THE CRESCENT WAS EXPERIENCING its after-school rush hour. Kids shuffled, skateboarded and cycled past on their way home. Moms and nannies walked to the school to pick up younger children. With horror, Melissa noticed that Cindi used her boat-sized Cadillac as a rolling billboard for her services. Any minute now, she’d be hailed by some nosy parent or neighbor. She gestured into the house, “Why don’t we talk about this—”
“Dadd-ee!” came a twin chorus and there were the girls, with Matthew hot on their heels, sprinting toward Seth.
She steeled herself for the inevitable inquisition about the realty sign on the Cadillac, but they were too wrapped up in greeting their father, in the twins’ case, and his hero, in Matthew’s.
“Guess what? We’re putting on a play at school and I’m going to try out,” Laura panted.
“I’m going on the track team,” Matthew reported.
“Did you see our new room?” Jessie piped up. “Me and Laura and Melissa decorated it ourselves.”
He’d been grinning and hugging the jumping, wriggling bodies, until Jessie spoke. Then he glanced up with mixed horror and embarrassment.
“Come and see.” The girls each took one of his hands and dragged him toward the open door where Alice stood, a big smile on her face and her arms upstretched.
She thought he paused, as though no longer sure of his place, then dragged Alice up high the way she liked. She squealed her approval.
That left Melissa and the Realtor staring at each other. “Why don’t I let you two talk about things? You can give me a call when you’re ready. I do have the nicest family that would love to locate into this area.”
“We’ll call you,” Melissa said firmly. Then felt like a bitch. The woman was only trying to do her job, and she’d been pretty decent under the circumstances. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Honey, I’ve been married for twenty-eight years.” She paused, her car keys glittering in her hand. “Do you want some advice?”
No. But she nodded to be polite.
“Go in and let him have it. Have that fight I can see you working up to.”
“Don’t worry, I intend to.”
“But don’t let your pride and your hurt blind you to a good thing.”
“I won’t. Thanks.”
She followed the gang up the stairs to the room she and the twins had been working on every night he’d been away. She could hear their excitement from here.
“Isn’t it great, Dad?”
“Do you like the color?”
“Melissa let us put the Bravo Boys on our dresser. She said we could bring our clothes over, too. After we come home from Hawaii, this’ll be our new room.”
“I…uh…” His hand crept to his belly and he rubbed it absently. She could see he was in pain. Well, so was she. “I need to talk to Melissa for a while.”
“About Hawaii?”
“In private. Laura, Jessie, take the other kids down and put on a DVD or something.”
“Melissa always makes us do our homework first.”
With a distracted air, he waved them away, and Melissa thought she’d never seen him treat them so dismissively before.
The twins gaped.
She finally found her voice. Or maybe it was somebody else’s. It sure didn’t sound like hers, with that flat, hopeless tone. “Go watch a movie. It’s okay.”
“Cool.” They thundered down the stairs whispering and giggling. Melissa was pretty sure she heard the dreaded initials MTV, but today the Bravo Boys seemed like saints compared to the man she was suddenly alone with in the bright apple-green-and-white striped room.
He walked to the doorway, listened for a moment and then shut the door, closing them in together in the ridiculously girlish room.
“I don’t know what to say. I assumed you and Matthew and Alice would move in with me. I’ve got plenty of room.”
“But I’m closer to the school. Everyone’s used to being here.” And she didn’t even mention that the state of her house and garden were a lot more desirable than his.
It turned out she didn’t need to. “I know my place needs some updating. I thought we’d get a decorator in.”
“But that’s always going to be Claire’s house.” She thought about the way he’d first taken her to the guest room. “I’d feel like an intruder.”
His face darkened. “How do you think this place would feel to me?”
“I never thought about it.”
“Yeah. It was another one of those conversations we should have had. Forget it.” He flicked a glance at the bright walls. “Your place is fine.”
But the vise around her heart didn’t ease. “How come when I phoned the bank no one knew who I was?”
“What?” His surprise seemed genuine.
“Your secretary offered me an appointment for next week when I introduced myself, and then I got transferred to Mitzi Youngall. You talk about her a lot, so I figured she’d know who I was. She pretty much fell off her chair when I identified myself as your girlfriend.”
