Wednesday, August 27, 2006
7:47am
When I returned last night and vented to Carmen about Malik, she started acting weird and shit, like she hadn’t just made me cum hours before, or like I was a groupie or something. She woke me up early this morning, telling me she was leaving for class, and to lock the door. After she left, things felt unfamiliar. It could’ve been me being sleeping that made me feel this way, but who knows? I’m glad I don’t have class until twelve, but I can’t to go back to sleep. I wonder about how she feels about me. Not sure why it would matter since I’m not gay. Or am I since she made me cum? I can’t believe Malik is gay. Why does he do that to women? That should be a crime, and his ass should get locked up for it. I remember reading something about a gay man that had aids and was dating straight women just to transmit the disease. He was eventually found out and sent to jail. Why would anyone intentionally give someone aids? Understanding the whole ‘down low’ thing will now make me look at men differently. I wonder if Jarmaine is on the ‘down low’. Hm, that’s surely something to think about.
I can’t believe Skylar either. I will have to get the juice from Casey while we’re in class, or maybe I’ll invite her for drinks just to find out what she and Skylar has going on. Maybe she needs friends? Who knows? I’ll see if she wants to hang out this weekend while I’m downtown. Oh shit, I forgot to text Malik last night and let him know when I made it home. I don’t care, anyway. Fuck him! His ass is gay! I should at least try to talk to him about it and see if he’ll confess it to me. I don’t see how anyone could hide who they are. That shit would drive me crazy; not being able to live my life to the fullest or how I choose. It’s so much going on around here. Serenity is what I could use to clear my mind.
It’s only day two of school, and it seems like I’ve been here for months. Thanksgiving break can’t come fast enough. Miami, here I come. My mom will go crazy if I tell her I kissed two girls and liked it. As evil and hypocritical as she is, she would go straight to the Bible on me. I know it. What I don’t understand is how so many individuals can judge a person’s lifestyle and call it a sin when judging is a sin itself. If she comes at me sideways, I’ll tell her just that. I think I’ll keep my lesbian escapades to myself and the person I have them with. Are they escapades or is it something that just happened? I will have to find out what’s wrong with Carmen. So much is going on that not even a beer can fix all this shit.
Skylar just came in the room, and I view her differently since I’ve seen her with so many women.
MM
As I close my journal, Skylar comes out of the bathroom and says, “Aye yo, I saw you at Hooters last night with that detective dude. What up with that?”
“I saw you pulling in the lot with Casey. What’s up with that?” I ignore her initial question and answer her with a question.
“Really Melody? Is this the game you want to play? Just answer the damn question.” She sounds frustrated.
“Why are you all in my business? What does it matter to you, anyway?” I become just as frustrated at her as she is at me because she’s all up in my business.
“It doesn’t matter to me, but it should matter to your ass, considering the fact that he is a damn down-low ass creep.” She laughs out loud.
“It wasn’t anything like that. I went to have a beer, and he was there. Yes, he was hitting on me, but no way am I interested. Now, you answer my question,” I reply evenly and get up to get my clothes for the day.
“Good, cause I would have drove your ass if it’s more than that. Casey, she’s nobody. Somebody I fuck so she can help me with a little tutoring… another one of my victim’s basically.” Skylar bucks her chest out in confidence.
“You are such the whore, Skylar,” I say in disgust.
“I ain’t no hoe; I just fuck a lot and let these chicks do whatever they want for me. You can call me the head doctor, baby. Got a problem? I got a cure for that ass. You should know, or maybe not!” Her laugh is louder.
She’s so stupid. “Nobody has time for your foolishness, Skylar.” I push past her and go shower.
She yanks me from behind and says, “But you like it though,” while humping me and laughing.
“A fucking lie.” I elbow her in her stomach.
She grabs her stomach in pain and says, “Aye, you gone keep your fuckin’ hands off me. That shit be hurting.”
“And you will keep your hands off me. PERIOD!” I lock the bathroom door after I slam it in her face.
Once I’m out of the shower and dressed, I notice the message indicator on my phone. It’s a message from Carmen: Have a magnificent day, Beautiful. I guess that answers my question, or maybe it doesn’t. Either way, it sure put a smile on my face. Damn! There are ten missed calls from Malik and five texts, all saying the same thing: Did you make it home? I ignore his messages, get dressed and leave the room.
