“Oh, what the hell,” Harry muttered, putting his hand behind Noah’s head and pulling him towards him.
He never thought the day would come. Things like this just didn’t happen to him. So he’d never given it any thought … but now … it was…
It was actually happening.
To him.
Their lips touched, and his heart was immediately all thump thump thump. His stomach lurching, heavy, like before an exam, or when someone says “I’ve got bad news.”
Thump.
Lurch.
But sort of nice.
And some sort of terrible.
Sick and warm and trembling hands that he didn’t know what to do with.
What the hell was going on? What was Harry doing? Harry was kissing him, that’s what, but why? Why were they kissing? And why was Noah allowing himself to be kissed like this? Was Harry suddenly gay? Harry was never gay before. Not that Noah had noticed, anyway. And he, Noah, wasn’t gay either. Was he?
They were both drunk.
He couldn’t feel his nose.
They were still kissing.
It was tender and soft and … Harry was good at it. Had he done this before? He was a master at kissing. A pro.
Noah needed to buy time. He needed to work things out. In the absence of any other options, the best thing to do was to continue kissing. There was literally no other option. If he stopped kissing, Harry might be offended or hurt. That would be bad. If this was his best friend coming out to him, he felt he should at least be supportive. If he broke it off, Harry might think it was because Noah was repulsed by it and was homophobic, which Noah was not. Noah was cool with it. It was cool.
Tongues! Gosh.
Noah knew he had arrived in some form. He was being a teenager. If his mum could see him now, how could she think he was “uptight” about sex? Here he was, doing kissing with tongues, with a boy. It was out there. It was daring. He was at the cutting edge of human sexuality … and stuff.
But this wasn’t about his mum, or anyone else.
It was about him and Harry.
And this would change everything.
And it didn’t feel right.
But it didn’t feel completely wrong.
And yet…
Was it possible that alcohol was responsible for this? They had been drinking a lot… Sophie had encouraged it… She… Sophie… Oh God… Sophie… He’d come here to kiss Sophie, and now he was kissing Harry. This wasn’t in the plan! He’d been ambushed by Harry … and now his first kiss was a big gay kiss and not a girl kiss, like he’d planned … like he surely wanted?
“Are you…” Noah began, desperate to buy time, “are you … are you gay … or…?”
“If wanting to do stuff with other boys means I’m gay, then yes, I’m gay.”
“Well, that is what it means. Unless you’re bi, or just experimenting. You know, trying things out…”
“No, it’s not like that. I’m gay.”
Noah nodded and swallowed hard. It all sounded very final. How had he missed this? How had he not realized? He almost didn’t want this to be true. If it was true, it had to be faced. He didn’t want to face it. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t know how. “So … is this a recent thing, or…”
“Not really. I’ve just never fancied girls.”
“Right. But maybe … that doesn’t mean you’ll never fancy girls. Maybe you just don’t fancy the girls at our school. Maybe that’s all.”
“But I fancy the boys. Some of them.”
“Right.”
“I fancy you,” Harry said.
They both stared at each other. Things were being said that Noah wasn’t ready to hear. People shouldn’t be allowed to just say stuff out of the blue. They should have to write it down first and send it to you. To give you time to prepare. Spontaneity was no one’s friend. Harry could have sent a note, or a text. Explained himself. And Noah could have thought it through. Worked it out.
Harry fancied him. It was a statement so bold, so extraordinary, Noah couldn’t compute its meaning. This was Error 404. This was why Harry had been in here, angry and upset.
Oh, good Lord, Harry was in love with him.
Silence.
What had they done? The cogs in Noah’s brain turned as he tried to make sense of it.
A kiss.
A long kiss.
That’s a lot more than “mates”.
They were close.
Now they were closer.
Harry laughed first. “Oh, wow.”
“Huh. Yeah,” Noah muttered, dizzy with it all.
“That was mental.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking down at the floor, trying to work out how he felt and what would happen next.
“I’m so drunk.”
“Yeah! Me too. Yeah.” Was that why this happened?
Harry gave his leg a little stroke and it gave Noah butterflies. It felt really nice. It felt really weird. This was Harry. One minute they were watching SpongeBob together and the next, there were feelings and emotions and stuff that seemed really grown up. “Come here,” he said, pulling Noah towards him again.
And for a beautiful moment, it was him and Harry again.
Just them.
Together.
And there wasn’t anyone else. And he didn’t want there to be.
But it still felt…
Not entirely right.
Noah pulled back again. “I’m not sure I…”
Harry reached out and took his hand. “I know. It’s fine.”
“This is a surprise, right?”
“Right,” Harry smiled, gently stoking Noah’s hand with his thumb. That movement. So small. Almost imperceptible, but it sent waves of ridiculous pleasure right up his arm and down to his stomach. Made him catch his breath. It was crazy nice.
“Harry, I—”
“Hey, homos!” Jordan Scott was at the door. How long had he been there? Oh, God. “All looking a bit GAY in here!”
Noah snatched his hand away from Harry’s. “Oh, hi, Jordan. Hi. We were just—”
“Queering each other up?”
“Shut up, Jordan,” Harry said.
“Comparing hands,” said Noah. “That’s all.”
Jordan stared at them both, curling his lip slightly. “Everyone says you two are gay. This just proves it.”
“No, it proves nothing!” Noah said. “I had … a splinter and Harry was—”
“I am always walking in on people who shouldn’t be together!” Jordan shook his head. “Never expected it to be you two though.”
“Jordan, there is literally nothing—” Noah said.
“People like you –” Jordan gestured to them both “– should be dead. Just saying.”
And he walked out.
Noah froze, looking at the door.
He didn’t even know what he really felt.
He needed time and space.
He was drunk! He didn’t know what he was doing!
He’d come here to kiss Sophie. He’d come here to be normal. To be like everyone else. To not have drama, but just an easy life, a simple life. A regular, normal life.
Harry shouldn’t have kissed him. He should have picked a better time if he’d wanted to do stuff like that. How stupid can you be?!
He looked at Harry. “Do you think I’m gay?”
Harry looked back, blankly.
“Well, you must, else you wouldn’t have done it!” Noah said.
And with that Noah got up and, without looking back, walked out of the room and down the stairs, pushing through the drunken crowds, and headed straight out the front door, down the gravel driveway, round the corner and then ran all the way home.
He caught his breath at the corner of the alleyway that led on to his road. Jordan Scott would make sure everyone knew he’d seen him and Harry holding hands. Now he would be the talk of the school again. Now his life would be hell … again.
Now he’d probably gone and lost his best mate.
He kicked the fence in frustration. “YOU STUPID, USELESS, WASTE-OF-SPACE MORON!” he screamed, unsure whether he was talking about Harry or himself. “AAAARGGGHH!”