After Dixie and Tatum had helped Jayne bring her luggage up into her old room, Jayne pleaded a headache and asked to lie down. They’d left her alone, and she’d never been so grateful. She walked across the room, barely noticing the space had been redecorated from the little girl’s purple and pink bedspread and pin-up posters, into a sophisticated guest room, decorated with crown molding and muted grays and blues. She was grateful. She needed nothing else to drag her along memory lane. She kicked her shoes off, tunneled herself under the dozen or so pillows on top of the bed, and buried her face in the covers.
Why was she surprised at how hard this was? She knew it wouldn’t be easy. That was why she had avoided coming home for over nine years—well, one of the reasons. But what she hadn’t expected was the overwhelming joy she felt upon seeing Chandler.
Chandler Sloan. Why did it have to be Chandler? Anyone, but him.
As much as he’d changed, he’d stayed much more the same. He was still bigger than life and stubborn enough to give the word a new definition. And yet, each time she saw him her heart swelled in this painful way that had all her resolutions falling to the wayside. She knew coming home would be hard, but she hadn’t been prepared for the intensity of the feelings she still had for Chandler. She’d thought all of those were gone. Burned and buried and forever tainted with things that had happened later. But she’d underestimated the depth of her love for him.
Jayne turned over on her back and let the trail of hot tears fall past her temples. And that had always been her problem. When it came to Chandler, she’d always been head over heels in love—and damn the consequences.
She hadn’t realized that one night could change everything, but looking back, those were the only nights that ever could.
Nine years ago
“Jayne! Jayne… get in here.” Dixie yelled from her open bedroom door as Jayne passed by. “You are not going downstairs without me,” she said, pulling Jayne by the arm and into her bedroom. Inside was a whirlwind of clothes that were still fluttering down into a big pile on her bed. Shoes were thrown in haphazard heaps and make-up of every sort of color and texture was spread out across the white oak bureau. If Sloan Sr. saw the opened nail polish bottle on the wood dresser, he’d have a fit for sure.
“Well, for the love of Texas, get ready already,” Jayne said, screwing on the top of the nail polish bottle and laughing at Dixie’s wardrobe fluster. “I’m not going to miss the entire party because you can’t figure out what to wear.”
“Come on Jayne,” Dixie whined. “You know I’m not as pretty as you are, so it’s harder for me.” She pouted with her wide, blue eyes that seemed to get her out of more trouble than she ever got into with their parents.
Jayne just rolled her eyes and started brushing out Dixie’s long blond hair. Dixie was far from “not beautiful” and Jayne recognized the compliment for what it was…to make Jayne feel better. With her own black hair and regular brown eyes, Jayne wasn’t even in the same league as Dixie. While Dixie might be the white daisy with her blond hair, blue eyes and slender form, Jayne was more of the hearty cattails with her brown coloring and more sturdy stature. Dixie, of course, always said that she would give anything to be as endowed as Jayne, but Jayne knew better. Thin was in and Dixie fit the trend.
Even though Dixie was blessed with all the looks, Jayne was never jealous. There was no way she could be. Being with Dixie was like basking in the sunlight. No matter her mood, Jayne could never help but feel better in the face of Dixie’s bubbly optimism.
“Maybe up in a messy braid…” Jayne twisted Dixie’s long hair on top of her head then thought better of it and let it fall down around her shoulders. “No, you look beautiful just the way you are.”
“You think so?” Dixie asked, both of them smiling at the reflections of the two most unlikely sisters there ever could be.
Even though she and Dixie were the same age, Jayne felt years older than their current age of eighteen. Hard living and survival had a tendency to do that.
Dixie, knowing Jayne’s mood better than anyone, found her gaze in the mirror and quickly turned and threw her arms around Jayne. “Don’t be sad Jayne, not today. You know this graduation party is for both of us. Daddy loves you as one of his own. He’s told you a million times. He’s so proud of you and your scholarship. He probably loves you more than he does me.”
Jayne closed her eyes against the burn and shook her head against Dixie’s shoulder. She’d never been more grateful than the day that Chandler had come and rescued her from that trashed out trailer almost ten years ago. Even to this day, she had no idea how much it had cost the Sloans to keep her. Most of the legal stuff was kept from her, but she did remember the police knocking on their front door and Sloan Sr. standing there telling them in no uncertain terms that Jayne wasn’t going anywhere. And that he didn’t care how many damn pieces of paper they brought him, he had money and wasn’t afraid to use it.
