Logan
“Logan, you don’t know what you were like when you were under that spell,” Raena told me. “You were horrible. You called me crazy, delusional… you told me to see a psychiatrist… you beat up Father Matthias. I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, but you need to know.”
I cringed at her words. She had explained everything to me — all about the spell, my “amnesia”, Andrei being my brother…even about Ismene, who was apparently a devil named Serafina, tricking her into killing me. I had apologized and apologized, even though she tried to assure me that she was the one who should be asking me for forgiveness, as if any of this could possibly be her fault.
We were standing at the end of the pier. I had brought her here, rather than above the cliffs as she had asked. Despite everything, it was still her favorite spot — and her least favorite. She seemed to be inexplicably tied to the pier and the ocean. Everything major thing that had happened to her recently had been here. Now she would have one more bad memory of this place. I was breaking up with her.
I began to cry softly as I met her eyes. “I don’t think we can make this work. You don’t need to be with someone like me.”
“Logan, I don’t need to be with you, but I want to be with you… because I love you.”
I sighed. “I did terrible things to you. No one should want to be around that.”
“You weren’t yourself. You couldn’t help it.”
“How can you forgive me, just like that?”
“I told you, because I love you.”
“Stop saying that!” I ordered. “You can’t love me. I’m not worth loving.”
She stared at me with an incredulous look on her face. “But of course you are. No matter what you do, you will always be worth loving.”
“Raena, please! I might have been under a spell, but everything I said, everything I did, it was still me. You know that. I would never do anything to purposely hurt you. Please believe that. I can’t believe I acted like that. It was that witch’s fault… hers and Andrei’s. My brother.” I hung my head. “I can’t believe that psycho is my brother. After everything he did to you — I’m ashamed to be related to him.”
“Logan,” she interrupted me, “It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re related to Andrei.”
“Still, until all of this is over, I think it’s better if we’re not together. Andrei and whoever else can obviously use our relationship against us. He may say he’s on our side, but I don’t think I believe him yet.”
“Logan, don’t do this to us. Not when we’ve just found each other again,” she begged.
It took every ounce of strength I possessed to not give in and say I didn’t mean it. “I don’t want to do this. You can say it wasn’t my fault all you want. I still feel like… I don’t know, if I really cared then I would have been strong enough to withstand her spell.”
“You do care. I know you do!”
I couldn’t stand to see the tears streaming down her face. “I never stopped caring for you the whole time. I just forgot everything. It was like she wiped my mind of all that had happened between you and me, but she couldn’t erase my feelings for you. It was just like I forgot you returned my feelings.”
“Do you have any idea what it was like, seeing you with her, knowing that the hands that held hers once held mine?”
“Wait a minute. Nothing happened with her. You know that.”
“I don’t know that,” she said quietly.
“Well, I’m telling you that it didn’t. You know me better than that. She didn’t make me forget you.”
“But you did forget. Maybe you didn’t forget I existed, but you acted like I was such a nuisance! Do you remember accusing me of stalking you? Do you remember calling me crazy?”
“I remember,” I admitted. “Which is one of the reasons why we need to end this now. I can’t keep hurting you like this.” She opened her mouth to say something, but I held up a hand to cut her off. I didn’t want to hear any more. “Look, I’ll help you and Andrei defeat my… mother,” I shuddered at the word. That evil thing would never be my mother. I couldn’t comprehend that I could have come from a creature like that. It only proved to me that I was worthless. Maybe I really was evil. “I don’t understand why you need my help, but I’ll give it. Other than that, I want you to stay away from me.” I looked away. I couldn’t bear to see the look on her face when my next words registered. “Maybe you should go back with Andrei. He’s proven to be a better man than me. You deserve to be with someone who treats you better.”
I heard her sharp intake of breath. I fought to keep from looking at her. “Sounds familiar,” she said.
Now I did look at her. “What?”
“Didn’t you once say that to me about Andrei? And I asked you if you would be the one to treat me better?”
She was right. “That was then. I was wrong. He’s changed. I have too, except I’ve changed for the worse.” I looked her straight in the eyes, trying to add in some sort of compulsion. I had heard it was a power that devils had. Maybe I could use it now. “Go with my brother. Forget about me.”
“Logan, he told me the same thing. I refused. He may have sworn his service to me, but my heart still belongs to you. I’m not going to give up on us.”
So my brother had been trying to steal her while I was under the spell of his making. Maybe he wasn’t as good as I thought. Still, he might be able to make her happy where I obviously couldn’t. I needed to get things under control and figure out exactly what was going on before I could be with her. Not that I deserved her. It was just like I had always thought — she was too good for me. Despite her faults — her temper, her… well, I couldn’t think of any others.
Still, she was good, pure. If she was still insisting that she wanted to be with me despite everything I had done… I would just have to walk away from her. This was killing me, but it had to be done. “Maybe when this is all over, we can try again. Until then, this is just the way it has to be. Goodbye, Raena.” With that, I turned and walked away, trying to ignore her calling after me.
I heard her footsteps behind me. Grabbing my arm, she hauled me around. She crushed her mouth to mine and our tears mingled. I could have stood there and kissed her forever, but instead I broke away. Her face mirrored my sorrow. I didn’t say anything else. There was nothing more to say, so I walked away, leaving Raena staring after me.