Chapter 44

What happened next made Simon stop thinking of himself as more or less a coward. By some miracle, he managed to convince the other passengers on the platform that Bosse had epilepsy, and that he’d called Simon to say he was about to have a seizure and couldn’t control his body. Suspicious eyes filled instead with compassion and understanding. Simon gathered Bosse’s things, took him by the arm, and led him from the station to the car. They didn’t say a word, but Bosse was sobbing and hyperventilating.

The car door was open and the keys were still there. After a lengthy silence, Simon said, ‘Tell me about the phone call.’

‘I don’t really want to die,’ Bosse said instead. ‘I just stood there staring at the tracks and listening to the train coming, like it was actually tugging at me, and Franz’s voice was echoing in my head like thunder, my head was about to explode, and I had no choice. I had to jump.’

‘But what did he say?’

‘How the hell did he know I have your phone?’

‘Maybe it was a lucky guess. My number’s online, after all.’

‘His voice sounded so kind. He said our fates are linked, that no one can replace me. That he needs me at his side.’

Simon managed to stop himself from tossing in a cynical comment, and allowed Bosse to continue.

‘He said I should just stay at the station, that he would send a car to pick me up. Everything would be okay again. But I knew I couldn’t. It’s impossible to go back. So I took a few steps forward, and if you hadn’t come…’

Bosse burst into tears again. He shrank into himself, hiding his face in his hands, his whole body shaking. Tears and snot dripped onto his trousers.

‘Oh my God, Simon, I’m so sorry,’ he whimpered. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’

Simon was still rattled, but the train incident seemed to have given him almost superhuman clarity. His attention was on the car Oswald was supposed to send. Benny and Sten would likely show up at any moment. The last thing he wanted was to end up confronting them. He turned to Bosse and placed a hand on his shoulder.

‘We’re going to talk about this. I promise. But first you have to decide – we can’t stay here. You might be able to get psychiatric help here in the city, maybe rest up at a hospital. Otherwise you’ll have to choose between ViaTerra or the farm in Småland.’

Bosse pulled himself together. His voice was thick when he spoke.

‘The farm in Småland. Please, can you take me there?’

‘Okay, but this time we’re going by car.’

Bosse began to talk after a while. Not about what had happened, but about his thoughts, about the doubt that had driven him to madness. Was ViaTerra really the earth’s only salvation? If it was, weren’t Oswald’s punishments and outbursts justified? How can you save a planet from destruction with the help of idiots like Bosse, who do everything wrong? When they stopped for gas and food, Simon interrupted him for the first time.

‘You know, I think it takes time to figure all of that out on your own. Sofia and I had come to some conclusions before we escaped. You escaped because you didn’t really have a choice. No one has the right to convince you one way or another. And you can only come to your own conclusions in peace and quiet.’

Bosse’s face lit up in a smile. His eyes turned to the ethereal spring sky for a moment.

‘Shit, you’re right. I just have to take it one day at a time, don’t I?’

‘Exactly.’

His reunion with his parents felt forced. Simon shook hands with his father and gently pushed his mother away when her hug lasted too long. As he looked into her eyes, he realized that he was far from having forgiven her, but at the same time he could tolerate being in her presence. He accepted the offer of coffee; she had already set the table with their fanciest dishes. Bosse, who seemed completely oblivious to the tension between Simon and his parents, made polite small talk about the weather and how lovely it was on the farm. Simon wondered if he ought to tell his parents about what had happened at the train station, but decided to let it go. He was almost certain Bosse wouldn’t try again. There was life in his eyes now. Just a tiny spark, but one Simon hoped would grow.

When Simon stood up to leave, his mother took him by the hand.

‘We don’t drive out demons anymore in God’s Way.’

‘Well, that’s good to hear. Take care of Bosse, now. Don’t let a single one of those bastards onto the farm.’

