‘Maybe Dee is starting to feel a little better,’ I whispered, when Mum and I were on our way up to bed later. ‘She was less uptight today.’
She didn’t look convinced. ‘Well, I haven’t noticed any improvement. I still think something’s amiss between them if you ask me. And what about Hazel, they don’t seem to be in contact with her at all? Don’t you find that odd?’
I had the same suspicions, but I didn’t want to add to the tension between them so kept my thoughts to myself. ‘You’ve never been interested in what Hazel was doing before. Why would you want to know now?’
‘Before, she was nearby on that damn farm, now she’s gone. I can’t help being curious to know what’s become of her.’
That didn’t make sense. The mother I knew would have been only too pleased that Hazel wasn’t about to come and visit her son and daughter. ‘You’re not happy Dee’s come to stay here, are you?’
She put a finger up to her lips and pulled me into her bathroom, closing the door quietly behind us. ‘There’s something about that girl.’ She shook her head slowly. ‘She was always such a bubbly young thing; I can’t make her out at all now. It’s as if she’s a completely different person, although we know she’s not. What could have possibly happened to change her so radically?’ She glanced at herself in the mirror, as if she was expecting her reflection to have the answer. ‘How long will she be staying here, do you think?’
I would have liked an answer to that question myself. All I knew was that she’d had an especially difficult time of it lately, whatever ‘it’ was. ‘No idea.’
‘I know you were a little lonely before they came here, darling,’ my mother said. ‘But I think I preferred it that way.’
I couldn’t blame her. It was her house and it did feel a bit like Dee’s life was taking over our once peaceful home. I agreed. ‘I think I did, too, but Leo’s a good man and he’s doing his best to keep everyone happy. Even if I could turn Dee away, I couldn’t do that to her little girl, or Leo. I feel sorry for them both. I think they’re struggling as much as Dee is, in their own way.’
‘You’re probably right,’ she mused. ‘Leo’s turned into a delicious-looking young chap, especially when you think how gawky he used to be. It’s a shame he couldn’t stay here without them.’ She raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow. ‘I remember when he was younger and came here with his sister, he was always mooning about over you then.’
Her comment surprised me. ‘I never noticed.’
‘No, because you were oblivious to the poor boy’s feelings,’ she said. ‘And always day-dreaming about some pop star or other.’
‘He’s three years younger than me, Mum. When you’re almost a teenager, three years is a big difference in age.’
‘True.’ She smiled. ‘Thank heavens those couple of years don’t matter when we’re grown-ups.’
I couldn’t help smiling. ‘You’re impossible, do you know that?’ I teased, pecking her on the cheek before leaving the bathroom, only to find Leo outside on the landing, staring out of the window across the fields behind the house. I hoped he hadn’t overheard Mum and me chatting.
‘I love this house,’ he said, his hands pushed into his pockets.
As he turned, he stared at me with a look of such intensity it almost took my breath away.
‘Sera,’ he said, his voice barely above a whisper. ‘I enjoy being with you very much.’
This wasn’t what I wanted to hear and I hoped Mum would not choose this moment to come out of the bathroom. I struggled to come up with a fitting reply.
He crossed his arms in front of his chest looking awkward. ‘You know what I mean.’
I didn’t know how to react but not wishing to cause further problems in the house, I replied, ‘I’m glad you’re feeling at home here.’ I was aware it wasn’t what he’d been hoping I’d say. He was such a caring guy and I didn’t want to drag his embarrassment out any further, but I couldn’t lie to him. ‘I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you again.’
He went to say something then seemed to think better of it. ‘Thank you. I know being in the New Forest is doing Dee, Ashley and me the power of good.’
‘I’m glad being here is helping you all.’
‘Wake up, Sera.’ Mum knocked quietly on my bedroom door, early the following morning. Her voice was just above a whisper, but the shrill tone of it woke me. ‘Hurry up, I need you to come and see something.’
‘I’m coming,’ I groaned, flinging back the duvet and getting out of bed. ‘What…’ I started to shout as I opened the door, but she put her hand over my mouth to shut me up.
‘Shhh.’ She motioned over her shoulder to the attic stairs. ‘Let me in.’
