CHAPTER 12
TOGETHER AGAIN
TONY
October 6, 2003, was special for two reasons: not only was I with my family for my forty-eighth birthday, but the Colts were playing the defending Super Bowl champions, the Tampa Bay Bucs, on Monday Night Football —in Tampa! No one could have written a script like that.
Lauren dropped the boys off at the hotel where the Colts were staying so they could go to the stadium on the team bus with me. She and Tiara would drive to the game later.
It was my first trip back to Raymond James Stadium, and the night was much more emotional than I’d expected. My mind flooded with memories as I walked around the field during pregame warm-ups, shaking hands, exchanging greetings, and chatting with former players and assistants. I wasn’t sure what to expect when my name was announced during team introductions —the opposing coach is usually either booed or ignored —so the crowd’s welcoming ovation meant a great deal to me.
The warm feelings didn’t last long though, as the Bucs came on strong. At halftime we were down 21–0. Though we came out and scored on our opening drive in the third quarter, the Bucs quickly drove for another touchdown. We narrowed the spread when we scored a touchdown just after the start of the fourth quarter. But the game seemed headed to a disappointing finish when Ronde Barber picked off a pass from Peyton Manning and ran it back for another Tampa Bay touchdown with just over five minutes left in the game. We were now down 35–14. I hoped Lauren had left by that point because the Bucs fans had already started to celebrate. I knew how hard it would be for her to watch that.
Just before our offense was set to go back on the field for the kickoff, I considered taking Manning and the other starters out of the game to make sure they didn’t get hurt. Tom Moore, our offensive coordinator, suggested we let the starters make one more drive. Four plays later, we scored, making it 35–21. Unbelievably, we would score two more touchdowns in a little over three minutes, tying the game and forcing it into overtime. Well after midnight, we kicked a field goal to win, 38–35. It was the biggest fourth-quarter comeback in Monday Night Football history.
Lauren
That was an emotional night for all of us. It was the first time I’d been back to the stadium since I’d cleaned out my suite the year before. Before the game, Tiara and I met a group of our friends in the parking lot to tailgate. As I rushed up to greet them, I was surprised to find that most of them were wearing Bucs gear. Perhaps noticing the hurt in our eyes, they sheepishly said that they were lifelong Bucs fans, and while they loved the Dungys, this was Monday Night Football! They would cheer for us next week, but not that night.
I had thought our friends would be cheering for us and the Colts, especially since some of them had asked us to get them tickets to this sold-out game. Fair or not, it felt to me as if some of our best friends had moved on from us after the Bucs won the Super Bowl with Jon Gruden.
I was grateful for the warm welcome Tony got from the fans, but the one I received was much colder —literally. In fact, as Tiara and I made our way to club seating, people were throwing Cokes at me. Security told me they couldn’t help, saying, “Sorry, but these fans have been drinking all day and are out of control.” The real reason, I suspect, was the Colts gear I had on. Then, as the Colts took a beating during the first half, some fans suggested I leave and go back to the cornfields in Indiana. By this time, I was more concerned with protecting Tiara than with watching the game.
I felt sick when the Colts fell behind by three touchdowns. By the fourth quarter, most of our friends had left, not wanting to rub in the lopsided score. Even most of the hecklers were leaving us alone by this point. Still, there was no way I would leave early. One of the rules in our family was that we would meet Tony right after the game, no matter what. I wanted to consistently show my support for him, win or lose. And we did get slaughtered some games. But Tony knew that after he met with the team and did his interviews, we’d be outside the locker room waiting for him.
Tony has always been good about putting any loss behind him, and I was still planning to have our normal family reunion after the game —even though the mood might not be the greatest. Of course, our emotions soared after the fairy-tale ending of that game!
As Tiara and I left the stands, a number of people seated near us asked me if I could help them meet Peyton and Tony —after they’d given us such grief during the game. And the security guys, who couldn’t be bothered and had refused to intervene earlier, suddenly were on top of things. They even wanted to follow me to the team buses after they escorted me down to the locker room. (I guess they’d finally decided to do their job.) All of a sudden I had a big extended family, and everyone wanted to celebrate with us.
But this was going to be a time just for our family and our team. Tiara and I had a surprise birthday party to set up. We raced to the waiting area of the stadium to roll out the huge sheet cake decorated in the Colts’ colors of royal blue and white. This was going to be a night to remember!
TONY
Once the candles were lit on the cake, all the players, coaches, and staff celebrated the win and my birthday. I’ve always known Lauren was my biggest fan, and she shows it over and over, in ways both big and small.
We finished that regular season with a 12–4 record and we made the playoffs for the second year in a row. We advanced to the AFC Championship game before losing to the New England Patriots. It was a bittersweet ending to a strong year. The team was getting more involved in the community, and we were making strides on the field. Best of all for me personally, the family moved up to Indy after the school year ended and Tiara had graduated from high school.