Back home at the pension, he headed out to work in the greenhouses. He skipped dinner and worked until dusk began to fall. By the time he got back to his cottage he was so tired that his immediate thought was to fall into bed. But then he logged onto his computer just to check his email. At the very top of his inbox he found a new message. Simon had only to read the first line to know something was wrong. Not because of the impulsivity – Sofia often made snap decisions. No, it was the lack of humour. It sounded like a robot had written this email. Sofia never would have sent him something so vapid.

Hi, Simon!

Met someone. Need to get some distance. Heading with my new friend to a secret spot in Europe. I’ll write again when I know more. XOXO, Sofia

XOXO? New friend? Every word of the message sounded fake. Even the Hi, Simon! part. Sofia never bothered with polite greetings.

When he considered the implications, his insides went cold. He took his mobile phone from the coffee table and dialled her number, but only got her voicemail and couldn’t bring himself to leave a message. He called twice more but there was no answer; he searched through his inbox and found the one where she told him when she’d be coming home. Her plane was supposed to land at Landvetter today. So why had the email been written the night before? Had she emailed him from the plane? The last thing she’d told him on the phone was how much she missed everyone at home. Could you get so close, only to change your mind at the last second?

It was eleven o’clock, too late to call, but he had no choice. After several rings, Benjamin’s sleepy voice answered. Simon told him about the email, and for a long time it was silent on the other end.

‘Are you there, Benjamin?’

‘I didn’t get any email from her. Hold on a sec, I’m just going to check. No, shit, here it is!’ he read out loud. ‘“Need some distance. Don’t feel ready to see you yet. Heading south with a friend for a while. I’ll be in touch soon. XOXO, Sofia.’” What the hell?’ Benjamin squawked when he was done reading.

‘Sorry to wake you up like this,’ Simon said.

Benjamin didn’t respond.

A faint voice in the background: ‘Who is it?’

There was a rustling sound as Benjamin put his hand over the receiver, but Simon could still hear him.

‘It’s nothing. I’ll tell you later.’

Benjamin’s voice was stronger when he returned, as if he were awake now.

‘What is this shit? Who’s the friend, do you know?’

‘He’s not the one I’m worried about. I don’t think Sofia wrote the email. I got one too, and it doesn’t sound like her at all.’

‘But it’s from her fucking email account, so obviously it’s her, right? This isn’t the first time she’s gotten a stupid idea into her head.’

‘Benjamin. Listen. It’s not her. I just know it.’

‘So what do we do? What do you think is going on?’

‘Someone hacked her email. I don’t know where she is. We should call her parents.’

‘Don’t! Her mom will flip out. She’s worried enough as it is. Have you tried her phone?’

‘Several times. No answer, just voicemail. Something isn’t right, I’m sure of it. Can you call her parents? Just to chat. Maybe they’ve heard from her.’

‘Sure. I’ll call you tomorrow after I talk to them.’

Simon had a lump in his throat all morning. He’d hoped that hard work would dampen his worry, but he couldn’t concentrate. He loaded a wheelbarrow full of dirt but ran over a rock, causing the wheelbarrow to tip over. He kicked the pile of dirt and swore.

Benjamin called later that morning.

‘I talked to Sofia’s mom. They got an email too. It said she would be away for a few weeks. Her mom was worried because Sofia hadn’t called to talk. They almost never email each other. But she said Sofia’s off work for another month. I didn’t say anything about our suspicions, didn’t want to worry her. But listen, that email doesn’t sound at all like Sofia. What should we do?’

Simon thought about it, and in the ensuing silence he heard some muffled sobs. It dawned on him that Benjamin was crying.

‘What’s wrong? Are you sad?’

‘Goddamn fucking shit! She’s like a slippery eel that just slips right through your fingers. And now I’m worried sick. Fuck, I miss her.’

‘Hey, we’re going to fix this. But it’s got ViaTerra written all over it. And it’s not like we can go to the police just because we think an email sounds fishy, is it?’

‘No, but if we don’t hear from her again soon, we’ll have to.’

‘Then let’s respond to the emails. You say you don’t believe it’s her. I’ll pretend I buy her story.’

‘Simon, do you think someone has hurt her?’

‘No, not exactly, but Oswald is free and I just don’t like the way this looks.’