His eyelids jerked as though she’d come at him with a pitchfork. “I don’t talk about my private affairs at work.”
“You were planning to get married in a week, and you didn’t bother to tell your co-workers? Must have forgotten to pencil it into your Day-Timer.” As she finished speaking she noticed she’d spoken of their marriage in the past tense. Her hands felt cold. She glanced down and noticed they were clenched into fists.
“Of course I was going to tell them. I’ve been busy.”
She was working up to mad now. Maybe if she hadn’t been married to Stephen Theisen she wouldn’t be so angry about her fiancé making sure not to mention her to the people in his life. But she had been married to Stephen, and no one was ever going to treat her so lightly again. “In all the time you spend with these people, you never found a minute to say, ‘by the way, I’m getting married in two weeks?’”
He shifted, looking uncomfortable and sad and confused. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. Frankly, I want to get the whole thing over with.”
The silence was so heavy she found it hard to breathe. “Getting married is a big deal. It’s a big deal to me.”
“I didn’t mean that the way it came out. Damn it, Melissa. You know I didn’t.”
“I know only one thing. I’ll never, ever marry a man who doesn’t love me. Me! Not the babysitter or the corporate wife or the cook and cleaner. Me, Melissa. For who I am.” Her throat was aching and her nose tickled, but she was determined not to cry. Not today.
“Don’t dramatize a misunderstanding. You know I love you.”
“Would you want to marry me if you didn’t need a mother for your daughters?”
His lips clamped together in his anger-darkened face. She could almost hear him mentally counting before he answered. “We wouldn’t have got to know each other if it weren’t for the girls.”
“No. It was the twins who brought us together, wasn’t it?”
“So what? Was I supposed to fall in love with you just because you were beautiful and gazed at me with big helpless eyes? I’m trying to do what’s best here for everyone.”
“What’s convenient you mean. I won’t be anyone’s convenience. Never, ever again. I can make it without your help, thank you very much.”
“And what about the kids? Are you going to deny them a family because you don’t feel special?” He sneered the last word. She knew he was hurting, but right now she needed reassurance big-time. Sure, he was scared, too. But she’d been planning a wedding, telling anyone she felt like telling that she was getting married again. The only person Seth seemed to have told was the Realtor.
She sank to the single bed that awaited its green quilt. She felt so cold, she wished the quilt were there so she could wrap herself in its cheerful warmth. “I know this is hard for you. I do understand.” She shook her head, cursing herself for a fool. “I even knew you weren’t ready. Not for marriage.” She swallowed. “It’s too soon.”
He sat down on the opposite bed. Finally, they were talking about the real issue. She knew the trouble between them wasn’t about which house they were going to live in.
“I put Claire’s pictures away. All but one. I have moved on.”
She smiled a little. She managed that. “I know you have. You’ve come a long way. But we rushed into marriage so we could sleep together without embarrassing our kids. That’s not a good enough reason.”
“It’s not true, either. We love each other.”
She met his eyes. “Do we?”
He shifted, and dropped his gaze.
“I found Stephen.”
Seth stood with a jerk, turned away and strode to the window. Stood, looking out. “Where is he?” His voice sounded like it came from a long way away.
“He’s in the Czech Republic.”
“You were right, then.”
“Yes. I found him on the Internet. Can you believe the arrogance of the guy? He didn’t even change his name. He’s got a new business, a new life.” She hesitated. “A new woman. I e-mailed him.”
“Did he reply?”
“Yes.”
Seth still wouldn’t turn around. “Is he coming home?”
She stared at the line of his spine, so straight, painfully straight. “Could you possibly believe that I would want that man back?”
“Melissa, I can’t figure out what you want.”
“I guess maybe I want closure. I want him to…” She petered out. The truth was she wasn’t entirely certain what she wanted from Stephen. Or what was best for the kids. “I want him to take his responsibilities seriously. To pay what he owes us and…” And what?
“What did his e-mail say?” Seth turned back to look at her, at least, but he still had that remote expression on his face. She knew him well enough to understand he’d locked his feelings away behind that facade.
