It was hard for Nate to believe that he had been here two and a half weeks and the press still hadn’t found him. It was Thursday evening and from the window of Sid’s flat, he could see down to the beach. The sun was setting slowly, a giant ball of orange in a deep blue sky and magpies gathered in the trees up and down the street. He counted them. ‘One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy …’ Did that mean he’d be having a boy? He didn’t mind if it was a girl or a boy.
That morning, Gregory had purchased some of the papers and Nate had taken a sneaky look. He wasn’t looking good at the moment but Robin assured him it would pass. Emma, on the other hand, was quite happy to agree with the papers’ verdict when she spoke to him on the phone but was thankfully shunning any attempt at a public comment, probably too worried the press might ferret out her own affairs.
For a moment, Nate thought about how settling in a flat like this, somewhere like Greenley, wouldn’t be that bad after all. He’d love for his child to grow up somewhere like this. The place was full of wide-open spaces, green trees and blossoming flowers. The sound of the sea had filled his ears as he’d walked over. The perfect place for Sunday walks, skipping stones over the waves and good, clean air. Perfect and quiet. As the flat was just around the corner from Gregory and Cecil’s he’d only had to keep the hood up on a sweat top Gregory had brought him. No weird disguises today. Though the bright pink hoodie wasn’t exactly inconspicuous.
Sid’s flat was in a large Victorian townhouse that had been converted into flats. He had the top-floor flat and the period features were all still there. A large tiled Victorian fireplace dominated the room in which Nate stood, and the high ceiling was decorated with plaster cornicing. It had a real homely feel and though he’d have loved to see the other rooms, Nate refused to pry, especially as they’d been so generous in letting him use the flat for his meeting with Sarah. He was even more surprised when they had happily handed over the keys for him to let himself in and out. The few short moments of freedom he’d experienced on the walk over had been blissful. If he was able to stroll around freely, he could certainly see himself settling here.
Through the window, Nate could see Sarah getting out of a car down the street, her glossy brown hair swishing around her face as she bounced along. She carried herself with an ease and grace Nate found attractive, and from above he could see her eyes darting to and fro as she watched the world go by. Her mouth naturally turned up in a small smile and Nate imagined running his thumb gently over her lips before moving in for a kiss, his breath lingering with hers. He’d met a lot of beautiful women in his time. Had even kissed some of them for TV, but none had this effect on him. When Sarah turned into the building and made her way up to the flat Nate discarded the image and ignored the fluttering in his chest. Flattening his hair he readied himself to say hello. Nerves churned in his stomach even though nothing was happening between them. There’d been an attraction on his part, but she didn’t seem to reciprocate, and he couldn’t act on it, even he wanted to. His life was complicated enough.
On hearing a gentle knock at the door, he went to answer. Sarah stood there, shyly clutching her book and the script. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi. Come in.’ Nate stood aside and she walked through into the living room. He caught the scent of her gentle perfume. ‘How have you been? Have you seen your dad?’
Sarah sat down on the sofa, almost huddled over, and he worried he’d made some terrible mistake in asking. Her face was gloomy as she answered. ‘I saw him the other day. He’s trying to get a job. He wants to stay in the area and thinks we should try and rebuild our relationship.’ Having studied voice work, the slight lift at the end of the sentence told him that perhaps she was growing more used to the idea of her dad being around.
‘How do you feel about that?’ Nate believed she should try and work it out with her dad, but it wasn’t for him to say so. He didn’t know everything about the situation, and he couldn’t trust his own judgement, having made enough of a mess of his own life. When Sarah’s eyes caught his, the sincerity in them tugged at his heart and he wanted to take her hand and comfort her.
‘I’m not sure. I just don’t know what would be best. Anyway, what are we working on today?’
Taking the hint that the subject was closed, Nate said, ‘Well, I was going to ask you if there were any particular scenes you wanted to go through. The last rehearsal was so much better.’ Gentle lines formed on her forehead as she flicked through the script. She looked cute. Nate scolded himself. He was in no position to find anyone attractive; his life was too much of a soap opera.
‘What about act three? I’ve got such a lot to say I’m having troubling remembering it all.’
‘Okay.’
