Fencing with Jeremy was extremely productive. The three Redstoners were working on a seven-kilometre stretch that would divide Pandemonium paddock in half. They made a good team. Sam did all the tractor- and ute-driving jobs, Alice all the walking jobs, and Jeremy the tasks that required heavy lifting. It was an efficient combination.
After months of fencing on and off, at last they were realising Alice’s dream of quartering all the paddocks of more than a thousand acres. The barbed wire was expensive and all the timber posts had to be first cut by hand, but they had already commenced rotational grazing in Top Cedar Tree, Mistake Creek and Hazelbrae. This meant that all the cattle were condensed into a quarter of the original area for a month or two, then rotated through the other quarters. The immediate improvement in health of the pasture in these paddocks had been enough to convince Sam that it was worth dividing the other large paddocks in the same fashion.
But fencing was a manual and often tedious job. With all the mustering up to date and no other urgent jobs presenting themselves, they had now been fencing for eight days straight. Despite Jeremy’s best efforts to keep them entertained with his usual foolish tricks, the team were losing a little of their enthusiasm for the task.
Sam took a spell in the late afternoon shade, cutting plain wire ties with the pliers for attaching the barbed-wire strands to the steel pickets. Alice was standing at a distance, sighting the final ironbark strainer post for the day. Jeremy had just lowered it into its hole and was holding it in place. He was causing her great frustration by tilting it in the opposite direction to the way she was signalling it needed to go in order to be straight. Finally, though, she was satisfied and came to help him fill in the soil around its base, packing it in hard with the flat end of a crowbar. She was tired and her lower back was aching.
Perhaps sensing her exhaustion, Jeremy took hold of her crowbar and said, ‘Here, mate. I’ll finish this. You reverse the ute over so I can bore the holes.’ The ute had the generator and post hole borer in the back.
Her fatigue made Alice sloppier than usual, and she swerved and overcorrected as she backed the ute towards Jeremy a little too quickly. When she could see she was getting close to the solid post, Alice slowed abruptly and was horrified by a loud bang at the back of the tray. How could she have misjudged so badly? Even worse, she’d just given weight to one of Jeremy’s favourite theories, about women being unable to think spatially. But when she hopped out to inspect the damage, she saw that she’d stopped a good metre from the post. Jeremy, looking at her owlishly, banged the steel ute tray hard with the crowbar to repeat the startling sound. Snorting in disgust, Alice rolled her eyes and went to start the generator.
They were all relieved when at last the sun began to descend and it was time to head home for a well-earned dinner.
‘Who would be so rude as to call at this hour? Right on teatime!’ Olive said indignantly.
Alice had just placed a steaming dish of baked vegetables next to a roasted chicken at the centre of the table. Her grandmother was adding a jug of thick gravy and some steamed greens to the spread. Any meal that didn’t contain beef was a rare treat at Redstone and the smell was tantalising. The three fencers were anticipating the meal with watering mouths. And then the phone had started trilling.
‘I’ll give them a piece of my mind,’ Olive muttered as she strode towards the offending device.
But after a curt greeting and listening for a moment, her face relaxed and she said pleasantly, ‘Oh, hello, Fred, I’m fine, thanks . . . Yes, it was a wonderful success, we were all very proud of Jeremy . . . Oh, they were extremely grateful, Keira is in Brisbane now with Giovanna. And is Heidi better after her little operation? . . . Thank goodness for that. Now, what can we do for you, Fred?’
Alice exchanged an amused glance with her grandfather at her grandmother’s cordiality to the caller following her ominous threat.
But then Olive’s tone sharpened. ‘Alice? What do you need Alice for?’ After a pause she said coolly, ‘Oh well, if that’s how it is, I’d better put her on then. Goodnight, Fred.’
‘Can we start?’ Jeremy made his request the second Olive lowered the phone.
Ignoring him, she looked at Alice. ‘It’s Mr Campbell. He has an important and confidential matter to discuss with you.’ Her grandmother’s emphasis on the word ‘confidential’ showed Alice how annoyed she was about being excluded from the secret. Looking apologetically at the old woman, Alice took the cordless handset and walked into the next room.
‘Hello, Mr Campbell.’
‘Call me Fred, everyone else does.’ Fred Campbell’s jovial voice came over the phone and she could picture his rosy, good-natured face. ‘How’s the town’s best winger today?’ he asked.
