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I can hear myself screaming. He just hit the ground without a helmet and is not moving. I know better than anyone how awful his last injury was and how serious this could be.
Without thinking, I turn to my mom who is holding a crying Caydence. “Baby, mommy has to go down there, I need you to stay with Nana so I can go check on Daddy okay?” I say as calmly as I can.
“Mommy I want to go with you!” She cries out. “Listen baby, Mommy has to go, but I promise to come get you as soon as I can.” I say and jump up.
To my shock, Mr. Edwards is coming over to help my mom console Caydence.
I do not have time to dwell on that. I take off at a dead run, not caring who I push out of my way. I need to get to him right now.
I make my way down the corridor Lucas showed me earlier, burst through the doors and security is trying to stop me and I know I am making a scene and just do not care. Johnny, Lucas’s best friend tells them to let me through.
I rush past him and out onto the field where they are loading Lucas onto a stretcher. I hear someone behind me, and Johnny is there with Becky who I did not even notice has followed me.
They rush him off the field and I climb into the ambulance with him. Becky is being held back and I ask them to please let her come and Johnny hops in behind her with his coach cussing at his departure.
“Breathe Maddie,” Becky’s arms wrap around me. “He is strong, and he will make it through this.” She says with strength in her voice.
“Becky, get on top of the media. Here,” I pass her my phone, “my logins are under notes and my passwords are his birthday. Log in as me and get the story out in a way that will protect him before someone else does.” She takes my phone from me and gets to work.
“I am shocked you even thought of that. It is my job and I didn’t.” She states while continuing to work.
“Football means everything to him. Protect him.” I state emotionless.
Johnny’s hand reaches over to clasp mine. “You are his everything. Not football. He is fighting and going to make it through this for you, not the game.” He says confidently which results in my tears breaking through.
He wraps his arms around me while I hold onto Lucas’s hand for dear life. He has to wake up.
“Lucas, I need you to wake up baby. I need you to show me your baby blues and tell me everything is going to be alright. I cannot lose you, not again.” I weep openly.
I feel Johnny’s arms tighten around me and notice his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. He is trying to be my rock, and I so appreciate him, but right now all I want is to see Lucas open his eyes.
We get to the hospital at record speed, and they rush Lucas back and tell me I need to wait.
A kind nurse comes over and shows me to the waiting area in the intensive care unit. She brings me forms and I do my best to fill them out, but I am shaking uncontrollably.
Becky and Johnny are here with me. A few minutes later, I am still trying to fill out forms when the rest of our families burst through the doors and Caydence runs towards me.
“Where is Daddy?” She cries out.
“Baby, they are back there trying to help Daddy get better. We have to wait for the doctor.” I say trying my best to comfort us both.
My mom reaches down and picks her up. “I am sorry honey, there was no way she was going home and had to be here.” She says with concern.
I do my best attempt at a smile, “I understand, Mom.” I say.
Mr. Edwards approaches me and reaches out his hand, “Listen I can fill these out for you.” He says in a comforting tone.
“Thanks, that would be helpful.” I say quietly. “He was a shell of a person, Maddie. You brought him back to life and I am so sorry for everything I did. I brought this for you.” He hands me a letter. “I should have given it to you when he asked.” He says and turns to walk away.
“Mr. Edwards, I know you were doing what you thought was best, but I love your son. Don’t ever doubt that again please.” Is all I can manage to say.
It has been three hours and finally a doctor is walking our way. Thank God my mom took Caydence to get some food.
“Mrs. Edwards?” he asks. “I am his fiancé, Maddie.” I state and wait. “Are you aware that Lucas had a previous brain bleed that never healed fully?” he asks me. “Yes.” That is all I can manage to respond.
“Well, it is much worse this time. I was able to stop the bleed, but there is swelling in his brain. He has not woken up and to help decrease the swelling, we have placed him on life support so his body can rest and brain and attempt to heal. I make you no promises, he is in a critical state, but I assure you, we are doing everything we can to save him.” He is using a professional, practiced doctor tone, which leaves me feeling more hopeless than anything. I cannot even speak.
“Will he survive?” Johnny is right next to me, still in his full gear.
“I cannot say for sure, right now he is fighting for his life, but we have done everything we can and the rest is up to him.” He states without emotion.
“Can I see him?” I blurt out.
“Yes, I will take you to him. We only allow two people in the room at a time, is there someone you would like to take with you?” He asks, this time with some compassion to his tone.
“Johnny.” Is all I say in return.
I ask Becky and Becca to inform my mom of what is going on away from Caydence and to send her back to bring Caydence when she returns to take Johnny’s spot.
Johnny and I make our way to the room and when we enter, I feel like all the air in my lungs comes out in one huge gush.
There he lies, in a hospital bed, with more machines than I have ever seen attached to him and my heart crumbles to the floor. Johnny helps me to a chair and moves it right next to him and I reach down, and grab Lucas’s hand tightly and openly weep while laying my head on his arm.
“Hey man,” Johnny begins. “I am doing everything I can to take care of your girls like I promised you if this ever happened, but I am not you dude. I need you to wake up and come back because I am looking at your girls and breaking in half watching them break apart at the thought of losing you. I need you to wake up my man. Fight for them,” He chokes on his words, “fight for me bro.”
We hear a sound at the door and I see mom outside with Caydence.
Johnny leans in and hugs me. “Listen, I promised him I would take care of you guys if anything happened to him. I will keep that promise until my last breath, so I am not going anywhere okay? I have someone bringing me clothes and things. I am here, Maddie.” He finishes with a tight hug and then trades places with Caydence.
She is just young enough to not understand how serious this is, but just old enough to know it isn’t good.
“Daddy, I need you to wake up for Mommy. I know, I need you too, but Mommy has never been this happy. You make her happy Daddy. Please come back to us okay? I finally have you, don’t leave me Daddy” She cries on his arm as I had been doing moments before and I know I have tears literally pouring out of my eyes.
“Caydence baby, I need you to go home with Nana. I promise to call you if he wakes up, no matter what time it is, but Mommy has to stay here okay?” I say as calmly as I can.
“I will go with Nana, stay strong Mommy and know I love you and so does Daddy.” I hug her tightly and let her leave with my mom.
One by one, all of our loved ones come in and speak to him and hug me.
I ask everyone to go home and rest and offer my apartment to his parents.
Johnny insists on staying with me. An hour or so later, Becky comes back with a bag for me with clothes for both Lucas and myself. I am not sure she ever truly clocks out of work for him. But she is more than his employee, she has become family to us all.
Nurses and doctors come in and out all night. Johnny has finally fallen asleep on one of the cots they brought in for us.
Sleep will not find me again, until I know he is okay, that much I am sure of.