Sarah offered him her copy of The Tempest while she read from the typed-up script. They began by talking through the scene and what Miranda’s motivations were. Nate was surprised that Sarah was so astute, and her confidence seemed to have grown since their first, short coaching session a week ago. Just as they were beginning to go through the lines, his phone rang. With a sinking feeling he saw that it was Hannah and stared at his phone to make sure it wasn’t lying to him. Robin had told him not to speak to her, but what if something had happened to the baby? To his child. She might need his help, or have something important to say.
‘Everything all right?’ asked Sarah.
Nate looked again at his phone, then back to Sarah who watched him quizzically. ‘I’m sorry, I need to take this.’ He moved out into the hall, swiping to accept the call as he went. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi, Nate, it’s Hannah Salgado.’ She sounded so supremely confident it reminded him of Emma and not the woman he’d met that night who’d been shy and overawed with the big city she found herself in. She was a better actor than he was, he thought sardonically. But she was still the mother of his child and he would do everything he could to make things work and give his baby a stable home.
‘Is everything okay?’ Nate tried to keep his tone even. ‘Is the baby all right?’
‘What? Oh, yes. Yes, everything’s fine. But that’s what I was calling about.’ She paused and when he didn’t enquire, she continued. ‘Nate, I think we need to meet face to face, don’t you? We need to decide what we’re going to do. Don’t you think so? We need to talk about how we’re going to make this work.’
He nodded to himself. ‘Yes. I think you’re right. We do need to talk, there’s a lot to sort out.’
‘You’re not in London at the moment, are you? You’ve done well to avoid the papers, they’ve been all over me.’ She gave a false, hollow laugh and Nate resisted the urge to point out it was she who’d gone to the papers in the first place. As if pre-empting him she said, ‘Look, I’m sorry for what I did, okay. I think it must have been the pregnancy hormones driving me crazy.’
‘When did you find out you were pregnant?’ he asked, ensuring his tone was even. He didn’t want this to escalate into a row, but with Robin’s words ringing in his ears, a sliver of suspicion hit him.
‘About a week ago. But your body starts changing straight away, doesn’t it?’ He supposed that was true, but it meant she’d gone to the papers pretty much immediately. ‘So where are you? I could come down and we could talk there, away from everything.’ Nate cocked his head. Though he wanted to speak to her, he couldn’t give away his location. Not just for himself, but for Gregory and Cecil, Sarah, Lottie, and Sid. In fact, all of the Greenley Players who’d done everything they could to keep his presence there a secret. It had been a big ask from him, a stranger, and no one had let him down yet. They’d shown such loyalty it was truly heart-warming. ‘Nate?’ she asked again. ‘I really think I should come to you so we can talk.’
‘Listen, Hannah, I agree we need to talk and I’ll be back soon. I’ll ring you when I am, okay?’
There was a loaded pause as she considered his response. ‘Come on, Nate. There’s a lot to sort out for this child. Our child. Do you really want me to wait?’ There was something mildly threatening in the way she’d said that, but he wasn’t going to let down the friends he’d made here. ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I’ll call you as soon as I’m back. I’m sure it won’t be long.’
With a heavy sigh she said, ‘Fine,’ and hung up.
When he returned to the living room his legs were shaking and he flopped onto the sofa next to Sarah.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked, genuinely concerned.
‘That was Hannah.’
‘Oh.’ Sarah dropped her eyes to her script and he felt a sharp pang of regret that she probably now thought he was everything the papers were making him out to be.
‘She wanted to talk about the child.’
Sarah quickly shook her head and kept her gorgeous almond shaped eyes away from his. ‘It’s fine, Nate, you don’t have to tell me anything. It’s none of my business.’
It wasn’t, but why did he want it to be? Why did the thought of her thinking so badly of him affect him so much? He’d be gone soon and then he’d never see her again so really, he shouldn’t care what she or anyone else in Greenley thought, but he did. So much so it hurt. Thinking that if she knew the whole truth, maybe she wouldn’t judge him so harshly, he said, ‘Listen, I know it all looks really bad, but it’s not what it seems. Like I said before, it’s complicated.’
