Chapter 12
Treasure
VALUE 4
What do you value most in your life? Not necessarily the single thing that holds the greatest worth, but rather the gathering of treasure that you guard closely. Individually, each piece of treasure can be appraised with varying degrees of accuracy. Whereas your financial net worth can be accounted for down to the exact cent, the closeness of your family relationships may be best measured by emotions. The two are far from equal in comparison. The same applies to the merit of one’s name and the price placed on the opportunities that lie ahead. All are valuable, none are equal, and each affords freedom to enjoy our strengths. At the same time, squander any of them and you can be blocked from fully living in your strengths.
Guiding our youth to guard the treasure of their relationships, reputation, finances, and opportunities are all forms of personal asset stewardship. I’ll beat the drum once again: stewardship is the responsible management, supervision, and protection of something entrusted to your care. There are few assets in life more important than people (relationships), the quality of their character (reputation), the management of their money (finances), and their access to advancement (opportunities).
Relationships
In the words of singer, songwriter, and globally recognized country music legend Garth Brooks, “You aren’t wealthy until you have something money can’t buy.” This truth makes relationships one of our greatest treasures in life. Authentic relationships are priceless and can’t be purchased with cash or any other form of hard currency. The only way to earn such a treasure is through the investment of mutual respect, trust, integrity, patience, kindness, love, and forgiveness. Family, partners, friends, teammates, neighbors, associates—they all hold the potential of great value. To help make these relationships invaluable, guide young people to follow this simple truth: treat others just as you would like to be treated. Treat people like treasure.
A friend once told me his most valuable relationships are with the people who know him best and like him anyway. Believe me, he’s right. We’ve known each other since early high school. Over the years, I’ve come to know more about the guy than anyone, aside from his wife. And you know what? The more I get to know him, the more I like him. I think it’s because he doesn’t fake much of anything. So much so, he’s equal parts honesty and stubbornness. This makes the man remarkably trustworthy. His yes means yes and his no means no. You can count on it.
People invest in things they can count on. Like any good investment, a treasured relationship increases in value over time. Teach young people today that the longer and more wisely they invest in good relationships, the greater the return on that investment becomes. In time, relationships that start as something small can increase into far more than they ever imagined.
The same can be said about a mismanaged relationship. The longer it goes unattended, the less and less value the relationship holds. Likewise, one large miscalculation in the stewardship of the relationship can wipe out all stock in a single withdrawal.
Stewarding the treasure of relationships gains and helps maintain access to one’s strengths. Equally, mismanaging the treasure of relationships can limit one’s ability to function in their strength. Businesses know it. Teams know it. Families know it. Friends know it. Lovers know it. Even the military knows it. The military? Absolutely.
The United States of America invests a great deal of money in the might of its military. One of the greatest assets in America’s arsenal are the highly trained personnel of Special Operations. Because of the valued strength Special Ops provides the US military, they are given special access to the latest and greatest in weaponry, intelligence, and tactical training. This makes them highly capable of operating in any environment.
One mission-critical asset Special Ops carefully protects is the value of their relationships. These elite military personnel trust and rely on each other so deeply they consider one another “family.” So, too, the effectiveness of their operational strength relies on the stability of operators’ actual families back home. Commanders know the value of family and invest regularly in events and trainings to better relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, partners, dating couples, and extended family. Basically, the greatest fighting force in the world understands that when family relationships at home are strong, the Special Ops family is strongest.
The same goes for us all. When the treasures of our relationships are stewarded well, we are more likely to function at our best. The quantity and quality of investments made in family, friends, work, neighbors, and community relationships all make a significant difference. The respect earned, trust built, integrity secured, patience practiced, kindness shared, love given, and forgiveness granted all act like deposits in an account. Over time, the balance grows and the value of the relationship increases exponentially.
How valuable are your treasured relationships with members of today’s emerging generations? I’m not just asking how much you care about them. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have read this far into the book. I’m asking whether they know how much you care about them. Why? Because they won’t care what you know until they know that you care. When your kids, students, mentees, players, or employees know you care, they will be far more open to your guidance.
