FACEBOOK CAN READ like a celebrity blog: who is breaking up with who or where, what couple is vacationing—lots of drama. The rumor mill updates as fast as your news feed these days, and it can be a lot to handle! Sometimes it’s just TMI. While Facebook and other networking sites are great social outlets, they can cause a lot of confusion and misunderstanding. What you see, especially on a guy’s profile, is not always what’s really going on with him.
We understand that when you like a guy, you want to know everything about him. You want to walk by his frat house or office, you want to see what his ex-girlfriend looks like, you want to read his LinkedIn profile, his Twitter stream, or anything else for clues and insights into his personality. You want to study his Facebook profile like a religion. You want to see anything he’s ever posted or was posted about him online. You want to spy on him!
But in doing so, you might notice things that irk you, like girls writing on his wall or tagging him in photos. You might find out about a party that you weren’t invited to or see what he did Friday night that he didn’t tell you about. What was that about the hot tub at the snowboarding event? Why is his arm around that girl? We understand it’s upsetting to read or see these kinds of things, but that does not mean he is cheating or that you have anything to worry about. There are non-Rules Girls who will hug guys for the camera or try to make it seem like more is going on than there is. They have no life and want to find their fifteen minutes of fame on Facebook—don’t give it to them! Don’t believe everything you see or read. Sometimes a mean girl will post a photo of your crush with her just to stir things up. But don’t freak out. Half the time it’s not what you think!
Pretend you were born in another era when all you knew about a guy was how he treated you, not what you might see on Facebook. You wouldn’t write on his wall, much less be addicted to reading it. We know you’re going to look at his profile, but here’s the key: make sure you do not quote it when you are with him. Never even bring up his Facebook page, much less say, “I see Chelsea friended you” or “I guess you had a really busy day skiing.” You will sound like a stalker.
Brooke, a junior in college, wrote to us saying that she was worried that her long-distance boyfriend in medical school was hooking up because she saw photos of him skiing with other girls on Facebook. It was a Rules relationship and they were exclusive, so we didn’t think she had anything to worry about. We told Brooke not to bring it up with him. A few days later he said he was tired of not seeing her and booked a ticket for the weekend. Some guys just have female friends!
You need to go by a guy’s actions, not what is posted on his wall. There are a lot of mean girls out there who will tag a guy in photos and write “had fun last night” or “hi cutie” on his wall just to cause trouble. You have to stay out of this silliness and not base your relationship on status updates.