Thirteen

In the light of the full moon, Anthony watched wistfully as Tarah headed off toward the St. John ranch with his brother Blane as her escort. He climbed into his saddle and smiled as best he could at Louisa, who sat astride her own mount. “All set?”

Louisa eyed his horse dubiously and nodded, nudging her mount forward. “I know you were trying to be polite, Anthony. But I really think you could find a higher quality animal.”

Irritation rose in Anthony. “I’m happy with this one, Louisa, but thank you for the offer.”

“Oh, well, let’s not talk about that now, anyway,” she said brightly. “I’d much rather discuss the dance. I’ll be the envy of all the girls, walking in on the arm of the most handsome man in town.”

Anthony felt the heat rush up his neck and burn his ears. He still wasn’t quite sure how Louisa had finagled the invitation from him, but he’d regretted it ever since. Still, she deserved to have a nice evening. And maybe—if God smiled upon him—he could snatch one dance with Tarah. Preferably a waltz.

As if reading his thoughts, Louisa released a regretful sigh. “It really is a shame Tarah doesn’t have an escort. I suppose I could ask my brother, Caleb, to invite her. Although she isn’t really the elegant sort of young lady he normally courts. And there is also Tom.”

“Tom?”

“A friend of Cal’s. He accompanied my brother home from the university. He’s even considering setting up a law practice in Harper, what with all the new people settling in the area. Of course, I don’t see how he’ll make the sort of living he could make in a city, but that doesn’t seem to concern him a bit.” Louisa paused to take a breath, then continued on as though speaking to herself. “Yes, I believe I’ll suggest Tom invite Tarah to the dance. He’s rather handsome. I suppose Tarah will be quite taken with him. I’ll have to warn him not to give her any false hope. B–because, Anthony, there is nothing worse to a girl than receiving false hope from a man she fancies.”

The way her voice faltered brought Anthony up short. He had supposed she had no idea how he felt. He’d taken great pains not to hurt her feelings over the past couple of months, but now he realized he had done her no favors by not being firm and refusing invitations. And furthermore, she was aware that he had been doing just that.

Taking a deep breath, Anthony sent up a silent prayer. “Louisa. . .”

The ring of false laughter filled the air as Louisa nudged her horse closer and reached out to place a hand on Anthony’s arm. “Father just said this morning that he would be asking your intentions soon if you don’t speak up. But I–I assured him you are too fine a man to trifle with a girl’s affections. Aren’t you, Anthony?”

The cautious hesitancy in her voice fanned Anthony’s feelings of guilt, and he swallowed hard past the lump forming in his throat. Louisa might be flighty and annoying at times, but this new show of vulnerability sent a wave of compassion through Anthony. The time had come to stop the charade before she was hurt any more than she inevitably would be now.

“Stop for a minute, Louisa,” he said, reining in his horse.

She did as he asked, and in the brightly lit night, Anthony saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Her lips trembled as she stared back at him, a look of dread covering her delicate features. “Oh, Anthony,” she whispered. “Please don’t say it.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I never should have led you on the way I did when I’m in love with—”

“Tarah,” she said bitterly.

“Yes.”

“Then why, Anthony?” she said, her voice thick with tears. “Why did you take me on picnics and ask me to the dance?”

What could he say without humiliating her? He had never asked her to go one place with him. He had even tried to refuse invitations from her, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “I suppose I’ve been a cad, Louisa. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“I don’t know, Anthony,” she said stiffly, jerking her reins and nudging her horse forward once again. “After all, you did lead me on. You aren’t going to back out on escorting me to the dance, are you? Why, I’d be the laughingstock of the entire town.”

Relieved that indignation had replaced the tears, Anthony smiled into the darkness and followed her. “I’m not backing out on the dance.”

“That’s little comfort for the humiliation I’ll endure when the whole town finds out you preferred that mousy little country schoolmarm to me,” Louisa huffed. “But it’s better than the alternative.”

The thought of his beautiful Tarah as a mousy little country schoolmarm brought a sudden smile to Anthony’s face. Spunky, tenderhearted, and generous were traits that came to mind. He prayed she would hold off on answering Mr. Halston until after the dance so he could speak his heart freely. If only she shared a portion of his feelings, there was hope.

❧

Dear Mr. Halston,

I am pleased to inform you of my recent decision to accept the teaching position you have so graciously offered to me. I will make arrangements to travel to Starling shortly after the New Year. Further correspondence will follow to inform you of the specific date of my arrival.

Sincerely,

Miss Tarah St. John

Tears blurred the words on the page as Tarah attempted to reread the letter. Once this was posted, there would be no turning back. She hadn’t informed the family of her decision because she had just decided this very night to accept the teaching position. Louisa’s presence at Anthony’s house had proven she was holding on to a foolish dream.

Her heartbreak knew no bounds, but she couldn’t be angry with Anthony. She loved him too much, and his happiness meant the world to her. But neither could she stay and watch as he became another woman’s husband.

A soft rap sounded on her door. “Come in,” Tarah said, tears thick in her voice. She tried to compose herself as Cassidy stepped into the room.

