Dany
The air is knocked from me as I land on hard, cold stone.
“Dani?” Jack wheezes my name.
“Here. Over here.”
He crawls over and runs his hands over me. “You’re alright?”
I move all my parts. I’m sore. Definitely bruised. But I feel okay. “I’m okay. You?”
“I’m alright.”
We look up. We’re in a hole about ten feet deep. There are broken rotted wood boards above us. Slits of light shine through. Jack rubs his hands over the rock floor. “I think we’re in the cellar,” he says.
“Ouch,” I say.
I lie back on the ground and try to regain my equilibrium. Jack leans back next to me. I move closer to him and rest my head on his chest. “I’m going to use you for a pillow. No offense.”
“None taken.” He shifts and pulls me closer.
I look up at the sky. The limbs of the beech trees sway in the wind. The fact that we are all alone out here hits me. The only noise is the creaking of the branches in the wind and the rhythmic beating of Jack’s heart.
“So, I’m in a castle,” I say. Then I make a little mark in the air and… “Check.”
I sense him smile. I shift on him and look up at his face.
“Is it everything you dreamed of, Miss Drake?” His gray eyes are full of mirth.
“It depends.” I stretch and feel the bruises starting to form on my back and legs. “Can you get us out of here?” Really, I’d rather not die in a ruined castle’s dirty old cellar.
Jack shifts beneath me. “If I said yes, would you forget about your scheme to win back your fiancé?”
“What?”
He sits up. “You don’t have to do all these list things to prove to him you aren’t boring.”
“I know,” I say. I sit up too and try to wipe the dirt off my clothes. I smack a little more forcefully than necessary. It stings the newly forming bruises.
He lets out a long sigh. “I’ll boost you up, then climb out after you.”
“Thank you.”
He starts walking the perimeter of the cellar. He taps at the walls and then looks up.
He turns to me. “Then why are you doing it?” he asks.
“Doing what? My list?”
He gives a sharp nod.
I pause and consider my answer. After a minute he comes and sits down next to me. I rest my elbows on my knees. “It’s hard to explain,” I finally say.
“Try me.”
“Okay.” I rub at a grass stain on my pants. “Have you ever wanted something so much that you change who you are to get it?”
He shakes his head, like he doesn’t understand.
I sigh. “When I was six, my mom had already had four husbands. She told me if I was good, if I was a little lady, this fifth dad would stick. I really wanted him to stick.”
I rest my chin on my arms.
“I used to be a hellion. I was always rolling around in the dirt. Getting into trouble. When I met my father I had on a pink lace dress, and I was sparkly clean. I was so scared that I could only curtsy and say ‘how do you do?’”
Jack leans back against the dirt wall. “Come here,” he says. He pulls me next to me.
“Mr. Drake. That’s my father. He was enchanted. He called me his little lady. From that moment on, I was terrified to be anything else. I put on that mask and never took it off. Until, finally, I didn’t know what was underneath. I didn’t know how to be me anymore.”
He puts his arm over my shoulder and pulls me in tight.
“My father liked me that way. My teachers liked me that way. Oh, what a treat. What a pleasure. Such a lady. Even my mom liked me better that way. I met Shawn, he liked me that way. And by that time, I didn’t know how to be any different.”
I look up at the sky. There are little blue patches and wispy clouds showing through the trees.
“The mastectomy, the cancer, Shawn dumping me. It shattered the mask. So now, this list, it’s me trying to figure out who I am without it. Do you see?”
He turns and draws his fingers down my face. “I see,” he says. His fingers trail over my lips. His gaze catches on my mouth. I think…I think he’s going to kiss me.
I stand up.
“Anyway. It’s none of your business what I do or don’t do with Shawn.”
I turn from him and study the dirt walls. I hear him stand and walk behind me.
“True.”
“And I’m not looking for you to give me a rebound relationship self-esteem boost. I told you that already. I don’t need that.”
“I understand.” His voice is full of restrained tension. “But I’m going to say something while you’re stuck down here and I don’t care if it pisses you off.”
I turn around in shock. I start to say something but he holds up a hand. I stop.
“You’re so worried you don’t know who you are. But it’s clear to me,” he says.
“Really?” I cross my arms over my chest. “After a few weeks?” My heart picks up speed and beats hard in my chest.
He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Really,” he says.
He studies me. Looks me up and down. He’s only a few feet away. Everywhere his eyes land, my body heats in response. Finally he comes back to my face.
“No matter what mask you wear, you’re still you. Kind. Considerate. Funny. Mischievous. Brave. Beautiful. No mask can hide all that.”
I shake my head. Deny it.
“Was it that fiancé who made you believe you aren’t desirable?”
I wrap my arms tighter around myself.
“I’m adding to your list. Before I boost you out of here, I’m adding a number eleven.”
“I don’t want your pity kisses.”
“For crying out loud. I’m not going to kiss you. No kisses. No screwing. Satisfied?”
No, my heart cries. I nod. “Fine. Feel free. Number eleven.”
He takes a step forward. I take a step back.
He takes another step forward. I take another step back. I come against the dirt wall.
He bends down and grabs me behind the knees and my back. My stomach dips. He picks me up and cradles me in his arms. I’m pressed against his chest. I carefully loop my arms around his neck. My fingers brush the ends of his soft dark hair.
Maybe I did knock my head in the fall. I’m feeling dizzy. Like the world is tilting and everything is rearranging itself. As if suddenly, everything has been shaken up and flipped and now Jack and I are at the center. Of everything.
I shake my head to clear it. He pulls me closer and grins down at me. There’s the spark of a challenge in his eyes.
He’s going to kiss me. I just know it.
I tilt my chin up. My lips part a centimeter. They feel full and lush. I lick them. We’re breathing at the same time. His chest rises and so does mine. Will he catch my breath with his mouth?
His hand starts a slow caress along my spine. He drags his hand in a slow, teasing circle up and down my back. A liquid warmth flows over me.
He gathers me close. Lifts my face to his. Our eyes meet. His gray to my blue. I’m lost in them.
We’re posed there, in the dusty cellar, with a sunbeam dimly lighting the space. His skin looks like honey in the light. What if I licked it? I send my tongue over my lips again.
He lets out a low rumble. I feel the vibration deep in his chest. It spreads over me.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Number eleven,” he says.
“Number eleven?” I can’t remember what that means.
He blinks and his eyes clear. “Number eleven. Sweeping you off your feet.”
He nods at me prone in his arms.
Oh. He picked me up. Swept me off my feet.
“Check,” he says.
I smile up at him. But the smile is hiding something else. It’s a slow dread flowing over me. Something in me actually wants him to sweep me off my feet. Not in play. But for real. Something inside me wants this man. Really, desperately wants him. That terrifies me. I’m only getting myself back now. I’m only seeing who I am these past few weeks. I can’t give myself away again so soon.
He smiles down at me and I beam at him. I laugh to cover the fear rolling through me.
I don’t want to love another man. I want to have adventures. I want to discover who I am.
He sets me gently on my feet.
“Who’s ready for a swim?” I ask. The only thing to do is to go on as if nothing has changed. As if all I want is to finish my list.
Jack can’t know.
I’d rather spend my life alone than lose myself wearing another mask trying to please a man.