TWENTY-TWO
A Teary, Snotty, Blubbery Mess

I reckon after that I forgot I was in the church sanctuary. Or that my sister stood nearby, wringing her hands, or that Pastor Ross with the twitchy left eye was right there, listening to my yelling voice. I yelled anyway.

“You will kill Lily Reilly, the best friend you have in all of Arkansas, in all of the South, and maybe in all of the whole entire world, if you quit this play.”

She stopped and turned. Her eyes were hard and narrow, and she fixed that steely look right smack-dab on me. I’m telling you, I thought my very gizzard would bust a blood vessel just from the look she gave me.

“Child, I do not understand what you are screeching about.”

Now, I want it known here and now that I was not screeching. I might have been hollering and screaming and yelling, but I was not screeching.

I jumped off the platform and trotted up the aisle toward that woman. If my gizzard bled to death, so be it.

“If you do not direct this play for our church, my mama will do it because she knows no one else is gonna. You know she will, Isabel St. James. You know she will! Her doctor said for her to stay off her feet and have no stress, and now her blood pressure will go up, and she’ll get puffier than you ever thought she could, and her ankles will swell to where she can’t even stand up, and she’ll get sicker . . . and . . . and . . .”

To my utter astonishment and downright vexation, I busted out bawling like a big fat nincompoop baby, and that was not what I meant to do at all.

“Oh my!” Isabel said, her eyes big and round.

“April Grace,” said the preacher, hurrying toward me.

I looked at his concerned, kind face and blurted, “If that dumb ole baby doesn’t kill my mama, then Isabel St. James is gonna. That’s what’s gonna happen.”

And then I set up the awfullest, howlingest sob-fest you ever heard and didn’t know how to stop, even though I wanted to more than you can possibly imagine.

“Well, forevermore!” Isabel said, sounding exactly like my grandma. I reckon she really had gone nuts, ’cause she’d never say such a country-sounding thing if she’d been in her right mind.

“April Grace, what on earth is wrong with you?” Myra Sue said.

I caught a glimpse of her between my teary-gooed eyes, and she looked all horrified and embarrassed. Well, let me tell you, she couldn’t feel any more horrified and embarrassed than yours very truly. But I could not stop bawling.

Pastor Ross led me to a pew and sat me down. He blotted my cheek with a tissue, then handed me an entire box of them he’d picked up from the pew in front of us.

“Whatever is the matter with that child?” Isabel fretted. “Is she having some sort of breakdown?”

“Oh, I hardly think so,” Pastor said, wiping my face again. “Here, April, blow your nose.”

Ewww. Blowing my nose in front of everyone, especially our very own preacher, was gross, but I did it ’cause stuff was running out of every hole in my face.

“I don’t—” I hiccupped and tried again. “I don’t want my m-mama to d-d-die.”

“Of course you don’t,” Pastor Ross said.

“Is G-G-God gonna make her die?” I asked. “Did He make her have that baby s-s-so she’d die?”

“Oh, April Grace!” Isabel sank into the pew right in front of me and looked at me over the back of it. “I thought you believed that God is love.”

I took in a deep, shuddering breath, and if I hadn’t been so upset, Isabel’s statement might’ve surprised me, her being so critical of church and God and everything. “I don’t know what I think about Him right this minute.”

“Listen to me,” the pastor said kindly. He tipped my face up so I had to look at him. I bet I looked a mess, too, all teary and snotty and blubbery, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Listen to me,” he said again. “Women have some problems with pregnancies all the time, but these days they have good medical care to help them. Your mother has a good doctor that she and your father trust, doesn’t she?”

I nodded.

“And she’s taking care of herself, isn’t she?”

I nodded.

“And she has you and your sister and your father and your grandmother to watch over her. Right?”

Again I nodded. He took my left hand in one of his and covered it with the other, and he looked right into my eyes.

“I’ll tell you something, April Grace—something that I know in my heart: God loves you and your mother and your whole family. He understands that you’re scared and has wrapped all of you in His love. Right now He is holding you and your family—even that new baby—close to His heart.”

I gulped down my sobs until I nearly strangled myself and stared at him because I wanted to believe what he said.

“Really?”

“Really. When times get tough, like what’s going on with your family right now, God is the strength that holds it all together. Even when He seems far away, April Grace, He isn’t. In fact, He’s with us all, not just now, but all the time.”

I thought about it, and then I thought about it some more. I liked what our preacher had to say to me, but I was still scared. Even though God always does the right thing, sometimes people don’t. That’s what scared me right then. Maybe Isabel wouldn’t keep her end of the bargain.

“But, Pastor Ross, Mama has done the Christmas programs since forever. If Isabel quits, Mama will get right up off her sickbed and take over. And if she does that . . .” I could feel all that squalling and blubbering trying to start up again, and I did my best to swallow it back down.

“Oh!” Isabel huffed like she’d been insulted. “That is not going to happen.”

Pastor and I both looked at her, and she stared back as if we were aliens with strange ideas.

“I will not allow Lily to endanger herself or her baby. I shall direct that play, even under these primitive, backwoods conditions.”

I felt my eyes get as big and round as Myra Sue’s.

“You will?”

She nodded. “I will.” She stood, drawing herself as thin and straight as a broomstick. “I shall soldier on!”

My tears dried up, and I grinned so big I nearly threw my jawbone out of joint.

“Oh, Isabel!” Myra Sue said from where she still stood on the platform. “You are wonderful!”

“Yeah, Isabel!” I said.

“Yeah, Isabel,” Pastor echoed, beaming. That just shows what a nice guy he is, being happy even though ole Isabel was such a pain. His left eye wasn’t twitching right then, either.

“Spread the word,” she declared, waving one arm dramatically. “Auditions will be one week from tonight, and I expect every young person in this church to be here!”