Chapter Twenty-Three

Reese sat at Benjamin’s desk, staring at the ever-changing colors painted across the evening sky. This calming view was only one of so many things she would miss seeing every day. The handsome cowboy who’d stolen her heart was at the top of the list.

James walked into the library and came to stand behind her. “What are you up to, sweetheart?”

She turned the leather swivel chair and continued to stroke the kitten in her lap, a half smile lifting one corner of her mouth. “Just admiring the view while I can.”

“We need to celebrate your new job. Want to go to Lorenzo’s?”

“Sounds nice,” she said.

“I need a shower then we’ll go out to dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll be up shortly to get ready.” She remained in the chair with Stormy in her lap and Sampson at her feet, thinking about the way James made love to her, spoke to her, looked at her. The way he made her feel. He might not be in love like she was, but she knew they had a special connection. Leaving him and the life she thought they were building in Cypress Creek was going to be hard, but the summer fantasy was over. It was time for real-life adulting, and she had an amazing job waiting to take her around the world.

A tiny paw batted her face, and soft meows pleaded for attention.

“Don’t cry.” She didn’t know if she was talking to the cat or herself because at the moment, she felt numb. But wasn’t it okay to mourn the loss of something special, while at the same time being excited about a new and wonderful adventure?

She went into the master bedroom and thought about joining him in the shower, but the water turned off.

When James came out of the bathroom, he clapped his hands together. “All right. Let’s get this party started.”

Damn, he sure was in a good mood. His excitement was nice, but she wanted him to be a bit more…well, devastated. Was he so ready for her to leave? She stared at the chipped pink polish on her toes. Nothing lasted forever.

“Reese? Sweetheart? You okay?”

She looked up and blinked, forcing a smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just making a mental list of things I need to do before I leave.”

After they returned from dinner in town, Reese stood at the bathroom sink brushing her teeth and planning. This time, one she would stick to. She was leaving to start her career, and the life she’d always dreamed of. And it would be amazing. She’d allowed herself a fling that lasted way longer than planned, and she’d fallen in love. But James had not asked her to stay forever or tried to talk her out of leaving. Now, it was time to say her goodbyes.

She’d make love to him, catalogue every moment, lock it away to sustain her, then slip away to live her life.

And see how long it took to put the pieces of her heart back together.

James led Reese into their…his bedroom. Her body throbbed with distress and desire. And love. Face-to-face at the window, he slowly brushed a long curl behind her ear. A simple gesture he did often. A touch she’d miss so very much.

“My sweet Reese. So beautiful,” he murmured.

“James.” The sting of suppressed tears burned her eyes and her throat locked tight.

“I’m really going to miss you.” His warm fingers parted her robe and leisurely, tenderly brushed it from her shoulders.

Silk tickled the sensitive skin of her back and bottom as it fell to the floor. The combination of his touch and cool air on naked skin sent blood rushing. “I’ll miss you, too.” Waterworks set free, she pressed her mouth to his and knew he could feel the moisture spilling down her cheeks.

Are some of the tears his?

He drew her close, like he was trying to pull her so far into him she could never leave.

Please, ask me to stay! Blood whooshed in her ears, and she let him hold her upright when it felt as if her legs would give way.

His lips worshipped with exquisite tenderness. Shivers rocked her entire body as his hands cradled her, telling her how precious she was.

But her silent plea went unanswered. And a little piece of her heart tucked into a hidden corner, hoping to hide from the coming pain.

…

James held his lips against the pulse point on her neck, her hammering heartbeat matching his own. Moonlight shadows danced across Reese’s glowing skin as he eased her onto the bed and lay beside her. He kissed the gentle curve of her shoulder and traced a slow path from the top swell of her breast, pausing to spread his fingers wide and savor the feel of her peaked nipple under his palm.

“James…”

Say it. Give me what I need to ask you to stay. Choose me.

“Hold me, cowboy. Tighter.”

He wrapped her in his embrace and never wanted to stop touching her. Kissing her. Loving her. Raw need mixed with an ache that tightened his chest and burned his throat. Needing this time to last, he didn’t thrust hard and fast but entered achingly slow, capturing her gasp and moan with his mouth.

“Make that sound again, sweetheart. I need to know you feel me.” He slid his fingers between them.

She obliged his request with a sharp gasp then settled into a drawn-out, breathy sigh. “I feel you. I feel you everywhere.” She arched under him.

Her words were seductive and honest and cut to the core of his anguish. Their individual sorrows mirrored each other. Cradling her closer, he bit his tongue to keep from asking her to stay.

They made slow, tender love. Every thrust, every kiss, every touch was a silent goodbye. The fire was there between them but banked to a sweet, steady, aching burn.

Long after they’d made love, he remained skin to skin, knowing he’d soon have to let her go. He turned his face into the pillow, trying to hide the few tears that refused to stay hidden. James was flattened, flayed raw by the power of his love for her. But as much as it hurt, it was something no one could ever take from him. He had to let her go. Like Great-Grandpa Angus used to say, “Being a man means doing a whole lot of shit you don’t want to do.”

…

Reese woke as James slid out of bed. The strong lines of his naked body were shadowed in the early morning light, and she wanted to beg him to get back in and hold her, forever. But they were taking things day by day and hadn’t talked of tomorrow or what the future held for them. He disappeared into the bathroom, while an ache on her right side reminded her of the chance she was giving up by leaving. But he didn’t want a family with her.

She sucked in a breath and sat up.

I haven’t started my period! I’m never late.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that her body was still adjusting to being off the pill. A mixture of panic and guilty excitement swept over her, but there was no reason to freak out. She was only a couple of days late.

Later that morning, Reese stood in aisle seven of the pharmacy, staring at the selection of pregnancy tests, trying to make a decision. She finally chose one and dropped it into her basket. The hairs stood up on the back of her neck, and she cut her eyes first one direction then the next. Someone was watching her, but who, and from where? She turned a full circle but saw no one.

Back at the ranch, she locked herself in the bathroom and opened the pregnancy test. Blood whooshed in her ears, and her heartbeat rattled her rib cage. After following the directions, the waiting began. Seconds trudged along like a caterpillar through honey. Her vision blurred, she became lightheaded and only then remembered to breathe.

What would their baby look like? A little girl with his dark hair? A little boy who loved horses?

If the test was positive, she’d tell him…and hope he didn’t totally freak out. Or she could move away for her new job and tell him after the baby was born, when they were both healthy and safe. That way he wouldn’t have to suffer through the worry of a pregnancy, which seemed to be what was stopping him in the first place. She immediately dismissed that idea completely.

The timer dinged and she froze. Her hand shook so badly she could hardly see the results window.