“He said he was sorry, that he’d been meaning to get in touch and threw in a bunch of excuses. He’s going to figure something out, he says. He promised he’d take care of us.”
For a second she glimpsed the swirl of anger and pain in Seth’s eyes and then he clamped his emotions down once more. “And that’s what you want?”
“Damn it, I want him to do what’s right.”
“What’s right is for us to get married and make a family. Put aside our own problems and give those kids stability.”
She gazed at him, wishing this could be easier. She wanted them to be happy so badly, she was almost tempted to take second best. But something stopped her. Maybe it was selfish to marry for love rather than convenience. If so, she was selfish. “I can’t, Seth.”
In the silence of the room, she could make out the noise of the television. Oh, God. How were they going to tell the kids?
“I—” She glanced up and the words died in her throat when she saw his face, so pale and grim she wanted to reach out and make everything all better. Even though his hands were jammed in the pockets of his slacks, she could see they were fisted. He stared out the window, but it was pretty obvious he wasn’t admiring the landscape. The younger Melissa, the naive one, would have gone to him. But not this Melissa. Not the woman who had finally learned her own worth.
She shut her mouth and silence ruled again.
Finally he jerked round to face her. “Just don’t say anything for a few days. Will you do that?”
“But what’s—”
“Please. All I ask is a few days.”
He appeared so desperately in earnest that she agreed. It wouldn’t change anything, but maybe the time would give her a chance to find a way out of this mess. Get things straightened out with Stephen so she could finally have the closure she needed. Yeah, and maybe Seth would throw a meet-Melissa cocktail party for his friends and co-workers.
Seth left soon after with his girls, and Melissa operated on autopilot, helping Matthew with his homework, getting dinner on the table, dishes done and the kids to bed. She felt shell-shocked. As though some horrible explosion had robbed her of her normal senses. But beneath the numbness, she was fully aware of the pain.
If she’d had any doubt before, she knew now, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she loved Seth.
There was something else she’d learned in the last few months, as well, and that was that she would survive. All by herself, with no support from anyone. She could give her kids a home and she could make a life for herself.
Her little garden business was growing like chickweed. She probably had enough work for at least the next year. And by then, Alice would be in kindergarten. With luck and hard work, she could make a go of it on her own.
Losing the love she thought she’d had was cruel. But, if it was only one-sided, it was doomed anyway.
MELISSA STOOD OUTSIDE THE storefront realty office and took a deep breath. Pam’s pep talk was fresh in her mind. She could do this. She had nothing to lose.
The planter pots outside probably spilled over with geraniums and blue lobelia in the summer, but right now contained only a couple of dry-looking weeds and a few cigarette butts. They should be full of spring bulbs, she thought, her mind flashing painfully back to the tulip festival such a short time ago, when she’d so foolishly given her heart away. Even in winter, she could keep those pots looking inviting.
Somehow, those empty planters filled her with confidence and she put the same firm smile on her face that the Realtor had greeted her with when they’d first met.
“Hello,” she said to the young woman at the reception counter. “I’m here to see Cindi. I have an appointment. I’m Melissa Theisen.”
“Okay, I’ll check—”
“Melissa. Great to see you,” Cindi said, emerging from an office with her teeth gleaming and her hand extended. She glanced behind Melissa. “No Seth today?”
“No,” Melissa said, keeping her smile intact and her voice steady. So she’d come under slightly false pretenses. She’d wanted to make sure of an early appointment.
“Well, come on in.” If the woman noticed that Melissa carted a portfolio case with her, she gave no sign of it.
Cindi had a desk and computer in one corner of her office, but she motioned Melissa to a round table and padded chairs, then sat opposite. “Can I get you some coffee or tea or anything?”
“No. Thank you.”
“Seth called me. He said you two had decided to slow things down a little. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Melissa interrupted. “We went into the whole thing too fast. I think we need to make absolutely sure we’re doing the right thing before we go any further.”
Cindi gazed at her for a moment, then said, “I sold Seth his current house, you know. When he and Claire were expecting the twins.”
