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Miss Madeline's marriage is stellar
To blissfulness love does propel her
The secret she said
Was to wealthily wed
And then dig a grave in the cellar.
* * *
A cannibal chef from Peru
Came down with a case of the flu
He stayed home in bed
With a warm human head
That he plucked from his leftover stew.
* * *
A man found himself out of luck
When one day squashed flat by a truck
Quite an error was made
When to rest he was laid
Because premature burials suck.
There was an odd farmer named Ed
Who fancied the flesh of the dead
For a mask he did crave
So he dug up her grave
And removed his mum's face from her head.
* * *
There once was a murdering nurse
Who wrote of her dark deeds in verse
Like a psychotic poet
But her patients didn't know it
Until they wound up in a hearse!
* * *
In London a mystery madman arrived
From butchering women his pleasure derived
Equipped with a scalpel
He crept through Whitechapel
And nary a one of his victims survived.
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* * *
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In Fall River none did confess
To who made the blood-splattered mess
Which through the house spread
Staining everything red
And much to the housemaid's distress.
The Blood Countess known as Bathory
Took pleasure from murder most gory
A true psychopath
She loved a blood bath
In fact she was quite predatory.
* * *
A railway conductor named Savage
Discovered a corpse in the baggage
The smell was not pleasing
To stop him from wheezing
He let it off at the next bridge.
* * *
There once was a fellow named Vlad
A love for impalement he had
He told wondrous tales
Of his victims' entrails
Until he went totally mad.
* * *
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Beware of the man with black gloves
For strangling is all that he loves
In alleyways dark
He hunts like a shark
But chokes up when push comes to shove.
There once was an innocent teen
Possessed by a demon so mean
She made a rude sound
As her head spun around
And ejected a gusher of green.
* * *
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A gent by the name of Mad Jack
Was seen with a large burlap sack
In the graveyard he lurked
And when caught he just smirked
That his job was a pain in the back.
* * *
A man with a strange savoir faire
Unleashed a horrendous nightmare
With a Beatles LP
He went on a death spree
But he kept it a Family affair.
* * *
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The mincemeat in Grandmother's pie
Is flavored with arsenic and lye
At weddings, communions
And family reunions
They say for a slice they could die.
A freeloading oaf dared to crash
Count Dracula's Halloween bash
By the end of the night
He had perished from fright
And his carcass wound up in the trash.
* * *
When full is the moon he does howl
And through the woods on all fours prowl
So keep in your room
A wolfsbane in bloom
Or your innards he might disembowel.
* * *
In everyone's closet you'll find
A skeleton of every kind
For one real go-getter
The more bones the better
So he dug up the graveyard and dined.
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* * *
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Beware of our dear nanny's wrath
Her mind's on a dangerous path
Like the rest you'll be found
To have suddenly drowned
When she gives you your afternoon bath.
There was a young lady named Minnie
Who traveled abroad to New Guinea
She offered a bribe
To a cannibal tribe
But they shunned her for she was too skinny.
* * *
There once was a sensuous witch
Whose hair was the color of pitch
She sneaked from her coven
To go join a love-in
Where more than her nose did she twitch.
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* * *
A mutated creature from hell
Below in the sewer did dwell
His eyes flashed like lasers
His fangs slashed like razors
But more monstrous still was his smell.
* * *
A black widow named Betty Jean
Was on husband number thirteen
She kept getting married
To men who got buried
With hardly a break in between.
There was a mad doctor named Frank
Who used the spare parts from a tank
For his monstrous creation
Which flattened the nation
And rose to a General's rank.
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* * *
Young Damian asked his dear mother
Why he had no sister or brother
She then did recall
That he murdered them all
And that's why there was not another.
* * *
The children on All Hallows' Eve
Avoid the abode of Big Steve
He thinks it quite dandy
To eat them like candy
Leaving their parents to grieve.
* * *
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The shop class of Wilford the teacher
Was prized for its specialty feature
But alas he was caught
When his students were taught
The assembly of Frankenstein's creature.
An oddity from Seminole
Who was born with the face of a mole
Traveled only at night
For his looks were a fright
And by sunrise returned to his hole.
* * *
With words that imparted great dread
Wanda the sorceress said
I'm fresh out of mandrake
So you'll have to just take
Your coffee with creamer instead.
* * *
Igor thought it would be cool
To be a professional ghoul
He dug up a stiff
But gagged with one whiff
And dropped out of grave-robbing school.
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* * *
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Young Edgar was fond of Marie
To propose, he got down on one knee
But to his great dismay
She just faded away
For a ghost of a chance had not he.
A frank undertaker named Fred
Of basketball players once said
To fit them in coffins
We must all too often
Use loppers to take off their heads.
* * *
A bumbling Satanic high priest
Attempted to raise up the Beast
He got a surprise
When nothing did rise
So he threw in a packet of yeast.
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* * *
A smiling clown lived a sad life
With plenty of sorrow and strife
By chance he discovered
That happiness hovered
Soon after he chopped up his wife.
* * *
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A glum suicidal arranged
To put her head in a gas range
She first should have checked it
For the stove was electric
So her plans at the last minute changed.
The BTK killer once said
That murder went straight to his head
He used not a gun
For that was no fun
He preferred strangulation instead.
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* * *
There once was a lass named Aileen
Who found shooting men to be keen
At her state execution
She swore retribution
But that will remain to be seen.
* * *
There once was a freckle-faced teen
Whose hair had a bloody red sheen.
Her gun shot eleven
Which felt just like Heaven
For Mondays just weren't her scene.
* * *
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Boris, a daft evildoer
Attempted to dump down the sewer
A dead hooker's head
But he fell in instead.
Shaking his fist, he said, "Screw her!"
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A serial killer named Duff
Committed his crimes in the buff
When strapped to Old Sparky
He said rather snarky
This seat on my bare bum is rough!
* * *
Mortimer Dowd was a creep
Through windows at night he did peep
He made the mistake
Of peeping Big Jake
And wound up in several heaps.
* * *
There once was a man named Lamar
Whose habits were rather bizarre
He liked to play coroner
And dissect a foreigner
And keep all their brains in a jar.
Marie Antionette lost her head
And unsympathetically said,
“Let them eat cake” –
Her first big mistake
She should have said ‘strychnine’ instead.
