December 30th 2008 – Joining the Army

Tom busied himself packing. He was nearly enjoying himself. Would have been actually, if it hadn’t been for her. She was a malevolent presence haunting the darkest corner of the room, with dark eyes that were burning into him. Cloaking the very air with a brooding, grim silence. His mam.

“You’re an absolute fucking disgrace!”

Hissed as an absolute statement of fact. No room in his mother’s mind for messy compromise. Everything was black or white. Well with him, black really.

“How can you just leave her? She’s your baby.”

He wished he could switch her off. Forever. He breathed in deeply, trying to force himself into a state of calm. In actual fact, he did feel a bit guilty about leaving Chloe with their little girl. And he was definitely ashamed that he hadn’t been any help during the pregnancy and birth. But he felt too young, only a kid himself. What good would he be to a baby? He would be no use, unless he could get something going with the army. Maybe there might be some way to build some bridges with Chloe in the future. Tom shook his head. There was no point in daydreaming.

“Look, for the last time. I’m leaving to get somewhere. To be somebody. You just want me here. On the benefits like every other loser. Well it’s not for me!”

“But your daughter.”

She was like a dog with a bone. For some reason, his mam seemed fixated on the new baby. She had even eased back on the drink. If he and Chloe had been talking, Tom even thought she might have tidied up a bit. But the way things were between them, his mam had to see the baby at Chloe’s house. It was a bloody good job he thought, that she had already signed the papers allowing him to join up. There would be no chance of getting her to do it now.

“For Christ’s sake. What sort of life would that be for her. At least I can send money back. Visit her on leave.”

“Chloe won’t let you see her. What if she doesn’t let me go on seeing her?”

“Why should you care? You couldn’t bring me up. You shouldn’t be allowed to screw up some other kid!”

She snorted, stormed out, slamming the door hard enough to make the doorframe shudder. Tom shrugged his shoulders and carried on with his packing. Five hours later he would be gone. He figured he was best out of it.