A shudder tickled her skin. Her mother used to say, “Somebody walked across your grave” when she shivered, but in this case, it was Claire’s grave they were disturbing.
She glanced at Cindi, knowing the question was in her eyes but not wanting to ask it. “She was nothing like you. She was one of those bubbly people who talk a mile a minute. You could tell they were happy by the way they looked at each other. I remember thinking, this is one house I’m never going to have to put on the market because of a divorce.”
“You were right.” She smiled sadly.
Cindi sipped from a coffee mug, then grimaced. Melissa guessed the coffee was cold and she’d forgotten.
“Well, I’m sure you didn’t come here to talk about that.”
Melissa managed a chuckle. “No. I didn’t come here to buy or sell a house, either.”
“Too bad. That family I had in mind can’t find anything they like. I drove them by your place and they loved it.” She let a moment pass before suggesting, “With a little work, they could even make Seth’s house work for them.”
“I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen. We’re both taking a breather right now and trying to figure things out.”
“Well, keep me posted.”
“I will, thanks.” She took a breath and said, “I’m here on different business.”
“A-ha.”
With a flash of entrepreneurial zest, Melissa saw her opportunity to sell herself, and before she could talk herself out of it, said, “In fact, you could use my services.”
The professional smile froze. “Really.”
“Landscape design. That’s what I do. You said yourself, it’s easier to sell a house that looks good. I could shape up gardens on properties you’re trying to sell.”
“Did you do your own garden?” She had the woman’s attention, now. And that patronizing I don’t think so expression had been wiped off her face.
“Sure did. Front and back. I also did several other gardens in the neighborhood that you could look at. And they’re finishing the planting this week on the display home near me.” She placed her portfolio on the table. “Would you like to take a look at what I can do?”
Cindi pored over the portfolio. She nodded a couple of times. Murmured “Nice” when she got to the display home’s garden.
Cinnamon nails drummed the tabletop. A business-woman’s excitement glowed on the Realtor’s face. “Smart girl. I own the realty company, you know. Sometimes we mow lawns. I’ve been known to trim shrubbery myself to make a property more visible. Some people just have no idea how to make their homes look good.” She was talking to herself now, Melissa could tell. “I could offer the service and tell clients I’ll add the cost to my commission. Then they aren’t out of pocket up front. And if the house doesn’t sell, it’s me who takes the loss. Not the homeowner.”
“That’s right. I could do a consultation, draw up a plan and let them do the work themselves—that would be the cheapest. Or, I could do it all for them.”
“Do you have brochures?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got business cards. That’s all. I’ve been working strictly on referrals and word of mouth, but I need to expand my business, especially if—” Especially if she was going to be on her own, but she didn’t finish the sentence.
She didn’t have to. Cindi knew. “I can’t make any promises, you understand. I’d have to think about it and talk to some people. But I think you’re on to something. Promise me you won’t go to any other agents until I get back to you?”
Melissa opened her mouth to agree, then remembered she had a landscape design company to build. “I can wait until next week.”
The hard mouth softened in a grin. “You’ll do fine in business. I’ll introduce you myself to the local businesswomen’s network. I know a great company, two local gals, that do the most darling brochures. They do all my stuff.”
Businesswomen’s network. It had a nice ring to it. “Thanks, Cindi. If I ever do sell…”
And in that moment, it hit her. In her own way, she was hanging on to the ghosts of her past as badly as Seth was. Did she really want to start a new life with Seth or anyone in the house where so many memories of Stephen remained?
But that was the house where Matthew and Alice had lived their whole lives. What about those memories? And the love and time she’d put into her garden and the house?
And yet, she’d asked Seth to do exactly that. And his memories were a lot more poignant. Maybe she had to stop feeling threatened by the woman who’d loved Seth first and who’d brought the twins into the world. They weren’t rivals. They ought to be a team.
She packed up her portfolio, then said fast, before she could change her mind, “I’m making no promises, but if your family would like to come through the house, I might consider an offer.”
Cindi’s eyes lit up. “Can I bring them by tomorrow?” At Melissa’s nod, she hauled a cell phone out of her purse and in minutes a house tour was arranged for ten the next morning.
