IT MAY BE difficult to hear, but we would be lying if we said inner beauty is all that matters. As we have mentioned, most men are obsessed with looks. In other words, most men will not find out how wonderful you are on the inside if they don’t like your outsides. Men have a type. Heartthrob actor Leonardo DiCaprio has a weakness for tall, willowy blondes like Blake Lively, Bar Refaeli, and Gisele Bundchen. New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez favors cute blondes with killer bodies like Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, and Torrie Wilson. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo also has a thing for beautiful blondes, having dated singers Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson before tying the knot with former Miss Missouri Candice Crawford. Tycoon Donald Trump likes tall, gorgeous, European-model types like first wife Ivana and current wife Melania. The point? It’s a waste of time to chase guys. You may not be their look, so no matter how wonderful you are, they won’t be interested.
Rules consultations include an assessment of a client’s looks, both for dates/events and for online dating website profile photos. Here are some general beauty guidelines we suggest:
Most men prefer long, straight hair—below shoulder length. One of our personal hair stylists who worked at a top salon in New York City and has very high-profile clients did a survey of the men whose hair she cuts. All said they loved long, straight hair on women. It’s simply the most feminine! Anything above the neck or chin tends to be masculine-looking. We tell clients to grow their hair long or even to get hair extensions. Some women argue, saying that their hair is too thin to wear long or that it’s more work to wash and dry long hair. Our answer is, just try it! Others argue that hair extensions are too expensive, but we remind them that they had no problem dropping $500 on airfare to fly to visit their last boyfriend. See how you look! Also, curly dos can look messy, while long, stick-straight hair looks more like one of those luscious shampoo ads. We tell women with naturally curly waves to blow their hair out straight or use a flatiron.
We often tell women who feel blah with brown hair to try highlights or to go blond. A lighter shade really seems to perk them up. Premature gray hair should be colored immediately, as nothing makes you look or feel older than being silver! Hair is one of the first features a man notices about a woman and should not be ignored or skimped on!
Makeup can be tricky for some women. Either they look pale and unfinished or, conversely, they wear too much and look flashy. Neither is flattering. We tell most of our clients to go to the makeup counter of their favorite brand at a local department store and ask for a day look and a night look, as well as instructions on how to re-create both themselves. While many women have their own personal style, we feel that makeup must-haves for a CUAO are bronzer, eyeliner, mascara, and a light-colored lip gloss. This stunning look makes a guy’s attention go to the eyes and cheekbones. A tan or bronzer makes you look like you just got back from St. Barts! After the makeover, we tell them to have photos taken to use in their online profiles.
Much has been written on this topic, pro and con, and our feeling is that it is up to each woman to decide for herself. While we certainly don’t advocate unwarranted surgery, we believe it is important for a woman to feel confident about her looks, and we acknowledge that this sometimes requires more than makeup. If a client wants to alter her appearance to feel prettier and more self-assured, we support her decision.
If you have a lot of facial hair—a unibrow or even a mustache—you should get it lightened or waxed. If you have weak nails or bite them, get a gel French manicure that can last two to three weeks. Long nails will make you feel like a goddess, and so will long eyelashes. You may want to have eyelashes put on. Get your teeth whitened, especially if they are yellow or stained from coffee or cigarettes. Wear contact lenses (try blue and green shades!) instead of glasses. Yes, being a CUAO is work. But as Mae West famously said, “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones!”
Some women can run corporations or marathons, but they don’t have the faintest idea how to dress for men. They live in turtlenecks or super-preppy sets or busy and loud colors instead of sexier outfits in sophisticated, solid shades of black, white, tan, and the occasional khaki green, pink, or peach. Or they wear blazers with white button-down shirts and flow-y scarves and wraps and tall boots with flat heels that are great for riding horses, but not for dating. If a woman wants to catch a man’s attention, she should wear sexy, trendy (though not necessarily expensive) clothes, like tops that show some cleavage with a push-up bra and short skirt—anything above the knee. We remind women to dress for men, not for other women. Men don’t care for flat shoes, even if they are Chanel or Tory Burch; they want you to look feminine in heels, as high as you can stand!
We understand you may have a unique style and we respect that, but in terms of dressing for dating, we feel that a certain look—or uniform, if you will—works best: tops that show some skin, short skirts or tight skinny jeans, and heels. Pant suits and long, flowing scarves that cover up your cleavage are great for business or having lunch with the ladies, but for guys, you have to look hot, hot, hot! Not slutty—sexy!
Kristi, a thirty-year-old pharmacist, contacted us after her two-year relationship ended with her boyfriend not proposing. In addition to going over all The Rules she broke, we went over her clothes, too. She sported a preppy look: crewneck T-shirts and button-down shirts with knee-length skirts and flats. Her hair was pulled back in either a ponytail or a bun. Everything she wore was expensive but boring. She looked like she was going to the library! If she was going to date again, she needed to look hot. We showed her black V-neck, scoop neck, and halter tops, white denim and black spandex skirts, and four-inch-heeled sandals from her favorite store. She had photographs taken after her makeover and shopping spree that actually made her look like a model—she couldn’t believe the difference! She is now dating several men she met online and at speed-dating events, and one of them invited her to his sister’s wedding. She already knows what she’ll be wearing: a short gold sequin tank dress with her four-inch heels. We rest our case!
Experts say you should go through your closet every two years and give away or throw out any clothes that are not sexy or in style. We agree! The same way you should quickly move on from a relationship that’s not working is the way you should say good-bye to boring or old clothes, shoes, and bags. Many clients have asked us to help them clean out their closets during makeover consultations—a CUAO does not hang on to frumpy clothes! No one has ever looked back.
Again, women have their own personal style. But we think that any Rules Girl’s best accessory is big (three-inch) hoop earrings in silver or gold. It’s a youthful look with long, straight hair and the right makeup. Little or big diamond studs (real or fake) are great when you are engaged or married, but they are too dainty and suburban-looking when you are single. To catch a man’s attention you need big, dangling earrings, not ones that get lost in your hair. Big hoops scream Vavoom!
Another great accessory is a chunky gold watch. It’s bold, modern, and reeks of self-confidence. In fact, a big watch and hoop earrings are about all you need to look hot! Let a man buy you a necklace or bracelet—and eventually a diamond ring. These two simple accessories may sound trendy, but they’re not. We’ve been telling our clients to wear them for the last twenty years—they’re tried and true. Brands may come and go, but this sophisticated look hasn’t changed. Don’t ask, because we can’t explain it; we just know it works.
Big sunglasses and the au courant bag are also smart investments. Men may not know Payless from Prada, but they will notice if you are wearing a popular sunglass frame or a cool handbag. So go online or pick up magazines like InStyle or Vogue and copy whatever celebrities are wearing, but do so within your budget. Wearing narrow or aviator frames when the style is oversized Jackie O or Victoria Beckham–type sunglasses will make you seem out of touch. Similarly, if slouchy, oversized bags are in, you should not be wearing a small purse or fanny pack.
Men want to feel like they are dating a model or celebrity, so look like one!