Chapter Fifty-five

Keller and I went to the hospital together for evening visiting hours. Except for the fact that Rick had a roommate, an old gent with a prostate—or “prostrate,” as he kept calling it—problem, it could have been any evening with the three of us sitting around a small space filled with medical equipment. Rick was so much better, although they’d found another decubitus starting on his left flank. We tried so hard, and still we weren’t able to keep his skin completely healthy.

When we arrived, Keller grasped the trapeze dangling over Rick’s bed. “We should get one of these. Think how much it would help.”

Rick ignored the suggestion. “How’s my Pax?”

“Pax will come with us when we come spring you out of this place.” Keller let go of the trapeze and it swung gently over Rick. “He’s missed you.”

“I miss him. You be sure to bring him.”

I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help feeling like Rick missed that dog more than he missed me. I thought it was true. I wasn’t jealous, not in any serious sense. I remembered so distinctly then the first time Rick had taken me to his place, Pax sitting there waiting for him, suspicious of me, and Rick’s absolute confidence that I would love his dog as much as he did. Now all I wanted was for him to love me as much as he did the dog. That sounds petty and dramatic. I don’t mean that he didn’t love me as much, but the quality of the love he had for that dog was so much purer, less troubled. The dog had gone to war and come home unchanged. Neither of us could say that about ourselves.

Keller and I were exhausted from our day’s labors, so weren’t very talkative, and Rick noticed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just really tired.” I told him what we’d been doing.

“So, you cleaned everything, even the chair?”

Keller nodded. “Yeah. Even the wheelchair.” He was sitting to my left, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him lean back and cross his arms. I don’t know why Rick sounded like he was talking about something else, like the word wheelchair was a euphemism. Maybe I was just so tired, I was hearing things.

The man next to Rick was trying to get out of bed and that didn’t look like a good idea to me, but before I could say anything, Keller got up to look for a nurse.

Rick watched him leave the room. “Good time for me to get out of the way, then, I guess. Early spring cleaning.” I thought the topic had pretty much run out and I didn’t understand Rick’s combative tone. That wasn’t my imagination.

“More like late fall. I never did give that room a proper going-over when we moved in.”

“I’ll try to plan my hospitalizations to be more convenient.”

I was too tired to rise to his bait. “Actually, I could only do it because Keller was there to help me.”

“As always.”

“Just being useful, Rick.” Keller was back in the room. “It’s what you pay me for.”

“Right. Just doing your job.”

That was enough for me. “I think it’s time to go. You’re getting tired.”

“And cranky?” Rick looked away, and he did look cranky, like a little boy kept inside while his friends go outside to play.

“Yeah. A little.” I bent and kissed his forehead, just like you would with a cranky little boy. “I love you anyway.”

He took my hand and held it tightly, almost too tight, pulling me a little closer. “Good.” This time, we kissed like proper lovers, but I couldn’t help but get the feeling that it was for Keller’s benefit.