I did as she asked, not that I had much choice. ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked as soon as she closed the door, leaning against it and rolling her eyes heavenward. Mum had a tendency towards the melodramatic, she was an actress after all, but this was a little over the top even for her.
‘This really has to stop, Sera,’ she said in a way that didn’t invite argument. ‘That mad girl was ranting outside in the garden first thing this morning. I’m amazed it didn’t wake you; it bloody well woke me up. I’ve got lines to learn and it doesn’t get easier as I’m getting a tiny bit older. I need my sleep, darling.’
My mother never swore. ‘Mum, my room overlooks the road at the front; I wouldn’t hear anything happening in the garden from here. Did you work out what was upsetting her?’
She shook her head. ‘No, but Leo manhandled her out of the back gate pretty soon afterwards. I think the child is still sleeping upstairs, though I can’t imagine how. What do you think happened?’
I rubbed my eyes. ‘How would I know? I was sleeping when it all kicked off, remember?’
‘Get showered and dressed, so you’re ready for when they come back – if they come back.’ I could hear by the tone of her voice she would rather they didn’t. Unimpressed with my reaction, she flounced off before I could say another word.
I went into the bathroom and undressed, stepping into the shower cubicle. I turned on the water, not caring that it was freezing cold after the initial shock of it hitting my skin. The water slowly warmed and my brain cleared. Another drama with Dee, this was becoming a habit. I poured a little shampoo into the palm of my hand, lathered it up and washed my hair. What was happening to my once peaceful life? I washed and stepped out of the shower, drying myself hurriedly before, still damp, dressing in fresh underwear, shorts and a T-shirt.
I could hear voices and a commotion outside the back of the house. I didn’t want Katie to get a fright so kicked my damp towel out of the way and ran onto the landing. ‘Katie?’ I called. ‘Where are you?’
‘Mummy, Mummy,’ she shouted from downstairs. She was up earlier than usual. I hoped my mother was down there with her, but could tell by the panic in Katie’s voice that she was frightened.
‘I’m coming now.’ I ran down to find her. She was waiting by the kitchen door, sucking her thumb. She’d picked that up from Ashley, I thought with irritation, not for the first time wondering why I’d seen fit to invite them into our home to cause so much disruption. I bent and lifted Katie.
‘It’s all right,’ I whispered, kissing her tanned cheek. ‘Let’s go and see what’s going on, shall we?’
Leo was holding Dee by the shoulder and shaking her. ‘That’s enough. You have to stop this. Getting hysterical isn’t going to help anyone, is it?’
‘What’s happened?’ I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer. He tilted his head and smiled at Katie.
‘I’m sorry if we scared you.’ He bent down so his face was level with hers. She immediately turned away from him, burying her face in my shoulder. ‘Silly Dee found a lizard in the garden,’ he said, stroking her arm.
I frowned at him in confusion. It was a silly comment and obviously not the reason behind her hysterics, but it had the desired effect with Katie.
She looked at him, eyes wide with curiosity. ‘Was it big, or small?’
He held his index fingers about four inches apart. ‘I don’t know, but it was about this size.’
She didn’t seem very impressed. ‘That’s only small,’ she said with disdain.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘But Ashley hasn’t ever seen a lizard, so if you go and find her, we can show her one together.’
Katie smiled and wriggled to get down. ‘Okay.’ She ran off up the stairs and when I was confident that she wasn’t within earshot, I turned to him and Dee. She was hugging herself tightly and sniffing noisily in between sobs by the back door.
‘What the hell happened?’ I demanded. I wasn’t going to let the atmosphere in my home be ruined. ‘Quickly, tell me before Katie and Ashley come down.’
Leo rubbed his face with both hands. ‘They’ve found a body.’
What did he say? I stared at him, stunned. ‘Who has? Where?’
Dee cried out. Leo glared at her and she blew her nose on a soggy tissue. ‘Our old farm, that’s where,’ he said.
‘A body at the farm?’ I repeated like an idiot. I couldn’t focus for a second. ‘Henri?’ I asked, terrified of Leo’s reply.
He shook his head. ‘No. He’s the one who found the body.’