She laughed and Fred went on, ‘Alice, I have some good news for you – of a sort. Your father has left some items of value to you in his will. As soon as you can get to town I’d like you to come and view a copy of the document and we can make arrangements for you to take possession of—’
Confused, Alice cut in, ‘My father? He’s sent you his will? Why?’
‘A solicitor in Cairns sent . . . Alice, you do know . . . You’ve been notified, haven’t you? Oh hell, didn’t you know he’d passed away?’
Alice was silent. She suddenly felt as though the ground was slipping away beneath her feet.
Fred, his professional hat slipping, swore to himself in annoyance. ‘Christ. Alice, I’m so sorry. The solicitor assured me that the family had notified you. What a damned awful way to find out.’
‘It’s not your fault, Mr Campbell. I didn’t even know where he lived. Maybe they didn’t know how to contact me,’ Alice said, her voice expressionless.
‘Well, I feel a right insensitive prat. Should’ve guessed something like this might have happened.’
Alice spoke firmly. ‘Mr Campbell, I had to find out one way or another. And I don’t really want anything. Tell his family to keep it.’
‘Now, you need to come in and see me about all this before you go making any rash statements. Just take a little time to get used to the idea, then come and see me. Give Heidi a ring before leaving Redstone to make sure I’ll be in the office.’
‘But Mr Campbell—’
‘Fred. And no buts. You sleep on it tonight. Talk to your folks.’
‘Alright, I suppose so. Goodnight, Mr Campbell.’
‘Goodnight, Alice. And once again, I’m truly sorry.’
Alice went back to the kitchen and replaced the phone. Her grandparents put down their cutlery and looked up expectantly. Jeremy didn’t stop shovelling food into his mouth, but his eyes followed her with interest as she sank into her chair. Her grandmother was clearly keen to be let in on the secret, but Alice couldn’t speak, her mind too paralysed to form any thoughts.
‘Well? What’s the big news? Mystery solved?’ Olive prompted impatiently.
‘My father died,’ Alice said at last. She was looking down at her neat little hands, folded together on the red and white checked tablecloth.
There was a stunned silence. Sam’s eyes opened wide and he shook his head. Olive looked decidedly uncomfortable.
Jeremy was still studying Alice. ‘Bugger, Ali.’ His voice was gently sorrowful.
She looked up at him. His eyes were full of sympathy, and she felt a sudden lump in her throat.
‘That’s rough luck,’ he went on. ‘Specially with you being so keen to meet up with him again.’
‘Yes.’ Alice breathed out the monosyllable as a regretful sigh.
‘Were you? I didn’t know that,’ Olive snapped accusingly. Alice didn’t react, knowing it was discomfort that made her grandmother insensitive.
Then Sam spoke up. ‘Would’ve liked to see him again myself. Benji was a legend. The world has lost a remarkable man. It’s a great shame.’
Alice felt numb. She wished they would all stop talking.
‘How did he die?’ her grandmother asked. ‘Not coming off one of those wild things he used to ride?’
‘Mr Campbell didn’t say. Ma, can I please eat this tomorrow? I might just have a bath and go to bed.’
‘You must eat something, Alice. You’ve been out working all day. What else did Fred tell you?’
‘I have to go and see him about the will.’
‘Will? What of value would Benji have ever had?’ Olive demanded.
Alice stood up and went mechanically to put away her untouched plate and cutlery. She had to get away. Be by herself.
‘Alice, you must eat,’ insisted Olive. ‘When does Fred want to see us?’
‘Next time I’m in town.’
‘Can you take a break from fencing? We could go in tomorrow.’
‘Thanks, Ma, but I think I’ll leave it till next week when I go to pick up those pallets of lick in the truck. There’s no need for you to go to the bother of coming. It’s something I’d rather do alone.’
‘Without me interfering, I suppose you mean.’ Olive sounded offended.
Luckily, Sam came to the rescue. ‘Of course that’s what she means, Liv. Leave the poor kid alone.’
A long time after going to bed, Alice lay wide awake, staring into the darkness with wide, dry eyes. Her exhausted body was held hostage by the sickening maelstrom of emotions whirling around in her brain. Any hint of drowsiness had been chased away. She searched the recesses of her memory for every detail of her one and only meeting with her father.