“I wanted to say good night.”

Tarah nodded, afraid to trust her voice.

“Tarah?” Cassidy stepped closer. Cupping Tarah’s chin, she inched her head up until they met eye to eye. “What’s wrong?”

Hot tears sprang to Tarah’s eyes, and she handed Cassidy her letter to Mr. Halston.

A troubled frown creased Cassidy’s brow as she read. Gathering a deep breath, she gave the letter back to Tarah and sank down on the bed next to her. “I see you’ve made your decision.”

“Yes.”

“You’ll need to tell your pa soon.”

“I will.” Tarah sniffed and brushed away a trail of tears with her fingertips.

“You don’t seem very happy with your decision,” Cassidy said, her eyes searching Tarah’s face. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

A shrug lifted Tarah’s shoulders. “I don’t have a choice. Anthony is going to marry Louisa.” With that she threw herself into Cassidy’s arms and sobbed.

“Oh, Tarah, I’m so sorry. When did they make their announcement?”

“Huh?” Tarah pulled back and stared at her stepmother.

“Their betrothal announcement. When did they make it? I hadn’t heard.”

“Oh,” Tarah said, waving in dismissal. “They haven’t yet. But it’s only a matter of time.”

“I see.”

But Tarah could tell from the confusion on Cassidy’s face that she didn’t see at all. “I just can’t stay here and watch Anthony marry her!”

“Are you sure this is what God wants you to do, Tarah?”

“I–I don’t guess I’ve really prayed about it, Ma. I’ve been waiting to see. . .”

Cassidy drew an exasperated breath and planted her hands firmly on her hips. “Do you mean to tell me you are running off twenty miles from home just because the man you love doesn’t love you in return?”

When she put it that way. . .

Still, Tarah felt her defenses rise. Her life had been perfectly wretched the last few months. Between Luke and Jo making trouble in class, Anthony’s love for Louisa, and Louisa always rubbing her nose in it, she needed to make a fresh start to regain her shattered dignity. And Starling was as good a place as any to do it.

Cassidy stood. “Honey, there’s not a lot I can say. You have to make this decision for yourself, but running away is never the answer. If Anthony isn’t the man God has for you, then He’s preparing someone else. One decision has nothing to do with the other.”

She strode toward the door, then hesitated. “Just make sure it’s His will before you run off half-cocked because of your wounded pride. I’d hate to see you do something you’ll regret later on.”

Tarah said nothing as Cassidy slipped from the room, leaving her to wrestle with her words. Wounded pride, was it? She jerked her chin, then her shoulders slumped as truth rushed in like a raging tide. Was it wounded pride? She groaned aloud. Of course that’s what it was. She loved Anthony, but he loved Louisa, a woman who clearly didn’t understand or deserve him. Yet she, Tarah St. John, would have been the perfect wife for a man in his position. Thinking back, she remembered how her determination to love Johnny Cooper had almost killed her, Cassidy, and the twins.

Oh, God, I thought I had learned my lesson back then. Will I ever learn to trust Your will even when the answer is no?

Stretching out fully on her bed, she rolled to her stomach and allowed the tears to flow unchecked as she let go of Anthony, the most precious dream she had ever held in her heart.

In a flash, Cassidy’s words from weeks before came back: “Often the way we react to pressure shows us more about our own hearts than if things always worked out smoothly for us.” Her mind replayed every encounter she’d had with Louisa Thomas over the past few months since Anthony’s arrival in Harper, and she saw how bitter and jealous she had become, growing more so with each meeting.

God, she prayed, I was so sure You’d sent Anthony back here for me. But all the time he was only a test to see how I would react to his taking up with Louisa again. And she had failed the test miserably. Her resentment toward Louisa had only hardened her heart. Sobs of repentance shook her body. Mold me, like a potter molds clay, Lord. And please teach me to accept Your will for my life instead of always trying to manipulate my own course.

Suddenly, Tarah thought of the letter on her night table, and she sat up. All the weeks of indecision seemed to fade away, and she realized Cassidy was right. Her decision to leave was based on a desire to run away.

Even if she went to Starling, she would have to face Anthony and Louisa when she returned. And the thought of uprooting Laney and Ben didn’t sit too well with her. They loved the family life she had always taken for granted. The more she thought about it, the more Tarah recognized that she wasn’t ready to make such a drastic move, either. Even if the town council approved the building of the teacherage, she would have months to prepare to set up housekeeping on her own. If she tried to do that now, she would be completely unprepared.

She stared at the letter for a moment longer, then knew what she had to do. She snatched it up and ripped it into pieces, feeling the pressure loosen in her chest with each tear.

Drawing a long, cleansing breath, Tarah stretched back out on her bed. She would stay in Harper and learn to get along with Louisa. Even now her bitterness toward the woman was abating, and she knew God would somehow take care of the rest. Her strong love for Anthony concerned her, but she felt confident God would take care of that as well. And if God willed her to fall in love again, He would send her a man who would return her love. But until then, she would keep her hands off God’s business and trust Him to know what was best for her.