‘You take this note to Hazel, you hear me?’ my mum said on yet another stinking hot day.
I was glad of the excuse to get out of the house. I was sick of being there with no one to talk to while Mum lay in the shade and learnt her lines. I didn’t mind getting clammy and sweaty on my walk to the farm, even if the heat did make my hair go frizzy.
‘Sera, are you listening to me?’ She gave me a disapproving look and tapped the envelope in my hand.
‘What does it say?’ I asked, before she had the chance to give me a deadline for my return home. I held it up to the living-room window to try and see through the thick cream envelope she’d sealed shut.
‘Never you mind,’ she snapped. ‘Just make sure you don’t forget to hand it to her personally. I want to be certain she’s read it.’
Intrigued by this out-of-character approach to Dee’s mum, I stared at her open-mouthed. ‘But Mum, you hate Hazel,’ I said, confused. ‘Why are you writing to her?’
‘I don’t hate her.’ She frowned, something she didn’t often do as the thought of wrinkles horrified her. ‘And stop looking gormless, the wind will change if you’re not careful and you’ll end up looking like that for the rest of your life.’
I stared at her suspiciously. ‘Why won’t you tell me what it says?’
She narrowed her eyes. ‘Stop being nosy. Do as I ask, or you can stay here and I’ll take it to her. You can do chores while I’m gone.’ She knew her threat would work. I pushed a strand of hair away from my face and hurried to the door. ‘I’ll be expecting a reply too,’ she shouted before I managed to escape unscathed. ‘So don’t think you can go and read it with that daughter of hers.’
I stopped and turned to her, my hackles rising at her nastiness towards my best friend. ‘Why don’t you like her?’
She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. ‘I do. It’s this heat, it’s getting me down. Now stop answering me back and get a move on. Make sure you give it to her.’
I crammed the envelope into my denim shorts pocket and ran out of the house, through the garden and out of the heavy wooden gate. Sometimes she really got on my nerves. I didn’t understand why she was so horrible about that family. What had they ever done to her?
Hazel and Mum were so different, I mused as I walked into the field. I never would have found a collection of Angelique books in Mum’s bookshelves. Hazel never seemed to work. I was sure Mum would be more relaxed if she didn’t have to travel away on location so often. She was never carefree enough to dance through the wildflowers, like I’d spotted Hazel doing many times in the small field closest to her farmhouse.
Everything about Hazel was light and fun; she even smelt amazing. In fact, the scent of patchouli and sandalwood emanated throughout her untidy farmhouse. With her wild curly hair, she was like a gypsy princess from one of my childhood fairy tales.
She’d never choke me with hairspray, or spend hours making sure everything in her house was exactly in its place. No one cared at the farm if the furniture was a bit dusty, or the beds were left unmade for a day. Nothing was ever done on the spur of the moment at my house. Hazel’s farm was fun. She seemed to conjure up a party seamlessly, her guests dancing and laughing in the field, or in the barn where candles standing in makeshift holders nailed onto the walls flickered their light in the old building. Mum’s idea of a party was dull people standing around our living room holding cocktails, with me doing circuits of the room offering canapés.
Dee must have been waiting for me to come out of our garden, because as soon as I’d gone several yards, I saw her in the field.
‘We’re going to the pool in the woods,’ she shouted, waving me over to her.
Irritated with Mum, I was in no rush to deliver her letter. I waded through the long grasses to join Dee. I noticed Leo ambling along behind her as if he was trying not to be noticed.
‘Hi, Leo,’ I said guiltily when I saw his scabbed knee through his worn jeans. ‘Sorry again for pulling you out of the tree the other day.’
‘It’s okay,’ he mumbled, shuffling his feet in the dusty ground.
Dee glanced at her brother. ‘Come on, ignore him. He’s just weird. Do you like my hair?’
‘It’s great,’ I said, envious that she always managed to get her hair to look better than mine. ‘You’re so lucky having curly hair, mine’s so flat with just a bit of frizz.’ I stared enviously at the colourful silk scarf tied around her head. ‘Is that one of your mum’s you’ve nicked?’
‘Yeah.’ She giggled and punched me playfully on the arm.
‘Maybe you could come to my house the next time Mum’s away and we can try bleaching our hair?’ I said bravely.
Remembering the letter I was supposed to deliver, I added, ‘I need to take something to Hazel.’
‘Can’t it wait?’ Dee asked, waving a fly away from her face.
‘Do you think your mum might have another party soon?’ I asked Dee, as we ran through the field.
‘Tonight maybe,’ she said, stopping for breath. ‘You know what she’s like.’
I pictured the sixty or seventy people at her most recent party. Someone had lit a bonfire in one of the nearby fields and everyone carried a chair, or old piece of tree trunk to sit on.
‘Do you have that cigarette on you?’
Dee glanced back to make sure Leo wasn’t near enough to hear us. ‘I don’t want him splitting on us and telling Jack I’ve nicked this,’ she said, stopping right next to me. She slowly pushed her hand inside her front pocket, carefully extracting the rolled-up cigarette we’d pinched from him the night before when he wasn’t looking.
‘Do you think we should?’ I giggled. I liked Hazel’s boyfriend, he was fine with us as long as we didn’t bug him and Hazel at the parties.
‘We’ll lose Leo and smoke it in the woods,’ she whispered.
I’d once heard my mum commenting that Hazel spent her life surrounded by noise to block out her past. I couldn’t imagine it being true, however.
I touched my pocket lightly, feeling the letter underneath the material. ‘I really should give this to your mum,’ I admitted reluctantly.
‘Mum’s writing songs again and wants some peace,’ Dee said. ‘We have to stay away from the farm for a bit.’
