CHAPTER 15

NEW ARENAS

TONY

What would come next? It was amazing that, as much as Lauren and I had talked about retirement over the last few years, we didn’t have any definitive plans when it came.

My main priority was to be an effective and involved dad and husband. I loved waking up and being able to help get the kids ready for school and to assist with car-pool duties. Watching Eric play football during his senior year was so enjoyable for me that I never experienced any regrets over leaving coaching. I missed my players and being around the coaches, but I never missed the job.

At the same time, I knew I was responsible for managing the platform God had given me. I just wasn’t sure what that would look like. Lauren and I received plenty of suggestions from other people, many of whom had something they felt I should do. I may have had no more off-season player evaluations to complete, no more NFL league meetings to attend, and no more scouting trips to take me away from home, but I was suddenly getting calls, e-mails, and letters from all over, inviting me to come to various events.

Once again, I had to determine what to accept and what to turn down, since the offers were coming from so many great causes. For instance, it was exciting to see fifty kids give their lives to Christ after I spoke at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting. That definitely benefited the Kingdom. Yet did that mean I should travel 365 days out of the year to speak to young people? No. Working with my family, spending time with my kids, and being a husband to my wife was still my primary job. I had to think back to what Tom Lamphere had asked me: “What things can only you do?”

During this time, Lauren and I prayed together a lot. We asked God to direct us and help us be in agreement about which opportunities He was calling us to pursue. We asked with confidence since we’d prayed together for five years about when I should retire. Now we both felt God was telling us, “I’ve got some new things in store for you, and you’ve got to trust Me for them. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Just try to listen to Me.” At that point, we weren’t sure where the Lord was leading us, but we had peace about that first step. (Oh, I also noticed a soft voice telling me, “Lauren needs warm weather!” I wasn’t sure whether I was hearing from God or Lauren on that point, but we did return to our home in Tampa.)

Another opportunity seemed to present itself near the end of my final season. The day before our last playoff game in San Diego, I met with the network commentators who would be broadcasting the game. That’s nothing new  —one of a head coach’s responsibilities is to meet with the commentators for a production meeting before the game. They discuss items, such as game plans, offensive and defensive schemes, and player injuries that will help the broadcasters during the telecast.

After this particular production meeting, Dick Ebersol, the head of NBC Sports, stopped me to ask whether I thought that would be my last year of coaching.

I shrugged and smiled.

Then he added, “If you do retire, we’d love to talk to you about broadcasting with NBC.”

“Thanks, Dick. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” I didn’t think too much of it at the time  —I was focused on the upcoming game.

I had never envisioned myself working in television, but right after the press conference announcing my retirement from coaching, Dick called me to follow up on his offer. He said he’d been serious when he suggested I explore sports broadcasting. “We’d love to talk to you about it,” he said.

I wasn’t sold on the idea because I didn’t think I had the personality for TV and I was worried about taking a job where I’d have to travel. Wouldn’t I be getting right back into the situation I had just left?

But Dick was aware of my commitment to my family. He was adamant that as a studio analyst with Football Night in America, I would need to be in New York for just eighteen weekends in the fall, never during the week or in the off-season. And he emphasized the platform I would have. He told me that the show’s producers would let me do segments highlighting players’ outreaches and foundations  —even the ministries I was involved in.

It sounded good, but I still wasn’t sure. Maybe it was just the fear of the unknown. Or maybe the fear of failure?

So Lauren and I did what we always do when there is a big decision to make  —we prayed about it. Lauren encouraged me to explore this opportunity, so I agreed to do the Super Bowl broadcast with NBC as an audition. It was a blast. The preparation and teamwork needed to do a broadcast is so much like getting ready to play in a game. I was hooked!

Broadcasting also reminded me how important good coaching is. In this case, I received a lot of instruction and encouragement from Sam Flood, the show’s executive producer. It was similar to what I experienced when I was working for Chuck Noll. Sam is one of the top producers in sports television, but he is very much a family man. While helping me learn the broadcasting business, he has been supportive of our family. Once again, I have been blessed with a boss who shows me that you can be very dedicated, get to the top of your profession, and still keep your family relationships strong and healthy.

