To you, my true and faithful friend,
These tributary lines I send,
Which every year, thou best of deans,
I’ll pay as long as life remains;
But did you know one half the pain
What work, what racking of the brain,
It costs me for a single clause,
How long I’m forced to think and pause;
How long I dwell upon a proem,
To introduce your birth-day poem,
How many blotted lines; I know it,
You’d have compassion for the poet.
Now, to describe the way I think,
I take in hand my pen and ink;
I rub my forehead, scratch my head,
Revolving all the rhymes I read.
Each complimental thought sublime,
Reduced by favourite Pope to rhyme,
And those by you to Oxford writ,
With true simplicity and wit.
Yet after all I cannot find
One panegyric to my mind.
Now I begin to fret and blot,
Something I schemed, but quite forgot;
My fancy turns a thousand ways,
Through all the several forms of praise,
What eulogy may best become
The greatest dean in Christendom.
At last I’ve hit upon a thought ——
Sure this will do — —’tis good for nought ——
This line I peevishly erase,
And choose another in its place;
Again I try, again commence,
But cannot well express the sense;
The line’s too short to hold my meaning:
I’m cramp’d, and cannot bring the Dean in.
O for a rhyme to glorious birth!
I’ve hit upon’t —— The rhyme is earth ——
But how to bring it in, or fit it,
I know not, so I’m forced to quit it.
Again I try — I’ll sing the man —
Ay do, says Phoebus, if you can;
I wish with all my heart you would not;
Were Horace now alive he could not:
And will you venture to pursue,
What none alive or dead could do?
Pray see, did ever Pope or Gay
Presume to write on his birth-day;
Though both were fav’rite bards of mine,
The task they wisely both decline.
With grief I felt his admonition,
And much lamented my condition:
Because I could not be content
Without some grateful compliment,
If not the poet, sure the friend
Must something on your birth-day send.
I scratch’d, and rubb’d my head once more:
“Let every patriot him adore.”
Alack-a-day, there’s nothing in’t —
Such stuff will never do in print.
Pray, reader, ponder well the sequel;
I hope this epigram will take well.
In others, life is deem’d a vapour,
In Swift it is a lasting taper,
Whose blaze continually refines,
The more it burns the more it shines.
I read this epigram again,
’Tis much too flat to fit the Dean.
Then down I lay some scheme to dream on
Assisted by some friendly demon.
I slept, and dream’d that I should meet
A birth-day poem in the street;
So, after all my care and rout,
You see, dear Dean, my dream is out.