Reputation
What is your reputation worth? This is the question my friend Mike Mooney asked me a few years back. Mike is a real pro when it comes to reputation. Literally. He’s a professional at shaping, protecting, and rebuilding reputations. His work with reputation management has formed him valuable relationships with top companies in the auto, home improvement, household goods, banking, food and beverage, telecommunications industries, and the fast-paced world of motorsports. The groups Mike works with are all very serious about their reputation management. So much so, they employ teams of people to carefully craft, monitor, and regulate their brand image. And when it comes to helping them get their reputation right, they call on Mike.
It’s cool that Mike gets to consult with big companies. It’s even cooler that he has also dedicated himself to helping individuals—ordinary people like you and me—to be good stewards of our reputations. So when Mike asked me that very personal question, what is your reputation worth? he really got me thinking. So much rises and falls on the shoulders of a person’s reputation. What this means is that for a member of the emerging generations to live in their strength, the treasure of their reputation needs to be stewarded as carefully as their talent, training, and timing.
A former student of mine told me a shocking story about something that happened at her parents’ law firm. Each year the firm offered two internships to college students interested in one day becoming an attorney. If the students and their internship are a good fit for the law firm, the partners extend a scholarship offer to pay for law school once the student successfully gains their graduate degree. They continue to work at the firm while attending law school until they graduate and pass the bar exam. Upon passing the bar, they usually accept a full-time, well-paying job in the same law firm that helped them discover and develop their strength as a lawyer.
What a great opportunity! Her story almost made me wish I had known her father when I was considering career paths. Then she told me the shocking part of the story. That year, one prospective intern had really stood out from all the other applicants. Their college studies and activities were excellent, their references impressive, and they interviewed exceptionally well. With eyes set on practicing law and politics, the young and ambitious college student seemed to be a sure thing for one of the two prized internships. That is, until the law firm ran a background check on their social media posts. What they discovered did not speak well of the applicant’s online reputation. Their posts regularly included lewd and rude language, partial nudity, and questionable reposts. While their live professional interviews with the law firm had presented so honorably, the steady stream of social media posts they chose to make public was building a “virtual” yet very actual reputation. A reputation far from what the law firm wanted to be associated with.
Not surprisingly, the student was passed over for the internship, scholarship, in-school job, and full-time employment at the prestigious law firm. Total value, over $225,000. The price of their reputation.
To further emphasize the point, consider the people in recent years who have landed themselves in headline news reports and social media memes alike due to bad decisions, pain inflicted, lies told, or crimes committed. From Hollywood executives to trending YouTubers. NFL Super Bowl winners to student athletes. Teachers to politicians. Their reputation damaged, and in some cases completely destroyed, most of the people you thought about have been suspended from performing in the strength they worked years to master. Their talent, training, and timing remain intact. But their treasure has been tarnished by poor stewardship of their reputation.
The same goes for big businesses and small companies alike. It applies to financial institutions, social media platforms, sports governing bodies, car companies, food distributors, and medical providers . . . just to name a few. The court of public opinion has tried and convicted many a corporation whose reputations have crumbled under the pressure of making a profit over protecting the people who once trusted them.
So how about our kids? What are their reputations worth? A relationship? Financial scholarship? A career? Switch gears with me here. Instead of considering what might be lost from a damaged reputation, consider what is gained by building a good reputation. Like a friend for life. The means to pay for an education. The career of their dreams. Each is the potential reward of a good reputation.
Choose a good reputation over great riches;
being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold. (Prov. 22:1 NLT)
Finances
People’s perspectives on money vary greatly. We can’t seem to agree if money is the root of all evil or if money affords freedom. Some say money can’t buy happiness while others are quick to point out that it takes money to buy tickets to Disneyland, and that’s the happiest place on earth. Kidding aside, money is knotted into almost every aspect of life, whether we like it or not. This makes finances a treasure that must be stewarded carefully to gain and maintain the ability to afford (pun intended) to live in your strengths.
