That evening, Greenley Theatre was alive with the buzz of opening night. It was glorious and warm outside which made it hot and stuffy inside, and from the wings Sarah could see through a tiny gap in the curtain all the people gathering in their seats, chatting and smiling and fanning themselves with the programmes. Backstage, Gregory rested on a chair with an ice pack on the back of his neck, his thick, brightly coloured robe was so warm. Cecil hovered over him cooing and fussing, they were still so in love after all these years together, and it made Sarah smile. Her heart still yearned for a love like that and it was Nate she pictured herself with.
Behind the curtain, last-minute preparations were underway. Costumes were checked, twisted and tucked, and all mobile phones had been switched off and locked away in the basement. For the actors, nerves were swallowed down as the players either quietly went through their lines or paced around, trying to control the buzzing energy that made their legs shake until they finally walked on stage and the exhilaration of performing took over. Everyone had got used to Sarah’s stage fright by now and they’d designated a sick bucket, that Sid had kindly labelled. Conner kept glancing over to see if she was okay, which strangely, she was. Butterflies were fighting in her stomach, but she didn’t feel the overwhelming fear and queasiness that usually absorbed her at this time. It was either down to Nate’s guidance or the fact that her dad wasn’t the bad guy she thought he was, she wasn’t sure which. Her hankering for Nate hadn’t changed and the thought of him caused her bruised heart to ache and disturbed her sleep, no matter how hard she tried to forget him.
Fiddling with the back of Sarah’s simple linen smock, Lottie said, ‘Have you got some shorts to wear with this, or really, really, big pants, otherwise people aren’t going to see your talent, they’re going to see your chu—’
‘All right, thank you. I get the idea.’ Sarah pulled it down and made a mental note to keep her legs crossed.
Letting go of the bottom of the dress, Lottie asked tentatively, ‘Are you okay about Finn the absolute shitbag? I’d still like to rip his testicles off and stuff them in his ears.’
Sarah slumped back against the main piece of scenery on the stage, then straightened as it gave a wobble.
‘Hey,’ said Debbie, poking her head out from under the sparse tree in the centre. ‘No leaning against the scenery, you wee dollop! You’ll send the whole lot over.’
‘Sorry, Debbie,’ Sarah and Lottie said together before edging a little further away. ‘I’m fine,’ she began again. ‘No, I’m not. The thing is, I know it could never have worked with Nate. He’s an actor on TV and I’m a nobody, but … it just felt like there was something kind of special there. Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I imagined it all. And as far as Finn goes, I just need to forget about him, or staple his nuts to his desk.’ Sarah went back to fussing with her costume.
‘Come on, let’s get started and show this town how fab you are.’ Lottie held out the sick bucket. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? You seem very calm tonight.’
‘I am, actually,’ Sarah replied. ‘I’m kind of looking forward to it.’ Lottie looked worried. ‘I’m honestly fine. I think with everything being so mad and shitty these last two days, a few first night nerves are paling into insignificance.’
‘Even if half the town still thinks you’re crazy?’
Sarah smirked. ‘At least if they think I’m crazy they’ll be too scared to boo.’
‘That’s true,’ Lottie giggled. ‘Well, five minutes to go.’
Sarah nodded and passed those who were on first as they took their places on the stage, giving cheeky last-second grins and nervously wiggling eyebrows. Sarah wished them good luck and a minute later the curtain parted, the opening lines were said, and the play was underway. Everyone calmed down as the moment had actually come. It was like waiting for a job interview; you spent all day tying yourself up in knots but as soon as it started you felt calm. The only real concern was whether the new sound equipment would work, which it did, very loudly, deafening those who were directly in front of the speakers. The crew turned it down straight away so the sounds of the raging tempest gave a sense of atmosphere rather than bursting an eardrum. Sneaking a peep, ready to come on, Sarah could see two of the actors were so busy pretending to fall to and fro, showing how the boat was crashing about, that they fell into each other with a clunk of heads loud enough to be heard backstage. Luckily, the audience thought it was planned. As they came off stage Gregory handed over the ice pack which the two sore heads shared between them.
Gregory and Sarah’s acting was pretty marvellous, even if she said so herself. She was able to play Miranda with true heartfelt emotion. But her mind kept finding its way back to Nate. However much she pretended otherwise, whatever they’d had had been special and had forged a deep bond between them she couldn’t easily forget.
Mrs Andrews soon joined them on stage back in her Yoda outfit, the scarves abandoned, and in all her make-up, with her crazy costume and random swirling movements she made a pretty decent Ariel, though listening to her sing was painful and distressing. And the weird combination of maraca, triangle, and recorder played with far too much enthusiasm was an odd, slightly unpleasant mix. Sarah just hoped the audience thought it was part of their interpretation. Even better, Cecil managed to keep hold of his sword and not lob it out, decapitating members of the audience.
