Leo had been gone a few days, back to his job in finance. I assumed the more time Dee and I spent together the closer we’d become. However, after that initial evening when she’d relaxed a little, she reverted to her quiet mouse-like ways and still hadn’t opened up to me. After almost a week I began to give up trying. My initial delight at having her to stay was beginning to wane. I couldn’t help wondering if maybe it would have been better to have been left with the memories I’d lived off for so long. She was a stranger, that much was obvious, more so now than ever.
Dee complained that the surrounding fields were causing her hay fever to flare up. Even the little girls didn’t play together in the way I’d hoped. Like me, Katie gave up trying so hard to please Ashley. I’d never been around such a solemn child. I wondered if she was like this because of some sort of reaction to Dee’s trauma, whatever it had been. I hated to think what this little girl might have witnessed at home.
The temperature was intensifying each day and the longed-for rain to water my garden and save my plants from drying out completely didn’t come. Even the pavements felt hot beneath the soles of our shoes whenever we walked to the row of small shops at the end of our street. No one wanted to spend long outside, preferring to wait until after sunset. Even then it was almost too hot to stand. Mum insisted this heatwave was even more unbearable than the one she’d endured in 1990.
‘Drama always happens to this family during intense heatwaves,’ she predicted the previous night before going up to take a shower. ‘You mark my words; it’s going to happen again this year.’
I tried to brush off her ominous prediction, but it stuck in my head. That night I had nightmares that Dee and Leo were strangers masquerading as my friends.
Mum joined me in the kitchen later that day catching me mid-yawn. ‘Sleepless night?’
‘Nightmares,’ I said.
‘Me, too.’ She picked up an old copy of the local paper and fanned herself. ‘I think it’s probably hotter than when Dee and her family disappeared.’
I thought back to those stifling days when the summers seemed to last for months and everything had been easy and enchanted.
‘Coffee?’ I held up the percolator.
She nodded. Her face crumpled up and she sniffed the air. ‘What is that horrible smell?’
‘What smell?’
‘I’m not sure, but it’s been driving me mad for days.’ She took her cup of coffee from me and placed it on the table in front of her. ‘It’s getting worse, but I can’t think what it must be.’
I sniffed a few times; there was a definite air of something. I looked around, unsure.
‘Look up,’ Mum said, hands on her slim hips when she figured out what was annoying her.
‘What?’
‘There.’ She pointed over my head. I turned to see Henri’s plait of garlic still hanging from the window.
‘Bugger, I meant to take that down to the cellar to keep cool.’ I lifted it from the window catch and as I held it closer to my face my eyes watered slightly. ‘Blimey, it is strong.’ I winced as I carried it out to the hallway to hang in the cellar.
‘I think I’ll take my bed down there later,’ I joked to Mum when I returned to the kitchen. ‘It’s lovely and cool.’
Mum went out to meet some friends for lunch and I thought I should spend time with Dee after dropping Katie at pre-school. I went to join them, but she barely looked up from the book she was reading, sitting with one arm around Ashley’s narrow shoulders as the child sat sucking her thumb.
‘Hi there.’ I sat down on the armchair opposite them. ‘I was reminiscing about when we were younger and all the dreams we had. Do you remember?’ I went to share some anecdotes with Ashley, but before I could, Dee shook her head.
‘No, I don’t.’
She couldn’t have forgotten everything we’d shared, surely? ‘Do you remember that day I climbed into your room from the apple tree?’
Dee’s gaze slowly lifted from the book to me. ‘Not really,’ she said before looking down again.
Maybe it upset her to think about the past. So, trying a different tactic, I said, ‘We should spend some time together today. Maybe the three of us could go for a walk in the New Forest? What do you think?’
‘It’s too hot,’ Dee said, without looking up.
‘We’ll keep to the shady paths; it’ll be cooler there.’
She gave a sullen sigh. ‘We’re reading.’
Finally getting the message, I left them to it. Irritated, I washed my hair and without bothering to dry it, grabbed my car keys and left for Henri’s farm. If there was any breeze at all, the farm was the place to find it.
The three-minute drive couldn’t pass quickly enough. I hadn’t seen Henri since our swim in the woods and I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty that I hadn’t been in touch with him. It was a bit of a cheek, especially after inwardly criticising Leo for doing the same thing to me.
‘Henri,’ I called as I stepped out of my car, the punch of the heat hitting me.
There wasn’t any sign of him outside, so I walked up to the front door and knocked. No reply. Determined to see him, I jogged around to the back of the house where I found Henri fast asleep. He was lying in the shade on an old wooden bench, earphones plugged in, his feet resting either side on the ground, one foot tapping along to the beat of the bass.