Alice found that she could clearly picture his face. She’d been fourteen, and the memory was still vivid. She and her grandfather were bringing the Summerlea breeders and calves in for weaning. As they approached the Redstone yards, through the cloud of dust the mob had raised she’d seen a man. She’d known him immediately.
He was balanced on the top rail of the old house yards and he sat up tall and waited. Alice felt her heart pounding. She was about to meet her father. Something she’d been longing for all her life suddenly seemed terrifying. When they came round the bend in the track, the rippling mob was moving quickly. Her two dogs circled the cattle, returning often to her side at the tail of the herd before venturing out again to push a beast in here, hurry one along there, or tidy up the stragglers at the back. Sam was out in the lead but Alice could see that Benji was searching beyond him, looking for her. As she came closer, Alice saw that his eyes were shining.
Her grandfather had seen him too; raising his hat, he yelled out in welcome as he passed. Once the cattle were yarded, her grandfather sent her to take the two horses to the back yard, where they would wait until they were needed later. From there, Alice watched her grandfather warmly shake Benji’s hand and slap him on the back. The two men chatted for a minute, then looked in her direction, smiling. Alice swallowed nervously and waited until she saw her grandfather beckon. Then she trotted over to them.
She examined her father shyly. Their eyes met and she recognised an extraordinary gentleness in his gaze. Her anxiety drained away.
‘Alice, this is Benji Wilson.’ Her grandfather smiled at her encouragingly before looking back at the stockman. ‘I’ll just go on inside and tell Olive to boil the jug. You two come on in when you’re ready.’
But as he started to walk away Benji called after him. ‘Thanks, Sam, but I’ll be keeping on my way after I have a talk with Alice.’
The older man turned back, disappointed. ‘Oh, that’s a mighty shame, Benji. Been great seeing you back here.’ He held out his hand and Benji shook it again, firmly.
‘You too, Sam. I wanna thank you for everything.’ Benji looked significantly at Alice.
‘It’s been a privilege.’ The two men smiled at one another and then, tipping his hat, Alice’s grandfather turned and walked away.
Benji climbed back up onto the rail. He patted the timber beside him with his hand and raised his eyebrows at Alice. She climbed up too and perched alongside him, regarding him curiously.
‘You’re my father, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, Alice.’
She looked again into his eyes. They were her own eyes, lustrous and dark. It was an eerie feeling.
‘Have you ever seen me before today?’ Alice asked.
‘No. I never knew I had a little girl. Never knew until a few days back. First time I bin back south since leaving here. Ran into old Stretch and he told me.’ Benji paused, then went on, ‘Had to come and see you for meself.’
‘And what do you think of me?’
The frankness of her question seemed to please him. ‘I think today I’m one lucky fella. I just can’t believe that the best girl I ever saw is my own girl.’ He bestowed on her one of his rare and famous smiles. The Benji Wilson Smile. Alice wondered whether it was this smile that had won her mother’s heart. She’d never forget it. She tingled all over and smiled back, her face glowing.
Then, serious again, she asked, ‘Are you going to take me away?’
Benji looked surprised and for a fleeting moment, elated. ‘Do you wanna come?’
Alice looked away, suddenly afraid. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Redstone. But at the same time, she wanted to get to know this man.
Benji studied her countenance with a half-smile. ‘Don’ you worry, Alice. This Redstone is your country. Sam and Mrs Day are your people. Not my country and not my people. I would never take you away from here. I’ll go back to my own place. But it won’t be the same, because now I know about you. My own girl. This has been my lucky day.’
Alice took his hand and squeezed it gratefully. He hopped down effortlessly and still holding his hand she alighted beside him.
‘When’s your birthday?’ Benji asked.
‘The twenty-first of April.’ She beamed at him. It was the first thing she’d told him about herself.
He nodded slowly. ‘I’ll remember.’
Behind him, Alice could see her grandmother waiting impatiently on the veranda, hands on hips. Benji tipped his hat to the grim-faced woman then looked back into Alice’s eyes. ‘I’m not gonna forget about you.’ He kissed her small hand and gently released it. Then, before Alice had a chance to say goodbye, he was walking away.
Alice stood numbly where she was and watched him go.
As Benji drove away she realised that she hadn’t asked him when his birthday was. She watched the trail of dust rise along the road behind his departing vehicle and her vision became blurred with tears. Her mind was suddenly flooded with all the things she wanted to tell him. About her horses and her dogs. How much she despised boarding school and Jacinta. About the Brumby Spring and the bush run. She wanted to ask him about the strange shivery feeling that she often experienced when she was alone in the scrub. She wanted to share thoughts and ideas with him that she’d never revealed to anyone before. But she’d save all these things until next time. She couldn’t wait to see him again.