Lauren and I had some discussions about our living situation in Indianapolis. We knew we’d eventually return to Tampa, so we didn’t want to sell our house there. At the same time, I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be coaching the Colts. My goal was to lead the team to a Super Bowl victory; then I might be ready to retire. The Colts seemed very close to winning one, so we decided to rent a home in Indianapolis.
That fall, Tiara started at Spelman College in Atlanta. Jamie was a high school senior, Eric was in fifth grade, and Jordan and Jade were in preschool. It was so good having the family back together. Times were fun. As soon as the little kids jumped into our car after school, they started talking a mile a minute. By now, Eric had quieted down, and he couldn’t understand why they were so noisy. He said that it sounded like we had Alvin and the Chipmunks in the car, and he often put on headphones to drown out the chatter of his younger siblings. He wouldn’t believe it when we told him he was once exactly the same way.
In the midst of the good times, God gave us a couple of reminders of how fragile and precious life is and how quickly things can change. Just after the draft that spring, I’d been startled by a phone call from my dad telling me that during a routine physical, his doctor had been alerted to an abnormality in his blood tests. After further testing, he was diagnosed with leukemia.
My sister, Lauren, recommended a fantastic cancer hospital in Indianapolis, and my dad was admitted immediately. Over the next two months, I was able to visit him almost every day. Sometimes we talked about life and the kids; at other times, we just reminisced. It was a special time. My dad responded well to treatment, and the cancer went into remission. Unfortunately, just before he was due to go home, he developed an infection. Because of all the treatments he’d had, his body wasn’t able to fight off the infection, which spread very quickly. In less than forty-eight hours, we went from anticipating his release from the hospital to watching him pass away.
It was quite a shock and certainly something I hadn’t expected. My dad had been doing so well, and we had been praying so much. But it was the Lord’s time to take him. He’d lived a long, full life, and I’d enjoyed many fun times with him. He had given me a lot of great advice over the years, and it was hard knowing that I wouldn’t be able to talk things over with him any longer.
Lauren
The second incident happened as Labor Day was approaching, which meant that not only had the kids gone back to school but football season was right around the corner. I was enjoying the end of summer and trying to build a sense of camaraderie among the Colts’ wives, just as I’d done with the Bucs’ wives. One way we were doing that was by working out together at our local health club. Not only did our daily spinning class keep us in shape, it allowed us to bond as we enjoyed one another’s company and talked about our families.
One evening while Tony and I were taking our evening walk, I suddenly started to have difficulty breathing. We had been strolling casually —not even power walking —but I couldn’t get enough air. I felt like I was going to suffocate. Even Tony, who is usually so calm, became alarmed and contacted the team doctor. X-rays revealed that I had a collapsed lung and needed surgery the next day. The doctor said that collapsed lungs tend to hit two groups of women: those who smoke and those who are athletic. It never crossed my mind that my workout routine of running and swimming could put my health at risk. It was startling to go from the picture of health one day to flat on my back the next.
Since the Colts had just started their season and Tony was busy, my family jumped into action. My mom packed her bags and had Loren drive her to Indy so she could help with the kids and manage the household. Jamie and Eric were helpful, too, as they realized they had to pitch in a little more since I was going to be sidelined for a while. They helped my mom navigate around town and do the grocery shopping, and they helped bring Jordan and Jade to the hospital to visit me. I missed my family dearly and looked forward to their visits. The two operations required to repair the collapsed lung were successful, but I needed extended physical therapy afterward. It took a while, but as the fall progressed, I began to feel better and gradually got back to my normal routine. We all tend to take our health for granted, but this was a timely reminder that good health is a blessing from the Lord and we need to be thankful for it!
Because of the death of Tony’s dad and my sudden illness, Tony and I became even more committed to talking to our children about the importance of family relationships and the need to cherish every moment with one another. We knew the Bible says that tomorrow is not promised us, and these crises caused that truth to hit home for all of us.
One downside to my job as a football coach was that I couldn’t always be as available as I wanted during difficult times. I was very thankful for my mother-in-law’s help, as well as the support from our Colts family and our church friends. They were all there for us, helping our family and supporting us every step of the way until Lauren was feeling better.
When you’re in professional sports, people tend to see only your on-field life. They think you are immune to the normal trials that everyone goes through, but that is far from the truth. Our entire family had to cope with losing my dad and dealing with Lauren’s major health scare. But those trials pulled us closer together and gave us a chance to talk to Jordan and Jade about God and His sovereignty. After all, we had prayed for Grandad and he did not get better, but we also prayed for Mom and God did heal her. We emphasized that even when we can’t explain why God answers our prayers the way He does, we can’t lose faith in Him. He does hear us, even when our requests aren’t answered the way we would like.
During the 2004 season, the Colts were learning and growing as well. Once again, we finished our regular season with a 12–4 record. Then we lost in the playoffs to the Patriots for the second consecutive year. Maybe Lauren was starting to have doubts about that Super Bowl. Maybe, just as when we were first married, she simply wanted to live in a house that fit us. But whatever the reason, I was excited when she started to get comfortable with the idea of living in Indianapolis and talked about buying a home.
