‘Mummy,’ Katie chirped from the end of my bed. I pushed myself up onto my elbows, squinting when a shard of light streaming through a gap in my curtains blinded me. How long had she been sitting there playing with her dolls? I must have slept deeply not to have noticed her earlier. ‘You didn’t wake up,’ she said, frowning, her fair hair sticking out all around her face like a halo.
I smiled at the golden-haired child, so precious to me, and wished for the umpteenth time that her father was here to enjoy her funny ways and strong personality.
‘Yes, poppet, I was very tired.’ I glanced at my bedside clock and gasped, throwing back my duvet and jumping out of bed almost in one movement. ‘Come on, Katie,’ I said, pulling on my dressing gown over my bed shorts and vest. ‘You’re going to be late for pre-school if we don’t get a wriggle on.’ I lifted her up, tickling her under her ribs and making her giggle.
Pushing my feet into my flip-flops, I carried her downstairs and sat her at the kitchen table. ‘What do you want today? Toast with an egg on top, or porridge?’
She stuck her tongue out and shook her head. ‘Yuck. I hate porridge. Want egg and soldiers.’
I put a couple of eggs in a pan of water and poured her a glass of milk and made myself a cup of coffee. ‘Do you think you’ll finish the rabbit painting at school today?’
‘You’ve been painting a rabbit?’ Leo asked from the doorway.
‘Yes.’ Katie smiled at him, proud of her accomplishment. Her smile faltered when she noticed Ashley standing silently behind him. Katie glanced up at me. ‘Ashley wants an egg?’
‘Would you? Un, um, oeuf?’ I asked the silent child. She nodded slowly. She barely seemed to eat anything, so I was happy she was joining Katie for breakfast. I walked over to her and took her hand. ‘Come and sit down with Katie and I’ll make you both a lovely runny egg with soldiers.’
Katie watched Ashley take a seat and lowering her voice, explained. ‘I don’t go to school, it’s pre-school and they’re not really soldiers,’ Katie told the confused child. ‘They’re pieces of toast and butter that we dip in our eggs.’ She acted out what she was saying. ‘It’s yummy.’
‘You slept well?’ Leo asked, coming to stand next to me by the range.
‘Eventually,’ I said, checking the eggs. ‘Then rather too well, I’m now running a bit late.’
‘This is such a peaceful house. Even though it’s on the edge of the town and cars drive past most of the time, I go into a deep sleep as soon as my head touches those pillows.’
I was happy to hear he was so relaxed. ‘Good, and Dee? Have you seen her yet this morning?’ I did my best to sound upbeat.
‘Not yet, but I’m sure we will do soon. She’s not one to get up late usually, but I think she’s struggling to settle in here. I’m afraid us all being together again feels a little foreign to her, too.’
I served the little girls their breakfast and then, leaving Leo to watch over them, I ran upstairs to have a quick shower and change, giving Dee a reminder that we would have to leave soon.
I asked Katie if she would like a day off from pre-school to come out with Ashley, Dee, Leo and me.
‘No, thank you, Mummy,’ she whispered, I presumed not to offend Ashley. ‘My knee is much better.’
I was hoping to ask Dee to let me take Ashley to drop Katie off at pre-school. She was still in bed though, so I took Ashley with me into town to buy some fruit and pastries. It was another sweltering day, so I treated her to a cool drink. We were walking out of the supermarket hand in hand, when one of the bags broke and several tins of tuna rolled away from me towards the parking area. I bent to salvage a bag of oranges and some tea, but it was difficult doing it with only one free hand. ‘Damn.’
‘I will bring them to you,’ I heard Henri say when I struggled to put what I had retrieved into the other bag, hoping that wouldn’t break too. I did my best but ended up dropping other bits. ‘For pity’s sake.’
I could hear his deep laugh as he grabbed the shopping I kept dropping. ‘Stop,’ he said, smiling broadly at me. ‘One minute.’
I watched him limp into the shop and come out seconds later with two new bags. ‘These are better.’
‘Thank you,’ I said, relieved to be able to stop making an idiot of myself. I helped him finish packing everything with Ashley clasping tightly onto my hand. ‘I didn’t think you shopped here?’
‘On occasion.’ He gave Ashley a crooked smile. He raised the bags and indicated my car. ‘I will carry these. You are well?’
I walked next to him towards the car. ‘Yes, thanks. I’m taking my guests to a market today, to have a look around.’ He waited for me to open the boot of my car, and lowered the shopping into it, closing it for me. He checked his watch. ‘I will leave you to your day.’
‘I’ll bring Katie to see the puppies soon.’
