Chapter Twenty-Two

The pleading cries of an infant pierced his ears and tore at his heart. He searched and searched, calling out, begging for help from anyone who could hear him. Someone called his name. It was Great-Grandpa Angus.

“Jamie, listen with your heart, not with your mind.”

James woke before the sun with remnants of his dream, an infant’s cries, and Angus’s words still ringing in his head. “Listen with your heart, not with your mind.” As a teenager, he’d frequently dreamed of talking to his great-grandfather on horseback, getting advice as they rode, or Great-Grandmother Satsa sitting at his bedside, singing in a language he didn’t know. Did everyone dream about their grandparents like that?

He shivered and wrapped his arm tighter around Reese. She sighed in her sleep and arched against him. Usually, her touch and scent soothed his mind, but he was wound too tight to stay still. He kissed the woman he loved—but would have to let go—and slipped from the bed. The graceful arch of one long leg stretched across the mattress, taking up more than her half. And he didn’t mind a bit.

This was supposed to be part time. Safe.

He dressed and went to start the coffee, needing to think and get his head right.

After his morning routine with the horses, he left a note saying he’d gone into town. The feed store wasn’t open yet, so he drove over to Finn’s and pulled into the driveway by the garage apartment.

“Morning,” Finn called as he walked around the side of the house.

“I was hoping you’d be up.”

“I don’t sleep much lately.”

“Want to talk about it?” he asked, knowing Finn had seen things in combat that were haunting him.

“No.” Finn raised his injured leg to step over the threshold and air hissed between his teeth.

James winced when several kinds of pain altered his buddy’s face and then followed him inside the small apartment. “You know I’ll listen without judgment.”

“Another time. Let’s start with what brought you over so early when you have a beautiful woman in your bed. Or did she leave?”

“She’s still here. For now.”

“Something has you wound tight.”

“She wants to have babies.” The angst in his voice made him wish to recall his words.

Finn poured two cups of coffee and slid one across the breakfast bar to James. “You’ve fallen for her and now you’re panicking.”

There was no denying his friend’s observation and it sent a chill through him. He wrapped his hand around the warm mug and closed his eyes. “She’s got this thing about her. Something that’s reached in and attached to my heart.”

James spent the next few minutes telling him about the discussion they’d had at the cemetery. “I can’t risk losing her because I got her pregnant.”

“Thought you didn’t want to get married or have kids.”

“Some days I don’t know what I want.”

“Since Reese returned?” Finn asked as he popped bread into the toaster.

“Pretty much. She’s made me rethink and second-guess a few things.”

“With today’s medicine, there’s a very slim chance of losing her in childbirth. But there’s a one hundred percent chance if you let her go because you’re afraid. Do you want a life with her?”

A quiver stirred and warmed his belly. “You know she’s planning a career that will have her hopping around the globe.”

“Maybe she’ll end up getting a job close to Cypress Creek. And it sounds like you’re reconsidering the idea of having a family?”

The heat spread to his chest, making his pulse race. James linked his fingers behind his head and paced across the tan carpet. “It scares the bloody hell out of me, but I’m considering it for the first time. But only consider. It’s not a done deal.”

“If she moves away, you could try a long-distance relationship.”

James sat with his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face. “I can’t imagine not having her in my life in some way.”

“There’s your answer. See how things play out.”

James smiled for the first time all morning. “Thanks, Dr. Finn. Now, it’s your turn to get a few things off your chest. You made me talk about my emotional crap. Please talk to me about why you’re not sleeping.”

“Not today.”

James could see prescription bottles near his buddy’s sink, and he couldn’t let Finn keep putting him off like this. Not when he knew something was wrong.

…

Reese found James in the barn putting away riding tack after a therapy session. “Guess what? After my doctor’s appointment today, I’ve got an interview with a newspaper in San Antonio.”

“That’s great.” He hung up the last bridle and met her halfway with a huge smile on his face. “You’re not going to wait to hear from the magazine?”

It appeared he was happy about the possibility of her staying close, and that caused fluttering in her chest. “Better take this opportunity as a backup plan.”

He tucked hair behind her ear and tilted her face up for a kiss. “What time will you be home?”