I closed my eyes, relief flowing through me. For a moment there I’d assumed the arsonist had returned. I tried to gather myself. ‘How do you know all this?’
Dee sobbed again, and Leo pulled her into a hug. I suspected he was trying to shut her up. ‘You’ve got to get a grip on your emotions, Dee.’ He looked over her head at me. ‘I went to the bakery in the village to buy us croissants for breakfast. The woman serving in there told me. There were a few people in the queue gossiping about the chap – you know, Henri.’
‘I can imagine,’ I said, unable to keep the irritation from my voice. If any of those miseries had bothered to try and get to know him, I was certain they wouldn’t be so quick to judge.
He shook his head slowly. ‘They don’t like him much around here, do they?’
No, they didn’t. ‘I think they’re only suspicious about him because he doesn’t mix with them.’
‘Silly bugger. He should make the effort if he hopes to settle here permanently.’
He was right. It wasn’t the best way to integrate in any town. This was a tight-knit community and a stranger – especially one who had obviously encountered a traumatic past and now kept to himself – was asking for interest, if not suspicion. Even Leo was already back in the fold, having made an effort to shop locally and chat to people. He always bought meat from the butcher rather than driving a little way to the supermarket and it was noted and appreciated by the locals.
‘It’s easier for us,’ I said, wanting to defend Henri’s actions. ‘We lived here years ago. Some people still remember us from when we were kids.’ Although, I had to admit Henri didn’t seem to care how the town people were towards him, as long as they left him well alone.
‘True.’
‘Does anyone know who the dead person is?’ I asked.
‘No,’ Leo said, raking his right hand through his hair. ‘No one can work out who it could be.’
I tried to imagine how horrifying it must have been for Henri to make such a grim discovery at his farm. Dee sniffed and I turned my attention back to her. What possible reason could she have for being so upset?
‘I need to make sure Henri is coping with all the attention this must be bringing him,’ I said, ignoring Leo’s disapproving glare at me. Not wishing to discuss the matter with Mum and add fuel to her suspicions about Henri, I added, ‘Can I leave you to look after Katie while I pay him a visit?’
For a moment, I thought he might refuse. ‘Of course,’ he said eventually. ‘Please ask him to let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.’
Not wishing to give him an opportunity to change his mind, I hurried away. ‘I will,’ I said, feeling mean for snapping at him earlier. ‘I’m sure he’ll be grateful to have your support.’
‘I wouldn’t be so sure,’ Leo laughed, his arm still around Dee’s shaking shoulders.
‘You’re probably right,’ I shouted, running up the stairs to the kitchen door, grabbing my keys as I ran through the hallway.
I hurried to the farm, racing through the stone pillars and pulled up in front of the lilac and apple trees causing a small dust cloud to rise around my car. There were voices coming from the direction of the barn. As I neared the ruins I noticed a white van parked on the other side of the hedge with two people dressed in white paper suits. I presumed they must be the forensics team, so stopped and watched them for a few minutes hoping Henri was about somewhere and would come over and speak to me.
When he didn’t appear, I decided to go and find him. I checked around the back of his house, spotting the old weathered tree trunk that I realised had probably acted as a makeshift seat since Hazel’s time. Then, retracing my steps to the front, I hurried up the porch stairs. I knocked a couple of times on the frame of the open doorway and called his name. Nothing.
Determined not to leave without checking he was okay, I went through to the kitchen giving Patti and the puppies a quick cuddle, and hurried down the long dark passageway to the back of the house where I remembered Hazel used to have a small snug room. I pulled open the door.
My breath caught in my throat at the sight of him standing by a bookcase wearing nothing but shorts, as he flicked through the pages of an open book. Livid red welts covered the right side of his muscled back, down his flank and over most of his right leg. I had assumed the damage to his leg that I’d seen when we’d gone swimming was the only scarring apart from the slightly puckered skin on his right cheek. I had no idea his body had been this badly damaged.
He turned, horror in his eyes to discover me standing there. Neither of us spoke. I tried not to react, but didn’t know whether to state the obvious, or not. ‘I came to see if you were all right,’ I stammered.
