Dany
I glance over at his face. It’s hard to take a breath. His face is smooth and expressionless, but his eyes, a storm is starting there.
He reaches out and runs a hand over my cheek.
I stay still and let him explore the line of my jaw and the curve of my lips.
“But we agree it was a bad idea,” he says.
His thumb plays with my lower lip.
“Terrible. Terrible idea,” I say.
His fingers trace over my lips and up my cheek. I suppress a shudder.
“Horrible,” he says.
My lashes lower and brush against my skin. I turn my face into his palm. His warmth draws over me. I turn my gaze up to him. He’s watching my lips.
They feel swollen and dry. I draw my tongue along them. He stops. Holds completely still.
I let out a shuddery breath.
The breeze ruffles over me, and I smell the crushed herbs beneath us. The soft chorus of morning crickets and birds fills the air.
I let out a sigh.
“I’d like you to kiss me,” I say.
“Hell,” he breathes.
Then, he rolls over. He puts one leg over me and his hands on either side of my head, until I’m caged beneath him. Cradled between the soft ground and his hard body.
He presses himself lower, until there’s only a whisper separating us.
We’re not touching, but I feel like we’re touching everywhere. I only need to arch up, to shift the slightest amount, and we’ll be connected.
His warm wood and leather scent tickles my nose. His eyes crinkle and he leans down until his nose touches mine. I warm at the contact. More. I tilt my face up. My bottom lip brushes against his. Heat pulses through me and I raise my hips toward him.
He growls and then catches my mouth in his.
He tugs on my lip, sucks it and plays with it. I grab his hair and try to pull him in closer. But he keeps his body taut above mine, refusing to press against me. I bite at his lip. He growls and pushes me back to the ground. I tilt my hips up again, catching a little throb as I rub against him. He’s hard. Holy mackerel, he’s hard. There. Goodness. There.
I drag myself against him and little sparks dance over me. I like that. No, I love that. He tastes like donuts, like apples, cinnamon and sugar and the word yes…
“Yes, yes. More.” I whisper into his mouth.
A low humming in his throat vibrates through me. I open wider to him. His tongue darts over my lips and I take it in my mouth and suck. I draw it in and move my hips in time to the push of his tongue. I rub up against the long hard column of him. He hits me perfectly, in that spot that shoots fire through my veins.
“More,” I say. “More.”
“Yes. More,” he agrees. He grabs my mouth again and swallows my pleas.
He begins to drive against me. The length of him, the friction of the zipper, the wetness of my panties. My god. He…he’s…
“More,” I cry.
The swell is building. I arch against him. There. There.
I grab his shoulders. Pull him to me.
He buries his face in my shoulder.
There.
I convulse up against him. Everything building in me shoots to that spot and then explodes.
Oh. Holy. Wow.
I hold on to him and ride the wave.
He’s breathing raggedly.
My eyes fly open. Jack’s looking down at me. His eyes are open and vulnerable and I see him. I see him.
Then I’m pulled out of it. That oneness. I hear the birds chirping and a lawn mower in the distance. I feel the spiky plants beneath my hips.
I collapse back to the earth. My heart beats frantically in my chest. My breath is ragged.
I blink and smile up at Jack.
He looks down at me, his pupils dilated, his expression dazed. Because I’m watching, I catch the exact moment he moves from wonder and openness to shuttered and closed off. I close my eyes and blink back any telling emotion and bury any telling words. Jack isn’t here for a real relationship and neither am I.
Who would I become if I let myself fall in love with another man? I can’t bear to put the mask back on. I grab at the grass. I can almost feel it growing. I can’t cut myself down again. I won’t. Not even for soul-shattering kisses. Goodness, I orgasmed from a kiss. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. Don’t want to open them.
He rolls off me and lies back on the ground.
I open my eyes when I’m certain that nothing in my face will give my feelings away.
“Dany…” starts Jack. He’s going to give me the it’s not you, it’s me speech. I can tell by the tone. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t.
So, I’ll treat this feeling, this something, like a weed and cut it down.
“Dany…I…” Yes, he’s definitely about to give me another version of the that was a mistake talk.
I can’t hear it, I can’t.
“Well, that was pleasant,” I say in a breezy tone. “Glad we got that out of the way. Thank you.”
Jack coughs. Then shoots up. His brow furrows. “Pleasant?” he asks in a dangerous tone.
I shrug. “Sure.” The feigned nonchalance is killing me. The look on his face…I take the weed, the feeling, and cut harder. Slash it out.
“Got it out of the way? So, what. Was that triple X? Just another check on your list?”
That cuts. I flinch. “No. Not at all. Like I said before, it wasn’t a good idea. You agree, right?”
Say you don’t, a small voice cries.
His jaw clenches. Then he closes his eyes. When he opens them, the funny, joking Jack is back. “Right. Can’t let anything get in the way of our dreams. I’ve got my bid, you’ve got your list.”
He agrees with me. So why does it hurt so much?
“I’m going to get to work if you don’t mind,” I say.
Jack stands. His hands clench and unclench. “Right,” he says. “Let me know if you need anything. The garden tools are in the shed.”
“Okay.” I nod. “Thanks.”
I watch as he strides back to the house.
I stay sitting in the grass for a full five minutes. What the heck am I doing? I rub my hand over my face and lie down on my side. The angel mocks me from the ivy corner.
“What? Like you would’ve done differently,” I call.
We both stare at the sky. Her in longing reflection. Me with the dawning horror that I could give my heart to this man, and I might not be able to stop it, even if I want to.