He was only wearing shorts. I watched his tanned chest moving up and down, his breathing calm as he enjoyed the music. I savoured being able to watch him uninhibited, believing he was alone. I was aware it couldn’t last very long and wished he didn’t feel so ashamed of his scars. I didn’t want him to get a shock when he found me there, so slowly moved nearer to him and sat on a large log.
He must have sensed my presence and his eyes opened. Startled to see me there, he sat upright, pulling the earphones out of his ears and hurriedly pressing the music off. ‘Sera, what are you doing here?’ He reached out and grabbed his T-shirt, pulling it over his head.
I raised my eyebrows and pulled an apologetic face. ‘Sorry,’ I grimaced. ‘I didn’t mean to give you a fright.’
He looked past me. ‘You are alone?’
I wasn’t certain if he was referring to Leo, or Katie. I nodded. ‘Yes, and I’m sorry I haven’t been to visit you before now, but things have been a little chaotic at home recently.’
Henri shrugged. ‘You and Katie are okay?’
‘Yes, but I have house guests. They’re harder work than I was expecting.’
‘Leo?’ he asked, his voice quieter.
‘No, he’s returned to London, but his sister and her daughter are staying with me for a few weeks.’ I sighed. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to escape for a while, so thought I’d come here.’
He gave that slow, lazy, one-shouldered shrug of his and I was grateful he didn’t hold a grudge against me for not bothering with him for two weeks. ‘Good.’ He stood up, waving for me to follow him. ‘I have something I wish to show you.’
Intrigued, I did as he asked and walked with him to his house. It was good to have something to take my mind of Dee and I was glad I’d made the effort to visit him. ‘What is it?’
‘No, you must wait.’
‘Tell me?’ I asked, impatiently.
He walked up the wooden steps to his porch and opened the front door, standing back, waiting for me to walk inside. ‘To the kitchen,’ he said, his dark eyes shining with uncontained amusement.
Fascinated by this unusually light mood and unable to wait another second, I hurried in stopping suddenly when I spotted his beautiful Collie bitch, Patti, lying in her basket with five adorable bundles of fluff suckling frantically at her.
‘Puppies,’ I whispered, clasping my hands together. ‘Katie will be desperate for one of these.’ Me too, I thought. ‘They are so cute.’
‘Yes, they are,’ he smiled. ‘She was being strange when I went to bed some days ago. The next morning, I find these little ones. I don’t know where I’ll find homes for them. I hope maybe you will help me and ask people you might know if they want one.’
I crouched down slowly so as not to frighten Patti and stroked her glossy head. ‘You’re such a clever girl.’ She looked up at me and then nuzzled the pup closest to her as if to tell me to take note of her achievement. I stroked the pups in turn. ‘They’re adorable.’
‘Will you allow me to gift one to Katie?’
‘When she sees these, I’ll have little choice but to take one home, so yes. Thank you. She’ll be thrilled.’ It would be wonderful to have a dog around the house again. I checked my watch and stood up. ‘I have half an hour before I need to leave and collect her from school.’
‘Tea?’ he asked, in a mock English accent.
I nodded. ‘I thought you’d never ask, but I’d rather something cooler, like standing under an ice-cold shower for ten minutes to try and cool off. I’m melting today.’
‘Melting?’ He pulled a face. ‘Yes, it is too hot for a body.’
I laughed again. ‘It is; far too hot.’
He walked over to his large fridge and pulled back the door.
I hurried over to stand slightly back from him, lifting my top a few inches and relishing the cold air as it hit my perspiring stomach. ‘This is bliss.’
He took out two icy cold beers and turned before I expected him to, stopping motionless, beers held in the air when he spotted what I was doing.
‘Beer?’ he asked eventually, without moving to give me one.
‘Um, please.’ Embarrassed, I dropped my top, wondering what I must have been thinking to act in such an abandoned way with someone I’d only recently met.
He cleared his throat and looked me in the eye. ‘Do you wish to sit outside?’
Glad of the change of subject, I agreed. ‘That would be great.’ We went to sit at the back of the house and I was hoping to entice him to tell me what he’d been about to share when Leo had interrupted us that day by the pool. After half an hour of small talk and many silences I realised Henri wasn’t in the best of moods and also wasn’t about to be rushed to speak about anything other than what he chose to say.
I arrived at Katie’s pre-school on time. Usually she was one of the first to race out to hug me, but today I had to wait. Eventually she was escorted outside by her form teacher. I pulled a sympathetic face at Katie as she hobbled towards me, a large plaster stuck over her pudgy knee.
‘What happened?’ I asked, crouching down to touch the side of her leg lightly.
A large tear rolled down her rosy cheek. ‘I tripped on my way outside just now,’ she sniffed.