After spending a lot of time with me and Rodney Harrison, a former New England Patriot strong safety and the other new cast member, Sam positioned each of us in the way best suited to our strengths. Since Rodney has a strong personality and is very smart and spontaneous, Sam had Rodney react to how a team was playing. My role would be to break down a play to help the viewers better understand why it worked. As we became more comfortable and versatile on the set, our roles gradually expanded.

Before each broadcast, NBC sends me material to review at home during the week. That is followed by a rehearsal on Saturday evenings. Over time we’ve gotten to where we can do more and more off the cuff. Just before going back on camera, the producer might tell us: “Tony, you talk about why Seattle’s defense is playing well today against Cincinnati, and Rodney, talk about how Cincinnati’s offensive players can counter that. We’re back in ten. . . .”

Ironically, I think I’m recognized more now than when I was coaching. But I consider analyzing football on TV my job now, and I enjoy it. I especially appreciate the great relationships I have with a new set of coworkers; close working relationships are one of the things I missed most when I left the Colts.

We’ve also been able to do a number of those segments that Dick had promised. After I attended a fund-raiser for Michael W. Smith’s Rocketown outreach center in downtown Nashville, NBC ran a piece highlighting the event and what Michael has accomplished with Rocketown. Two others that stand out to me were segments about Tampa’s Wharton High School football team’s “Dare to Be Uncommon” initiative and Pittsburgh Steeler Ryan Clark’s efforts to assist his hometown church in Marrero, Louisiana, as it worked to rebuild the surrounding community. Drug dealers had taken over many homes abandoned by residents after Hurricane Katrina. Rather than fleeing the neighborhood, the church began buying up and rebuilding the properties, as well as constructing a community center.

Lauren

I thought the broadcasting job would be a wonderful fit for Tony. People trust him, and he’s great in front of people. I thought he’d do well on TV too. Tony has so much knowledge and wisdom to share from years of playing and coaching. I also didn’t think it would be wise for him to give up football cold turkey. The sport had been part of his life for so long. I thought if he got completely away from it, he would be tempted to go back to coaching at some point. Now he’d remain involved in football, maintain the public platform God had given him, and  —best of all  —spend weekdays and the entire off-season with his family. I couldn’t wait to have a normal Thanksgiving and Christmas like everyone else.

And I’ve enjoyed getting to know Tony’s coworkers at NBC too. I go with him to New York on some weekends, and we take the kids there around the holidays. We were also able to attend the Winter Olympics in Vancouver and the Summer Olympics in London as NBC’s guests. I especially loved seeing the figure skating firsthand and hearing the personal-interest stories about the athletes and their journeys to make it that far.

Sam Flood has been so accommodating. He lets the boys come to the studio with Tony, so it’s almost déjà vu. These days Jordan and Justin are the ones running around the office, getting in everyone’s way. They know all the broadcasters and cameramen, just as young Jamie and Eric knew the players and coaches.

Now that Tony finally had some free time, I wanted to enjoy having him at home. But there was one other thing on my mind. Justin was two and a half, and I was feeling the pull in my spirit to adopt again. I don’t think Tony was surprised when I mentioned it.

My parents had continued to enjoy parenting into their seventies, even adopting Amanda and Devin very late in life. Tony did point out the math: the fact that if we adopted an infant now, he would be seventy-two years old when his child walked across the stage at high school graduation. But I informed him that age was only a state of mind and we had so much love to give. So later in the summer of 2009, we joyfully made another trip to the agency offices to pick up our sweet baby, Jason Anthony, a precious gift from God.

Tony reminded me that seven represents the biblical number of completion, so he thought Jason might complete our family. I told him I understood the significance of the number seven, but then I brought up Jacob, the patriarch of Israel, who had twelve sons. I pointed out that we weren’t even halfway to having twelve boys. I just wanted to let him know I felt the Lord might still wish to bring other children into our family.

