The following morning, I sat down at the worn pine table and wiped crumbs from Katie’s cheek before watching her go back outside.
‘Do you think I’ve become hard since Marcus died?’ I asked Mum when she came in to join me.
She inspected her scarlet nail polish for a moment. ‘I think you lost the love of your life and it almost destroyed you. You needed to toughen up and become independent, but maybe now it’s time to let someone else do things for you for a change.’
‘You do things for me,’ I said, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
She bent forward and kissed me on the forehead. ‘Not really. You live here, but you look after the house for me, especially when I’m away. You earn your own money by running your small business and you do everything for Katie. What does anyone else ever really do for you, Sera?’
I thought for a couple of seconds. ‘I like being independent.’
‘Aren’t you ready for another relationship yet?’
I was, but I wasn’t sure how she would react if I told her that I was becoming more attracted to Henri. ‘Marcus controlled everything when we were together. I’m not quite ready to give up my independence to someone else.’
‘It doesn’t have to be like that with Leo.’ She studied me. ‘He’s used to taking charge of his sister and, knowing Hazel as I did, needs to keep her organised too. He’d probably relish a relationship with a woman who doesn’t need too much pampering.’
I hadn’t been thinking of Leo, but didn’t say so. ‘It all seems a bit quick.’
‘What do you want to do?’ She reached out and took my hands in hers. ‘I can’t bear seeing you looking so lost, especially as I’m going away with Paul tomorrow.’ She raised an eyebrow when I went to argue. ‘Yes, I’m seeing him again and I hate leaving you in the middle of this mess.’
‘Then don’t,’ I said, frowning. When had she and Paul been in touch? ‘I thought it was over for good between you two?’
She shrugged. ‘So did I. You have so much time ahead of you.’ She picked up a loose strand of my hair and in an uncharacteristic gesture, tucked it behind my ear. ‘You’re so young and fresh and, well, gorgeous.’
I wasn’t fooled by her act. ‘Mum, you know you look stunning, so stop trying to kid me. If you want to spend time with Paul, that’s fine by me. I just think you could do far better, that’s all.’
I didn’t want to think about Paul any more. ‘Go on. I’ll be fine, I always am.’
She gave me a brief hug. ‘No, darling, you just pretend to be fine.’
Did I? ‘Maybe I’ll pop over and visit Henri for a bit. He needs cheering up too.’
Mum walked over to the window, staring out at the back garden and across to the woods. ‘Why do you insist on ignoring my concerns about that man?’
‘Mum, you don’t even know Henri, how can you say such a thing?’
‘Why don’t you phone Leo instead? He’s your friend and you need to make amends. Maybe it’s time we stopped being annoyed by Dee and tried to work out why she’s behaving so appallingly?’
That was a bit of a turnaround, even for Mum. It made me wonder how strong her dislike of Henri was. ‘Honestly? You don’t mind her coming back here?’
She shook her head. ‘Not really. She’s obviously upset. Even you must be a little spooked by this body business at the farm? I know I am.’
‘It is a bit unnerving,’ I admitted.
‘Well, imagine how that poor girl feels. She’s been through something lately and this is probably the thing that could tip her over the edge. I don’t think we have much of a choice, not if we consider ourselves to be decent human beings.’
She’d unsettled me more about Henri than the body at the farm, but she did have a point about supporting my old friend. ‘I’ll call Leo then, but I’m going to want some answers this time.’
‘Good, me too.’
I picked up the phone.
‘You went without me,’ Katie said, reproaching Leo as he entered the house the following morning.
He bent down to her level. ‘We needed to go somewhere for a night, but we bought you these.’ He handed her a bag of donuts then, opening the bag, pointed to a bottle of red wine.
She giggled. ‘I can’t drink wine, Mummy said.’
‘Okay then,’ he smiled. ‘What about this?’ He lifted out a wheel of Brie.
‘Eugh, that smells.’ She shook her head. Taking one side of the bag, Katie peered inside. Putting her hand in, she pulled out a punnet of strawberries. ‘I can have these.’
‘Katie,’ I said, not pleased to see her delving into someone else’s bag. ‘You mustn’t do that, it’s very rude.’
He smiled down the hallway to me. ‘It’s fine.’ He gave me an apologetic smile. ‘I thought we could all go on a picnic today.’
‘A picnic, a picnic!’ Katie cheered, jumping up and down, dropping the punnet and spilling the strawberries on to the tiles.
I bent to pick them up, ruffling her hair. ‘You take Ashley to unpack her things in her bedroom and I’ll speak with Leo and Dee about this afternoon.’
Happy with this suggestion, she took hold of Ashley’s hand, forcing her thumb from her mouth and dragged her upstairs.
I watched the two walk up the stairs. Katie, and the silent child complying with whatever anyone wanted from her.
Dee came in behind them looking rather pink-cheeked. ‘Leo said I was unforgivably rude to you yesterday and I’m sorry.’
Recalling Mum’s words, I walked over and gave her a hug. ‘It’s forgotten. Why don’t you take your things up to your room and unpack? There’s a regatta nearby. We could stop for a picnic and then it might be fun to take the girls to have a look at the boats racing on the river near Beaulieu.’ I smiled at Leo.
‘We might be able to find a few bits for the girls and maybe ourselves,’ Dee said.
