We have already discussed the reasons why men have sex with wives of others. Is it doable? Is it safe? Is it permissible? What of the future and one’s livelihood? These aspects need to be considered from the very beginning.
(1–2)
It is to save his own self from being consumed by desire that a man makes advances on another’s wife. He does this when desire is perceived to be rising from one stage to another. These stages are ten. Their signs are: pleasure at sight; obsession of the mind; beginnings of a longing; sleeplessness; loss of weight; revulsion from other subjects; loss of shame; hysteria; fainting and eventually death.
(3–5)
Many teachers have said that a young woman’s character and truthfulness, her purity and attainability, and the intensity of her sexual impulse are indicated by her appearance and physical characteristics. But these can be misleading, according to Vatsyayana. It is only from her gestures and signals that a woman’s nature can be gauged.
(6–7)
According to Gonikaputra, on seeing an attractive man a woman will desire him. So too will a man on seeing a woman, though he may go no further for some reason. But women are different. A woman just desires: she does not consider if it is right or wrong. She may not take the initiative for other reasons and, if propositioned by a man, it is in her nature to turn off even if she desires him. Therefore she needs to have repeated advances made in order to be won over.
(8–12)
As for a man, even if he desires a woman he may desist from proceeding further due to considerations of virtuous behaviour and nobility of conduct. With such thoughts he cannot be won over easily, despite the woman’s advances. His own are made for no particular reason and, after making one, he may not repeat it as, once he has had her, he becomes indifferent. There is a common belief that a man looks down on a woman who was easily had, and wants one who is hard to get.
(13–16)
Here are the reasons for a woman turning away from a man’s advances. Love for her husband. Concern for her children. Onset of age. Desolation due to some grief or sorrow. Absence of opportunity. Anger: ‘His proposition is an insult.’ Indecision: ‘He is unfathomable.’ The belief that ‘This has no future. He will go away as he is infatuated with someone else.’ Alarm: ‘His intentions are too blatant.’ The thought that ‘He cares more for his friends and will tell them all.’ Suspicion: ‘He is not serious.’ Diffidence: ‘He is too grand.’ The doe woman’s apprehension: ‘He may be too strong and his sexual impulse too fierce.’ Shyness: ‘He is so urbane and expert in all the arts.’ The thought that ‘He always treated me like a comrade.’ Revulsion: ‘He has no thought of the proper time and place.’ Lack of respect: ‘He is disgraceful.’ Contempt: ‘He does not realize it even when I signal him.’ The elephant woman’s concern: ‘He is a hare type and his sexual impulse may be dull.’ Sympathy: ‘He is out of his mind and may get into trouble.’ Disgust at noticing her own bodily defects. Fear: ‘I will be thrown out if my family gets to know.’ Scorn: ‘He is old, gone grey.’ Doubt: ‘He has been put up by my husband to test me.’ And finally, her concern for virtuous conduct.
(17–42)
From the very beginning a man should pre-empt whichever of the aforesaid elements he notices. Those relating to the nobility of her temperament, by exciting her passion. Those arising from her sense of inability, by pointing out solutions. Those due to her great respect for him, by greater intimacy. Those caused by her lack of respect, by his boldness and skill, and those because of his own disrespect, by humbling himself. Her fears he should relieve with assurances.
(43–49)
The following men are generally successful with women: one familiar with the Kama Sutra; an expert teller of stories; an associate since her childhood; one in the prime of youth; one who has gained her trust through games and other amusements; a doer of what he has been asked; a good talker; a doer of what she likes; a former messenger of another lover; a knower of her vulnerabilities; one sought after by the highest women; one secretly involved with her girl friend; one known to be lucky in love; one who grew up with her; a pleasure-loving next-door neighbour; a similar servant; the husband of her nurse’s daughter; one recently engaged; a generous spender who likes picnics and pageants; one so hot and strong that he is called a bull; someone of daring and courage; one who surpasses her husband in learning and looks, in virtues and enjoyment; and a man who lives and dresses well.
(50)
Just as a man considers the attainability of a woman from his perspective, so should he from hers. The women who can be had without effort or merely by making an advance are such as these: she stands in the doorway; keeps looking out of her house at the highway; spends time chatting at a young man’s home next door; is always staring; throws sidelong glances when noticed by a man. She has been superseded by a co-wife for no cause; hates her husband, who hates her too; is uninhibited; and has no children. She stays all the time with her relatives and her children have died. She is fond of parties and wants to be friendly. She is the wife of an actor; a young girl whose husband is dead; a poor woman who likes to enjoy herself; the wife of the eldest of several brothers; a vain woman with an inferior husband; a woman proud of her skills and distressed at her husband’s stupidity, ordinariness and greed. Or, she may be a woman approached by someone who had made efforts to get her when she was a girl, but somehow did not; or by someone whose mind and disposition, intellect, perception and background are similar to hers. Or a woman who is by nature partial to the man; has been dishonoured by her husband for no fault and denigrated by co-wives of comparable looks; and whose husband is always travelling. Or one whose husband is jealous, dirty, a pimp, impotent, a procrastinator, cowardly, a hunchback, a dwarf, deformed, a jeweller, rustic, sick, old or malodorous.
(51–54)
There are two verses on this:
Desire springs from nature itself,
but actions make it grow;
it becomes imperishable when
the mind is of anxiety freed.
(55)
On knowing well his own ability
and a woman’s tell-tale signals
a man may cut through all the causes
of her reserves and have her.
(56)