“I’m not sure.” The word home stood out like a flashing billboard in Times Square. She sighed and rested her forehead on his chest.

“What’s wrong, Goldilocks?” He traced his finger along her chin until she looked up and he kissed the tip of her nose.

“Nothing. Just tired,” she fibbed, not wanting to admit to him, or herself, that the word home sent her emotions into a mixed-up jumble.

…

After her follow-up appointment with the gynecologist, Reese inched along in a snarl of traffic on the way to her interview. She had crossed her fingers, wished on a star, and prayed the doctor would tell her she had plenty of time to travel then settle down and start a family. Not the news she received.

Dr. Green’s words echoed in her head. “You should consider starting your family soon.”

Soon. Not later. Not someday. Soon. But James didn’t want children with her. She tried to clear the catch in her throat. The one that had been sneaking up on her all day.

The first notes of an upbeat song played. She turned up the radio and sang along, hoping to improve her mood. Her thoughts drifted to her dreams of roaming the world with her camera, but visions of a life on the ranch with James kept sneaking in.

Reese instantly wanted to bang her head on the steering wheel for allowing herself fanciful and dangerous dreams. And she might not be able to have biological children. Not if she pursued her dream of rigorous adventures around the world. But she’d always been open to the idea of adoption and would consider it even if she did get pregnant.

Traffic came to a stop, and she hit the brakes, forcing her to pay more attention to the world outside her jumbled mind.

Reese walked out of the San Antonio newspaper office, crossed the street, then turned around and stared at the building. She had a job here if she wanted it. Although it wasn’t her dream job, it was a good backup plan, and she had a week to give them an answer. If James wanted to start a family with her, she probably would’ve said yes on the spot. If she took this job and stayed in the area, he might change his mind.

Then again, he might not. And she couldn’t base her career plans on maybes and possibilities.

Her phone rang, but she didn’t recognize the long-distance number and let it go to voicemail. Her mind was too muddled to talk to anyone, but when her phone dinged with a voicemail message, she listened.

Hi, this is Greer Robinson with National Geographic. Congratulations! You got the job. I can’t wait to meet you in person. You can respond to the email I just sent or call me back at this number and I’ll give you all the details. Have a great night.

A rush of lightness filled her from head to toe. “I got it. I actually got it. I rock!” Not caring what anyone thought, she raised her arms to the heavens and did a full version of her happy dance.

“Keep rockin’ it,” said a young man as he rolled past on a skateboard.

Her earlier depression and ho-hum reaction to the newspaper job morphed into elation and the state of her life suddenly looked much better. She turned this way and that, looking for someone to tell, but it was probably best not to freak out a stranger with her enthusiasm.

She wanted to tell James in person and didn’t dare tell her parents until she’d made her final decision. Dad would insist she take it no matter what.

Who am I kidding? Of course I’m taking the job.

Everything was pointing her in this direction. The universe was telling her to take the career path she’d longed for. Her pulse fluttered in her neck, and she had the unusual urge to squeal. Instead, she dialed Lila.

“Hey, girlfriend,” Lila answered cheerfully.

“You’ll never believe what happened. I got the National Geographic job!”

Her friend gasped. “Oh my God. Congratulations! This is huge. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks. I’m still in shock.”

“Is James happy for you?”

“He doesn’t know yet.” She dropped onto the bench behind her, the humid heat of the afternoon thick and oppressive. “I want to tell him in person.”

“What will you do if he asks you to stay?”

Reese sighed and slumped back on the bench. “Before I answer that question, I have other news. The doctor said if I want to have a baby, I should consider doing it soon.”

“Oh, Reese, I’m so sorry. What was his reaction to that?”

“Since he doesn’t want children, and I’m taking this job, there’s no reason to bring it up.”

“What? I thought you said he likes kids?”

“He does, but his mother died having the baby brother he begged for, and it almost destroyed his father. I’m not sure if he’s scared, feels guilty, or what.”

“Well, double crap. Okay, let’s talk this out. You have the opportunity for the career you’ve longed for. Take it and start looking into IVF with a donor.”

“As usual, you’ve given me lots to think about. I’m sorry I haven’t even asked how things are with you.”