As a measure of how close we had grown, Lauren let me put an offer on a house without her even seeing it. We had started looking at homes, and one day when she was out of town, our realtor was taking me around. He showed me one particular house that I really liked, and I described it to Lauren over the phone. She said we should go for it and put in an offer. I hesitated, thinking, I really like it, but what if she doesn’t? She really needs to see this first. The realtor also said he thought Lauren should look at it before making an offer. He told me he thought the house was too dark —kind of like a man’s house.
But by then I knew Lauren’s taste. We’d spent time looking at model homes and open houses just for fun and as a way to see what features builders were putting into homes. I told Lauren about the home’s large, fenced-in yard and described the lower level, which seemed like an ideal place for the kids to play. I also described its location on a cul-de-sac in an attractive neighborhood. After hearing my description and looking at a few pictures of the house online, Lauren told me she trusted me, and if I liked it that much, we shouldn’t take a chance on someone else beating us to it. She felt we should make an offer. Before she’d even seen the house, our bid was accepted.
Lauren
When I did get to look at our new house, I saw right away that it was perfect! I was so proud of Tony for selecting our lovely two-story home. After so many years of marriage, I think couples really do understand each other’s preferences and can confidently rely on each other to make those kinds of decisions. Now, ten years earlier I wouldn’t have had that much confidence in Tony picking out a house. At that point, I’m not sure if he would have understood the dynamics of our family and what we needed.
That spring, we moved into our new home and were finally together again (except for Tiara, who was studying sociology at Spelman College). We needed to purchase new furniture because we had left most of ours in our Tampa house. I started decorating right away because I wanted to make the house a home quickly. Not only was our home a place where the children could welcome their friends, but I envisioned Bible studies, informal get-togethers, and fellowship taking place there. I picked up many decorating tips from visiting model homes and open houses with Tony. This was a hobby we have grown to enjoy over the years.
Working on the house, getting the kids acclimated at their schools, and keeping up with Colts functions and activities kept me busy well into the fall. I didn’t even have time to notice that it was September and already nippy outside. The kids were wearing coats and jackets while their friends in Tampa were still wearing shorts and summer clothing. Sandals had long since been replaced with boots and closed-toe shoes.
Tony and I enjoyed getting back into the routine of taking walks together regularly. We also found a great bike trail close to our new house. Perhaps we were trying to make up for those eighteen months that we were apart; in any event, we were always looking for activities we could do together to stay fit and active.
In fact, we have always tried to find common interests. Growing up, I’d been athletic but never followed professional teams closely. That had changed. Not only was professional football Tony’s job, but he always seemed to be watching something sports related at home. Over the years, I’ve tried to watch with him. And throughout our marriage, he’s looked for things he could embrace that I enjoy. When we lived in Minnesota, that included camping. He also began visiting model homes in local “parade of homes” events with me so we could discuss ways to make our house more inviting and attractive.
That’s not to say everything clicks. For instance, I love to read and discuss books, but Tony doesn’t. The idea of a book club pains him, though I’ve belonged to many during our marriage. Whenever I come home from book club, all excited about the discussion and characters in a novel, Tony is likely to look up and say, “That story didn’t really happen, so I don’t know why you think this is fun. You just spent four hours talking about some fictional people who don’t exist and didn’t really do what you read. I don’t get it.” But I love it, even if Tony doesn’t. I’ve encouraged him to try it but haven’t made much progress over the years. It’s just an area where we’re different.
Of course, you won’t find me spending six hours on a fishing boat rocking around in the Gulf either. Tony’s dad had introduced him to fishing as a boy. When we moved to Florida, where he could fish in the Gulf of Mexico and numerous freshwater lakes, Tony’s love for it reached new levels. That was great for him. As for me, no thanks.
Still, we were so grateful to be together again that it felt natural to search for areas of common interest. Our plan was simply to be together and take things one year at a time. Tony still enjoyed coaching, and he loved working for the Colts. However, his twenty-fifth year of coaching was approaching, and he’d told me he knew he wouldn’t be doing it forever.
Coaching was all we’d ever known as a couple, but as much as we loved it, it wasn’t everything. And when a couple is involved with such a demanding career, they do make sacrifices. Our years with the NFL had been tremendous, a great season of our lives, but I knew Tony was not going to be like some men who coach into their sixties or seventies. At some point, he would retire and move on to the next season of his life.
I didn’t think that winning a Super Bowl would define Tony’s success as a coach either. He’d worked so hard and I wanted him to win a championship, but we needed to think about how long was enough. I believed our family was missing out on some things because Tony had so many demands on his time. That was something that I had been in prayer about for quite some time, but, ultimately, I knew the decision was his.
At about this time, Tony told me he was beginning to wonder what God’s plan was for the future of our family. We both knew He had one, and we wanted to follow it. We just had to keep listening to His voice.