Crisis Zero

CONTENTS

Dedication
Chapter 1: Principal Street-Fighting Tournaments
Chapter 2: The Arby’s Interrogation
Chapter 3: Permanent Neutral Face
Chapter 4: The Classics
Chapter 5: The Ghosts of TV Game Shows
Chapter 6: Kleen(EX) Getaways
Chapter 7: Urine—A Spy’s Best Kept Secret Weapon
Chapter 8: The Secret Sauce
Chapter 9: A Ticker Tape Parade in Ghostown
Chapter 10: Luke Skywalker and the Bionic Woman
Chapter 11: Radioactive Mushroom Rampages and Chicken Feet Rain
Chapter 12: It’s Never the Swiss
Chapter 13: Carson-Faced Sandwich
Chapter 14: The Erik Hill Middle School Trailblazer
Chapter 15: Little Chicago
Chapter 16: Mission Phase One—Eliminate All Steak Sauce
Chapter 17: Try My Raspberry Toe Jam
Chapter 18: A Fresh Start
Chapter 19: Good Locks Hide Good Treasures in the Valley of the Fold
Chapter 20: Larger Than Life
Chapter 21: Growing Gills
Chapter 22: Always Put Money on Family
Chapter 23: Handcuffed in Detention
Chapter 24: A Meeting of Hooded Figures in the Woods Plotting Creepy Ritualistic Things Better Left Unsaid
Chapter 25: Cursing Your Ancestors
Chapter 26: Can Human Teeth Chew Through Human Bones?
Chapter 27: Loaner Socks
Chapter 28: A Jack Daniel’s Shower
Chapter 29: Does “Taking Care” of Grandma Mean We Have to Kill Her?
Chapter 30: The Agency Is All
Chapter 31: The Ugly Truth
Chapter 32: Ginny Agricole, the Rat-Deer-Pig
Chapter 33: The Organization of Sad Clowns with Awesome Beards
Chapter 34: Deep Star 7
Chapter 35: Sentient Tires That Explode Heads
Chapter 36: Things Better Left Unsaid
Chapter 37: What Could Be Worse Than Torture and Death? Junior Will Tell You
Chapter 38: Who Is Betraying Who Anymore?
Chapter 39: Finally, the End
Chapter 40: Me, Alone
Chapter 41: Nebraska Is Not the Worst Part of Nebraska
Chapter 42: The Old Reverse Santa Claus Trick
Chapter 43: Professional Faller
Chapter 44: The Dirt Mall
Chapter 45: Hop to It, Bruce Derns
Chapter 46: The Truth Behind All Conspiracy Theories
Chapter 47: A Thank-You Is in Order
Chapter 48: Baloney Steeped Kool-Aid
Chapter 49: When Being Right All Along Is Oddly Unsatisfying
Chapter 50: The Exodus Program
Chapter 51: Rat Rivers and Dirt Malls
Chapter 52: More Silent Conversations
Chapter 53: Cough Talk
Chapter 54: Stop Saying BOOM!
Chapter 55: Hypothetical Bodies at Old Augustine
Chapter 56: A Handheld Medlock
Chapter 57: Using the New to Find the Old
Chapter 58: The Ultimate Trust Test
Chapter 59: Jurassic Park Is the Best Movie Ever
Chapter 60: The Fields of Fire
Chapter 61: Interceptor, Sightseer, and the Pushman
Chapter 62: The Congratulations Boom-Barrow
Chapter 63: Someone Said Boom
Chapter 64: The Fourth Party Arrives
Chapter 65: When a Two Percent Chance of Survival Sounds Promising
Chapter 66: Nobody Wants to Die in the Rat River
Chapter 67: What Putting the Pal in Principal Really Means
Chapter 68: Agent Zero Is Dead
Epilogue: Six Months Later
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher