised his eyebrow.
My body felt like it was about to combust.
"Hey, lovebirds!" Clint yelled. "Let's keep it going."
My lifeguard pushed himself up, put his hand out for me, and helped me up. "Oh, sorry," he said and pulled me in close. "I got sand all over you." He wiped his free hand across my ass and down the back of my thigh."
Holy shit. "J.J." I pushed my hand against his chest. "Stop trying to distract me."
"That's not exactly what I was doing, but that's an added bonus."
He released me and walked back over to his team. If he wasn't trying to distract me, what was he doing? I walked back over to my team as I brushed the rest of the sand off my ass. This time Reggie completely ignored me. Oh. Was my lifeguard really just trying to make Reggie back off? The thought made me smile. J.J. was jealous. I wasn’t just smiling, I was beaming. He was basically laying claim to me. Which was old-fashioned and should have infuriated me…but I wasn’t really a feminist. He likes me back!
On the next play, someone from my lifeguard's team intercepted the ball. They were stopped close to the end zone. Now I needed to try to stop my lifeguard from scoring. It was time to stop flirting and focus. He was going down. My lifeguard ran towards me and easily sidestepped me. Clint tossed him the ball and they scored.
Shit.
The game went on for a long time. After an hour or so, I was completely exhausted from trying to chase my lifeguard everywhere. He was too freaking good at football. Actually, they all were. I was definitely the weak link on my team. We were down by one touchdown and we were really close to the end zone. I ran past my lifeguard and turned around just in time to see the football sailing toward me. It was only the fourth one that had been thrown my way all day. I caught it. Because I’m a baller.
I started running. I'm going to score! I was a few feet away from the end zone when my lifeguard picked me up and hoisted me over his shoulder.
"J.J.!" I screamed.
He started running in the opposite direction toward his own end zone. His hand slipped to my ass. I wasn't sure if it was to steady me or because he just wanted to touch me. But I loved the feeling of his hands on me.
"J.J.!" I yelled again as he crossed the line.
He started to do a victory dance while still holding me.
I leaned down and slapped his ass. "Put me down. Obviously that doesn't count, cheater."
He slowly lowered me, keeping me against his torso. "I think it does count. You're such a sore loser."
"No, it doesn't count! You can't pick up players."
"Well, it might not count as a touchdown, but that was your last down. Which means you lose." He let go of my waist and grabbed the football out of my hands. He ran over to his team and high-fived all of them.
I walked over to my team. "Sorry, guys."
"Don't worry about it," Reggie said. "We'll get them next time." He leaned in closer to me. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't realize that you were dating J.J."
I looked over at J.J. He was giving some super tan girl with long blonde hair a hug. It felt like his hands lingered a beat too long. And the way he smiled at her when he pulled back from the hug was the exact same way he smiled at me. My stomach rolled over. I thought I had made him jealous, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was just trying to distract me during the game. "I'm not dating J.J.," I said. Just because I wanted to be, it didn’t make it true.
Reggie smiled. "In that case, I think I promised you my number."
I watched J.J. talking to the girl. It was like he had eyes only for her. Maybe I hadn't successfully made him jealous, but he had sure made me jealous. "Right. For directions to the party?"
"Yeah. Do you have a pen?"
"Um. In my bag." I pointed to my towel in the distance and we both started walking toward it. "I'm really sorry about blowing the game. I’ve really only ever tossed the ball around in my backyard before.” He didn’t need to know that it was years ago. Or that my dad had probably gone easy on me.
Reggie laughed. "It wasn't your fault. Like I said, we'll get them next time."
I tried to brush some of the sand off myself as we approached my towel. When I got to my bag, I looked back at my lifeguard. He was still talking to the same girl. The rest of his team had started to disperse, but J.J. and that girl were practically glued together. I grabbed the pen out of my bag and handed it to Reggie.
"Do you have any paper?"
"I'm sure I do somewhere." I leaned over to rummage through my bag again, but he grabbed my hand.
"Here," he said. He held my hand as wrote his number on the back of it. He rubbed his thumb against the ink and it smeared slightly. I wasn't sure if it was because I was sweaty or because I was wearing sunscreen. Just the thought of sunscreen was a lie. It was definitely the sweat. I was a mess.
Reggie brought my hand up to his mouth and blew on it. I swallowed hard and looked up at him. He was handsome. He had sandy blonde hair and his skin wasn't nearly as tan as the other lifeguards. There was something about him that just seemed normal and somehow familiar and comforting. He was more like a person than a model. But he was still ripped and his smile was bright. I quickly looked away when he dropped my hand.
"Thanks. I'll text you later."
"Okay, great. I’ll see you next week if I don’t see you sooner. It's going to be lots of fun."
"Sounds good."
"It was nice meeting you, Mila." He went to hug me at the same time I put my hand out for him to shake, so I ended up rubbing my palm against his chest.
"Oh, sorry," I laughed.
"Geez, you're already trying to feel me up? I'm going to have to keep my eye on you. See you later." He smiled at me and walked away.
I sighed and went down to the water. The breeze coming off the ocean felt refreshing. I didn't want Reggie to like me. I wanted J.J. to like me. I folded my arms across my chest. Liking J.J. was like being on a rollercoaster ride. I just wanted us to both be on a carousel or something instead. I was done with the ups and downs.
"Hey," J.J. said. He had run over to me. "It's Grottos night. You in?"
I looked behind me. The girl with blonde hair was staring at us. "I'm all sandy. I think I just want to go take a shower. I'll come next time." I smiled at him.
"You sure? You can just rinse off on the boardwalk. It's not a big deal. I'm sandy too."
"That's because you kept cheating and tackling me."
"Tackle football is more fun. Come on, let's go."
"I just feel all gross. I'll catch you later. Besides, tons of other people are going with you. You don't need me." What am I doing? Am I just giving up? I'm such a coward. I looked out at the water. I didn't want to compete for his attention. This was exhausting. I wanted to curl up in my bed and go to sleep. Where had my boldness from earlier gone?
"Are you okay?"
"I just feel really tired. All I want to do is shower and sleep."
"Okay. Do you want me to walk you home?" He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
It was pretty clear that he didn’t want to. All his friends were already leaving. "No." I laughed. "I'm not sick. Just tired. Go. Have fun."
"Okay, Jellyfish Girl. I'll see you tomorrow." He put his hand on my shoulder for a second and then walked away.
I watched him go up to the girl he had been talking to. She bumped her shoulder against his and they started laughing as they walked toward the boardwalk together.
Maybe I was wrong about being ready to date. When Aiden had dumped me I felt so pathetic and worthless. I felt worthless again right now. I wasn't as pretty as the girl J.J. was talking to. I couldn't compete with her. Besides, if J.J. really did like me, he'd probably already be with me.
And what was with that crap about seeing me tomorrow? He didn’t have my number. He’d never asked for it. All he meant was that he was going to stop by Sweet Cravings to get a free scoop. I was just the schmuck that had offered him a summer of free ice cream.
I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I didn't want to feel like this again. I grabbed my stuff and stormed back to my apartment, trying to hide my tears the whole way.