Before long it was time for the intermission and in the stuffy heat of the evening the players flocked to the bottles of water Conner and Lottie had ready to hand out. A loud chatter erupted from the other side of the curtain and the players congratulated themselves on how well things were going so far. Last year’s Shakespeare hadn’t gone nearly this well. In fact, it had been a disaster and one none of them wanted to repeat. After fifteen minutes it was time to get back on stage. The second half went well apart from a mistimed forward roll from Luke that almost sent him off the edge of the stage, and a strange adlibbed whoop from Mrs Andrews when Gregory set her character free.
The standing ovation at the end was more than they could ever have hoped for. Standing shoulder to shoulder with her friends, Sarah took a bow and silently thanked Nate. Her performance wouldn’t have been as good without him. Wherever he was, though her heart ached, she wished him luck. She wondered what it would be like to have her dad there in the audience and if he’d be proud of her. Would she ever get the chance to find out?
A silence fell on the theatre as the audience left and the players, now changed into their normal clothes, came out to chat. ‘All of you were absolutely brilliant,’ Gregory said as the others came out and dropped into the seats that only a few hours earlier had been full of people waiting with anticipation. The players were relaxed and not a little relieved. ‘Conner, you’ve done an amazing job.’
‘Thanks, Gregory. Do you think Nate would have been impressed?’ he asked, looking at Lottie.
‘Yes, I think he would,’ she replied, smiling but with a sideways glance at Sarah.
‘Gregory, darling,’ said Cecil. ‘You were simply marvellous.’
‘You really were,’ Lottie added.
‘Oh, thank you so much,’ he replied, wiping away a few beads of sweat that remained. ‘And you, Sarah, my sweet, were just fabulous! One of the best Mirandas I’ve ever seen I’d say.’
‘Yes,’ added Mrs Andrews. ‘You were very good, Sarah. I was worried you’d be absolutely frightful after some of those rehearsals, but you really pulled it out of the bag.’ Sarah suppressed a smile. Mrs Andrews’ backhanded compliments were legendary.
Debbie clapped her hands together. ‘All of you were absolutely grand.’
‘Well, the scenery made it, dear,’ said Gregory.
Kathryn came up grinning. ‘Guys, I am absolutely buzzing! My first performance! Did you see my kids waving at me? Proud as punch they were. And I only slipped up on that one line.’
‘You were great,’ said Lottie, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
A loud pop made them jump and Sarah turned to see Gregory opening a bottle of champagne, beside him, Cecil held plastic glasses ready to be filled. ‘Come on,’ Cecil said. ‘Let’s have a celebratory drink.’
Sarah took one and sipped, but as everyone rejoiced and the sound of laughing and chatter grew louder, her heart grew empty. Everyone was gone: Nate, her dad. Finn was no great loss but it didn’t stop the empty hole left in her life. Only a couple of days ago it had seemed that everything was coming together but now it had all crashed down. Smiling and backing away slowly, she slipped outside into the fresh air.
In the cool dusky evening, as the lights from the harbour twinkled in the night, a shiver shot down her spine. A second later, Lottie came through the revolving door. ‘What is it, honey?’
‘Oh, I just wanted a bit of fresh air,’ Sarah replied gazing up at the stars. The sky was clear and she could see all the constellations her dad had taught her. ‘I just didn’t quite feel like celebrating.’
‘You were fantastic tonight,’ Lottie replied, and Sarah gave a small smile.
‘Thanks.’
Lottie nudged towards her. ‘Want to talk about it?’
‘No, you should be celebrating. Don’t worry about me.’
‘No way. Come on, talk to me.’
Sarah sighed a deep heavy sigh. ‘It’s just that everything feels so empty.’
‘Because of Finn?’
‘No, not because of him. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I’m over him already. He wasn’t what I thought he was, but I refuse to waste any more time feeling guilty or blaming myself.’
‘Because of your dad, then?’
‘Partly.’ She sighed again. ‘Have I blown it, do you think? Should I call him and apologise?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe give him some time to calm down? You said he was really angry.’ Sarah nodded.
‘It’s mostly because of Nate,’ Sarah finally admitted. Lottie paused then took Sarah’s arm and led her across the road to the promenade. They found a bench opposite the beach and sat down together. The streetlights cast shadows over the town and the echo of a slow-moving tide murmured in the dark. ‘What are you going to do?’
