You can’t pick out the pieces you like and leave the rest. Being part of the whole thing, that’s the blessing.

—Tuck, Tuck Everlasting

STILL NIGHT 5

I thought I knew everything there was to know about my family. Clearly not.

When Gaga came back into my room, she sat down in the chair that Sophie had sat in earlier. “I know you’re upset about everything that’s happened—my sickness, Sophie leaving.” She patted my cast. “And to top things off, a broken leg.”

“I’m not happy,” I said.

Gaga nodded like she appreciated the truth. “I have a story to tell you. I’ve thought about sharing it with you for a while. Now is the right time.”

I inhaled, then let out a breath and put my head back on the pillow. I couldn’t imagine what Gaga was going to tell me, but I had a feeling I’d be listening for a long time.

“April, I want you to know what happened to your mother and aunts when they were little.” Gaga paused. “One day, your grandfather left town and never came back. He left me with no career, no money, and three young girls to look after.”

Gaga sat up straight in her chair. “I went to work and I did what I had to do to raise your mom, Lilly, and Lila.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I always assumed Grandpa died when Mom and her sisters were little. How come no one ever told me the truth?”

“We weren’t keeping it from anyone,” said Gaga. “It’s just not something we talk about. Lilly was five when he left, so she has a few memories of him, but even those have dimmed over the years. Your mother was three, and your aunt Lila was one, so all they’ve ever known was me.”

I was speechless. I tried picturing Gaga as a young mother raising three girls and trying to take care of everything. She’s the strongest person I know, but still. “That must have been really hard,” I said.

“It was,” said Gaga. “For a long time after your grandfather left, I was overwhelmed and very angry. I didn’t think I could do it. Every day of those first few years was a struggle.”

“How’d you do it?” I asked.

“Not very well. I don’t much like thinking about that time. I yelled a lot, and my girls felt it. I don’t remember exactly how or when, but I remember waking up one day and realizing that being angry was an awful feeling, but that dwelling on the things that make you angry can have far more disastrous consequences. I knew I had to let go of my anger, or it would hurt my girls even more than their father’s leaving.”

She paused. “I made a conscious effort to be positive and productive. I chose to see the good and not complain.”

“It’s one thing to say it, but it must have been hard to do.”

Gaga sighed. “I don’t mean to make it sound like I snapped my fingers and it happened. It was very hard to think positively, but I did my best. Eventually, it got easier. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I had my bad days too. We didn’t have a lot, but I wanted to raise my girls to be positive and appreciative of what they had. I’d like to believe it made a difference. Your mom and her sisters are all pretty positive.”

“Especially Aunt Lilly,” I said.

“Especially Aunt Lilly,” Gaga said with a smile. “But the truth is that all three girls grew up happy and didn’t dwell on what they didn’t have.”

Hearing this story gave me a newfound respect for Gaga. Doing what she had to do and letting go of her anger had to be so hard. “You’re so strong,” I said.

Gaga reached over and took my hand. “So are you, April.” She paused, and then looked me square in the eye like it was so important that I heard what she said next. “The reason I told you this story tonight is because it won’t do you any good to be mad that I’m sick or that Sophie is leaving or even that you took a tumble on the slopes.” She paused. “Anger is a wasted emotion.”

Gaga continued talking. “The reason I was able to move on with my life when your grandfather left was because I chose to forgive him. I knew it was a smarter choice than staying angry.”

Anger as a choice? I hadn’t thought about it like that. As Gaga continued talking, I thought about what it meant for me—letting go of my anger toward Harry or May or Sophie, or whoever or whatever it was that allowed me to fall and Gaga to get sick.

And the truth was that while I had things to be angry about, I knew there were worse things. Like what happened to Gaga. She might see anger as a wasted emotion, but I think it’s relative. Maybe she had more to be angry about, but the bottom line is that it doesn’t really matter. What Gaga was saying was right. What good would it do to stay angry?

Gaga squeezed my hand. “Are you OK?”

I nodded. She’d given me a lot to take in, but I still had a few questions for her.

“Did you and Willy know before we came on the trip that Emma and Sophie would be leaving Faraway?”

Gaga laughed when I asked that. “Of course we knew. Parents, especially old ones like us, are pretty perceptive when it comes to their kids,” she said. “But it wasn’t our news to share. Sophie needed to tell you in her own time and in her own way.”

I wrinkled my nose as I thought back to the other day when I’d tried to talk to Mom about this when she was getting dressed. I realized she’d known then, but now I understood why she couldn’t tell me.

Gaga looked down at me over the rim of her glasses. “When Emma was growing up, she was a lot like Sophie. Pretty. Headstrong. A bit rebellious too.” Gaga paused.

“What does this have to do with anything?” I asked.

“I’m getting to that,” said Gaga. She looked at me and then continued her story. “When she was in college, she went to study in Paris. While she was there, she met a man and fell in love.”

“Sophie’s dad?” I asked.

Gaga nodded. “She stayed after college. Willy was very upset. Emma is his only daughter. Eventually, she got married and had Sophie.”

Gaga’s story was starting to make sense. “So you’re saying that Sophie and Emma leaving Faraway is hard for Willy too. Is it like losing Emma twice?”

Gaga shook her head. “It will be hard for Willy when they go. But that’s not what I’m saying.”

“I’m confused,” I said.

“Part of loving someone is letting them go. Whether it’s a child or a friend.” Gaga paused. “Or even a grandmother.”

“Gaga, please don’t say that,” I said.

Gaga didn’t flinch. “It’s the reality of life,” she said. “It’s sad. And it’s hard, but sometimes, you don’t have a choice.” Gaga stopped talking and looked at me. “You know, Sophie has had a lot to process too,” she said.

Gaga was right. This can’t be easy for her or for her grandpa. “What’s Willy going to do?” I asked.

Gaga smiled. “He has plans too.”

“To move to New York with Sophie and Emma?”

Gaga laughed. “Heavens no. Faraway has been his home all his life. He was thinking more along the lines of buying a fishing boat.”

The image of Willy in his boat made me smile. I hugged Gaga. “Thanks for telling me all this,” I said.

Gaga didn’t respond, she just kept hugging me and rubbing my back. It made me equal parts happy and sad—happy she was there to talk to and sad knowing that wouldn’t always be the case.

STILL NIGHT 5
BUT MUCH LATER!

Before Gaga left my room, a thought occurred to me. “I think Sophie would benefit from hearing your story,” I said.

“You’re free to share it with her,” said Gaga. “It’s way past my bedtime.”

Gaga left and sent Sophie in, and I told her the story.

“Was the point of that to tell me that I shouldn’t be mad because my parents can’t get along? I’ve lived in three different cities for the past three years and come this summer, I’m going back to city number two,” Sophie said when I was done.

She had a point. Paris to New York to Faraway and back to New York was a lot of moving around in a very short time. “You’re one of the most upbeat, positive people I know,” I said. “I just don’t want to see you lose that.”

“April, my parents are getting divorced. It’s just kind of a hard time.” Even though I was the one in a cast, it was clear she was hurting too.

“This must be hard,” I said. Sophie nodded. Then she got in bed next to me, and we stayed side by side for a long time, neither of us saying anything. I don’t remember when, but at some point we both fell asleep, and we didn’t wake up until Amanda came in the room.

She poked us both awake. “You each have a bed, you know.”

I saw her point. Two teen girls, one large cast and a stack of pillows in a twin bed. The image of it made me laugh. When I started laughing, Sophie did too. As Amanda stood there starting at us like we were crazy, we laughed even harder. I don’t know why. There wasn’t really anything to be laughing about.

But it felt good.