The management of money includes how much of your hard-earned green you decide to save, spend, and give away. Most people call this budgeting. Live within a budget and you are said to be “in the black.” Spend in excess of the budget, and you’re “in the red.” Responsibly caring for the treasure of your finances means keeping your green in the black.
What color is the next gen’s budget? Do your children, students, mentees, or young employees even have a budget? Or do they make money decisions based on a feeling for what life costs and how much they should spend to enjoy it? There are countless suggestions on how much to spend and on what should take priority in a personal budget. We’re not going to dive into that pool of cash in this book. Instead, let’s examine what sets the next generation up for success when it comes to budgeting for a life that is more of a financial blessing than a financial burden.
- Know the numbers. It’s important to realistically understand both the cost of living and the income required to maintain a particular lifestyle. Young people need to learn and experience the totality of individual and family budgeting before the practice of free spending becomes a habit.
- Set goals. Goal setting is not a complicated practice. The problem is, many young people don’t yet know how to properly see, set, and pursue their goals. To assist them in effective goal setting, we will discuss TIME of your life goals in chapter 17. In addition to earning and spending, it is important for young people to set specific financial goals for saving, debt management, giving, and retirement.
NOTE: One person’s financial goals should not negatively impact others. For instance, if a student does not want to be burdened with college debt, they should not guilt their parents into sacrificing their retirement savings to pay for school. - Create a plan. Those with a financial plan fare better than those without. Specifically, those who plan long-term and who are willing to course correct as needed are more likely to stick with their goal. Good financial planning includes taking steps that lead toward the goal and necessitates a realistic understanding of how long each step should take to accomplish.
- Measure progress. Our brains like data. The proof is all around us. From easy-to-understand gauges on a car dashboard to instantly updated scoreboards in a sports arena. From watches that count our steps to apps that track social media likes. We are tuned in to knowing how things are going, right now. The same is true for our financial status. It’s important that the next generation interacts with more than an occasional accounting statement. Rather, they need a compelling report that visually shows their current place and progress toward accomplishing specific financial goals. Regularly measuring progress allows them to know if they are on track, at risk, or off course.
- Get accountable. It’s important to share financial goals with an accountability partner who can be trusted. A trusted accountability partner is someone who can say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. They are not someone who says only what’s wanted to be heard when it’s wanted to be heard. Meeting with an accountability partner regularly, on specific dates at a specific time, greatly increases their likelihood of accomplishing a financial goal.
- Celebrate accomplishments. We all like to celebrate making it over the finish line. The same goes for rejoicing when a financial goal has been met. The trick is to avoid a financial setback by inappropriately spending in celebration. If the goal was to save money to buy a car, purchase the car. But if the goal was to pay off a credit card, it’s only logical to not go on a spending spree in celebration of being debt free—temporarily.
One critical financial goal for the next generation needs to be limiting and eliminating debt. With debt comes the obvious restrictions tagged to money owed. Less evident are the restrictions placed on their strengths. When financial treasure has been depleted or becomes owed to others, the indebted become a modern-day version of a serf. Not a surfer. Surfers ride cresting ocean waves. A serf feels trapped by never-ending waves of crushing debt. Serfs were peasants who lived under the bondage of legally binding debt. This meant they did not have the freedom to choose or change professions, move to a new home, or enjoy personal and professional independence until their debt was paid in full. Technically serfdom only lasted from the mid-1200s through the mid-1800s before being abolished. Yet many people today still live under the restrictive pressure of debt. And we’re not talking about destitute people suffering under the conditions of abject poverty in far-off countries. The burden of credit card debt, excessive loans, and uncontrolled spending has bound neighbors, friends, and family to their current situations until their debts are paid. They can’t afford to do anything until they are free from their legally binding financial bondage.
Debt will block young people from fully accessing their strengths. Treating their finances as a treasure means guarding it carefully—not to hoard, but to steward it. Teach them early and repeat often the value of financial stewardship: the responsible management, supervision, and protection of what has been entrusted to your care.