He sighed and held his hands out as if to say, this is me. He looked away from me, slamming the book closed and replacing it onto the bookcase shelf.
I stepped back to let him pass, unable to help staring at his retreating figure. The broad, muscular back so cruelly damaged. Why the hell hadn’t I thought to knock on this door before barging in? Stupid, stupid idiot.
I went outside to wait for him in the shade of the porch, recalling how pretty the area had always been with Hazel’s beloved geraniums lining the steps up to the porch. He was back downstairs before I had time to clear my head and figure out what to say next. I chewed the skin around one of my thumbnails.
Furious with myself for being so tongue-tied, I grimaced. ‘Sorry.’ How could I have made him feel so awkward? ‘It was rude of me to barge in without knocking.’
‘It is okay,’ he said, but it clearly wasn’t.
I struggled to think of something else to say then remembered why I’d hurried over here in the first place. Relieved to have something to focus on, I said, ‘I heard they’ve found a body.’
He looked troubled as he glanced in the direction of the barn. ‘I don’t know how no one saw it there before. How could I have missed it?’
He sounded so guilty, as if it was his fault somehow. ‘How were you to know there was a body in there? Could it have been the person who started the fire, do you think?’
He shook his head. ‘No, this poor soul has been there for a long time. It was in a shallow grave and barely covered.’
‘You spotted it?’
‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘This morning.’ He lowered himself painfully to sit on a low wall next to me. ‘The insurance assessors confirmed this morning that they have now finished working at the barn. I wanted to tidy up and began moving charred planks of wood that fell from the walls and ceiling.’ He shook his head. ‘I put my hand into the soil to pull up what I thought was a piece of wood; it was a charred bone from a finger.’
I shivered. ‘How horrible.’
‘I have seen much worse, but not at my own home, of course.’
I couldn’t imagine where. I was about to ask when it occurred to me that maybe he was referring to the incident where he had received his scars, so said nothing.
He stared over at the remains of the collapsed barn. ‘I admit I was shocked. I called the police and the forensics team have been here for hours.’
‘I wonder who it could be?’ I sat next to him and thought back to the elderly couple who took on the farm after Hazel’s departure. ‘I can’t imagine it would have anything to do with the old people who lived here for the past fifteen years,’ I said. ‘I never took much notice of them, but they seemed very ordinary and not the sort of people you’d imagine burying a body on their farm.’ Then again, what did murderers look like? ‘This place lay empty for about a year after Leo and Dee’s family disappeared. Maybe it happened when the house was empty?’
‘They don’t know yet,’ he said, his voice weary. ‘I hope they discover the person’s identity soon.’
‘Hmm, me too.’ I imagined he had a family somewhere who must be waiting for news of him.
He turned to look at me. ‘How did you hear about this? In the village?’
I nodded. ‘Naturally. Leo went in to town buy breakfast and they were gossiping about the body.’
He shook his head slowly. After a few seconds he asked, ‘What did they waste their time discussing before I moved here?’
‘No idea.’ I rocked to one side and nudged him lightly. ‘Don’t take any notice, it’s only because you’re new and rather mysterious.’
He pulled a puzzled expression. ‘I cannot imagine what is so mysterious about me.’
I could see he was lying, but didn’t push the point. I was as curious as the villagers about him, but now was not the time for answers about his past. It was none of my business where he’d come from and why he was so determined to guard his privacy.
‘If you want company, you’re more than welcome to join the rest of us for dinner at Mum’s house. Katie would love to see you again.’
He smiled. ‘She is a sweet child. Thank you, but I’ll stay here at the farm. The animals remain nervous after the fire. I still don’t know how it started…’
‘That’s fine, I understand.’ I wished I could stay with him and be some sort of support. It must be hard to be so alone, especially at an uncertain time like this. I checked my watch. ‘I should get home. Leo said to offer his support to you, though.’
‘That is kind,’ he said quietly, his tone sounding suspicious.
I sighed, wanting to keep him company for a little longer. ‘I left Katie with Leo. I think they’ve had enough of Dee’s hysteria, so I’d better get back.’
‘She is upset? Why?’ He frowned. I imagined he must think my friends very odd and over-emotional.