Now, at age nineteen, lying in her narrow wooden bed, Alice was soothed a little by the memory of her father’s smile. But there had been no ‘next time’, and she ached with loss. It was the same loss that she’d experienced every year since on her birthday. There had never been another word from him. She’d always intended to track him down, to go looking for him in ‘the north’. But she’d missed her chance.
The strange feeling that she’d truly known Benji had to be merely a product of her yearning imagination. She hadn’t known him, and he obviously hadn’t wanted to know her. It was somehow easier to be angry than sad, so the relief that might have come to Alice had she shed tears of bereavement never arrived. She wouldn’t indulge in such tears when she had no real claim to kinship with the man who had died. Dry-eyed, she fell at last into a light slumber just before dawn.
The following Wednesday, Alice drove the old truck into town, picked up the pallets of lick, then went to see Fred Campbell. He told her that Benji had died a little more than a month before, of lymphoma. He’d refused all treatment and the aggressive cancer had ended his life quite quickly. Apart from Benji’s wife, a woman called Leilani, Fred couldn’t tell Alice of any other family.
In the will, Alice had inherited a two-year-old Hino body truck, complete with a stock crate. She’d also been left two horses, of which there was no detail provided, a saddle and a dog. Alice felt pleased about the truck, but uncomfortable about the animals. Why had Benji left them to her? It seemed too personal a gesture from someone who had never known her. These animals had lived and breathed beside Benji. He’d handled them and probably taught them everything they knew. They would innocently carry a painful significance for Alice, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be surrounded by these constant living reminders of her lost opportunity.
That night when they sat down to dinner, Alice gave her grandparents and Jeremy the news of her inheritance. Then, her duty done, she quietly set about eating her meal, leaving them to discuss and analyse what they had learned.
Her grandmother seemed dubiously pleased. ‘Well, if it actually amounts to anything and this truck really exists, it will be a great boost for our budget. We’re long overdue for a new truck and we can get rid of the old one at last.’
‘Been a reliable old girl, that truck,’ Sam observed. ‘Might still come in handy for—’
‘No, Sam,’ Olive said. ‘Vehicles cost money to maintain. Especially that one. It’s definitely going, as soon as this new one materialises.’ Always thinking of the practicalities, she added, ‘How are we going to get all this down here from Cairns?’
‘I thought I might take a trip up on the bus,’ Alice said quietly.
‘Hitch a ride with some grey nomads,’ Jeremy suggested helpfully.
‘But where is this truck? I mean, who has it now? What sort of people will you be dealing with?’ Olive was beginning to get worked up.
‘Well, heck, Alice’s probably gonna find she’s got a few dozen siblings up there.’ Jeremy chuckled.
‘Thank you, Jeremy. I can always rely on you to add stress to a situation.’ Olive glared at his grinning face.
‘Chin up, Mrs Day. No need to get your knickers in a knot. I could go along with Alice and be her – what’s the word? – chaperone. I could make sure none of them little piccaninnies stow away in the crate.’
Olive looked at him uncertainly, as if considering the offer.
Alice resolved the dilemma. ‘Thanks, Jeremy, that’s really kind of you, but if I’m gone for a few days Pa will need you here.’ There was a slight tremor in her voice. The visit, while exciting, would undoubtedly be one of painful discovery for her. By stepping into her father’s world, she’d be exploring her own feelings in a way she’d always avoided, until now.
‘Rejected again.’ Jeremy sounded mournful.
‘But surely you won’t be staying up there though?’ The old lady was alarmed.
‘I don’t know,’ said Alice. ‘It seems rude to just show up for the goods, then clear out again. And I want to find out a bit more about my father.’
‘The less you know the better, in my opinion,’ Olive said sulkily.
Sam couldn’t let that go. ‘Now, Olive, that’s not fair – or honest. Benji was a capital fellow. He was well worth knowing. Just because Lara landed him in the—’
‘Sam, how dare you?’ Olive was going red in the face.
Alice jumped in. ‘Please don’t worry, Ma. I’m quite capable of looking after myself. It’s something I feel I have to do. I may never get another chance.’