After that Jayne stopped being afraid that her mom would come and take her back. There had been something about Sloan Sr.’s big imposing frame and deep gruff voice that made her never question anything he said.
If Sloan Sr. said she was here to stay then she was.
The guilt of the past began its persistent tug on her self-esteem. She dropped her gaze, suddenly very interested in the carved wooden foot of Dixie’s dresser. “I love you, Dixie. I’m just so…”
Dixie pulled back and frowned at her. “Nope, none of that. This is our graduation party. We are the belles of the ball and there are tons of cute guys downstairs waiting for us and we’re going to have the time of our lives. So, no pity party, no, ‘I’m so grateful for all you’ve done for me’ speech.” She shrugged her shoulders as if simply stating what she wanted would make it so. “You’re my sister. You’re a Sloan. And Sloans never feel sorry for themselves.”
When had Dixie begun to read her mind? Jayne blinked back her tears and drew in a strengthening breath. “Well, that’s all great and good, but what I was going to say was I’m just so unsure about that lipstick color… Do you really think that shade of pink goes with your complexion?”
Dixie laughed and then threw her arms around Jayne. “You’re damn right it better go with my complexion. I planned my whole outfit around this lipstick. Now I’m going to have to change.”
Jayne groaned in mock horror. Only Dixie would plan her outfit around lipstick. “Oh God no, here, just put this shade over it and… see, perfect. And we’re done. Let’s go!”
Before Dixie could change her mind Jayne linked their arms and marched her out of the bedroom.
The excited sounds of clinking glasses and laughter intermingled with the guitar chords of a local band had Jayne squeezing Dixie’s arm as they stepped out into the kitchen.
“Dixie! Jayne!” said a well preserved fifty year-old woman with a perfectly highlighted French twist and slightly, overly-plumped lips. Ellie… no, mom—that was still hard for Jayne—came towards them, arms opened wide, crushing them both in a heartwarming hug. “There are my guests of honor. Let me look at you both.”
Ellie pulled back and took them both in, her eyes misting in the familiar way of hers. “Ah my girls, so grown up. You’ll be leaving soon… I just don’t know…”
She always got weepy when she drank and by the looks of the number of opened bottles on the table she hadn’t just started. This time though, Jayne didn’t mind their mom’s emotional state. She hugged Ellie back and kissed her cheek. She’d been a good mom. The best really. So what if she had never fully accepted Jayne as one of her own? She’d done more than Jayne’s biological mother had ever done.
Ellie released them both and pressed her hands prayer-like to her lips. “Okay, enough of that. I promise I won’t get all sentimental on you. It’s just so great having all my kids home again. It feels so good.”
Dixie squealed in delight. “So Chandler and Tatum are finally here? Where are they? I can’t believe Tatum teased me like that and told me he wouldn’t be able to make it back home for our graduation.”
At the mention of Chandler’s name the sparklers inside Jayne’s stomach came alive. She had seen him earlier in the walk-in pantry, but it already seemed an eternity. It had taken everything Jayne had to keep their budding relationship a secret, especially from Dixie. Even so, Jayne wasn’t completely convinced that Dixie didn’t have her suspicions.
Ellie reached over, picked up her wine glass from off the counter and took a fortifying sip. “Well, you know Tatum. He’s already outside at the bar. I think the Diazes showed up. Boy, did that Danielle ever grow up to be a looker.”
“She goes by DJ now, mom.” Dixie said, already looking over her mother’s shoulder to the growing crowd outside.
Ellie nodded. “And Mr. Stinson and his grandsons just arrived, so make sure you say hi. I don’t want him to think I’ve raised children without any manners.”
“And Chandler?” Jayne hated to ask. It seemed no matter how nonchalantly she tried to say his name it still came out all sparkly and excited.
Mrs. Sloan rolled her eyes. “Your father took him into the study.”
That was all she had to say for both Dixie and Jayne to get the picture. Chandler and Sloan Sr. clashed. Like electricity and water, only bad things happened when they were in the vicinity of each other. Dixie tugged on Jayne’s hand. “Come on, let’s see if we can go save him.”
Jayne hoped so. Sometimes distraction seemed to work, but there were other times when the raised voices from behind the closed study doors could be heard throughout the whole house. Jayne loved them both and it hurt her that they couldn’t seem to get along. They were both just too stubborn to see how much they were alike.