As we were adding children, we also branched out into writing children’s books. Tony and I coauthored the picture book You Can Be a Friend, along with a number of other picture and early reader books for children. You Can Be a Friend encourages kids not to judge others based on their outward characteristic but to look at the heart. We feel that is such an important theme, not simply because kids need to learn to include others regardless of such things as appearance, background, or religious beliefs, but also because of what we’ve learned from Jordan. He has had to learn to be resourceful to find activities to do with friends during the many stints when he’s been recovering from injuries or surgeries.

Late in 2011 the Heart of Adoptions agency, the organization in Tampa through which we’d adopted Jordan back in 2000, called us. Jeanne Tate, the attorney who founded the agency, told us about a birth mom considering adoption who felt our family would be a good match for her baby. So in 2012, we brought home our adorable son Jalen. Roughly eighteen months later, we adopted another sweet little boy whom we named Jaden. Tony jokes that if we adopt one more, he’s going to return to coaching because it would be quieter and less hectic. But he loves our large family, and the kids are keeping both of us young. We now have seven boys (including Jamie, which we always do) and two girls. The six youngest live at home and keep the household active and lively. Tony and I feel so blessed that God has entrusted these beautiful children to us to nurture, love, and parent. We wouldn’t have it any other way and feel privileged that this is the plan He has for us.

Our older daughter, Tiara, just finished an internship with UNICEF and is looking for a permanent job helping young people. In the fall of 2013, Eric began his junior year at the University of Oregon, where he’s a gifted wide receiver on the highly ranked Ducks football team. A sociology major, Eric doesn’t know what the future holds, but he’s a great student and is considering teaching. Jordan, who we were told might not make it to his teen years, just celebrated his thirteenth birthday and is in a mainstream middle school classroom. We are so proud of him because he has overcome so many physical challenges, the latest being his thirty-third surgery, this one to repair a fractured elbow. He often aggravates injuries, to the point of bones breaking, without even realizing it. But he has a tremendous spirit and blesses our entire family with his positive attitude.

Jade is the only girl who is living at home with us and five rambunctious brothers. Like me, she enjoys running, swimming, and biking, and she is the most social of our children. The phone rings off the hook for her with invitations to parties and events. Justin seems to be taking after Eric; like his big brother, he enjoys all sports, especially football. He looks like he has a future as a wide receiver: he loves the game, is a well-rounded athlete, and lives and breathes football. Jason is our sensitive and loving little boy who is just beginning preschool. From the looks of our family room furniture, I think he’ll end up playing football or some other contact sport! Our two youngest boys, Jalen and Jaden  —my “twins”  —are developing a close bond with each other and have their siblings wrapped around their sticky little fingers.

To meet the diverse needs of all our kids, our family joined a large church, Grace Family Church in Tampa, not long ago. Early in our marriage, I don’t think we would have been comfortable in a big church and would have had difficulty functioning there. But we’ve learned to adjust. Tony and I have opened our home to a weekly couples’ Bible study with friends from church. We love exploring God’s Word. In addition to good Bible-based preaching and small group ministry, we are grateful to have found a church that appeals to teens, grade-schoolers, and preschoolers and that has a great nursery. It is also near our home, which is important since it’s gotten more difficult to get all the kids fed, dressed, ready, and to church on time.

TONY

Parenting a number of small children hasn’t prevented Lauren and me from finding time to do things as a couple. We started the Dungy Family Foundation with our relatives in Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, and Minneapolis–St. Paul. We’re committed to helping individuals and families grow academically, socially, and spiritually. It has been very rewarding, not only to support organizations in Florida, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, and Indiana that share our vision, but also to begin some of our own initiatives, such as our reading program.

After her work with the NFL wives in Tampa and Indianapolis, Lauren wanted to begin something similar again. We approached the school system in Hillsborough County in Tampa, thinking that we’d target the Title I elementary schools (those with at least 85 percent of their students qualifying for free or reduced lunches). Lauren and I have been working our way through these schools by going to two of them each Tuesday during the school year. We read our books to the students, let them ask questions, and talk to them about the importance of reading and writing. Lauren is quick to remind them that even NFL players have to do their homework when preparing for games.

