JORDAN
I took a sip of my beer, burrowing deeper into the curve of Noah’s arm. I was spending the weekend with him in Oklahoma and we’d gone out to dinner with Joker, Dani, Easy, and Thor.
I was slowly eating my way through the Oklahoma barbecue scene and this place might have been my favorite of all the restaurants we’d gone to. The brisket was one of the best things I’d ever eaten and the baked beans were to die for. I could have written poems about the coleslaw.
I was surprised at how much fun I was having, at how seamlessly the group fit together. Dani and Joker were adorable as a couple, and I’d pretty much decided I wanted to be them when I grew up. Even though they’d been married for a while, they still looked like they were newlyweds in love. They held hands and finished each other’s sentences in a way that was cute rather than annoying.
The guys talked about flying for the most part, and I’d gotten used to the fact that most of our conversations revolved around jets. When it was just the two of us, Noah kept the fighter pilot talk to a minimum, but when he was around his bros, they all basically geeked out on it. I didn’t always understand what they were talking about, but I was slowly picking up some of the lingo.
“Do you mind if we go play pool?” Noah asked. “Do you want to play?”
I grinned. “Thanks, but I’m horrible at pool.” I met Dani’s gaze across the table. “Do you want to just hang out here?”
She nodded. “Sounds like a plan to me. We can have a break from talking about F-16s.”
Easy shot her a sheepish grin. “Sorry about that.”
The guys got up from the table and I watched them walk away, not bothering to hide how much I enjoyed the view. As much as I teased Easy and Noah about their bromance, there was something cute about seeing them all together. Plus, the fact that they were fine as fuck didn’t hurt.
My gaze met Dani’s and her lips twitched. “The flying conversations ad nauseam can get a little old, but there are definitely perks to this.”
I laughed. “So true.”
We’d started chatting and texting in the weeks since we’d met, and she kept me in the loop on all the squadron functions. I was kind of surprised by how active the wives were—they had monthly coffees and what seemed like social functions nearly every week. I hadn’t been able to make any of them yet, but I really appreciated Dani including me. Not all of the wives had been as welcoming as she was, and she was definitely the only one I felt close to.
I was feeling a little lost in this whole military girlfriend thing, and it was nice to hang out with someone who understood the ups and downs better than anyone. I’d tried talking to Sophia about Noah after Meg’s wedding, and she’d listened, but it wasn’t quite the same. My family and friends kept asking me if I wanted to be with a guy who didn’t seem as invested in the relationship as I was—how I was okay with the fact that I was always the one visiting him—and as much as I tried to explain that his job complicated everything, they just didn’t seem to understand. I knew they loved me and wanted me to be happy, but right now I needed to talk to someone who got it.
“You guys are adorable together,” Dani commented, a smile on her face. “I’ve known Noah for years now and I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you.”
I really needed to hear that right now.
“How’s the adjustment to military life?” she asked.
“It’s going, I guess. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that big of a deal, and other times . . .”
Sometimes I forgot he didn’t have a normal job, then inevitably, something happened and I was right back to being terrified every time he told me he was about to fly, my stomach in knots until he texted to tell me he’d landed.
“Yep. That pretty much sums it up.” She took a sip of her drink. “I heard about your sister’s wedding. That had to have been rough.”
“Yeah, it was. I understood, but that didn’t make it any less disappointing, or easier to tell my parents. Does that kind of stuff happen a lot?” I asked, not entirely sure I wanted the answer. Although in this case I was beginning to learn that it was better to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised than to set myself up for disappointment.
“More times than I can count. Sometimes it’s not so last minute, but often it is. Trust me, you don’t know how many times I’ve had to cancel travel plans. It’s gotten to the point where I just avoid making plans or booking trips until the last minute. And if something does come up that requires a lot of lead time, like a wedding or something, I just assume Joker won’t be able to make it.”
“That has to be hard.”
“It is. As hard as it is with the two of us, I’m worried about when we have kids. I know a lot of the wives do it, but at the same time, I’ve seen so many of my friends celebrate their kids’ milestones while their husbands are gone. I worry that Joker’s going to miss out on the important stuff. And honestly, given how much he works, the day-to-day stuff, too.
“As much as I know that I can handle basically being a single parent on my own, there’s this part of me that wishes things could be different. That he could have a normal job that would let him be around for birthdays and holidays, and not gone more than he’s home.”
I hadn’t even thought about what it would be like to raise kids in this lifestyle. She was right; I struggled to imagine a family like that. Not when mine was so close.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pile on you. The kid thing has been on my mind lately.” Sadness flickered in her eyes. “We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now.”
On the one hand, I was surprised she’d share something so personal with me, but at the same time it felt like there was a connection forming between us. Maybe it was part of being in this sisterhood of sorts. There was something about this lifestyle—the common experience that so few people shared—that had you forming bonds more quickly than you otherwise would.
“We’ve been trying for the last couple of years and it isn’t happening,” she continued. “I keep telling myself I just need to be calm about it, but it’s hard when I’ve been wanting it so badly for so long.” Her eyes welled up. “I had a miscarriage six months ago, and it’s just been really tough since then.”
“I’m so sorry.” I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“Thanks. It’s just been tough for us. Joker was TDY when I miscarried, and he came home for a bit, but then he had to go to Vegas for Red Flag, and now this TDY to Alaska. Normally I’m fine with him being gone, but I don’t know . . . I think I’m just a mess after losing the baby. And it’s hard to get pregnant when your husband isn’t home.”
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through something like that by yourself.”
“Joker was able to get home the next day, but it was really difficult not having him with me. Thank God for the squadron, though. The wives pitched in until he came home. And Easy took me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.”
That surprised me. I must have made a face because her lips twitched.
“You don’t like Easy very much, do you?”
I hesitated. “I don’t dislike him. He’s just not my favorite person. Something about him rubs me the wrong way.”
“I can see that. He comes off like a bit of an asshole, but I promise, he’s a good guy. He and Joker have been close for a while now and I’ve gotten to know him. He was really amazing to me when I needed him, and he’s been a good friend to Joker. And he does really care about Noah. He’s the kind of guy who you want to have your back.
“This life can be hard, but you’ll learn to make friends who will become like family to you. A lot of times you won’t have a family support network near you, so you’ll find people around you who can be that for you. It isn’t always easy, but it helps. It can be difficult for your family and friends to understand what it’s like, and you’ll need people you can talk to. And seriously, if you ever need a friend to listen or a shoulder to cry on, call me. Noah’s like family and I’m so happy he’s found someone he cares about and who’s good for him. Anything you need, I’m here.”
“I’ll definitely take you up on that.”
She grinned. “Good. We’re having a party at our house tomorrow night. You guys should come over; you can meet more of the wives.”
“I’d like that. A lot.”
We chatted for the rest of the night, watching our men play pool, and as chaotic as everything felt swirling around me, I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt like I was putting down some roots here and finding a place for myself in Noah’s life.