Helmer,
You lied to me. Henk told me about your father. I thought he’d lost his mind. But he’s dead and scattered, I said. No, he’s not, Henk said, he’s upstairs in bed, I can hear him coughing now. He even told me he quite often takes his dinner up to him. Why did you lie to me? I didn’t expect that sort of thing from you. Henk (your brother, my fiancé) would never have lied to me like that. I always thought of you as a nice, honest, gentle guy, but it turns out I was wrong. I sat in your house and walked around with your father there as well, behind closed doors! It puts my visit in a brand new light. I hate your father, he sent me packing, he ruined my life. (Or do you think I spent dozens of years happy and contented with Wien? That I like living in Brabant?)
Why did you do it? Because you thought I wouldn’t come otherwise? You only think of yourself. There isn’t a day goes by I don’t think of Henk. Henk was a boy, but he was a real man as well, and he gave me what I wanted. Wien was completely different. In a way he was more interested in his pigs than in me. I came second. If only you knew the pictures that haunt me every night. Always that car and Lake IJssel. You’re more like Wien than Henk. And to think that I found some degree of peace on the farm in the days after Henk’s death. Your mother was a comfort to me and I thought there was also some kind of connection between us (you and me). There was something we could build on, I thought.
And something else: I want Henk back (not your brother, my son). Having him round the house wasn’t easy but I see now that not having him is even worse. I want to learn to talk to him, I want to understand him. He’s my son. What’s more, I realize now that he doesn’t belong there with you, because you’re a liar and a cheat, and a bad example for him. And what’s this story about the crow? Didn’t you realize it was such a dangerous animal? Why did you expose my son to that kind of danger? Did he at least get proper treatment at the hospital? You’re an irresponsible man.
I’ll write to Henk as well, telling him he has to come back to his mother, that she needs him.
It can’t go on like this.
Yours,
Riet.