Lauren and I look forward to Tuesdays because it’s a time when we can give back to our community in a way that interests us both. And it’s also become a “date day” for us. We see our older kids off to school and get a babysitter to watch the youngest ones. Then, after we’ve read in our two schools, Lauren and I have lunch together. It’s just another way for us to make sure we are scheduling some time for the two of us.

I’m also still involved with All Pro Dad, and Lauren is active with iMom, two programs that are part of Family First, the organization founded by Mark Merrill. Lauren and I attend one big event for the group annually and donate a day every other month to shoot videos, blog, or develop other encouraging resources for parents.

Our nightly walks are still an important way for us to stay connected, but now that we have more time, we also enjoy hiking, backpacking, and bike riding. Lauren has become quite the athlete; she’s gone from distance running to training for triathlons. She talked me into running a 5K with her, but that’s where I think I have to draw the line.

My football schedule once prevented our family from scheduling getaways from late summer through early winter. We always took our annual trip to Black Mountain for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes camp, and we usually went to Pittsburgh for a week to visit Lauren’s family. Now we’re trying to branch out and see new places and try new activities. At Lauren’s prompting, we’ve been camping and whitewater rafting, and we’ve visited many new vacation spots. I have to admit I’m often skeptical when Lauren suggests a new “adventure.” But the things she plans end up being a lot of fun.

She usually has to talk me into them, though, which she says can be like pulling teeth. But the great thing for her is that we don’t have to plan so far ahead. We used to have to think, The week after the Super Bowl . . . or The week before training camp opens. . . . Now we can say, “Next weekend, let’s go . . .”

Over the last couple of years, we’ve enjoyed spending a lot of time in Oregon where Eric is in school. In fact, that’s where we’ve spent the last few summers. Lauren has even admitted that she enjoys getting some relief from the Florida humidity during our time out there.

In the summer of 2013, we decided to purchase a Winnebago RV so we could explore the West and let the kids experience firsthand what they’ve read about in history books. We started with a trip south to California where we spent time with Lauren’s oldest brother, Kevin, and then we traveled along the Pacific coast. We hiked in the Redwood National Park, taking in some amazing scenery and learning about how the redwoods were able to grow to such a massive size. Our trip reminded us of the driving trips we had taken with our older kids twenty years before  —only our vehicle with its slide-out bunk beds was much more comfortable than the minivan we drove in the 1990s.

Lauren met a dad in Oregon who has kept a journal of every RV trip his family has taken. The teacher in her lit up  —what a great way for us to learn as we go, while also recording our memories. Initially, buying an RV didn’t seem like a good idea since our homeowners association in Tampa doesn’t allow residents to keep campers in their driveways. However, once we found a great RV dealer in Eugene, Oregon, that said we could store one on their lot if we bought it from them, Lauren got the ball rolling, and we now have our own RV. We plan on leaving it in Oregon until Eric finishes school. Lauren is looking for a place in Tampa where we can store it once we drive it back there.

Even so, a part of me wondered if it wouldn’t have been cheaper to rent an RV for our trips. I guess it’s just my nature to look at the practical side. Like with the kids. Every now and then I’ll ask Lauren, “Hey, where are we going to be when these kids get off to college? What if we have some health issues later on in life? You know I’ll be seventy-five when Jaden graduates from high school, right?”

But Lauren doesn’t look at it that way. She tells me, “You’ve got to trust the Lord. Assume it’s all going to be manageable and just look forward.” Sometimes I get too focused on the what-ifs, and she points out that if I worry myself to death about things, I might end up doing nothing.

Her philosophy and mine still give great balance to our marriage. We see, more clearly than ever, that some of our different perspectives came from our parents. I can’t get mad at that or say Lauren should be more like me. That’s one reason God brought us together, and we make good decisions when we work through things as a team. Many times, just as with my NBC job, her perspective helps me look at things differently  —for the better.

