Introduction

As we pulled into the school parking lot, I tried to let the moment sink in.

Our twelve-year-old son, Jordan, didn’t pause to think about the significance of this day, however. As he glanced at his new school, nestled in a scenic woods setting, he was anxious for me to park so that we could walk back to the sixth grade pod and join the other students waiting on the back porch.

“Bye, Mom,” he said before quickly giving me a kiss and taking off. As he disappeared around the corner, he yelled, “Love you!”

Jordan was ready for the start of sixth grade at Learning Gate Community School, itching to head inside for the latest adventure. He wasn’t thinking about the doctors’ prognosis that he might not live long enough to reach middle school. He wasn’t counting the surgeries  —more than thirty total  —that he’d had since he was an infant. He wasn’t fretting over the speech delay that still sometimes made finding just the right word difficult. Instead, he was eager to join the group of jumping and jostling classmates who were waiting for the bell to ring.

As Tony and I talked about Jordan’s first day later on, we agreed that enrolling him in a mainstream classroom was an answer to twelve years of prayer. Who knew what more lay ahead for him?

Because of Tony’s career in professional football, some aspects of our lives have been visible to the public. Yet it’s largely the moments like this one  —small but full of significance to us  —that have defined our marriage. We believe it’s because of our unwavering commitment to support each other and to live out certain principles that we have enjoyed a marriage spanning more than three decades  —an uncommon feat in this day and age.

When Tony was coaching, we felt that one of our responsibilities was to model a strong and loving marriage to our players and staff. Now we feel ready to do that on a wider scale. That’s not to say that we have it all figured out. We don’t feel like experts, and the examples and principles we’ve tried to follow haven’t resulted in a neat, tidy formula. In fact, we don’t think that marriage can be captured through a formula or a “to do” list.

Relationships are challenging, especially because the miracle of two becoming one is such a mystery given each spouse’s different personalities, desires, and passions. Some days, it seems like marriage is as much about hanging on for dear life, or just trying not to make things worse.

Before we tell our own story, we have to acknowledge that the longevity of our marriage is due, in no small part, to the examples our own parents gave us. Their examples were similar in important ways, like looking to the Bible for answers, but so different in the way those values were expressed in their daily lives. That has meant, at times, we have had to work through the different examples and resulting expectations that we brought into marriage.

So often in life and in marriage, we’ve discovered, there isn’t a clear path. After all, as the apostle James wrote, “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?” (James 4:14). Instead, we walk forward, hand-in-hand, and make a path.

Looking back, we can see where we’ve come from and the ways in which the Lord has been present, even in those moments when we didn’t know just where we were headed ourselves:

We could go on and on. The point is this: we are convinced that there is power in story. We hope that something in our story will connect with something in yours.

Maybe you’ll uncover a specific takeaway for you or your spouse. Maybe something we’ve experienced will be a warning to you  —I’d better not do that! Maybe you’ll better understand what happens when a biblical principle is lived out  —or isn’t. Maybe you’ll simply experience renewed hope at the thought, If they can make it work, so can we.

Whether you are looking at the bleak remnants of a marriage that once seemed so promising, or at the fruit of a great marriage that has flourished, we hope the Lord will use this book to help and encourage you. If you feel that your marriage has hit rock bottom and you’re not sure you can live another month, let alone another year, with your spouse, we strongly encourage you to get professional assistance as well. Some issues grow and fester over time, and you may need a pastor or other professional counselor to help you navigate them.

We have spoken with trusted friends and pastors numerous times in the past, both when life has been challenging and the going tough, as well as when times have been great and the wind at our back. In this book, we’ll introduce you to a few of the couples who have mentored us along the way. Over the years, we’ve come to realize that working on our marriage relationship is always time well spent.

It is easy, as the late Stephen Covey pointed out, to let the urgent things of life crowd out the important things of life. There is a difference between the two. The good can be the enemy of the best. That is, there are wonderful opportunities in life, opportunities to do good with and for those around us. However, if we’re not careful, those good opportunities can pile up and ultimately impinge on the truly critical priorities of our life.

Like our marriage.

We all must safeguard against that.

Tony’s career has given us unique opportunities to be partners, both on and off the field. So when it came time to write this book, we quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm. We also made some interesting discoveries.

First, just because we have intentionally supported and encouraged each other doesn’t mean we have agreed about every decision or always understood what the other was thinking. Loving each other doesn’t mean becoming carbon copies.

Second, those differences, as perplexing as they can be at times, have actually made our marriage stronger and better balanced.

Third, some of our painful memories have been dulled with time. As we tried to recollect those difficult moments, we were pleasantly surprised to recognize that some of them which had been forgiven have truly been forgotten as well, swept away by the sands of time and the gentle breath of the Lord’s forgiveness.

We entered into the writing process with the knowledge that a handful of things need to remain simply between us, as husband and wife. We trust you understand and hope that you won’t even notice the few times we’ve exercised that right.

Writing this book has been a walk down memory lane for us, a chance to pause and reflect, even as life surges on around us, to remember many of the shared experiences of our thirty-plus years together. This journey has been more fun than we even anticipated.

More than anything, it has been a reminder that we have been blessed by a gracious, loving God who has walked alongside us every step of this journey, as well as by wonderful parents who blazed a trail for us.

We pray you will feel the Lord’s presence in your relationship as well.

God Bless You,

Tony and Lauren Dungy