Bella has turned out to be a beautiful teenager, but after two years, I can hardly recognize my mother. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen either of them. As I stand in front of the mirror, looking at the woman standing behind me, I can’t help but notice how horrible she looks. Tears fill the wells of my unmoving eyes as my thoughts reminisce on the things Malik told me. She turns me to face her and kisses me on the cheek. As I try to embrace her eyes, realization sets in that they are no longer the eyes of the woman I once knew as my mother. They are the eyes of a stranger. Someone I’ve never met before. They reveal pain, fear, and anger. She appears to be dying a slow death right before me, and that feeling alone breaks me down.
Instead of her comforting me like I needed and wanted at that very moment, she says, “I haven’t heard from Sam since I left. When was the last time you heard from him?”
She never ceases to amaze me. I lower my head, feeling sadder. “I haven’t. A few weeks after you left, the store closed, and he dropped off the face of the earth.” I try not to look at Lucia and Bella as I wipe my tears away. My head raises, “I’m glad you could make it, Mother.” Hoping the statement would shift the conversation from Sam back to me. After all, it is my wedding day.
She replies, “I wouldn’t miss the most important day of your life for nothing. Besides, I had to bring you something borrowed.” She reaches in her purse and pulls out a single diamond pendant necklace. “Your grandmother gave me this pendant the day your father and I married, and now I’m passing it on to you on your wedding day. Keep it close to your heart and one day, you’ll give it to your daughter on her wedding day.” Her hands are icy as she places one on each shoulder, takes a step back, and looks at me differently. A way she’s never looked at me before. She then pulls me in with a hug and says, “I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become. And thank you for taking care of my home while I was away. I made it back just in time to see my baby marry the man of her dreams. You make me proud, my daughter.”
“Thank you, Mother.” I embrace her hug. She’s so cold and her body is so frail. It makes me wonder if she was at treatment or not. It makes me wonder if it was too late and she now has full-blown AIDS. Now is not the time to worry about that. My man is waiting to marry me.
I break the grasp, turn to the mirror and examine the necklace. I tell my mother how beautiful it is and give her one last hug before going to Lucia and Bella, who are both standing and watching the two of us interact. Uncertain of my mother’s appearance, I chose Lucia to give me away. We stayed in touch after she left, talking at least once a month. No one ever found out about Sam. His wife assumed they killed him because of his dangerous business habits. She said he was destined to scam the wrong person one day, and he’s somewhere suffering the consequences. Allowing her to believe and think just that was the best option.
After everyone left—my mother, Lucia, and Bella—I had no one but Victor. Sex has been my scapegoat from everything that occurred the first few months of 2007. He’s not the best person to talk to because he’s so damn self-centered and wants to do all the talking, but I’ve gotten used to that. I’ve gotten used to him all together. Learning to love him for who he is over the past year wasn’t easy, but the sex is more amazing than ever before. We haven’t moved in together because we plan to do that when we come back from our honeymoon in Milan. We purchased a sixteen million-dollar, two story penthouse in downtown Miami, at The Setai, which is two buildings down from where I live now. Victor got the upper hand with picking a location, but I have the upper hand with the interior decorating. He did well with all the things I had on my must-have list: view of the ocean from the living room, master bedroom and kitchen, and my own personal office. For now, this is life as I know it.
The ceremony was beautiful. It was more than beautiful. Victor and I both had eyes full of tears as we exchanged our vows, and so did a lot of other people. It was just the two of us at the altar, no bridesmaids or groomsmen; just us two. This made the service short and sweet, although we have over two hundred guests. Most of them are Victor’s friends, clients and their families, and artists and their families. My guests list is barely a hand full.
My plans to change into my receptions dress goes into play as I make my way through the crowded dance floor. Victor is somewhere doing what he does well, running his mouth. In the middle of the floor, I spot my mother getting down with one of Victor’s co-workers. My smile warms me on the inside as I slide out of the ballroom with no one noticing. I get to the elevator, push “P”, and step back. My head rests against the glass mirror as my eyes watch the elevator close. Before it closes completely, Lucia stops it with her foot, and it reopens.
“Not fast so, missy. Where you go?”
“I’m going to change into my other dress, Lucia.” Her broken English always puts a smile on my face.
“I go with.” She returns the smile and joins me.
We ride the elevator in silence and step into the penthouse at the same time. Lucia goes to the refrigerator and pulls out two beers as I step in the closet where my other dress hangs. She soon follows me and takes a seat on the bench next to the shoes. She reaches out with a beer in her hand; I take it and drink for what seems like forever.