I gave her a bear hug and held her close, breathing in the hint of strawberry from her favourite shampoo that I used to wash her hair. ‘Is it a bad cut?’ I looked up at the teacher.
She shook her head and smiled. ‘A little graze, nothing more,’ she said, ruffling Katie’s curls. ‘She will be fine tomorrow.’
Katie ignored her teacher’s reassurances. ‘It hurts, Mummy.’
I knew my daughter well enough to realise that she was hoping for a day off school in case I took Dee and Ashley somewhere.
‘We’ll see how it is tomorrow, okay?’
‘Yes,’ she said, satisfied.
We arrived home a little later. I spotted Dee outside in the garden with Ashley. She was still reading while her daughter sat sucking her thumb next to her. Mum was in the kitchen making herself some tea.
‘How was lunch?’ I asked, giving her a quick hug and waiting for Katie to tell her about her knee before running upstairs to change into her shorts and T-shirt.
‘Lunch was delicious and good fun, thank you,’ she said. She put her finger up to her mouth and lowered her voice. ‘I wish that girl would go out sometimes with Ashley, it’s not good for them to be cooped up here every day. I’ve tried to chat to her, but never seem to get anywhere. I’m running out of ideas.’
‘I did offer to take them out earlier, but Dee refused.’
‘She’s driving me mad, always here. I’m just not used to it, I suppose.’
The front door slammed shut and Leo bellowed as he marched down the hallway to the kitchen. ‘Guess who?’
Mum pulled a face and turned back to finish making her tea.
‘You’re here,’ I said, stating the obvious. ‘It’s good to see you.’
Leo kissed me on both cheeks. ‘It’s great to be back.’ He looked over my shoulder in the direction of the garden. ‘How’s Dee?’ he whispered. I couldn’t miss the strain on his face when he mentioned her. ‘I hope it’s not been too difficult for you.’
I struggled to find the right words to answer him without being mean.
Mum gave him a smile and took her tea into the living room. ‘Better get learning my lines,’ she said, by way of an excuse to leave us to it.
‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘I know it’s hard work being with her right now. She’s sullen, and doesn’t even try to interact most of the time.’
I could see he was under no illusion about Dee’s mental state. ‘We haven’t seen each other for years. We’ve both changed so much,’ I said miserably. ‘I didn’t think we’d be this distant, though.’ I glanced down the hallway to the garden. ‘I’m not even sure where Dee and Ashley have gone now?’
All Dee seemed to want to do during the day was sleep and read. She barely let Ashley out of her sight, fretting and needing to know where she was at all times. It stung me to think she didn’t trust Mum or me with her daughter.
When Leo didn’t say anything, I tried again. ‘Is there something I can do to encourage Dee to chat more?’ I asked. ‘I wish I could persuade her to relax a bit where Ashley’s concerned. I feel sorry for the little girl. Dee pretty much suffocates her with all that attention.’
‘She’s alright. She might take herself off for a little walk to clear her head sometimes, that’s all.’
‘I have to admit I’m a little concerned about Ashley.’
He studied me for a few seconds, his earlier cheerfulness evaporating. ‘Don’t be, she’s fine. Look, if you’d rather we go elsewhere, you only have to say.’
‘That wasn’t what I meant,’ I said, shocked by his defensiveness.
‘Really, I don’t want to cause you any problems.’
He had totally misunderstood what I was trying to say. It was as if he was determined to be insulted for some reason. I could see I wasn’t going to get through to him today. ‘It’s okay,’ I assured him, not wishing to make things worse.
‘If you’re sure?’ he asked, frowning.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure at all, but Dee was my oldest friend and the least I could do was offer them somewhere to stay, at least for the time being.
Later that night, Leo barbecued king prawns and scallops. He had placed them in a marinade of oil with a little crushed garlic and lemon for a couple of hours and was in much better spirits.
‘That was delicious,’ I said honestly. ‘You’re a fantastic cook.’ I pushed away my plate, leaving nothing but a couple of scraps of lettuce. I watched as he concentrated on opening a second bottle of wine before topping up my glass.
‘Thanks,’ he said, smiling at me. ‘I wanted to impress you. I’m glad that I did.’
I wasn’t sure, but suspected he might be flirting with me. It was an odd sensation, but not an altogether unpleasant one. He was very handsome, after all.
I cleared my throat. ‘There’s somewhere I want to take you tomorrow morning,’ I said. If we had to spend time together I wanted us to go out occasionally. There was so much beautiful countryside to see around Oakwold and the New Forest, it seemed a waste to spend most of our time at the house.
‘I’m intrigued,’ he laughed.
‘You used to go there years ago,’ I said, giving him a clue. ‘I thought it would be fun to revisit.’