Sarah thought for a moment, wondering if things could ever have worked out between them. Her head said no but from the pain in her chest she’d have to wait a little longer for her feelings to fade. Right now, it didn’t feel like they ever would. They’d connected on such a deep level, and it felt like a piece of her was missing, lost out there in the world, never to come back. Turning to Lottie, the only person she could be truly honest with, Sarah said, ‘I think I’ve fallen in love with him.’ Lottie’s eyes widened. ‘I thought it was just a crush at first, a silly dream. Nothing was real, was it? It was all so odd him being down here. But the more I got to know him, the more I felt … something. And it was so strong and powerful that it felt like it couldn’t be real. But he’s gone now.’ She gave a sarcastic laugh. ‘I’ll never see him again.’
Lottie took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Does he know how you feel?’
Sarah shook her head. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘But the kiss? He must know from that. He might even be feeling the same.’ Lottie’s eyes were pleading on Sarah’s behalf and Sarah so wanted her to be right, but she wasn’t.
‘It was just a silly moment, Lottie. I was upset, he was stressed … it just … happened.’ She sighed. ‘Things like this don’t happen to people like us.’ Thinking of her whirlwind romance with Vince she added, ‘And if they do, they don’t end well. Besides, we’re just normal and he’s—’
‘What? Not normal? Like an alien?’
Sarah cocked her head at Lottie’s silly joke. She was turning into Sid. ‘You know what I mean. He’s an actor.’
‘So? He’s still a person with thoughts and feelings. He still puts his trousers on one leg at a time, as my nan would have said. Which is another way of saying he still poos, brushes his teeth—’
‘I get the idea.’
Lottie gripped her hand. ‘He’s just a man, Sarah. Like any other bloke in town.’
She returned the smile but just couldn’t bring herself to feel it. ‘It could never work, Lottie, even if he did feel the same way.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because he’d be away all the time acting with gorgeous leggy actresses.’ She threw her hands in frustration. Why was Lottie encouraging her? ‘And let’s face it, he’s completely out of my league.’
‘Oh, don’t talk nonsense.’ Lottie scowled. ‘How do you think people survive when their other half’s in the army or something? People’s husbands and wives work away all the time and they manage perfectly well.’
‘Why are we even talking about this? It’s not even a possibility. He’s gone.’
‘Why isn’t it? Stop being so negative, Sarah. Anything is possible. This could be a possibility if you told him how you feel.’
‘Don’t be silly, Lottie. Now who looks like the crazy one? What would be the point in telling him? He’s not going to stop being an actor. And if he doesn’t feel the same way I’ve made a fool of myself.’
‘You’ve done that already.’ Lottie nudged her with her shoulder.
‘Fair point, but—’
‘But nothing! A very wise man once said to me to be brave. Maybe you need to do the same thing.’
Sarah smiled. ‘And who was that?’
‘Gregory.’
‘Gregory? Are you kidding? Three months ago, he told me to go blonde and we all know how that turned out.’ She’d had orange hair for three days and had to wear a hat to hide it.
‘Okay, so maybe he isn’t that great on hair. But he does know about love. Just look at him and Cecil. No one could be happier than those two.’
‘Except for you and Sid.’
Lottie gave a silly, soppy grin. ‘See, he was right about us. Maybe you should take his advice and be brave. Like I did.’ Lottie got up and went back inside leaving Sarah alone.
Could she do it? Could she call Nate and let him know just how deeply she felt for him? More to the point, should she do it? She’d continued pushing her dad away and regretted that deeply. Would she regret it if she didn’t at least try? What did she have to lose, anyway? The town, the whole country, thought she was a bit of a lunatic, her heart was already in tatters, she didn’t have much left to worry about. A tiny flicker of courage was sparking into life. If he didn’t feel the same, she’d never see him again. Embarrassed or not he’d never be there to remind her. She pulled her phone from her pocket and stared at the screen. But just as the flicker grew stronger, it dimmed. The thought that he’d be out there feeling sorry for her for getting it all so wrong was too much to bear.
No. She’d sworn off whirlwind romances after Vince had broken her heart, and had she still not learned her lesson after the debacle with Finn? There was no getting away from the fact she was a failure at relationships, reading all the signals wrong, not picking up on the things in front of her face. Nope. She was pleased Lottie had been brave and things had worked out for her and Sid, but they’d known each other for forever. She wasn’t going to rush into any hasty decisions, no matter what. Not this time. Placing her phone back in her pocket she told her heart to stop trying to rule her head. It never ended well when she let it. She took a deep breath in through her nose, squeezed her eyes shut, and let it slowly out. Then, alone, she sat there on the bench amid the night’s deathly silence.