Walking down the hallway, the gossiping talk about Jarmaine fills my ears; nothing new though, just the same gossip Vanessa started. The RA waves when I pass her. We’ve gotten acquainted over time because she’s the same RA that’s been in every dorm hall I’ve lived in. Heading to the cafeteria for breakfast, disgust comes over me when I notice Malik and Detective Reed. I avoid eye contact as I continue walking with a faster pace. He told me he would be on campus for a few more days.
As soon as I get to the table and set my food down, Malik walks in without the Reed lady. Or maybe I should refer to her as his ‘cover-up’. “Hello, Melody,” he says.
“Oh, hey, Malik.” I pretend he startled me.
“I’ve been texting and calling you, trying to make sure you got home safe. Did I do something wrong?”
“Sorry about that, Malik. I got so busy with my friend, time seemed to have gotten the best of me, and I haven’t checked my phone today.”
“Oh, okay. I’m glad you made it home safe. Would you like to hook up later today?”
“I have classes all day, so I cannot. Maybe we can hook up sometime next week.”
“You’re telling me I have to wait all the way until next week to see you?”
“I’m swamped with classes and assignments, and I’m going away for the weekend, so it must be next week.” This dude sounds and come off like a damn creep.
“I see. Next week is cool. Just hit me up and let me know the exact time and date.” He makes a sad face and I ignore it.
“I’ll do that,” I say with a fake smile. When he turns to walk away, I spot Skylar looking at me and smirking. Maybe I should say something to him about the rumor I keep hearing. I don’t know if he will tell me the truth or not, but asking wouldn’t hurt. Well, it wouldn’t hurt me… at least.
Both classes were boring as hell, but while I sat in them, Malik texted me twenty-two times. He was telling me how badly he needs and wants to see me before next week, and how there’s something about me he can’t resist. Maybe I need to come out and tell him or ask him, about the accusations.
When I get back to the dorm room, there are three dozen roses sitting on my desk: purple, white, and yellow. I read the card, assuming they’re for Skylar, but come to find out, they’re for me from Malik. The card reads: Please see me this weekend. Malik Now I’m feeling uncomfortable. Not sure what I should do with the flowers, I remove the card and sit them on Skylar’s desk so she can think they came for her. I don’t want them talking shit to me or about me and this interesting Malik.
My phone goes off just as I sit on my bed, and it’s a text message from Malik. The phone then rings and it’s Malik. I ignore the call and he calls again… and again. This dude is showing clear signs of craziness. He sends another text: I hope you like the flowers since purple and white are two of your favorite colors. What in the fuck! How does he know that? I throw my phone on my desk and look out the window to see if he’s stalking me. After confirming that the coast is clear, I turn my ring-er on silent and lie back, staring at the ceiling.
I’ve slept the entire day away, and I wake up to several more text messages from Malik, and one from Carmen. I disregard Malik’s text, but read the message Carman sent: Came by to give you a hug, but didn’t get an answer. We should hang out this weekend, away from campus. Her message makes me smile from within. Why do I feel this way about this woman? Am I a lesbian that’s just now realizing it? She sure makes me feel some kind of way. I can invite her to the condo on Saturday. I text back and say: Saturday is cool. I’ll be downtown at my parent’s condo. We can hang out then. Let me know and I’ll text you the information. I send the message and hug the phone in my chest.
Another message from Malik comes in: I can’t stop thinking about you. Please text me back or call. I sat outside your dorm hall most of the evening, hoping you would have to leave and I could see you. I want to see you before next week. I know I’ve said that already, but I can’t help how you make me feel. No one has ever made me feel this way before. I look at my phone and turn it off, because this guy has officially scared me.
The leftover Hooters is the first thing I’ve eaten today. Skylar is not here, but I can tell she’s been here because of the tornado that’s on her bed; stuff that wasn’t there before I fell asleep. As I’m eating, I vent in my journal.
Thursday, August 28, 2006
9:20pm
It’s late, and I sure hope this food puts me back to sleep so I won’t be up all night. Malik has been texting me all day, and it’s creeping me out. Maybe I should tell someone about his weirdness before he tries something. He is a detective and probably knows how to get away with many crimes. I watch those shows on the Investigation Discovery channel and see how crooked a cop can be. I wouldn’t put anything past him.
