Pseudosphere, Month Twenty
Pax pressed the pause button on the remote so that she could make an embarrassing confession: “It actually has been nice to rest a little.”
“Right?” Amara smiled, feeling more like her old self now that she was dressed comfortably and relaxing in the purple safe-room. “Aren’t you glad I brought all these awesome movies from our childhood?”
“Yeah,” Pax said reluctantly, “but we’ve wasted far too much time. We really need to get back to training, Mara. There are still three trials left.”
“We aren’t getting any older while we’re in here, are we?” Amara asked. “Time is frozen for us. We should enjoy it!”
“Enjoy what?” Pax asked. She gestured around them to the perfectly square room. “We aren’t making any progress while we dawdle between rooms.”
“We could benefit from some strategizing out here in the safe area before we enter the thick of it again,” Amara said, lounging on the bed. “For example, I’ve been thinking a lot about Para. I don't really think that we can talk to each other in her mind. She only has one brain—it should be impossible really.”
Pax nodded. “I was wondering about that. Maybe Para has a mental disorder. She’s created two separate personalities she calls Pax and Amara, and she talks to herself in her mind to help make decisions and to avoid being lonely. In other words, Para acts out being each of us.”
“That’s hilarious! But it makes sense… so when the ‘Amara’ in Para tells ‘Pax’ to do something, it’s really just Para playing games inside her own head? It’s not me talking to you?”
“Possibly. Probably. It’s confusing, but I guess it helps her stay sane. The only negative aspect of being Para is not having a best friend to talk to—or anyone who really knows who she is. I guess she made her own friends.”
“Sane? That sounds like the definition of insanity to me—but they do say that the most brilliant people are also crazy. But how can Para have something like multiple personality disorder if she really is two people?”
“Well, she is technically just one person,” Pax reasoned. “She’s just very self-conscious about being made from two people, and trying to make both halves happy all the time. We both have our own desires, but in Para they blend into one. Sometimes I forget I’m not myself when I’m her. I consciously think of the fact that I’m joined with you, and I constantly try to seek out other parts of myself that are not me… parts that might disagree with what I’m doing. Does this make sense?”
Amara began laughing. “I think she gets all her madness from you!”
Pax grinned and used her mind to slam a pillow into Amara’s face.
“We just need to spend more time as Para,” Amara said, rubbing her nose. “She needs time to just be herself and to feel normal and comfortable in her own skin.”
“All we have is time,” Pax said softly.
“But half an hour every day isn’t enough! She needs to exist for a longer period, continuously. Days or even weeks. Heck, if we could have stayed together as Para, she would have beaten all six trials already! Maybe I can come up with some sort of invention…”
“You should try, Mara. I’ll also see if I can find a creative way to use my prana to keep her joined. If we put our heads together, figuratively, we should be able to find a way to keep our heads together, literally.”
Amara giggled at that. “Okay, sure. But can we finish watching Cinderella first?”
Pax nodded and pressed the play button to continue the movie. During the scene in which Cinderella saw the clock, told the Prince that she had to leave, and rushed out of the ball frantically, Amara used her telekinesis to float the remote over to her hand, and purposefully hit pause. It’s so familiar, she thought to herself. Having to run away before the magic ends. Cinderella only gets to stay in her beautiful gown for a measured amount of time…
“Hey, I’m not telepathic like you are, Mara. Penny for your thoughts?”
“Cinderella did it,” Amara whispered.
“What?” Pax was lost. “And you call me crazy.”
“No, check this out, Paxie! She captured the prince’s heart in probably less than thirty minutes. She got to the ball pretty late, and she had to rush to leave before her horses became mice and her coach became a pumpkin at midnight! And the prince only wanted her because she used magic to make herself greater for a limited amount of time; he didn’t care about the women who were always there!”
Pax raised her eyebrows. “You think Para could really do that to Thorn and Ash?”
“Yeah,” Amara said, with a little sadistic smile. “It took you and me our whole lives to make memories with the guys. All those years of wasted love, trust, and devotion. But we were always there and they took us for granted. Now, in a few measly half-an-hour sessions, Para can destroy all of that. She’s something new and magical—greater than both of us.”
Unable to respond, Pax stared down at the bulge of the ring under her leather glove.
Amara moved close to her friend and took Pax’s hands in her own. “Paxie, please say that even if you choose to marry my brother, you’ll still help me to hurt Ash. Please! I need to get even and take back what he took from me.”
“It’s nice to see you showing some balls,” Pax said with a smile. “Of course I’ll help. We’re in this together. I promised—as long as you help me too.”
“You still want to hurt my brother?”
“Are you kidding me? I think about it every day!” Pax frowned. “I keep thinking that if I just go back and marry him, I’ll grow to hate him. I’ll be so unhappy, and I’ll spend every day making him unhappy like so many other married couples. I’d rather just get all my vengeance out of the way at once in a huge attack than make him suffer in small increments for an entire lifetime.”