‘I’m not sure. It could be because they grew up here, maybe?’
‘Perhaps she is sickened at the thought of playing in the barn as a child when a body could have been lying below her feet. Some people have a problem with death that way. Spirits worry them.’
I hadn’t considered that. Dee and I had spent hours terrifying each other at night by telling ghost stories, when all the while a real grisly event had taken place here.
I studied his face. I might have only met him a few times, but I could sense that we both needed someone to confide in. Being here with Henri was a welcome respite from all the secrets and hysteria I’d been coping with at home.
‘Maybe, but I think there’s more to it where Dee’s concerned. Something happened to her recently to make her this frail, but I can’t seem to discover exactly what.’
‘She has her child and her family,’ he scowled. ‘To me she’s self-indulgent.’
To me, too, I thought. ‘We don’t know what’s happened to her. Maybe she’s got a good reason to be like this?’
And maybe she is being self-indulgent, I reasoned, but refrained from agreeing. I thought back to what I’d learned about him just before. ‘Everyone is different. Some people cope with tragedy better than others.’
He stared at me silently for a moment weighing up whether to say something. ‘And you, Sera?’
‘Sorry?’ My heart pounded in anticipation of what he was about to say next.
‘Your husband’s death – how did you cope with it?’
I blinked, shocked by his comment. ‘Badly,’ I admitted. ‘For a long time, it was as if my life had ended, which the life I’d enjoyed with him certainly had.’
He moved to place his hand on my wrist but lowered his hand instead. ‘I should not ask. It is cruel.’
‘It’s okay. You have your own demons, I assume,’ I said averting my gaze from him and staring up at the apple tree.
‘You mean after my accident.’ He stared at the barn. ‘I wish you hadn’t seen my scars.’
I wasn’t sure whether or not to continue the conversation, but decided I had nothing to lose by not asking him. ‘The only thing that bothers me about them is thinking how you suffered when you got them.’
‘You have seen them though.’ He sounded utterly miserable. ‘I worry that to some people these scars define who I am.’
‘Do you want to tell me what happened? You don’t have to.’
He raked his hands back through his short black hair. ‘I hate it, it’s true. These… burns have ruined my life.’
‘It must have been incredibly painful.’
He swallowed. ‘Agony, for a time. The hardest part was no longer being able to do the job I loved.’ He stood up and began walking up the stairs back into the house.
‘Which was?’ I followed him into the kitchen where he took two bottles of cider from the fridge and held them up. I took one and opened it. ‘I shouldn’t, I really do have to get back.’
‘This, and that.’ He opened one bottle, lifting it to his lips and taking a mouthful of the cool liquid. ‘I lived in Paris.’
I noticed he had avoided answering my question. ‘But why couldn’t you carry on doing your job?’
‘Because my leg was so badly burnt it pulled the skin and I now limp. You’ve seen how slowly I move sometimes.’ He stared at me. ‘Do not feel pity for me. That gives me more pain than my damaged skin.’
‘I don’t pity you,’ I lied. ‘I’m just sad it happened, that’s all.’
He shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Thank you, so am I.’
We stood in silence, both drinking every now and then from our bottles, enjoying the refreshing cider and the fact that he seemed to be relaxing a little. I stared out of the back window in the direction of the wood.
‘You want to know how it happened,’ he said. It was a statement rather than a question, his matter-of-fact tone filling the silence.
I chewed my lower lip sensing that this was probably the only time he’d offer the information. ‘Only if you want to tell me,’ I said, not wanting him to feel forced into confiding in me despite my desperation to learn the facts.
‘I will tell you.’ His embarrassment forgotten, or at least well hidden, he said, ‘It was Bastille Day and the people in Paris were celebrating.’ He glanced up at the kitchen clock and frowned. ‘You said you needed to hurry home.’
‘Bugger,’ I said noticing the time, the responsibility of returning to Katie tugging at my need to know his story.
He gave me a crooked smile that, just for a moment, lit up his scarred face. ‘You must wait then.’
I frowned, not bothering to hide my irritation. ‘You did that on purpose.’ I didn’t blame him, I supposed. I understood his reluctance to share with me. He wasn’t the only one with secrets.