‘I know, you said your marriage was already over.’
After a moment he said, ‘Yes, it was, it had been for ages, but I did still cheat on my wife, and I know there’s no excuse. We’ve only been together for show.’ At this Sarah looked up. ‘We fell out of love a long time ago. Emma had an affair – a few of them actually – and so we just agreed to stay married until the time was right to announce an amicable separation and divorce.’ She looked confused and it was like a hot knife in his heart. ‘I thought I was okay with the situation, throwing myself into work … I didn’t realise how lonely I was. How broken until … Then, when I met Hannah I was stupid. She flattered me and I shouldn’t have fallen for it, but I was drunk and …’ He pressed his hands together in his lap until his fingertips where white. ‘I was an idiot.’ He was stuttering his words, sounding pathetic and Nate hated himself for it. ‘I know I shouldn’t have done it and my punishment is it’s ruined my career and now she’s saying she’s pregnant, I don’t know what to do.’
Sarah’s mouth fell slightly open and Nate realised that rather than tell her everything in a grown-up manner he’d blurted it all out like a child having a tantrum. She must think him the lowest of the low. ‘I made a stupid mistake, but now there’s a child, I have to do something to fix this. If I’m going to be a father, I want my baby to be loved and to have a stable home, no matter what the circumstances.’
A quietness fell on the room. ‘I think that’s very …’ Sarah paused and Nate held his breath wondering what she was going to say. ‘Good. It’s very decent … of you.’ He didn’t know why her words meant so much to him, but they did. ‘Does it mean you’re heading back to London then?’ Sarah’s voice was small and she kept her eyes away.
‘Soon, I guess. I’m going to call Robin tonight.’
‘What did you mean it’s ruined your career? I thought you were just waiting for things to die down. Don’t they say there’s no such thing as bad publicity?’
‘It depends on the publicity.’ Nate cocked his head, now resigned to his fate. ‘The work’s drying up. All the roles I was asked to audition for are being withdrawn. They don’t want someone with a bad reputation ruining their productions, especially for wholesome good guy parts. And I’m not Brad Pitt. I’m not a big enough name to just shake it off. Everyone thinks I’m a horrible cheat.’
‘I don’t.’ By the time she’d said those words, she was already studying her script and the apples of her cheeks had turned pink. Nate wanted to reach out and take her hand but stopped himself. She glanced up and suddenly he was moving towards her, yearning for a kiss. She didn’t pull away and he could feel the sweetness of her nervous, unsteady breath. His heart raced as he inched forwards. His fingertips brushed her hand. His eyes focused on her soft pink lips but before he could do anything she pulled back and cleared her throat. Tucking her hair behind her ear she said, ‘Well, I hope you’ll stay for my birthday drinks next Saturday. Lottie was secretly hoping you’d come.’ Nate moved back and allowed himself to smile but his body was almost trembling. He hadn’t felt such a longing for someone, or such a deep connection in an incredibly long time.
‘How can I say no then?’ he joked, running a hand through his hair, hoping she hadn’t noticed the tremor in his fingers.
‘Shall we get on?’ Sarah asked, picking up her script, her voice overly bright and cheerful. ‘I’ve got a lot to learn before you go.’
***
Sarah’s head had been spinning all day since the nearly-kiss with Nate the night before and a horrible conflict was raging in her heart. She so desperately wanted to be happy with Finn after how she had longed for him, but this … thing … with Nate was confusing and exasperating. It didn’t feel real, sitting somewhere between a dream and a strange alternate reality. It would never amount to anything, it couldn’t, but still, in that moment last night she’d longed for Nate when she should have been longing for Finn, and that brought with it a whole tide of guilt. Even though it had only been a week since her first date with Finn, a date that had been absolutely perfect in every way. As far as she was concerned, they were at the start of something special. Something she’d wanted for such a long time. She wasn’t about to ruin it now by not giving it her all. She had to forget about Nate and focus on reality. Up until the nearly-kiss everything had been going so well. She and Finn had agreed to be professional at work but despite their best efforts, there’d been several loaded glances across the crowded surgery waiting room and a few hot and steamy kisses whenever his consulting room was empty. He hadn’t out-and-out flirted in front of patients but that just added to the excitement of these early days. He’d texted or phoned some evenings too and they’d chatted easily about the day’s events. Sarah was beginning to feel that she knew him inside and out already.
