The pressure on my head releases and I feel Jarmaine’s entire body fall limp on my back. Suddenly, his weight is off me and I hear him hit the floor. I turn my head and Skylar is standing over Jarmaine with one fist balled up and a mini bat in the other hand. I sit up slowly and cover myself with the sheet. Skylar bends over and drags Jarmaine to the door by one arm. The door is open and the same group of girls from earlier fill the hall at the doorway. Two of the girls from the group help Skylar drag Jarmaine into the hallway.
I don’t know if he’s dead or just passed out, but either way, he’s not responding. Skylar steps over him and back into the room and closes the door. Before she could ask, I tell her I’m okay, and lie on my side with my head facing the wall. I’m not okay, I’m just not in the mood to discuss this right now. I just want to sleep this pain away. I’m hurt right now. Not because he tried to take my cookie, but because he was someone claiming to love me. I never knew that loving someone meant hurting them. Since when does love become pain? I’m familiar with neglect being love, but not pain too.
“Do you want me to call Sasha?” Skylar’s voice is calm and sincere.
“No.” I say snobbishly while trying to hold back the tears.
“You sure?” I feel her sit at the foot of the bed.
“No.” I turn my body to face her with a cry for sympathy in my eyes. “What made you come back to the room?”
“I forgot some stuff, so I came back before it got too late. When I opened the door, I saw him ramming his fingers in you. I could tell you wasn’t enjoyin’ it cause of how he was holdin’ you down. I’m a fast reactor,” she straightens her back with pride and continues, “I’m glad I came back when I did.”
“Yeah. Me to. Thanks.” I bury my face in my pillow and cry from my soul. Skylar scoots closer and places her hand on my shoulder.
“You ain’t got to thank me.”
Now looking into her eyes, I respond, “But you saved my life. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you,” I say in between snuffles.
“Well, you can repay me by not being so damn mean.” She flashes a big and beautiful smile.
“That’s a start, huh?” I chuckle and all the tears that’s been sitting in the well of my left eye fall. I sit up and get a Kleenex from on my desk and blow hard. “Excuse me.” When I wipe my tears, a sudden feeling of violation rages through my entire body. I throw my head in my hands and sob excessively.
“It’s okay to cry, you know. Believe it or not, I cry sometimes too. I remember when my family found out I was into the ladies, and my uncle tried to molest me sayin’ it was for my good and was to help me like men. It’s a good thing I used to be heavy into that workout shit in my younger days, cause I gave him an ass whoopin’ he was not expectin’ from a chick,” Skylar takes a moment to reflect, and then under her breath, laughs at something only she can comprehend. She snaps out of her thought and redirects her attention back to me, “I understand how you feel right now. You feel violated cause you thought he loved you. Which sucks cause most men don’t even know what love is. They think they can love a woman with their limp dicks and their money, and that’s all they got to do. They don’t understand that love requires more than that,” she explains.
I’m shocked because one, she knows my emotions, and two, she’s been in a similar situation. “But what makes you think I feel the same way as you and your situation.”
“I don’t for real. I’m just assuming and hopin’ I don’t make an ass out myself. I see you holdin’ back your tears though. That’s why I say it’s okay to cry. As far as you feelin’ violated, well, let’s just say that any woman who don’t volunteer to give their pussy away should feel violated. I don’t know,” she shrugs. “How do you feel?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. Skylar stands up and goes to the door. She opens it. The doorway is clear; no friends, no Jarmaine. She then turns to me, “Ol’ boy is takin’ care of and I know for sure he ain’t comin’ back.”
“It’s cool. You don’t have to leave.” I softly respond. I figured that’s the least I could do since she saved me from what could have been a tragedy. “I just need a minute or two to get my head right. I will take a shower and see if that helps.” I wrap my bottom half with the sheet, even though my gown is long enough, and take short, quick steps to the bathroom. As I pass Skylar, she snatches me up and gives me an enor-mous hug. I do not reciprocate her gesture but freeze in place. Eventually, she lets go and I walk into the bathroom showing no emotions. I turn the shower on, let the sheet fall, undress, and step in. My knees weaken when once both feet hit the bottom of the tub. Sitting in the back of the shower, I hug my legs and bury my face in my knees. I let the tears fall freely until there are no more tears left to cry, and then I pray.
“Please forgive me for all the awful stuff that I’ve done. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I’m so sorry. I need strength from you, God. Strength to make it through this situation. I know that nothing happens by mistake, and everything happens for a reason, but why me and why now? I pray that you give me the strength to forgive Jarmaine for what he’s done to me. I pray that you fill me with peace. I pray for peace in my mind, body, and soul. I want my heart to heal because right now it’s broken, and it hurts. Forgive me for judging Skylar. Thank you, God. Amen.”
As I sit in the fetal position in the back of the shower, my thoughts are all over the place and going a thousand miles per second. The past few days have been so challenging, I feel like I’m being tested. I can get through this. I will and I can. I need someone to talk to. I should call Lucia, but I don’t want to worry her with my mess since she has so much of my mother’s mess to tend to. I wish I had a better understanding of why me? I know I’ve been a little bitchy lately, but not deserving of this. It almost makes me wonder if my bitchiness is really bitterness. How can I be bitter when I was the one who left Jarmaine, not the other way around? I allow the tears to flow.
The crying suddenly stops. God sure works fast; I think to myself. I stand and scrub my body several times, but I still feel dirty. I scrub until the water is cold. The floor feels cold when my feet hit the tile. Standing in front of the mirror shivering, I stare at the reflection that stares back. I am filled with flaws, but now there are more flaws than before. The knock at the door stuns me.
“You okay, Melody?” Her tone is so low, I could barely hear her.
“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ll be out shortly.” I step away from the mirror.
“Okay. I’m going to lie down. If I’m asleep when you get out, you can wake me up if you need to.”
I get dressed in my nightgown and tiptoe to the closet and quietly find my panties and shorts. It’s pitch black in the room, so I must feel my way around. I trip over Skylar’s foot and almost fall forward.
“What the hell are you doing, Skylar?” I hit the nightlight on the side of the desk.
“Come.” She pats the bed.
“Why are you on my bed?”
“Just come. I ain’t gone try nothin’ with you. I just want to be here as a friend. That’s it. You can take my word.” Her voice is persuading, but I don’t know who I can and can’t trust at this point.
Nervous and not knowing what to expect, I meander and sit beside her. “I just want to go to sleep and wake up to a better day.”
“Bet! I got you! Lay down, and I’ll be here for comfort.” She stands and swing my feet onto the bed and covers me up to my chin. She lies down beside me on top of the covers and tells me, “If you want to talk, I’ll be right here.”
Why is this chick so nice to me when I’ve been so mean to her, are my thoughts as I close my eyes and try to sleep. She takes my hand and squeezes it. I don’t move. My eyes drift. It feels good to have a friend, but is she my friend? I guess so since she just saved my life. Only a friend would go the distance she’s gone to save me and keep me safe. Or does she want more from me? More is what I can’t give because I like men. I love men!