“Now I recognize you, Pax Burnson. I was wondering where my best friend had gone.”
* * *
“I’m not wasting another minute!” Pax shouted. “We can’t just sit around and watch movies and talk about boys! This is not important. I feel like I am rotting. All the strength and skill we’ve achieved from training—we’ll lose it if we don’t keep practicing!”
Amara chewed on her lip. She knew that she had been stalling for far too long. She had been expecting Pax to blow up at her a long time ago, and now she feared her friend’s wrath. “Paxie, we’ve achieved so much. I still try to stay in Ruby Form a little longer each day, just like you told me. I have far more energy, and far more control of my prana than I had when we first came into the vector zone. We are both getting better at using Ruby Form, even in the safe-room! Isn’t that preparation?”
“Are you serious?” Pax hissed. “It’s like you’re trying to sabotage us! There’s so much more to achieve than Ruby Form. There’s Silver, Golden, and Pure White—haven’t you seen it done? When someone achieves Pure, their irises disappear and their eyes become completely white. Their body is completely possessed by ancestral energies, and they lose all human consciousness. Their human blood and human thoughts burn away and they completely black out; but they become unstoppable—I doubt we could ever get to that level. We’re still so weak. There’s so much more to accomplish that we will never realize unless we get going now.”
“My dad can easily do all of that stuff,” Amara said in confusion. “If there’s ever a fight at home, we can just depend on my dad. He is so strong that we don’t have to be.”
Pax stared at her friend silently for a moment. “My father is powerful too. It didn’t stop the Asura from killing my mother.”
Amara closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, Paxie…”
“No. How would you feel if it had been Rose? You don’t understand what that was like, seeing her body on the floor and realizing she had been killed!” Pax knew that her anger had crossed a tipping point, and she would not be able to calm down or lower her voice. “Vincent would have protected my mom if he could have done so. But no—I was the only one around, and I was a weak, useless kid. I didn’t even realize there was an Asura attack. Twelve years later, and I’m still weak and useless—it could happen again. It could happen to my grandma, or it could happen to you or Rose. I wouldn’t be able to stop them.”
“Pax…”
“And you stopped talking to me for years,” Pax added fiercely. “I was fourteen; my mom was murdered, my dad lost his mind and went to India, and my best friend stopped hanging out with me. You and I barely talked through all of high school.”
“I didn’t know what to do!” Amara cried. Tears began to slip down her cheeks at the truth of her friend’s words. “You were so depressed. It was hard to be around you...”
“And easier to be around the popular, rich, fashionable kids,” Pax finished viciously. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to calm down. Involuntarily, the face of the man she loved came into her mind. “All I had was Thorn. I guess that’s why it doesn’t really matter what he does to me; I’ll always run back to him in the end. Everyone knows it. I’m nothing. I’m nothing when it comes to people. You, Ash, my dad—our relationships become so strained when things go wrong. I used to have confidence in Thorn, and think he’d be there no matter what, but now I know that depending on anything outside myself is foolish. But my power is my own. My power is something that can take pride in—this is who I am. I’m a goddess. I’m the granddaughter of the Fire Deva.”
Pax did not realize that she had advanced on Amara and was speaking harshly, very close to the blonde woman’s face. “I am not going to depend on my father to protect me. I’m going to think about the fact that my father won’t be young and strong forever, and someday I will need to protect him. I am not going to depend on Thorn, Vincent, or Ash, just because they’re men and they’re older than us. I am going to take responsibility to become just as strong as they are. I want to be able to lift some of the burden off their shoulders. I love these men, and I don’t need them to carry me. I want to stand beside them. If they need me to do so, I will carry them.”
Amara’s pale blue eyes seemed stricken. “My dad is the most powerful man in the world. You don’t have to worry about him.”
“Even Vincent is just a person. He may be a demigod, but that doesn’t mean that he is invulnerable. He has weaknesses.”
“Don’t talk about him that way behind his back,” Amara shot back. “He would be so upset if he knew. What kind of weakness could he possibly have?”
“A weak daughter,” Pax answered immediately, “a daughter who chooses to remain weak. Vince taught me so much, and I owe him more than I can ever repay. We are all born liabilities, but it’s up to us as individuals whether we will take our natural gifts and run with them—or let them go to waste. I have had some disadvantages in my life, but it’s pointless to focus on them. The advantages are far greater—I was given vast natural abilities, and I had the privilege of your dad’s attention and teachings. I’m not sure why he thought I was worthy of a word here and there, a lesson here and there, but I listened to every word and I followed every instruction. I’m 26 years old, and nowhere near as strong or experienced as our fathers, or even Thorn and Ash. But I’ll tell you this, Amara: I won’t allow myself to remain a liability. I will do all I can to become an asset to our families.”