They walked down the hall and could already hear the voices from inside the office.
“What the hell do you mean you want to become a doctor? I didn’t just pay a hundred grand for you to go to Harvard so you could get some crappy medical degree and set up some small town family practice. I need a lawyer in this family. Sloan Ranching needs a lawyer. The government is getting too greedy by far and trying to pass these eco-ranching laws because of some hippy Democrat that up and got elected in Washington.”
“Tell Tatum to be a lawyer,” Chandler shouted back. That it had already gotten to this point in such short time was not good. The family usually had a day or two before they both went head to head.
“Tatum is about as cut out to be a lawyer as a 2000 pound bull is to be a lap dog.” Sloan Sr.’s gruff, low voice undercut Chandler’s. “I’m not about to put the fate of the family business in Tatum’s hands. I got horses that are better at math than that boy is.”
Jayne grimaced. She was glad that Tatum wasn’t around to hear his father’s comments. Not that he hadn’t heard them before. Good thing it seemed as if it didn’t affect him.
“Dixie then, or hell Jayne. Jayne would be a great lawyer,” Chandler countered. “She has a mind for business and I bet with just a little encouragement from you, she’d love to be in the family business.”
There was a sound of crystal and glass clinking together. And all of them were way too familiar with that sound. Scotch and water, Sloan Sr.’s favorite drink. Chandler and their father’s fights weren’t always restricted to when their dad was drinking, but it never helped. “If I keep Dixie from getting knocked up before she’s married I’ll consider that a success, and Jayne, I got nothing against Jayne, except this is Texas and this is ranching. No place for a woman. She’d get no respect, and besides, I don’t trust her white trash family not to come sniffing around once they hear she’s got money of her own. No, Chandler, you’re the oldest. You need to get your head out of your rear end and step up and be the man this family needs.”
Dixie gave her a little squeeze to try and take the sting out of Sloan Sr.’s words, but that was Sloan. He was fair, did what was right, but he was crass. Feelings weren’t something he was considerate of.
She shook her head at Dixie. That didn’t matter. Sloan Sr. always said a lot of things. Some things he meant, but many he didn’t, especially when in a fight with his son.
“What? Being a doctor is going to make me less of a man? It’s not an honorable profession?”
“Honorable? I don’t give a truck full of bull turd about honorable.” Their father’s voice rose to another level. “If I wanted honorable, I would’ve told you to pursue a career in sanitation. Nothing’s more honorable than cleaning up after other people’s crap. I don’t care about honorable. I care about keeping this business alive and flourishing. I didn’t build this ranch up from nothing just to sit back and watch the whole thing get run into the ground.”
Something crashed up against the office doors and Jayne startled. “This is my life, old man,” Chandler yelled. “You won’t always get to tell me what to do.”
“I will as long as I’m footing the bill. You think Harvard cares they got a genius going to their school? What do they care when they’ve got three princes from the Middle East willing to pay out the nose for an American education? No, I need a lawyer not some do-gooder.”
Dixie raised her eyebrows. “We better get in there before they really say things they’ll regret.” She raised her hand, took a breath, and knocked. “Daddy? Daddy, we need Chandler out here because he promised to say a toast for us, and Jayne is refusing to go the party until Chandler introduces us with a toast.”
Jayne shot her a look. Dixie just raised one shoulder. “It will work, just watch.”
There was silence on the other side and then the door was flung open. Sloan Sr. stood in the doorway, a thin finger of scotch in his glass, a crisp white shirt tucked into his starched blue jeans and a tired look on his face. His gaze found Dixie’s and he smiled. “Sure Dixie Baby, I’m sorry for keeping Chandler. I know this is a party. Chandler and I can talk later.”
He bent down and took his daughter in his arms for a quick hug. And over her shoulder Sloan Sr.’s gray-blue eyes caught Jayne’s and gave her a wink. “And I wouldn’t want to disappoint Jayne. I know how high maintenance she is, demanding to be the center of attention and all.”
Jayne blushed, but smiled just the same. That was one thing she loved about the Sloans; they had a great sense of humor. Her family had rarely joked. And when they did it had never been funny.
Sloan Sr. reached over and pulled her into their hug, kissing the top of her head. “I’m proud of both my girls.” He released them. “Go have fun. This is your last summer of freedom before the seriousness of college begins.”
He ruffled both of their heads to Jayne’s giggle and Dixie’s groan and then he turned and headed back into his study.
