Chapter 16
Mission Defines Your Why

Mission is the driving reason why you do what you do. When was the last time you considered why you do what you do? I’m not talking about why you do the little things, like brush your teeth or pay bills on time. What drives the theme of your life? If you were to share a few words that best define your drive, your why, what would they be?

I asked this question to a group of students while delivering a keynote speech at a national leadership conference. They had just heard me share a story of how my sons explain their mission, their driving why. Since they were small, the brothers have described themselves as “Strong, Brave, and of great Courage.” They have an even shorter description of their why: “Made of Mettle.” Not a metal like iron or steel; rather, the character trait of mettle—the measure of a person’s determination and strength to carry on, no matter the situation, in a spirited and resilient way.

One of the students in the audience raised their hand and said, “I don’t know why I do life each day. Really, all I’m hoping for is that today will be a slightly better repeat of yesterday. How did your sons decide their mission, their why, was to be strong, brave, and courageous?”

“They were told they were,” I replied. “Not in a forceful ‘I’m telling you’ kind of way. Instead, they loved hearing they were Strong, Brave, and of great Courage because one of their favorite people believed in them and she told them so, all the time.”

SPEAK IT SO

When the boys were young, we lived in a small town just a mile south of the US–Canada border. Across the street from our home was a sweets shop owned by a good friend. Originally from Georgia, she held tight to the southern tradition of greeting people with a smile and the title of Mr. or Ms. to dress up their first name. She calls me Mr. Jonathan, my wife Ms. Erica, and our sons by fun bug-related nicknames. And she really liked it when we called her Ms. Jennie.

Ms. Jennie’s sweets shop was understandably our sons’ favorite place to go. She served fresh-popped kettle corn, specialty candies, and lots of chocolate. Basically, all the treats our boys loved. Sweet candy served by an even sweeter lady.

During one very memorable Saturday afternoon visit to Ms. Jennie’s, our son Reed had a meltdown on the floor of the candy store. He hadn’t gotten the treat he wanted and thought a nuclear-powered temper tantrum might change things. Little did he know how right he was, just not in the way he had imagined.

Sprawled out on the floor with fake tears and very real screams pouring from his face, he made his displeasure known to all the customers. In an attempt to correct my son’s bad behavior, I began to scold him. “Reed! Get up off the floor. You are embarrassing yourself.” Truth was, he felt just fine down there polishing the floor with his forced tears. I was the embarrassed one. “Get up. Get up right now,” I commanded. Taking hold of his arm, I attempted to lift him to his feet. Except he had taken on the consistency of a wet noodle and easily slipped from my grasp, back into a pile on the floor. So I tried again. “That’s it, young man. You are in trouble. We are going home, and you’ll be in time-out!” That changed nothing.

From behind me, I heard Ms. Jennie speak up. “There’s a better way,” she said in her calm Georgian voice. “Reed, Reed honey. Look at me.” Kneeling on the floor, she locked eyes with the rebellious child and said the words none of us would forget.

“Reed. Look at me. This is not the way a strong, brave, and courageous boy acts. No, absolutely not. You are much better than this. You are Strong, Brave, and of great Courage. Now say it with me. ‘I am Strong, Brave, and of great Courage.’ Good. Now say it with me again. This time kneel beside me. ‘I am Strong, Brave, and of great Courage.’ Very good. One more time. Except I want to see how tall you are. Stand up and say it with me again. ‘I am Strong, Brave, and of great Courage!’ Yes, you are. Yes sir.”

With that, my son began to march around her shop like a proud lion cub. With flexed arms and all traces of whining gone, he proclaimed to all that he was Strong, Brave, and of great Courage. Pleased with his attitude change and transformation in behavior, I picked Reed up and gave him a hug.

“How did you do that?” I asked Ms. Jennie. As a young father, I was working on my parenting skills and I figured Ms. Jennie knew a few child-rearing secrets I could use to be a better dad.

“I told him the truth. The truth he needed to lift himself up. I told him what he should have heard you say. Instead, you went straight to his failures. You told him he was an embarrassment, in trouble, and had to spend time alone. I gave him a way to be better. If he chose to be better.” Ms. Jennie continued, “Now, let’s say it again.”

Looking at my son, I expected him and Ms. Jennie to repeat the words to each other. You know, just to set the message a little deeper in Reed. But no. Instead, Ms. Jennie reached out and poked me in the chest. “You too, Mr. Catherman. You say them too.” Ouch! She used my last name. She was serious.

“Yes ma’am,” I replied as I stood up straight. With my son held in my arms, I looked Reed in the eyes as we restated the affirming words together. “I am Strong, Brave, and of great Courage.”

“You share those words with him every day,” Ms. Jennie instructed me. “Every day both your boys need to hear you tell them they are Strong, Brave, and of great Courage. You must speak it so, and you must show them how to make it so. Every day. Speak it so.”

So I did. Every day since Ms. Jennie first said it, my sons have heard me tell them, “You are Strong, Brave, and of great Courage.” When we learned that mettle wrapped strength, bravery, and courage up into one character trait, we adopted the word as our own. We even created a logo with an anvil in the center. The design includes the statement “Made of Mettle—Strength, Bravery, Courage.”

The driving reason why my sons do what they do is because of the character traits they believe are important for them to live with purpose.

Strength—the ability to make a positive contribution greater than what is expected in return.

Bravery—the ability to confront pain, danger, or intimidation without fear.

+ Courage—the ability to undertake an overwhelming difficulty or pain despite fear.

= Mettle—the measure of a person’s determination and strength to carry on, no matter the situation, in a spirited and resilient way.

Are they perfect at it? No. Remember, nobody is perfect. They struggle with the same things most teens work through. But they know their mission—why they do what they do. With a clear mission, they get out of bed in the morning, put two feet on the floor, and live in a way that makes each day better than the last.

Reed applies his strength, bravery, and courage to help people by advocating for acceptance, respect, and equality despite our differences. His brother, Cole, applies strength, bravery, and courage to create and work with innovative, competitive, and loyal teams. As their father, I’m excited to see how they apply their mettle in all aspects of their lives in the years ahead.

How would the young people in your guidance describe their mission, their why? What words would they select to help drive them forward each day? Maybe it’s a single character trait like mettle, the lyrics of a song, a quote, or three powerful “speak it so” words someone significant shared with them when they were young.

CONSIDER THIS:

The most successful companies believe in their mission statement. One such company is Nike. Do you know their mission? Spoiler alert. It’s not “Just Do It.” Nike’s corporate mission statement is “To bring inspiration and innovation to every athlete* in the world.” See the asterisk after the word athlete? Nike believes that “if you have a body, you are an athlete.”1

YOUR TURN:

1. What words would you use to describe your drive, your why?
2. If you were to ask the young people in your life, “What few words best describe your mission, your why?” what do you think they would say?