‘I’m not going to the farm,’ Dee snapped, standing up and knocking over an empty bottle of wine. It was the first time all evening that she’d interacted with us in any way.
‘I didn’t mean that,’ I said, horrified. ‘I’d never expect you to do something that made you uncomfortable.’ I shook my head. ‘It’s somewhere else. We’ll need to leave straight after breakfast and I promise you’ll enjoy it there.’
‘We’d love to,’ Leo said quickly before Dee had time to argue.
He went to pour wine into Dee’s glass. ‘No,’ she said, placing her hand over the top. ‘I’m going to go to bed.’ Her mouth drew back in a tight, forced smile. ‘I need an early night if we’re going out early tomorrow.’ She hesitated. ‘Thank you for a lovely meal.’
She sounded so formal. I stood to give her frail body a hug and watched as she walked silently into the house to join her daughter in their room.
Sitting down, I lifted my glass and took a sip. ‘I don’t want you to make her come tomorrow if she doesn’t want to.’
‘It’ll do her good to get out.’ He looked up at Dee’s bedroom window. ‘She’ll come around soon,’ he said.
I doubted it. ‘I hate seeing her troubled.’
‘So do I. She’ll be much better for staying here, I’m sure.’ He looked at me. ‘Thank you for being such a good friend, Sera, it means a lot. I’ve enjoyed meeting up with you and getting to know the adult you.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I know I’m only three years younger than you and Dee, but you two were way above me in the maturity stakes when we lived here in the nineties. I always secretly liked you.’
I couldn’t help grinning at the idea of Dee’s little brother having a crush on me all those years ago. I felt guilty that we’d been so mean to him. ‘Really? I never suspected a thing.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘You weren’t supposed to.’
Enjoying the moment, I settled back into my chair, my heart rate calming slightly. ‘I like having you around, too,’ I said, realising it for the first time. ‘It’s good to be able to reminisce about when we were young messing around at your mum’s farm. I’ve missed not being able to do that.’
‘Dee doesn’t like to talk about it.’
I couldn’t understand why. ‘That’s a shame,’ I said. ‘I wished many times we could go back to how it was then. I had a fantastic life until your family disappeared.’ I didn’t add that I’d battled for the following decade trying to find them; willing Dee to come back.
‘Yes, well sometimes things happen that you’d rather forget.’ He took a large gulp of his wine and stared out towards the woods at the back of the garden.
‘What things?’ I said, eagerly.
He closed his eyes. ‘Leave it, Sera.’ Then opening them, he gazed at me as if lost in thought. ‘Some things are best left in the past.’
‘But…’
His expression changed. ‘What’s the story with Henri?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, taken aback by the sudden change in topic.
‘He seems a little intense, that’s all.’
‘Mysterious, maybe,’ I said, trying not to sound defensive.
‘You seemed close to him when I met him that time in the woods.’
I wasn’t used to being questioned by anyone apart from Mum. I could feel my hackles rising. ‘I haven’t known him long at all.’
‘Look, it’s nothing to do with me, but how well do you know him?’ he asked.
I didn’t like being interrogated in this way. ‘Henri is a friend.’ I looked away from him. ‘I don’t know everything about him, that’s true. In fact, I know very little,’ I admitted to myself as much as Leo. ‘But I go by my instinct and he’s been kind to me and Katie, and I’m happy with that.’
‘I didn’t mean to offend you.’ He smiled apologetically. ‘I suppose I just want to look out for you.’
‘I’m not your sister, Leo.’ I could tell he meant well. ‘It’s very gentlemanly of you, but I’m used to looking after myself. Just be my friend, I don’t need a protector.’ I smiled to soften my words. I didn’t want us to fall out. ‘Let’s talk about what we’re doing tomorrow instead, shall we?’
That night I lay in my bed mesmerised by the shadows swaying gently on the ceiling. The large pine tree outside my window was barely moving, but it lulled me and allowed my mind to wander back to being with Marcus. I had missed him for so long that I wasn’t sure if I could ever truly feel deep love for anyone else. Leo was familiar to me; it was easy to trust him. I could hardly believe I was even contemplating how it might feel to become close to a man again. I pulled the covers over my shoulders and closed my eyes. When sleep evaded me yet again, I let my mind wander.
Could I finally be reaching the end of my grieving process for Marcus? Was that possible? I would always miss him and what might have been, but I was beginning to think that it might be time to take a chance and see how it felt to share experiences with someone else.
I thought of Henri at the pool and wondered again what he had been about to tell me. He was so mysterious and very different to Marcus, who had been very sociable, always wanting everyone to have fun. Leo, on the other hand, was familiar and I liked the way he linked me to a past that I still yearned for. I sighed. Henri intrigued me, though. He was unlike anyone I’d ever known before and I couldn’t help being fascinated by him.