NAAMAN GLANCED AT LEVINA, WHOSE CHEEKS WERE FIERY red at their daughter’s persistence. They didn’t raise their children to be so outspoken, but Naaman knew he owed his family some answers. He had just been hoping it wouldn’t have to be tonight.
“Rosemary, let’s don’t do this right now.”
Levina’s voice was firm, but Naaman saw the raw hurt in Rosemary’s eyes. It was hard for him to believe that his eldest daughter was thirty years old. He didn’t recall a gray hair on her head when he left; now he saw a thread of silver that had escaped the confines of her kapp.
Where had the time gone? He knew his family thought a year of that time had gone to waste. Had it?
“It’s all right, Levina.” He smiled slightly at his wife, then faced off with Rosemary. “I left here to find myself.” It was a lame answer, and Naaman regretted it instantly.
“When did you get lost?” Rosemary’s bottom lip was trembling as she spoke.
Naaman had never heard his daughter use that tone with him.
“Rosemary, I don’t think this is the time . . .” Levina stood from the table and began to clear the dishes.
“No, Mamm. We’d all like to know. Wouldn’t we?” Rosemary glanced around the table.
No one spoke or even gave a nod. Jonathan stared at his plate. Freda and Tillie looked across the table at each other and didn’t move.
“I guess I got lost a long time ago, Rosemary,” Naaman said with a forced calmness in his voice. He wondered if they could hear the sadness, mixed with anger . . . mostly at himself.
“And now you’re found?” Rosemary’s eyes filled with tears as she spoke. “Do you know how hard it was for Mamm while you were away? All the chores here, the way people talk, and—”
“Stop it.” Levina stomped her foot.
In all his years, Naaman had never seen her do that.
“This is your father’s haus, Rosemary. I will not have you disrespect him in this way.” She nodded her head toward the den and lowered her voice. “And not in front of the children either.”
One thing Naaman didn’t need was Levina defending him. He felt like a stranger at his own table. He was still the head of the family, the decision maker, the one they’d all counted on for most of their lives. But he didn’t have one logical thought that could make them understand the choice he’d made eleven months ago. He didn’t understand it himself.
A heaviness settled around his heart as he stood from the table and watched Rosemary dab at a tear. Her husband placed his hand on top of hers and gave her a gentle pat. Glenn was a good man. A good husband and father. Naaman used to think of himself that way.
He looked around the table at his family, then swallowed hard. “I am sorry to mei family. I don’t have a gut reason for being away.” He turned to Levina. “Your mamm is a wonderful frau.” Naaman looked at each one of his children around the table. “And the Lord blessed me far more than I deserve with each of you.” He paused and took a breath. “Excuse me, please.”
LEVINA WAITED UNTIL NAAMAN HAD CLOSED THE SCREEN door behind him and was down the porch steps before she addressed their children.
“Your father is a gut man, and he is still the head of this household.” She held up one finger when Rosemary opened her mouth to speak. “And it wonders me how you can speak to him with disrespect, Rosemary.” Levina shook her head. “I won’t have it.”
Rosemary dabbed at her eyes with her napkin and sniffled. “I’m sorry, Mamm. It’s just that we all watched how you suffered while he was gone, and now he’s back as if nothing happened. I just don’t understand it.”
Levina wanted to blurt out that she didn’t understand it either, but as much as she wanted to kick Naaman in the shins for what he’d done, her desire to shelter him from hurt far outweighed her own anger. He is still my husband, and I love him.
“But he’s back.” Tillie’s eyes twinkled as she spoke softly to her sister. “Let’s just be happy and thankful about that.”
Rosemary stood up. “Mamm, supper was gut, but I think we should go.” She walked to the den, and Levina could hear her telling Sarah and Marie to finish their milk.
Freda started helping Levina clear the table. “Give her time, Mamm. Rosemary will come around. So will Adam.” At twenty-three, Freda had always possessed a maturity beyond her years.
Levina smiled. “I hope you’re right.”
Her three sons-in-law and Jonathan all headed outside. Levina hoped they would join Naaman in the barn, where he often went after a meal. Rosemary was gathering up her children, and Levina suspected she would be rounding up her husband as well.
Levina washed dishes as Tillie dried, and Freda gathered up jams, jellies, and other items to be stored in the refrigerator. Rosemary entered the kitchen holding Leah in one arm and the infant carrier in the other. The twins were right behind her.
“Mamm, can we go out to the barn?” Sarah looked up at Rosemary with her big brown eyes, and Levina smiled to herself, remembering how Rosemary used to give Levina the same look when she wanted something.
“I guess so. But we’ll be leaving soon.”
Rosemary waited until her girls were halfway across the yard before she spoke. “It’s just hard for me to watch Daed sitting at the head of the table.” She put the carrier in the middle of the table, then carefully laid her sleeping baby in it. “I’m trying to forgive him. I really am.” She grabbed an empty pot from the stove and leaned around Levina to put it into the dishwater. “I just don’t understand. Glenn would never do anything like that.”
Levina felt her muscles tense as she turned to face her oldest daughter. “You don’t know what anyone will do, Rosemary.”
Tillie placed a dry plate in the cabinet then shrugged. “I read in a magazine that when people get old, they go through a midlife crisis.” She paused, tilting her head to one side. “Maybe that’s what happened to Daed.”
“Tillie, where do you read such things?” Levina shook her head. Old?
“At the doctor’s office. They have all kinds of magazines.” Tillie raised her brows and grinned.
“What were you at the doctor for?” Levina stopped washing and turned to face her youngest daughter.
Tillie let out a heavy sigh. “I thought I might be in the family way.” She frowned as she reached for another plate. “But I’m not.”
“It’ll happen, Tillie,” Freda said. “I’m older than you and still waiting.”
“The Lord will bless you both with kinner soon enough, I reckon.” Levina drained the water from the sink, wiped the counter with the dishrag, then dried her hands. She walked to little Leah. “Such a blessing.” She leaned down and kissed her newest grandchild on the head, then sat down at the kitchen table. She waited for all her girls to sit down.
“I know this is hatt for all of you, but we must try not to question God’s will.” Levina spoke the words her daughters expected, words they all knew were in accordance with the Ordnung by which they’d all been raised. But in her heart Levina knew that she’d been questioning God’s will from the moment Naaman walked out the door last year. “You all know that your father is a gut man.”
“I know that, Mamm.” Rosemary brought both hands to her forehead. “I’m just so disappointed in him.”
Leah started to fuss, so Freda picked her up. “I’m disappointed in him, too, Rosemary. But I love him, no matter what.”
“So do I,” Rosemary huffed. “I’m not saying I don’t love him.”
“Mamm?” Tillie propped her elbows on the table and held her chin with her hands. “Why do you think Daed left in the first place?”
Levina took a deep breath. “Mei dochders, your father only came home yesterday. We haven’t had much time to talk.” She focused on Rosemary. “But I reckon sometimes people grow apart, for reasons we aren’t quite sure of. Now your daed and I have to find our way back to each other.”
Rosemary grunted, then stood from the table. “Daed got lost, got found, and now you both have to find your way back to each other. That’s a lot of lost and found.”
“Stop it, Rosemary,” Freda said sharply.
Tillie just smiled. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
“I know, Tillie,” Rosemary said with a heavy sigh. “Just give me some time.” Then she looked at Levina and shook her head. “I don’t know about Adam though, Mamm. He doesn’t even like to talk about Daed. He gets really angry.”
Levina nodded, but her mother’s instinct told Levina that something else was bothering Adam. Yes, he was angry at his father . . . but Levina had noticed some things about Adam that perhaps the other children had not.