BUILDING SOMETHING NEW

Xan West

Rickie wanted to approach this conversation with Jax’s needs and desires in mind. He wasn’t going to let Jax focus the negotiation on him. He needed Jax to name what he wanted, especially since this was the first time they were contemplating taking their D/s relationship out into the world, on their first romantic date. It wasn’t just play anymore.

“When we spoke earlier, I got the impression that this party might be difficult for you.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Jax admitted.

“I’m going to the party to support you. Do you think being in dynamic would feel supportive? Or might it create more pressure, make things harder on you?”

“My gut says that it would feel supportive.”

“And is it what you want? Do you want to stay in dynamic with me tonight, throughout the night?”

“Yes. I want that. But only if you want it too.”

“I think we should try out a discreet D/s dynamic. I don’t want other people witnessing an obvious power dynamic. We don’t have their consent. Something subtle. But where we know it’s there; we can still feel it.”

“That sounds good,” Jax replied, his voice suddenly hoarse.

Rickie’s heart was pounding. He reminded himself that they were trying this out. This was an experiment, not a commitment. It might not work out. This night might totally go down in flames. There was something comforting in that idea—that they were trying it on, and might totally fuck it up. He wasn’t sure why it was comforting, but it was.

“It may be difficult not calling you Sir. It’s how I think of you in my head.”

Jax yanked him close and kissed him, fierce and trembling into his mouth. Rickie smiled at him, just let the smile take up his whole face.

“You like that, don’t you, Sir?”

“Yes, boy. I like that very much.” Jax’s voice was all gravelly and serious, almost fervent. Well all right then. This was a whole bundle of new to hold. Wasn’t that something?

“So,” Jax said, “we should have a signal, for if you want to ease off a bit on the D/s.”

“Okay. How about I reach for your hand, like this? Not grab for it, just offer mine. You take it, or not, either would be okay.”

Jax took it and intertwined their fingers, his thumb tracing the inside of Rickie’s wrist, making Rickie shudder, his breath shakily leaving his lungs. He was holding hands with Jax. He didn’t want to let go. Didn’t want that thumb to stop moving. They could just keep doing this, please.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good signal after all. Except, it seemed right. Seemed like a let’s even out the power just a bit, but don’t you go anywhere kind of thing. Seemed like an offer of connection and comfort, too.

“We have our signal, then.”

Rickie grinned. “I think we’re going to be just fine, Sir.”

“You know what? So do I. Thank you for agreeing to come to this party, boy. For wanting to support me.”

“My pleasure, Sir. It is most definitely my pleasure. Thank you for trusting me to support you.”

“I trust you a great deal, boy. We have built that, together. And we continue to build.”

Yes, thought Rickie. We are building something new tonight. He hoped it would involve more kissing. More kissing would definitely be a good thing.

It didn’t take long to get there, even with the transfer from one subway to the next. He’d gotten thrown off for a moment, because he always took the stairs. And Jax seemed to have a habit of taking the elevator. Rickie wasn’t sure why. Was it about the crowd? Was it something physical about stairs? Maybe he could find a way to ask that, sometime.

It was this whole new thing, traveling through the world with Jax. They didn’t have it down, were a bit awkward with it. It also felt like, whoa, this was a whole new set of information that he hadn’t had before, about Jax, and how he moved through the world. It made it clear how Rickie had only seen a small sliver of him, even though in some ways he felt like he knew him really well. This was going to take adjustment.

There was also something so delicious about just following him. Letting him lead the way. He chose where they sat on the train, gesturing for Rickie to have the window seat, while he took the aisle, crowding Rickie just a bit against the window in this way that just flat did it for him. It was being cornered and being led and being protected all wrapped together and it filled Rickie with this electric pleasure.

That was even before Jax took his hand, holding it captive between his own, running his fingertips along every inch of it, before using his nails. Yum. Rickie held still, barely breathing, eyes intent on watching Jax play with his hand, teasing him with delicious pain, intertwining firm grip and gentle strokes until he was all shivery everywhere.

They were just two trans queers holding hands on the subway on a Saturday night. It would take a particular vantage point to pick out the way D/s was flowing between them, the way Jax was playing with him. This was so damn new in so many ways and he might not be able to breathe for the rest of the night.

Then Jax stood and drew him to his feet. They were at their stop. No elevator at this station, so they moved toward the stairs. Jax backed him into a pillar and kissed him thoroughly, his hands gripping Rickie’s hair in these glorious pulses of pain. Rickie was shuddering against him. It was so much, and he wanted to soak it all in, all this newness and desire and expansion and nervousness and wow, we are doing this in public exhilaration. He held on tight to Jax and opened, taking it all in, grounding it through his boots on the platform. Yes, this, he wanted this, he could hold all of this.

Then Jax lifted his head and smiled down at him, his hand stroking Rickie’s cheek all tender, not in a cruel way but in this almost reverent way, and Rickie just fucking melted. He could feel himself go all gooey inside. Like he could actually take that in, right now, could hold it, tolerate it. Believe it.

Rickie blinked, because it had gotten inside, and he had held it, and that was okay for just a moment, and then right away it was too much again. He had held it, and Jax had seen that, he could tell. Just as Jax had seen it become too much, because he answered by leaning in and biting down on Rickie’s neck, giving him the perfect, invasive, burning pain that Rickie needed to move through the moment to the other side.

“Thank you,” Jax whispered in Rickie’s ear, before taking his hand and leading him up the stairs at a leisurely pace, and out into the night.