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Did she seriously just say Caydence is my child and then plan to walk out of here like she did not just change my life forever.
I am in utter shock and disbelief.
I have a daughter.
That would make her what? Five or six years old? Shit, I have missed five years of her life? And she thinks she is leaving right now?
“You are not leaving.” I say in a demanding tone, which causes her to wince and move further away from me.
“Lucas, I just wanted to give you some time to process. I am sorry, I was not trying to upset you more.” She states like this is nothing.
“Maddie, how old is she?” I ask and can hear the anger in my own voice.
“She is five. She started kindergarten today.” She says while looking at her hands.
“How could you have kept this from me for five years Maddie?” I ask in disbelief.
“I thought you were having a baby with Kate and had been cheating on me. You left for OU and your father said you never wanted to see me again. I thought about calling you, I really did, but part of me thought it would only make things more painful and I was so broken after you left. I ended up in the hospital twice before I even left for New York and nearly lost Caydence. I knew telling you could make everything so much worse, and I was afraid, okay? I was only eighteen years old and had to learn how to be a mother and was hurting after losing you. I made a mistake, and I am so very sorry.” When she finishes, I see tears have started streaming down her face.
I may be mad at her, but I still love her, so I move closer and wipe her tears with my thumbs and hold her.
“Maddie, I did not cheat on you. Do you hear me? I didn’t do it. Kate is just a bitch and wanted to hurt you after you not only got the guy but made prom queen. You have to believe me when I say that I have never and would never cheat on you.” I take a breath to get my anger under control.
“I am livid that I have missed five years of my daughter’s life, and livid I have missed this time with you, and I swear I am trying to understand here, but I am upset and need some time to cool off. Maddie, I love you.” I say and lift her chin to look at me.
“I love you, Maddie.”
With tears flooding her face at this point, she replies, “I love you so much. I am so very sorry.”
So, I pull her into me and hold her.
“I am not willing to lose any more time with her. I want her in my life and to meet her right away.” I say seriously.
“Lucas, please give me the time to tell her about you. She is only five and she won’t understand why I haven’t told her about you yet. My relationship with her is everything to me. I know I messed up, but please let me talk to her first. I know she is going to want to meet you too. She has asked about you many times.” She says still laying on my chest.
“What have you told her about me?” I ask.
“She doesn’t know about Kate and all the reasons around why, because she is only five, but I told her that you did not know about her, and I would find you someday and tell you.” She says with hesitation.
“So, she doesn’t think I abandoned her?” I ask in shock.
“No, of course not.” She says and sounds taken back.
“Thank you.” I say quietly.
“What are you thanking me for. I just dropped a bomb on you and hid a daughter for the last five years.” She says sadly.
“For not making her hate me before she even knows me.” I say honestly. “I know you want to talk to her first, but I want to meet her tonight. Now if possible. I want to be there for her too.. You are not alone in this anymore, Maddie.” I say sincerely.
She hesitates to respond for a minute or two.
“Okay, Lucas. I will call my mom and have her bring her home. We can head down to my place and talk to her together. But please be patient with her and me. I have done this alone her whole life and it is not going to come naturally to depend on someone else.” She says with defeat in her voice.
This is it, the moment I am going to meet my daughter.
I wanted Maddie back, but now will gain a daughter too. And I have never been more determined than I am now to make us a family. That’s how it should have always been, and I am not going to miss out on any more time with my girls.
I give her a moment to make the call and when her mom agrees to bring her home after they finish dinner, I spend this time asking as many questions as I can about her.