I was delighted she was agreeing to go. Maybe yesterday was the catalyst that would snap us all out of our awkwardness with each other so that we could finally move forward to build up our friendships again.
‘Give me an hour to unpack and have a bit of a lie down,’ she said. ‘It’s so hot out there, I’m feeling a little nauseous. I’ll be fine in a bit.’ She looked up at Leo and some unspoken message passed between them. ‘I’ll be here to watch the kids. Why don’t the two of you go for a bit of a walk?’
I didn’t answer. Her question seemed rather loaded, but I wanted a chance to speak to him, so led the way out of the back door. We walked through the garden and, pulling hard at the warped garden gate, opened it with a little difficulty.
‘Shall we go to the woods?’ I asked without waiting for an answer – first, we needed to be away from earshot of everyone in the house.
We walked silently through the long, dried grasses in the field behind the house. As usual, I stepped this way and that to miss the poppies, their blood-red petals so delicate and bright. The heat of the morning sunshine bore down on my neck, warming my body further and relaxing me. I loved walking to the woods, with Katie, or by myself. It always soothed me to come this way.
‘So where did you go when you left here?’ I asked, unable to resist a moment longer.
‘The Lake District. I thought it was far enough away for Dee and I to have a bit of thinking time.’
‘Right, and what would you have done if I hadn’t phoned you to apologise and invite you back to stay here with us again?’
He didn’t speak for a while and I was beginning to think it might be his way of telling me to mind my own business.
‘This mess. It’s all my fault,’ he said eventually, the sudden sound of his voice startling me.
I stopped and stared at him. I doubted that. ‘Go on.’
‘She’d tried to hint about her difficulties, but I didn’t want to face that she was in trouble.’
We carried on walking, not looking at each other as he spoke. ‘She’s never coped well since leaving here. Dee hated that Mum insisted we keep to ourselves and became very introverted.’
‘I can’t imagine Hazel not being surrounded with lots of friends and having parties.’
‘No, it was very strange for us to cope with such a dramatic change in our lifestyle.’ He sighed. ‘I think part of the reason Dee struggled so much was the sudden isolation Mum forced on us. It was such a complete contrast to the life we’d known in Hampshire.’
‘Yes, I can see why she would find it difficult,’ I said, feeling sorry for them both.
He stopped walking and looked at me. ‘She missed you very much. I know it probably doesn’t seem like it because she’s being impossible, but I think she was grieving for you and our lives here for years.’
I sighed heavily, I understood that pain. ‘It must have been difficult leaving her life so abruptly.’ I wanted to ask what made them disappear so suddenly, but didn’t feel it was the right time to do so.
‘It was. We went from the freedom of living in the countryside to a small flat on a council estate in the north. We didn’t know anyone, spoke differently to the locals and it didn’t help that Mum was paranoid about our safety and refused to let us out much at first. By then our neighbours thought us very odd and never really took to us.’
He began walking again, picking a piece of lavender and sniffing it. ‘Eventually, I went to university and made friends and a new life for myself. No one cared how I spoke, or where I was from; they accepted me as I was. Dee, on the other hand, was left behind with Mum, who was drinking more and more.’
He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands and I noticed how exhausted he seemed. ‘Dee got married on a whim. They went to live in France and her life seemed to spiral downwards after that. Each time I saw her she had disintegrated a little further.’
‘Poor Dee.’ I reflected on all the dreams she used to share with me about a magical future. It was upsetting to think none of her hopes had amounted to anything.
‘She rallied when she discovered she was pregnant and had the baby…’
‘Ashley.’
‘What?’ He looked confused and I could have kicked myself for interrupting. ‘Yes, Ashley.’ He appeared to be mulling over his words before continuing. ‘She’s damaged, Sera. Something dreadful happened.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I discovered her trying to hide a bruise on her cheek and another time on her wrists. I tried to help her—’ he puffed out his cheeks and shook his head, ‘—she lied to me. She was ashamed that her louse of a husband was doing this and worse to her. I had no idea how bad things were and by the time I figured it out, Dee was in a hospital bed.’
I gasped. It was hard to imagine Dee’s life being so troubled. ‘That’s horrendous.’
He nodded. ‘She swore she was finished with her ex, but a few nights after she came home from hospital I was staying with her to look after her, because she hadn’t wanted Mum to know the state she was in, and I spotted the bastard hanging around her cottage. I couldn’t leave them there. So, after a lot of persuasion I snuck them out the back door and drove through the night to catch the ferry. We didn’t have any plans. I was just determined to get them as far away from that life as possible.’
‘It sounds like you’ve all been through hell.’ I knew how difficult it was to be alone. The very least I could do was extend some kindness towards Dee and Ashley. I felt compelled to add, ‘Didn’t you want to take Dee and Ashley to stay with you in London though?’ I asked, assuming it would be much easier for Leo to have them at his home so he would be near to his work.
‘Yes, but her ex knew where I lived and I couldn’t chance him coming to find her when I was out working.’
It made sense. ‘You must feel free to stay here for as long as you both need,’ I said, wishing I had phrased that differently and not given them an open invitation.
He squeezed my hand. ‘I’m relieved to hear you say that, Sera. I don’t know what we’d do otherwise.’
I wasn’t sure either. They would have to move on at some point. I hoped I hadn’t just got myself into a predicament that I would have difficulty resolving.