Tonight, she and Finn were meeting again for what she knew would be another amazing date. House of Chocolat came into view, situated at the bottom of the old High Street, the tables full in the warm evening sunlight. Sarah struggled in her heels over the cobble stones and as she came closer, she spotted Finn already chatting to a tall, lithe, glamorous woman. The woman had thrown her head back and was laughing at something he’d said. The back of Sarah’s neck tingled and she pushed down her suspiciousness, a horrible trait left over from her romance with Vince. Finn was just chatty, that was all. It was what she loved about him. He’d suggested this place for their second date because they often had jazz and poetry open mic nights. It was unusual, and Sarah felt it showed just how serious he was about their relationship, not doing run-of-the-mill dates. Thankfully, tonight was jazz. Sarah wasn’t that keen on hearing badly rhyming limericks or serious existential poetry that she quite simply didn’t understand and found horribly pretentious. But a bit of jazz she could definitely get into.
As she pushed the glass door and walked through, Finn turned. The gorgeous woman stepped back onto the small stage and Finn left her, flashing Sarah a dazzling smile. ‘Hey,’ she said, brightening at seeing his handsome face again, all thoughts of Nate banished as nothing more than make-believe. Bringing her attention to here and now with Finn, he gave a gentle kiss on the cheek and his skin was smooth and soft, sending a chill down her spine.
‘Hi. You look gorgeous.’
‘Thanks.’ She’d made as much of an effort as she could today in an attempt to stop her brain thinking about the nearness of Nate’s lips and the fact that he’d even wanted to kiss her in the first place. She’d worn her favourite super tight skinny jeans, red heels, and a plain black vest. A swipe of daring red lipstick and a fluff of her hair and she was all set. Glad that Finn approved, she surreptitiously admired his toned, athletic frame in a plain T-shirt and jeans. Behind them the small band were setting up. The gorgeous woman must be the singer. She had the most beautifully styled afro, cheek bones like Beyoncé and was testing the microphone. From the sound of her voice, Sarah knew it was going to be a good show. ‘This was such a good idea. I’ve never been to one of their jazz nights before.’
Finn smiled. ‘I’m glad you think so. It’s not to everyone’s taste, but I thought it might be fun.’
‘It’s fab. Plus there are absolutely no good films out at the moment.’
‘That’s true.’ He pushed his long hair back and signalled a waitress. It was an amazing café that specialised in anything chocolate during the day, but at night the place transformed into a cocktail bar. Sarah ordered an espresso martini. She hadn’t slept at all last night, re-living the moment Nate had looked at her, his eyes searching her face before settling on her mouth. It had taken everything she had not to tilt her head just a little so their lips met. This morning, absolutely knackered, she’d used an insane amount of concealer doing her make-up. She’d added a top-up for this evening. An espresso martini would wake her up and make sure she could give Finn her full attention. A twinge of guilt pulsed through her but she pushed it away. Nothing had happened. She’d made sure of that. She just had to forget about it. After ordering a French 75, Finn said, ‘I heard you practising your lines in the surgery this afternoon.’
‘Oh no! Did you? I didn’t think anyone could hear me in the stationery cupboard.’
‘I was making a round of tea and when you weren’t at your desk I went to see if I could find you. I was tempted to jump in there with you but …’ Sarah felt her cheeks burn. ‘Anyway, as you were mid-flow I decided not to bother you. You sounded very good.’
‘I’m getting there.’ Counting pencils for the week’s stationery audit seemed as good a time as any to practise.
‘I have no idea how you remember it all.’
‘You just keep saying it over and over again and eventually it sticks.’
Finn gave a mischievous grin. ‘That reminds me of a mnemonic we used to use for remembering the carpel bones. Some lovers try positions that they can’t handle. Scaphoid, lunate, triquetral, pisiform, trapezium, trapezoid, capitate, hamate.’
Their drinks were delivered and Sarah took a sip. Christ, it nearly took her head off. She’d be awake for days if she had any more of those. ‘Well remembered,’ she said with a smile, starting to feel a bit zippy already.