Amara was rendered speechless. “But… I invented new technology. I helped my family make money…”
“You were captured and used as leverage against me! I had to agree to join with Suja for your freedom. Thorn and Ash pledged themselves to Suja to save you. We were lucky to get away at all! Maybe you’re comfortable playing the role of the damsel in distress, but I’m not. I would be ashamed if I had let that happen to me. I’d be doing everything in my power to make sure I couldn’t be captured again. I wouldn’t be watching Disney movies to escape the reality of our world!”
Amara did not know how to respond. She remembered all too well how awful it had been to be captured and helpless. She knew that she owed Pax her life.
The dark-haired woman grew even angrier because of her friend’s silence. She turned away in frustration. “Fine. I’m giving you an ultimatum. Either you enter one of these three remaining doors with me when we wake up, or I’m going alone. Goodnight, Amara.”
“I refuse,” Amara said in a whisper. “The last time we were in one of those rooms, you died. I held your body, and I felt that you were gone. I’d rather you be pissed off at me forever than watch you die again! I’m not doing that again anytime soon.”
Pax felt sorry when she heard the emotion in her friend’s voice. She could hear that Amara was a mess of tears, but her anger overpowered her mercy. “Excellent. So next time, don’t watch. Don’t participate. Just turn away and ignore what’s happening—instead of saving my life, you can let me die.”
“I would never let harm come to you if I could prevent it,” Amara said.
“But you won’t be able to prevent it,” Pax answered. “Thorn and Ash have always had each other’s back. I thought we could be at least as tough as they are! But they’re men, and their drive to be strong comes naturally—they don’t have to work as hard as we do for it.”
“It doesn’t mean they care about each other more than we do—just because they’re stronger.”
“Doesn’t it?” Pax asked. “It means that they cared enough to work to be assets to each other instead of liabilities.”
“When you love someone, they are always a liability to you,” Amara answered softly. “We’ll go into Room Four tomorrow. You win. Goodnight, Paxie.”
* * *
Pax stood rigidly straight and ready like a soldier as she waited for Amara to get ready. The blonde woman was taking her time to shower, brush her teeth, and say goodbye to all the modern conveniences they would lose once they stepped out of the purple cube. Pax took this moment to study the three plaques that had appeared on the walls of the room upon completion of the first three trials. When placed consecutively to make a phrase, they read: Retribution before Resolution.
“What do you think it means?” Amara asked, standing beside her friend and toweling her hair.
“I’m not sure,” Pax answered.
“It makes me think about the guys,” Amara admitted as she pulled on a fresh change of clothes.
“It’s been so long away from them.” Pax reached out to touch the lovely cursive lettering emblazoned on the plaque. “It’s hard to believe that when we get out of here, we will have changed so much, but only a few days will have passed on the outside—they will be exactly the same.”
“Underneath it all, we’ll be exactly the same too,” Amara said quietly. “That’s what scares me. Even if I get stronger physically, I’ll still be too scared to know what to do with it.”
“That’s not true. This room isn’t just testing us physically,” Pax answered. She removed her fingers from the plaque, heading for the fourth door. “Are you ready?”
“No,” Amara said, “but you’re going to open the door anyway, so why ask?”
Pax was already tugging the amber rectangle almost clean off its hinges. She had grown tired of the purple cube, and was truthfully a bit too excited to continue. “Wow,” she breathed.
Amara peeked her head around the yellow door, glancing into the room. She let out a little sound of surprise when she saw an enormous ruined city. “How pretty. It looks like old Rome or Athens.”
The girls carefully stepped into the fourth room, knowing to expect the worst. They studied their new surroundings with fear and anticipation. When the yellow door disappeared behind them, trapping them in the realm, they had no choice other than to move forward and explore.
“Please, no bugs,” Amara was muttering. “No more bugs.”
This gave Pax a small smile of amusement. “What if there are giants instead?”
“At least we’ll see and hear them coming. I’ll hide behind you while you fry them with fireballs and we’ll be out of here in no time. I miss my beautiful house. I miss my soft mattress. I miss my refrigerator.”
“You’re a wimp,” Pax said, while her voice simultaneously responded, “me too.”
The girls were confused by this, and they stopped staring at the city so that they could look at each other. They realized that there were two copies of Pax standing beside each other, and two copies of Amara. Four girls now stood where there were only two before.
“Well, this is new,” said the two copies of Amara in unison. They seemed uncomfortable about speaking together, and only one continued to comment on the situation: “Kind of opposite from the way we usually do things.”
The copies of Pax were staring at each other curiously, reaching out to touch each other’s hair and faces. “If joining our bodies together makes us stronger—does being divided like this make us weaker?” one of her bodies asked with a frown.
“That’s exactly what I was wondering,” her duplicate responded.
“I guess we’ll find out,” the two copies of Amara said in harmony. “This could turn out to be an advantage, but since we’re in the Pseudosphere, I highly doubt anything that happens is supposed to make it easier on us.”