SETH PICKED THE GIRLS UP that afternoon, as he did every day after he was done work, and he and Melissa chatted briefly about the children’s days. They tried to sound normal in front of the kids, but it wasn’t easy. When she looked into his eyes, she saw the same confusion and hurt she imagined he was seeing in her own.
She didn’t know how long she could keep doing this, seeing him every day when it hurt so much.
Alice decided to have a full-blown temper tantrum that night, and Matthew was stuck on the nine-times table and Melissa—who’d never been strong at math—was having to stop and think as she tried to test him. Some role model she was.
“Nine times nine,” she yelled over Alice’s howls of outrage. It was time for bed and she’d decided she wasn’t going until Matthew went. Melissa knew her little girl was overtired, but it didn’t make it any easier to listen to her scream.
“You keep asking me that one. Eighty-one,” Matthew yelled back, a lot less bothered by the noise than his mother.
“That’s because I’m sure of the answer. Look, keep memorizing the sheet and I’ll test you after Alice is asleep.” Which better be soon. She was worn out. Exhausted. She wanted that trip to Hawaii so badly she could taste the salt-tinged air and feel the warm breeze on her skin. And right now, she wanted to go alone.
She’d barely got the kids asleep and was sitting in the kitchen thinking she might never get up, when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi. It’s me.”
“Seth.” Her insides went liquid with wanting—and sadness that it was all such a mess because they were both so scared.
There was a tiny silence rife with all the things they couldn’t or wouldn’t or didn’t know how to say. Finally he said, “I miss you.”
“Me, too.”
“You sound tired,” he said.
Oh, if she’d ever needed a shoulder to lean on, it was tonight.
“I had a rotten evening. Alice threw a temper tantrum and Matthew had trouble with his math.”
“He should have called me. I’m a whiz at math. It’s my thing.”
She traced a pattern on the tabletop with her fingertip. “I don’t think it’s fair to Matthew to let him start relying on you. If…”
“I don’t want to keep doing this. It’s crazy. We can’t go back to the way things were before, when we were practically strangers. I stand there in the doorway dropping off and collecting the girls and all I want to do is hold you. I can’t pretend nothing happened with us.”
“No. I can’t either. It’s too hard.”
“Look. I’ve been thinking. It’s a house. Who cares? I can’t believe we’re putting our future in jeopardy over a house.”
She found she was clutching at the phone with both hands, hanging on for dear life. “It’s not the house. Is it?”
A heavy sigh. “No.”
“I think we rushed into things. We need some time to cool down and think it all through.”
“I’ve had lots of time to think. We’ve known each other for months. We had a great time on our weekend. Our kids even like each other. How can we let this go?”
She sucked in a breath. “I’ve got a family coming tomorrow who might be interested in buying my house.”
“You have?” He sounded shocked. “I thought we decided your place made more sense.”
“I haven’t even decided if I’m going to sell it yet. But I’m exploring the possibility of maybe being open to the idea,” she said, trying for a light tone.
“It’s tougher than you think to let go of the memories, isn’t it?” he said after another silence.
“Yes.”
“So, what are we going to do about Hawaii? The kids are already dragging out their summer clothes and arguing about what to pack.”
She closed her eyes. “Why don’t you take the girls and have a holiday?”
“Because I want us all to go. We could all have a holiday and put the wedding on hold.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. If we’re not going to make it as a couple—”
“Don’t you give up on us,” he practically yelled. “I’m sorry I screwed up with the Realtor. I’m sorry about a lot of things. But don’t give up. Not yet.”
“I don’t want to give up.” She loved him so much it hurt, but she wasn’t sure enough that he loved her. She had a feeling he wasn’t sure, either.
“You won’t come to Hawaii?”
“No. But you should—”
“If you’re not going, none of us are going.”
“I’m sorry.” She looked around her quiet kitchen, at the cabinet door he’d fixed and the tile he’d replaced. Already he was part of her life and her home. How could she bear to lose him? “I think I’d better go. I’ve got some work to finish up.”
“One last thing.”
“What?”
“Are you still wearing your engagement ring?”
She glanced at the diamond winking from her left hand. “Yes.”
“Good.”