I wish my mother and I had a closer relationship so I could have someone to share my feelings with. I wish my sister was alive too. Lucia is always so busy, that when I talk to her, it’s only for a brief period. I’m not sure if I’m even ready to tell her about my feelings for another woman. I’ve heard that talking about things sometimes helps you figure them out easier than keeping them confined. I have no friends and Skylar will only laugh and have something negative to say, and Carmen… well, let’s just say I can’t and don’t want to talk to her about her. I’ve already talked to her about Malik, so maybe I can tell her how he makes me feel awkward with his stalking. If it wasn’t so late, I would call her right now. Writing my thoughts down helps a little, but you, journal, can’t give me the advice I need.
MM
I place my journal under my pillow, and clean my dishes. I hop in the shower to relax, and someone enters the room just as I’m rinsing off. I assume it’s Skylar, since she’s the only one with a key.
The shower does exactly what I wanted it to do, calms me. As much as I hate sleeping in shorts, I put some on until I get in bed because I don’t want to give Skylar any bright ideas. My stomach cringes when I leave the bathroom and notice Malik sitting on my bed.
“What are you doing here? How did you get in here?” I ask, frightened.
“I’m sorry, Melody. I just had to see you. You’ve been ignoring me, and I thought maybe I did something wrong. I see you got my roses. I let myself in. Please don’t be upset with me for picking the lock. I really need to talk to you about something.” He stands and walks closer to me.
“I can’t believe you! Are you crazy?” I’m speechless, but get those words out.
“Yes, I’m crazy about you! I can’t stop thinking about you. Why don’t you want to see me?” His pleading is scaring me more.
I bite the bullet and have a conversation with him about the accusations. I swallow hard and say, “I heard you were gay and that you use women as cover-ups. You’re more on the down-low… they say.”
“That Hooters bitch told you that, didn’t she? I will fuck her entire life up.” His actions clarify that he’s fuming.
I lie and say, “No, I heard it from other people around campus.”
“Look, I’m not gay at all. I just like certain things that men can do for me. That doesn’t make me gay. I love women. I don’t need them to cover up anything that I do. Men are better than women at one thing in particular.”
How disgusting! “So, you think that doesn’t make you gay, or bisexual?”
“No, it doesn’t make me either. I don’t do it all the time. I have my moments when I need some magnificent head. Like I said, women don’t know how to deliver that.”
I can’t believe my ears. “Well, Malik, I’m not sure if I’m okay with dealing with someone who is not comfortable enough with themselves to be up front with women.” I fold my arms in front of me.
There’s a lengthy pause before he replies, “I know you were the last person to see Jarmaine before his injury. I know what your friends did to him. I know this because I’ve been watching you since I saw you at the beach. I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you. I felt determined to know more about you.” As he continues, I redial Carmen’s number in my phone without him noticing. He’s still talking, “When I followed you here to campus, and that happened to Jarmaine, I requested to work the case so I could be near you. I picked the lock tonight because I needed to tell you I know and I promise I won’t tell anyone else, nor will I arrest you for conspiracy of assault and arrest your friends for attempted murder, assault, and battery.”
“So you’re blackmailing me? Really? Well, little do you know, I’d rather you lock me up right now than deal with you in any way. You’re a disgrace to mankind. As soon as you lock me up, your ass will get fired from the police department and everyone will know you’re a gay ass liar.” I try to remain calm but can’t.
“And how will they know that?” he asks as he walks close to me.
“Because, as soon as I saw that you had broken in here, I speed dialed my friend and she heard everything, and if she hasn’t, it’s all on her voicemail.” I hold my phone up to show him I’d dialed Carmen. I put it on speakerphone because honestly, I don’t know if she answered or not. “Carmen?” I ask, praying she isn’t because I want the conversation saved.
“I am, and I’ve recorded all of this shit.” She sounds pissed.
“Now see, Malik, women can do just as much as men, better than men. I would appreciate it if you found your way to the door.” I step aside so he can exit.
Fear comes over me once I notice the rage in his eyes. He walks towards me and as soon as he reaches to snatch me, Carmen comes bursting through the door. She’s still on my phone. I end the call. “She said to leave, now please do as she asked before shit gets ugly.” Carmen holds up the metal bat and lays it on her shoulder. Malik looks at me and leaves.
Wow! Another woman saves the day. She is every bit of amazing! I don’t know how I’ll ever repay her.