Jayne pushed her hair out of her eyes and quickly caught Chandler’s gaze. This was the part that was so awkward. The part where they wanted to run into each other’s arms, young lovers apart for over six months, but they were still playing the role of older brother and younger sister.
Dixie had no such problems. She jumped into his arms with a list of orders already falling from her mouth. “You need to get outside and make sure the music is good. I need good music. And then check on Tatum, I don’t want him getting drunk and hitting on all my friends. And…”
Jayne glanced behind the two siblings and watched Sloan Sr. pour himself another drink—straight this time, no water—and then head over to his desk and pull out a cigar. She knew from experience they weren’t likely to see any more of him tonight.
Chandler reached over and closed the office door, effectively transferring her attention to him. “What? Not even a hug hello?” His silver grey eyes twinkled at her.
The sparklers in her stomach ignited all at once and danced with joy. She felt her cheeks warm as a soft smile widened her mouth. He opened his arms for a hug and his mischievous gaze caught hers, speaking volumes worth of poetry. But Jayne only heard three verses.
I miss you.
I want you.
I love you.
She just hoped her own eyes weren’t broadcasting as loud as his, but he was so worth the risk. She flew into his arms as if readying herself for a dance move worthy of an audience.
He didn’t disappoint. Chandler picked her up and swung her around all the while burying his face in the crook of her neck.
The dizziness of his nearness was too much and she found herself holding on to him even after he’d set her down. She looked him in the eye. “Are you okay?”
She knew better than anyone that things between Chandler and Sloan Sr. weren’t easy. Chandler had told her numerous times that if not for her, he didn’t think he’d ever come back home.
“Now, I am,” he said, his eyes not even trying to hide his feelings from his sister. While Jayne might be willing to confide in her best friend about her feelings for her brother, this wasn’t the time or place.
She backed up and disengaged herself from Chandler, almost grateful for the moment to calm her heartbeat and find her breath.
“You alright, Jayne?” Dixie asked, concern on her face. “You look all flushed.”
Jayne smiled, never remembering feeling so happy than in this moment. She nodded her head. “Just nerves I guess. Do you think we could sneak some of that champagne that’s being passed around outside?”
“Hell yeah,” Dixie said and linked arms with her. “Why do you think I made sure my brothers were invited?”
Jayne laughed, heart swelling with love. She wanted to preserve this night in her memory forever.
“Have you seen the backyard?” Dixie babbled on as she tended to do when she was excited. “I can’t wait to show it to you. I’ve been planning this day for a year. I know you’re gonna love it.”
Jayne had no doubt. When Sloan Sr. told them he wanted to throw a graduation party for them, he’d pretty much given them free rein. Dixie needed no other encouragement. She started planning the party like it was her wedding. In the beginning, she’d bring her ideas to Jayne to see if she agreed, but Jayne soon told her that no matter what Dixie decided, Jayne would be thrilled. Planning parties wasn’t Jayne’s thing, but it sure was Dixie’s.
“Oh my God, Dixie, it’s gorgeous. I can’t believe…” Jayne’s voice trailed off as she took in the three piece band that was playing all their country favorites and the white gazebo, expertly lighted and fitted out with a shiny dance floor.
Waiters in white Polo shirts and khakis, holding trays of beer and Mimosas, weaved throughout the many small clusters of teenagers and parents alike. The smell of sweet Texas BBQ drifted on the breeze from the open fire pit that was tended by two men with bandannas wrapped around their heads and a slight sheen of sweat on their faces. Twinkle lights wrapped with garlands of white flowers accented the trunks of the oak trees and small dinner candles held down the white tablecloths on the dozen or so tables throughout the back yard.
“It’s beautiful, Dixie” Jayne looked over at the only person in the world she’d ever considered her sister and gave her a big hug. “Thank you for letting me be a part of this.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Dixie whispered in the confines of their sisterly embrace. “The day Chandler brought you home was the happiest day of my life. I love you, sis.”
They stood like that for a moment, neither one wanting to let go. “Come on,” Dixie said, pulling her hand. “Tatum is waving us over. I bet he’ll get us one of those mimosas.”
Chandler grabbed her arm before Dixie could pull her away and quickly whispered in her ear. “Meet me at the boat house in an hour. I have a surprise for you.”
And then she was gone, chasing behind Dixie with the wind in her hair and bubbles of laughter on her tongue.