“Nothing new to report. Now, get off the phone and go tell James. And congrats on the job. You’re a rock star.” Lila sang the last words.

“Thanks for always being there. Talk soon.”

She hung up and hurried to her car, anxious to get back to the ranch. But first, she got out her laptop, opened the email from National Geographic, and typed out an acceptance letter, apologized for missing the call, and told Ms. Robinson to call her back anytime. When she hit send, she instantly got the image of a newspaper headline.

Photographer has world-renowned career but dies childless and alone.

…

James got out a cold beer and tossed a bone to Sampson and a treat to Stormy. “I hope she got the job in San Antonio. I could see her a few times a week instead of the few times a year it’ll probably be if she moves to Chicago.”

Sampson looked up from his bone and barked twice.

“What? San Antonio is a workable distance from Cypress Creek.” He opened his beer and headed for a rocking chair on the front porch. The animals followed and settled at his feet.

Can I be the one to give her what she wants?

Surprisingly, and for the first time ever, the thought of a forever relationship didn’t strike immediate panic. Maybe he should take that daunting leap, the one he’d put aside in favor of self-preservation. His pulse sped, in a good way. They could start a life together—the kind he’d taken out of the running, until now.

The sound of her VW reached him, and he walked down the front steps to meet her. He couldn’t wait to tell her the good news about Chet Everett’s arrest. “Guess who had a visit from the cops today.”

She grabbed her laptop bag and straightened. “The police were here?”

“Not here.” He leaned down for a quick kiss. “They arrested your old boss earlier today.”

Her mouth popped open, then she smiled and laughed. “Oh my God. I can’t believe it really happened. That’s awesome news.”

With an arm around her waist, he walked toward the house. “And because of the discoveries the scientists made, the whole area should be safe from other developers.” She was practically dancing in his arms, and he couldn’t resist patting her butt as it wiggled. “You’re really happy about this. You’re vibrating in my arms, sweetheart.”

She went through the front door first and then dropped her things on the couch. “I have something else to be excited about.”

Please let her say she got the newspaper job in San Antonio. At rapid speed, future plans formed in his mind.

Her cell phone rang, and she pulled it out then sucked in a breath. “It’s National Geographic.”

“Answer it.” He said the words, but inside, a voice screamed for her to ignore the call. Forever. His heart took off at a gallop. Maybe they were calling to let her down easy.

She stood, walked toward the front door, and answered. “Hello. Yes. Thank you. I’m looking forward to meeting you, too. You want me to start in a week?”

His heart lurched painfully into his throat. She got the job. The faraway job.

She stepped out onto the porch, and Sampson took the opportunity to rush in through the open door and straight to James.

“What the hell just happened?” he said to his dog. “Fuck my luck.”

His adrenaline rush settled into nausea, and he gripped his stomach. He’d decided to tell her he was in love with her and ask her to stay in Cypress Creek. He was going to say they could talk about having children. His life, one that was just starting to come together, had been shit-canned in seconds, like a rollercoaster ride plummeting into hell. He stared at the empty spot beside him on the couch where she’d just been sitting. Empty, like his bed would be, like his days would be. She was leaving.

I could ask her to stay. No, I can’t deny her this dream come true. I need to put on my big boy boots and go support the woman I love. Smile and take it like a man.

His old dog licked his hand, and he scratched his floppy ears. “My timing really sucks. What now?” Sampson propped his chin on James’s knee and whimpered.

Reese rushed through the door, eyes bright and dancing. “They picked me. I got the job.”

He stood and forced the biggest smile he could muster, but it felt like an uncomfortable mask. “I heard. Congratulations, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you. Come here.” Once she melted against him, they clung and swayed together. His declarations of love and family lay unsaid and unheard between them.

“This is so surreal,” she whispered against his chest.

“You earned it, Goldilocks. When do you leave for Chicago?”

“I need to go get some of my things out of storage and then leave my van at my parents’ house before I fly out of Houston. I can stay here a few more nights.”

She might be here today, but now he knew it really was only temporary. A sudden heaviness pressed his shoulders. It would be a struggle to carry the weight of making sure she got her dream while his was left unfulfilled.