I see a lot of her mom, Doris, in Lauren. Both are very strong women with a great deal of faith in God. They love kids and enjoy having them at home, even as they get older. They trust the Lord, knowing He will work all things out.

Lauren

Tony tends to be analytical like his dad. He’ll say, “We can do this, but here’s how we should go about it.” He is deliberate and thinks things through before acting. As a result, his plans usually turn out well. We are opposites in a number of ways, but we have learned to navigate our differences. It was harder to do that when we were newlyweds.

When you are committed to sticking it out with your spouse, you find that you learn about him or her  —and his or her family  —over time. As I interacted with Tony’s family over the years, I learned more about him. And the more I understood how they were wired, the easier it became for me to handle some of the differences in our personalities.

Likewise, Tony quickly realized that when he was in the Harris home, he wasn’t going to observe many quiet, reflective moments. There would be conversation! That’s just how my family is, and that’s how they relate to the people they love. As a result, he learned that he was going to have to communicate and talk more when he was with me.

On the flip side, when I began dating Tony, I remember my amazement when I discovered he might not speak to his parents for a couple of weeks. After all, I talk to my mom every day, often several times a day. At first, I asked him what was wrong. “Nothing,” he’d say.

And so I learned that nothing was wrong with his relationship with his parents. That’s just how they were, and it didn’t mean they cared about one another any less than my mom and I. That was helpful for me to know once Eric left for college, since he would go several days or a week without calling. I realized that he didn’t have to follow my pattern to show that he loved me.

Because of what Tony and I have learned about the effect our family backgrounds had on each of us, we know that the way we relate to each other and the way we handle problems is serving as the blueprint for our own children.

I was powerfully reminded of this last summer while attending the wedding reception of Brad and Sandy, the daughter of one of our family’s friends, the Morans. Following a formal ceremony at a historic university chapel in St. Paul, Minnesota, guests headed to the reception hall, where they were invited to kick back while waiting for the bride and groom to arrive. Rather than being directed to our tables, we were encouraged to put on one of a number of costumes that had been provided and then gather in groups for photos. We have a priceless photo of Jade, Justin, and their cousin Alon decked out like rock stars!

The real enjoyment for me, though, came later that evening after the kids had taken off their disguises and the dinner was well underway. As I looked around the room, I had to smile as I watched Jade mingle easily among friends and strangers alike, trying to make everyone feel comfortable and a part of things, much as I’ve always tried to do. I spotted Justin, who was in the middle of the dance floor with a festive crowd around him. He was moving to the music, working the room while showing off his latest YouTube moves. He reminded me so much of my dad, the life of the party.

Then I glanced at Eric, who looked so handsome in his tuxedo. Seeing him ushering in the wedding of his childhood friend had brought tears to my eyes earlier. Now he was sitting at a table looking subdued, much like Tony’s dad often appeared when in a crowd. The evening would wrap up early for Eric since he had to catch a flight back to Oregon. He’d committed long before to participate in an event for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at the Eugene Emeralds minor league baseball game the next day. It would have been easy to justify finding a replacement for the event, but he felt compelled to honor his commitment. Even though we were sorry to see him leave, Tony and I were proud of him for being a man of his word.

In that moment, I realized how individual every Dungy really is  —and yet how powerfully we influence one another. As Tony and I shared some of our marriage ideas and advice with Sandy and her new husband, I couldn’t help but think, My, how time flies.

None of these ideas about marriage and family came right away. Some of them came only with great pain. But over time, they have helped us find out who we are. And they have helped us get beyond the minutiae and prepare for some of the real challenges to come.

That’s not to say we have it all together. Even after thirty-plus years, we’re still learning, still growing, and still adjusting. But we have survived so many stressful events that people say can derail a marriage  —firings, moves, losing parents, losing a child, unexpected career changes, and major disappointments. Through it all we’ve tried to build an uncommon marriage by following two basic principles: staying focused on each other and letting God lead our marriage.

So for better or for worse, we press on, side by side, committed to each other. And we hold on to the belief that if we continue to trust in God, He will lead us through whatever life sends our way.