‘Not really. I don’t think they’d let me practise medicine if I couldn’t remember those.’
Everything began to quiet as the gorgeous singer introduced herself and her band. The music started and her warm, seductive voice echoed around the café as she sang some classic jazz songs. Sarah particularly liked her rendition of ‘Summertime’, where the slow, sultry tones were perfect for a warm summer night. The singer, Sarah was sure, cast a few glances in Finn’s direction, eyeing him from under her long eyelashes, but later, when Finn reached out and covered her hand, she knew he hadn’t even noticed. She enjoyed the comforting weight of it and knew there was nowhere else she’d rather be. The next time she saw Nate at rehearsals, if she ever did, she’d just have to ignore him.
***
It had been a long and tedious week in which all Nate could do was replay his and Sarah’s moment over and over again, watch daytime TV, or raid Gregory and Cecil’s library. Now it was mid Thursday morning and a dull funk had gathered in his mind. He supposed it was boredom and watching his career slowly slide down the toilet from the sidelines, unable to do anything to stop it, but a niggling feeling told him it had something to do with Sarah, with Greenley, and with the thought of saying good bye to it all. He wasn’t quite ready to leave this life just yet. As much as he wanted to get back to London there was something special about Greenley-On-Sea, even if he had only seen a small amount of it. Nate knew that in another life he could have been happy here forever and he envied the Greenley Players for everything they had in this sweet little town. The rehearsals on Sunday and last night had gone well for the players, but he and Sarah had pretended nothing had happened between them. Being surrounded by people made it easier, but he’d really wanted to take her to one side and apologise. However much he’d wanted it, he shouldn’t have let his feelings run away from him. Look at what had happened the last time he’d done that. No, he had to keep control of his emotions from now on. For his sake, and Sarah’s.
The weather had grown incredibly warm again as another heat wave hit the UK. Being trapped inside in the stifling heat and rising temperatures was making Nate irritable. He paced the garden wanting to see the sea again and breathe the fresh air. Seeing Robin’s name flash on his phone, he faked cheer as he answered.
‘So, great news, Nate, things have really quietened down on the media front. I reckon you can come back to London whenever you like. Obviously they haven’t found anything more about Emma. We’ll have a bit of PR work to do to stage manage this whole thing. If Emma’s determined to bring the divorce forwards you can go down the whole “conscious un-coupling” route – a few morning TV appearances, social media stuff, that sort of thing but it won’t take long to get things moving again.’
‘That’s great,’ he replied. As an actor he should have been able to hide his real emotions but he was weirdly disappointed as something inside urged him to stay. Then he remembered that it was Sarah’s birthday celebrations at the weekend. If the papers had lost interest, he could actually attend without worrying about being snapped and even if someone did, he’d be gone the next day, so no one would bother Gregory and Cecil. ‘I’ll come back on Sunday, okay. There’s something I want to do first.’
‘Fair enough. It’ll be good to have you back. Come in on Monday and we’ll talk more about this baby and how we’re going to handle it.’
‘Okay. See you then.’ The callousness of Robin’s words made his stomach turn over. He was talking about the baby like it wasn’t a life, just a problem to be solved. Like it wasn’t his child. No matter what else had happened, the thought of being a parent still made Nate smile. He’d make it work and be the best dad he could be. His thoughts flew to Sarah and what she had said about her father. He would never let his child down like that and he wished he could reach in and take away her pain.
With his departure imminent, Nate decided to cook a meal for Gregory and Cecil to say thank you for their generosity. They normally got back from the bookshop at about half past five, so that gave him more than enough time to raid the cupboards and find something to cook. He wasn’t seeing Sarah tonight as she had something else on. He didn’t know what, he just hoped it wasn’t with another man, then felt stupid for thinking it. Ignoring the heaviness in his heart at the prospect of never seeing her again, Nate made his way into the kitchen. Somehow she’d got under his skin. Blaming the strange bubble his life had become wrapped in, cutting him off from the outside world, he hoped when things went back to normal he’d forget about Sarah. But he wasn’t quite sure that was going to happen.