Opportunities
Many people know the American poet Robert Frost best for his famous poem “The Road Not Taken,” first published in 1915. There’s a good chance young Millennials and members of Generation Z saw the last few lines of the poem posted in an English class, printed on a motivational poster, or painted on a hall wall at school. The final words of Frost’s poem are shared in hopes of inspiring young minds to carefully consider their options and not always follow the crowd.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.1
Where the “two roads diverged in a wood,” two opportunities are possible, but only one choice can be made. Which road shall he walk? Frost chose the one less traveled. How that decision “made all the difference” has been the topic of debate by critics since the poem was penned. Let’s not add to that argument today. Instead let’s allow the last stanza of the poem to get us thinking about how important it is to treasure the opportunities that present themselves in life.
Opportunity knocks every day. Sometimes it’s a quiet tapping, while on other visits it sounds more like desperate pounding. How we interact with the circumstances and the decisions we make related to opportunities comes from a place somewhere between ignorance and wisdom.
Before we allow ourselves to get triggered by the word ignorance, calmly consider that it signifies the lack of knowledge, information, and understanding. Ignorance is simply “not knowing,” whereas wisdom is having the knowledge and experience needed to make a good judgment call. Looking back on the process of how to transform raw talents into valued strengths, you’ll recall that training is about gaining knowledge by learning the skills needed to perform a task. Timing gains you valuable experience through practice and patience. As the value of training and timing increase, so can wisdom. If they are used to make good decisions, this is recognized as acting wisely. If one simply doesn’t know or lacks the experience needed to make the most of an opportunity, well, good luck with the outcome.
Sure, everyone gets lucky from time to time. But do not confuse luck or chance with opportunity.
- Your niece got lucky when her name was picked in an enrollment lottery to be accepted into a top-rated private high school. She now has the opportunity to learn from some of the best educators in the area. She also has the opportunity to skip class and party.
- By chance your neighbor’s son found a wallet containing credit cards, a driver’s license, and $1,000 in cash. He now has the opportunity to find the owner of the wallet and return it, or the opportunity to keep it for himself.
Opportunity is a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something. Where luck and chance are random, the conditions that lead to an opportunity usually require hard work, can be planned for, and demand stewardship to maintain.
- A film school student works for months on a short animation and enters it into an arts festival for the opportunity to be reviewed by judges responsible for issuing scholarships to the art institute she plans on attending next year.
- Though his SAT scores are good, by meeting with a tutor and taking the test a third time, a high school student has the opportunity to score higher and bump up his college application profile.
- After submitting a job application online, the recent graduate makes time to visit the store for an opportunity to meet the manager in person and increase their likelihood of getting hired.
The key to making the most of every opportunity is to treasure them by using the wisdom gained from knowledge and experience to make choices one can be proud of. It doesn’t matter if anyone else sees or knows what was chosen. Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. The road taken is up to each individual. Choosing wisely can make all the difference.
CONSIDER THIS:
Back in 2004, Americans reported, on average, they had about nine close friends.2 With the mass acceptance of friends following friends on social media, we might think this number has increased. When we do the math, it’s debatable. Recent data now reports that Americans, on average, say they have sixteenish “friends.” This accounts for the three who are friends for life, five they really like and would hang out with one-on-one, and eight people who are liked but not considered close enough to spend time with alone.3
YOUR TURN:
- List the young people in your life with whom you want to gain or maintain a quality relationship.
- What is the most important thing you can do that will model for each of them that you greatly value the relationship?
- In the table below, write one word to describe the reputation of each of these young people. On a scale of 1 (low value) to 5 (high value), how valuable is that reputation?
Name: Reputation: Value: 1. __________ __________ __________ 2. __________ __________ __________ 3. __________ __________ __________ 4. __________ __________ __________ 5. __________ __________ __________ - How can you support these young people in increasing and maintaining the high value of their reputations?
- In what ways can you personally commit to, teach, and model good financial stewardship to the young people in your life?
- What is one opportunity in your life you wisely took full advantage of?
- Looking back on the value brought to you by acting on that opportunity, what opportunities are you encouraging young people to embrace? (Keep in mind, their opportunities may look very different than the ones you faced when you were their age.)