Back home to collect the others, I walked into the house to hear screaming and crying coming from the kitchen. I had barely closed the door, when Dee raced through the hall and skidded on the hard tiles, grabbing Ashley and clinging on to her. The child looked terrified.
‘Where have you been?’ she screamed at me, spittle at the sides of her mouth. ‘How dare you take her without asking my permission first?’
I couldn’t believe her reaction. ‘We only popped out to the shops. We can’t have been gone more than half an hour.’
‘Don’t do it again, do you hear me?’ Her wide eyes blazed with fury. I nodded, not daring to upset her further by arguing.
I left her to take Ashley to their room. Frustrated with Dee’s dramatics, I went to find Mum, confiding in her about my plans for the day and hoping she’d join us.
‘I’ve got lines to learn today.’
I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and suspected she was fibbing. I didn’t blame her; she must be desperate for time alone in her own house, especially after this latest bout of hysteria. Making the most of the others being out of the way, we sat down to enjoy a cup of tea.
Mum looked at me. ‘You do know she’s insane, don’t you?’
‘That’s a little harsh, Mum,’ I whispered.
‘We’re ready now,’ Leo shouted from the upstairs landing. He came down the stairs with Ashley in his arms, I saw Dee following close behind them, her face puffy from crying. I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty about instigating her upset but kept quiet. ‘We’re going on an adventure,’ he said, smiling at Ashley.
The child didn’t react, but looked at him as if she might cry. I couldn’t understand it. Katie would have been jumping up and down and giggling. She wouldn’t mind what we were doing; the anticipation of going out in the car to do anything remotely fun would be enough.
Leo saw me watching Ashley and frowned. ‘We’re all different, I suppose.’
It saddened me to see so little joy in the child’s face. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
Leo made small talk during the journey. We wound the windows right down, but the heat in the air did little to cool us. The roads were dusty, which added to our discomfort, but I hoped that once we arrived at the market they would agree that it had been worthwhile.
Dee and Ashley sat in silence in the back of the car for the entire time, while Leo and I made small talk about how the usually lush plantation on either side of the road looked dull due to the coating of dust.
‘We need some rain desperately,’ I said, thinking of the farmers and growers who were contending with this unprecedented heat.
Ashley started to cough and I reached back to the basket I’d placed behind my seat until I felt the neck of a bottle of water. Lifting it, I said, ‘Dee, can you give this to Ashley.’ She took it from my hand and undid the top, passing it to the little girl. ‘Sorry, Ashley,’ I said, wishing I had decent air-con in my car and could close the windows. ‘We’ll be there very soon.’
Moments later I spotted several ponies ambling by the side of the road and slowed the car right down. I pointed them out to Ashley. ‘Look, ponies. Aren’t they pretty?’
Ashley watched them walking, the hint of a smile on her drawn face.
Finally, we arrived at the old country estate where we were headed.
‘It doesn’t look very inviting,’ Dee said as I slowed before the ivy-clad entrance.
I checked that there wasn’t a car behind me in my rear-view mirror and stopped. ‘They do wonderful cakes,’ I said, determined to remain cheerful and make the best of the day. ‘Imagine how incredible this place used to be decades ago.’
The ornate gates were now rusted open and the enamelled family crest above the metal archway mostly worn away. I put the car in gear and drove through the tall gateposts. Some of the stones were missing and I wondered how long it would be until they completely collapsed.
Leo smiled thoughtfully. ‘This place looks familiar,’ he said, as the chatter and shouts from the stallholders trying to grab the attention of passing shoppers became louder the closer we got to the marketplace.
‘It should do. We occasionally came here as children,’ I said, relieved one of them was being positive. ‘It wasn’t as run-down then but they still held summer fêtes and folk festivals.’
I turned right and took the short bumpy lane, past old tenants’ cottages, and turned into a stony car park. We eventually spotted a space between two other cars under the shelter of a gnarled oak tree.
‘This is the market,’ Dee said, hurriedly stepping out of the car, forgetting about Ashley. It was so out of character I wasn’t sure how to react.
Leo followed her. I went to Ashley, taking her hand in mine. ‘Here, you’d better put this on,’ I said, picking up the peaked cap from the car seat and putting it on the little girl’s head. ‘We don’t want you to get sunburnt, do we?’
I slipped on my sunglasses, grabbed my purse and locked the car. At least Dee seemed cheerful, for once. ‘Okay?’ I bent to ask the little girl. She stared up at me and gave a little shrug. It was a reaction of sorts, I supposed.
Leo stopped to let us catch up with him by the entrance of the yard where two rows of tightly packed stalls were set up.
‘You’re right. I remember Mum bringing us here when we were small.’ He stepped back to avoid two elderly ladies who were marching towards a nearby second-hand clothes stall. ‘You take your life in your hands coming here, don’t you?’ he said, watching them shuffling on their way.