“Thirsty, Serenity?”
“No, it’s just refreshing.” We both laugh.
“Me miss this. Me miss you.” She lowers her eyes and hangs her head.
“Awe, Lucia. You know I miss you more. I’ve been working myself like crazy just to keep busy. You know I don’t have many friends outside of Raven.” I point to the back of my Vera Wang wedding gown and Lucia jumps up to help me unzip it.
“Me want to move back close to you,” she says once she’s done.
“Do you think it’s safe to do that?” I ask her.
“Me don’t know. Me can ask Malik.”
“Do that, and if so, we can make it happen. That way, I won’t have to sell my place and you and Bella can move in.” The excitement that comes across her face is priceless. She places my robe over my shoulders and we both sit on the bench.
Lucia cups both my hands, “Me have something to tell you.”
My initial thoughts are, What now? But I ask, “What is it. Lucia?”
“Come,” she says as she extends her hand and leads me to a balcony that overlooks the ocean. “Sit.” she demands and I obey.
“What is it already?” I impatiently ask.
“Mother was not in treatment for real. Mother is on drugs and is dying from disease. It worse now. Her told me everyting. Her didn’t know you was gone marry. Her came home to say bye. She dying, her say.”
“When did she tell you all of this?”
“In bathroom right after wedding. Her say always take care of you; better than her ever had.”
“Why didn’t she say anything to me?”
“Her not want to ruin you day,” she advises me with empathy in her eyes.
I take a long swig of my beer and look out into the ocean. “I already knew it was something. She looks so bad. I wish there was something I could do.” I grasp the pendant around my neck in hopes of it giving me a sign.
“Her want to die. Her say her will anyway since her disease is much worse. Say her has the AIDS now and her not want treatment cause it don’t help,” Lucia continues.
I take another swig of my beer. Lucia and I remain quiet for a moment as we both enjoy our beers and the view. We hear the elevator beep and turn to see Bella running towards us, “Serenity, come quick! Your mother has passed out on the dance floor and won’t wake up!” Bella yells in perfect English, unlike her mother. Lucia and I look at each other and dart for the elevator. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach as we take the ride down.
When the door opens to the lobby, we see the paramedics pushing a gurney into the ballroom. We rush to the dance floor to see my mother lying breathless. Then, the impossible happens; my mother takes her last breath right in front of me, as if she was waiting for me to get there. The paramedics try CPR but soon pronounce her dead. Lucia holds me as I stand in disbelief. Not caring who sees me in this robe, my knees hit the floor and I pray silently as the tears flow. It’s the only thing I could think to do at the moment.
When my eyes open, Victor is on his knees holding me. Savannah, Lucia, and Bella are all close by. I’m in a state of shock. Not because my mother just died, since this day was intended to come, but because she died on the dance floor at my wedding reception. It only confirms what Lucia just told me to be true.
Mother knew she was dying, so she came to see me before it happened. Why didn’t she just take care of herself; she could’ve lived a long life if she had gotten the treatment she needed. Why she didn’t believe it would have helped her, I don’t know, and I’ll never know. But what I know is she no longer will suffer, and this is what she wanted.
I sit Indian style on the floor, deep in my thoughts, and watching as the paramedics place my mother on the gurney and cover her entire body with the white death sheet. A piece of me leaves as they roll her out. My body is so limp that when Victor tries to stand me up, I fall back to the floor. My soul has gone numb and my mind blank. Lucia comes to my side and sits with me.
More tears fall as the remembrance of my mother at her best develops in my head. As evil as she might have been, she was still my mother, and it didn’t take away from the love I had for her. She may not have done a magnificent job showing me love, but that didn’t stop me from trying to love her. An image of her before she left for treatment appears in my psyche. I see her jamming on the dance floor with Sam at the New Year’s Eve Ball. And in the blink of an eye, the image disappears, and she’s gone. She’s gone… gone forever.
Lucia’s eyes fill with tears and I repeat my thought, “She’s gone.”
“Me know, baby. Let’s go lay down,” she says as she tries to help me to my feet.
My body doesn’t move. Victor stares at me and I repeat, “She’s gone.” Then demand, “Take me to the hospital.” He attempts again to stand me up, but my body slumps back to the floor. He picks me up as if he’s carrying me over the threshold, takes me to his SUV, and lays me in the back seat. Lucia climbs in the front and I curl up like a baby as we ride to the hospital.