A woman of the same caste who has not been with another man before, when taken in marriage lawfully, helps in a man’s pursuit of Dharma and Artha and provides him with progeny, connections, more friends and straightforward sexual pleasure. A wise man should therefore cultivate a virgin girl with a good background and with both her parents living. At least three years younger than himself, she is from a respectable, wealthy and well-connected family, dear to her relations and well integrated with them. Her mother’s and her father’s kin are both numerous. She has good looks, a nice disposition and lucky signs on her body. Her teeth and nails, ears and eyes, hair and breasts are unspoilt and neither too small nor too big. Also, she should not be sickly by nature.
(1–2)
Ghotakamukha adds that the girl chosen should be one in taking whom a man will consider himself fulfilled and not be criticized by his peers.
(3)
A man’s parents and relations try to ask for the girl’s hand. So too do friends connected to both sides who could act as go-betweens. To strengthen their case they might dwell on the merits of the man’s family and his personality, comparing them with the obvious and probable deficiencies of other suitors. In particular they point out the man’s present and future qualities which the girl’s mother may find congenial. One goes disguised as a soothsayer and predicts the man’s good fortune and acquisition of wealth by referring to omens, signs and the strength of his planetary positions in the zodiac. Others make the girl’s mother anxious by suggesting that the man may find another, even better girl.
(4–7)
Signs, omens and sounds indicative of good fortune should be followed in choosing a girl, and not just people’s preference, says Ghotakamukha. A girl who is asleep, weeping or absent is not to be considered for marriage. Nor one with an inauspicious name, one kept hidden or one already betrothed. Nor a girl with red hair, with white spots on her body, bull-like, stooping, hideous or bald. Nor one whose purity has been polluted, who is promiscuous, menstruating or pregnant. Nor a childhood friend like one’s own younger sister or one who perspires too much.
Neither should one marry
women with despised names
of constellations, rivers, trees,
or ones which end in syllables beginning
with the letters ‘l’ and ‘r’.
According to one opinion, the girl who can catch a man’s eye and capture his heart will also bring him good fortune. One should not consider any other.
(8–13)
A girl ripe for marriage should be attired in all her finery. Always well dressed, she moves about with her girl friends in the afternoon. Attempts are made to display her thus at public gatherings such as sacrifices, weddings and festivals, just like a piece of merchandise.
(14)
Nice-looking, well-spoken suitors should be received with all civilities. The girl is adorned and shown to them under some pretext, and a time frame set for checking fateful signs till a decision is taken on the marriage. Should the girl’s side propose the ceremonial bath and so forth, the suitor’s side need not agree to have it on the same day, saying ‘This is for the future’. Then the girl should be taken in marriage according to the scriptures with the Brahma, Prajapatya, Arsha or Daiva rites in keeping with the local practice. This concludes the arrangement of a marriage.
(15–19)
There are some verses on this:
Marriages, like making friends,
and games with others like verse-capping,
should always only be with equals;
never with the people who
are higher than one or below.
The alliance in which a man
takes a girl, but then must live
like a serf is called ‘the high’
and the wise avoid it.
And one in which he moves about
like the master, waited on
by his in-laws and their kin
is the worthless ‘low’ alliance,
condemned by all good people.
The alliance most recommended
is that in which the two accord
precedence to one another –
a pleasure giving both of them
the taste of mutual happiness.
(20–23)
Having made a ‘high’ alliance,
one must to all the kin bow down:
still, never make the ‘low’ alliance
which good people censure.
(24)