‘You do. There are a lot of determined people,’ I said quietly when we were next to him. ‘I couldn’t wait to come again when I returned from the north.’
He nodded towards my favourite stall that had also been one of his mother’s chosen shopping spots. ‘I can almost picture Mum standing over there,’ he said, his voice catching.
‘She loved the skirts and tops that girl used to bring from her buying trips to India. Do you remember?’
He nodded. ‘I do. I seem to recall you always banging on about this place, too.’
I breathed in the heady scents of the market. A mixture of lavender and geraniums took me back to when I was small at this very spot. In fact, the wizened little man serving at the stall was the same one from my childhood. I watched him deftly counting change for a customer. He didn’t look all that different to when I’d first come here.
We walked through the crowds looking at everything from brightly painted pottery to straw baskets with colourful ribbons threaded through the weaving. I breathed in the patchouli and sandalwood from the clothes I liked to buy and was about to pick a fabric bag to check it, when Ashley pulled me towards the second-hand book store.
Happy to see her enjoying her visit to the market, I willingly went with her and watched her looking through the books. She moved several. Picking them up, she breathed in the familiar smell of an old book, closing her eyes in recognition; it was a strange thing for someone as young as her to do. She checked the front and back covers of other books, unsatisfied with them, putting them down again. Eventually, she found one I recognised from my own childhood and held it up to me. I took it from her and smiled.
‘What Katy Did by Susan Coolidge. I remember my mum reading this to me many times.’ I couldn’t picture Dee taking the time to do the same and wondered if maybe it had been a book she’d enjoyed at school. ‘Do you want this?’
Her lips drew back slightly giving the hint of a smile. I was so delighted to see her reaction that I hugged her. ‘All right then.’ I was finally getting somewhere with this child and it thrilled me.
I left her slowly turning the pages and looked for one I might want to read. I chose a battered copy of Jane Eyre and a couple of Georgette Heyer books I recalled reading when I was younger. After haggling briefly with the stallholder, I paid him and gratefully accepted the plastic bag with my books inside. I looked forward to reading those over the next couple of weeks. I couldn’t see Leo or Dee anywhere, so took Ashley’s hand and went to look at the next stall.
‘Having fun?’ he asked about fifteen minutes later. ‘That’s new, isn’t it?’ He lifted the bottom of the striped material shoulder bag I’d treated myself to. ‘It’s already filled with stuff,’ he teased. ‘It weighs a ton.’
‘Rubbish, we’ve only bought a few things,’ I joked. ‘Anyway, I’ve wanted one similar to this for ages.’
‘And it suits you,’ he said. ‘You’re a bit of a hippy at heart, aren’t you?’
Thinking about it, he had a point. ‘Come on, we’d better see where Dee’s got to.’
We found her holding up a thirties vase with a yellow-and-black geometrical pattern on the front. ‘That’s gorgeous,’ I said.
She stared at me and, handing the vase to Leo, took Ashley’s hand from mine.
‘Dee,’ Leo didn’t bother to hide the determination in his voice. ‘Sera bought Ashley a lovely book.’
Dee closed her eyes in irritation for a few seconds, then opened them and smiled at him. She pointed at the vase. ‘Will you buy this for me?’
I couldn’t help being taken aback by her odd reaction, and that she didn’t have money of her own. There was no point in arguing with her, so I moved away and focused my attention on a delicate, silver-plated toast rack. Ashley picked up an elephant-shaped egg cup with her free hand.
‘That would be perfect for your breakfast egg and soldiers,’ I said. She frowned and I wished I could speak French. ‘Shall we ask Mummy if you can have it?’
She glanced at Dee out of the corner of her eye, seeing her deep in conversation with Leo. Ashley shook her head.
‘I don’t think she’d mind,’ I whispered, not very convinced by my assurances.
‘Non.’
I was so unused to hearing her voice that I hesitated before replying. ‘Um, okay, then,’ I said, saddened by her refusal. ‘If you’re sure?’
We looked at a few more stalls, but the intensity of the heat was becoming overbearing. I noticed Ashley wiping her forehead and becoming fretful. I was more concerned about the child than offending Dee, so asked if I could take Ashley to buy a drink.
Dee nodded and let go of the child’s hand. ‘Don’t go far, will you?’
‘No,’ I assured her and quickly led Ashley to the shade under a tree at the other end of the market. ‘Drink?’ I asked, raising my cupped hand to my mouth. She needed to keep hydrated on such a hot day. She gave me a vacant stare. ‘I’ll get us some water.’
I took her to a stall and bought us a bottle of chilled water each. ‘Make sure you drink all of that today,’ I said, pulling the top off and downing half my own bottle. I poured a little into my hand and wiped my face and the back of my neck.
I checked my watch. I needed to start for home soon. I was hoping to spend a few hours working on several signs that I was holding on consignment at my studio. I caught Leo’s eye and held up my car keys. He nodded and scanned the market for Dee. Eventually, they came over to us, Dee smiling and holding up two bags.
‘That’s a beautiful vase,’ I said, happy that she had enjoyed our outing.
‘I’ve also found a couple of cushions for our beds,’ she said, indicating the larger bag. ‘They’re a wonderful burnt orange colour.’
We had been there nearly an hour and were all hot and sticky. I didn’t relish the uncomfortable drive home again, but hoped they had all enjoyed their outing.
‘Ready to go?’ I asked, fanning my face with my hand. She didn’t argue so we loaded the car and got in. The sun had moved, and the car was no longer in the shade. ‘Sorry about the car,’ I winced, sitting on my hot seat.
The drive home seemed to take much longer in the strong heat of the midday sun. None of us spoke and Dee and Ashley dozed off as I drove. I was relieved Katie hadn’t wanted to come too because she would have had to cram in the back seat along with the other two.
Leo and I each had an arm out of our respective windows, doing our best to cool down as much as possible. ‘It’s at times like these I wouldn’t mind having a pool in the garden.’
‘A paddling pool would do for me right now,’ Leo said, turning my paltry air-conditioning up full blast.
‘Or a bottle of water.’
‘Anything at all,’ he laughed.
‘We’ll have to settle for a cold shower and a glass of something.’
Freshly showered and changed into a thin cotton top and shorts, I left them with Mum at home and drove to my studio. The concrete walls kept the temperature low. It could be too cold at times, especially in the winter. Today, though, the space gave a welcome relief from the heat of the market earlier. Seeing all the stalls had inspired me and I couldn’t wait for the next time I was at my stall in the village square later that week.
I completed a small job and then collected Katie from pre-school, going home to join the others who were enjoying a drink with Mum in the shade in the garden.
Dee seemed a little more focused tonight and was beginning to relax. Even her demeanour seemed calmer. I hoped she’d enjoyed our trip to the market and was feeling a little more at home.
‘I was wondering if we could arrange to take the girls out somewhere together this weekend,’ she suggested, taking me by surprise.
‘I’d love that,’ I said enthused. ‘We could maybe go for a walk in the wood near your old farm. If it’s still this hot, we could swim in the pool there. Do you remember it?’ I asked hopefully, recalling Dee’s vehement objection about visiting the farm.
She frowned, her eyes glazing over. Then, after a moment’s hesitation Dee smiled. ‘I do. I was going to buy it and live there with my husband.’
‘Yes,’ I shrieked, unable to contain my excitement that she was finally reminiscing with me. ‘And I was going to be the only person you invited to visit.’
She giggled. ‘I remember.’ She stared down at the space in front of her. ‘I remember,’ she whispered, lost in her own world again.
I could see Leo tense as he watched her mood changing. ‘It’s lovely and shady,’ I said, not wishing the atmosphere to drop yet again. ‘So we won’t get sunburnt.’
‘Would you like that, Ashley?’ Dee asked, with enthusiasm. The little girl stared at her, her expression uncertain. Dee turned back to me and smiled tightly. ‘She’d love to, but she’ll probably have to borrow a swimming costume from Katie.’
I willed Dee to be a little less intense with her daughter, but at least she was happy now. I didn’t know what had brought about her unexpected change of mood, but I wasn’t going to chance ruining it by asking her. I was relieved to experience a hint of how my old friend used to be.
‘We could make some sandwiches and take a little picnic,’ she suggested. ‘You’d like that, girls, wouldn’t you?’
Katie nodded enthusiastically. Ashley sucked her thumb and gave Katie a sideways glance.
‘I’ve bought some ice creams if you girls want one,’ I said.
Katie jumped up and down. ‘Yes, please, Mummy. Can me and Ashley go and get them?’
I laughed. ‘You can’t reach the freezer compartment, you know that.’ I tickled her. I smiled at Ashley. ‘Do you like ice cream?’ For a second I thought she was about to cry, but was relieved when she simply nodded. ‘Good, I’ll get you both one.’
I could hear Katie’s excited voice. ‘You’ll love them, Ashley. Mummy buys strawberry and chocolate ice creams and they taste yummy.’
I couldn’t help thinking that Dee and Leo’s strange demeanour was beginning to crack. I had spotted the occasional hint of the old Dee. Now that she was thawing would I finally be about to get to the bottom of why they had left so abruptly?