‘You must be excited that she’s writing songs again?’
‘None of her other songs have ever done anything,’ Dee pouted. ‘She gets really down when something doesn’t work out. I wish she wouldn’t have these bouts of trying.’
‘What does Jack think?’
‘He thinks it’s a good thing,’ Leo said. ‘He says she’s got a beautiful voice and should make the most of it.’
‘Why don’t you bugger off,’ Dee shouted, pushing him roughly on his shoulder. ‘Sera and I’ve got stuff to talk about.’ When he didn’t change direction, she added, ‘Private things.’
‘You bugger off.’ He glowered at her and stomped off on a different path.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now we can smoke this and see what it’s like.’
We ran towards the shade of the wood, jumping over stinging nettles and flowers. I was a bit nervous to see what would happen when we smoked Jack’s odd-smelling roll-up, but ran through the trees enjoying being cool for a change.
‘I really need to deliver this to your mum,’ I said, unable to forget the letter as I guiltily pulled it from my back pocket and waved it in front of Dee’s face.
‘What’s in it?’ she asked.
‘No idea.’
She snatched it from me and studied it. ‘Your mum sealed it. Come on, let’s sneak into the house and steam it open.’
‘We can’t,’ I snapped, reaching to take it. Dee swung away from me and held it high before tugging gently at the top to try and peak inside.
‘Typical of your mum to use a fancy thick envelope we can’t see through,’ Dee moaned.
It was. I squinted up through the trees at the cornflower blue sky. ‘I don’t care if Hazel’s writing, my mum will kill me if I don’t deliver this letter today.’
‘Fine. We’ll smoke this tomorrow then.’ She sighed heavily and got up.
We hurried to the farm. Leo was just arriving at the edge of the wood, waving a stick to knock the blood-red petals from the poppies standing in his path.
‘Don’t do that, you moron,’ Dee shouted, pushing his shoulder, grabbing the stick and throwing it away from him.
‘Hey, that’s mine.’
‘Tough,’ I shouted. Poppies were my favourite flower and he’d annoyed me by being destructive.
We ran as fast as we could to the farm, then up the front steps and into the house. The front door banged loudly against the hall wall to signify our arrival.
‘What the hell are you lot doing?’ Hazel shouted. ‘You were supposed to leave me in peace for a few hours.’
‘It’s not her fault.’ I held the envelope out towards her. ‘Mum said I had to bring you this. She’s waiting for your reply.’
‘Your mum?’ Hazel said, eyes narrowing as she stared at the envelope in my hand. It was as if I was trying to hand her a lit firework. ‘What’s it about?’
I shook my head, wondering why she was acting so odd. ‘No idea.’
She finally took it from me, slowly turning the envelope over and studying it ominously. ‘It says, “Hazel”.’
I’m not sure what else she expected to see written on an envelope, it was for her after all. I knew Mum could be a bit of a control freak, but she wasn’t that scary, surely.
Hazel took a deep breath and turned to go back into the living room. ‘I’d better read it then.’
Dee and I followed her in silence, glancing at Jack who was staring out of the window.
‘Hello, girls,’ he said, turning to face us.
I spotted the packet with his nicked cigarette sticking out of Dee’s shorts pocket and pulled a face at her.
‘What?’ she mouthed, frowning.
I looked pointedly at her pocket and she moved behind a chair out of Jack’s line of vision and pushed the pack further inside.
‘I thought you were told to stay away for a few hours,’ he said, looking from us to Hazel.
Hazel explained about the letter. She pulled open a small drawer, retrieving a silver paperknife. We watched in anticipation as she slid the blade into the fold and ripped it open in one clean swipe. She carefully took out the single sheet of paper and opened it. She’d only just started reading when she gasped. Clamping a hand to her mouth, she reached for the back of the sofa and sat down, clutching the note in her hand.
Jack rushed to her side and crouched down in front of her, trying and failing to take the letter from her grasp.
‘Mum, what’s the matter?’ Dee asked. ‘What did Maureen say?’ She glanced up at me accusatorily and I widened my eyes trying to show that I was innocent of any wrongdoing. I was as ignorant as she about the contents.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, my voice shaky from fright.
She didn’t react.
‘Of course she’s not, you idiot,’ Dee shouted.
‘Girls, stop.’ Hazel put her hand out to take mine and gave it a little squeeze. ‘It’s not Sera’s fault.’ She hesitated. ‘I’ve just had a bit of a fright. I’ll be fine.’
I watched her for a bit, summoning up the courage before asking, ‘What should I tell Mum?’
‘Tell her?’ She averted her gaze. I could see her chest rising and falling as she breathed heavily. What could have given her such a fright? ‘Let me think for a minute.’
We stood watching her. Jack stroked her legs and I waited for her to reply. I’d never seen Hazel like this before. I couldn’t imagine what Mum must have told her. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know either, not if this was how much it upset people.
Eventually, she sat upright and forced a smile. ‘I’m fine,’ she said, raising her chin defiantly. ‘Sera, please tell your mum I’ve received her note. I feel the same way she does, and I’ll be sure to do as she asked.’
What the hell did that mean? I frowned, disappointed not to be any the wiser.
‘I’m scared,’ I heard Leo say quietly from the doorway.
‘No, baby, it’s nothing for you to worry about.’ She hugged Jack tightly, then let go, waving Leo over to ruffle his hair. ‘I just have to think things through for a bit.’ She looked up at me. ‘If Mimi…’ she hesitated. ‘Your mum needs to speak to me again about this, she can give me a call. She has my number.’ She smiled at Jack and stood up. ‘Tell her I’ll meet her, if she thinks it would be better.’ She waved me away. ‘You’d better go home now, Sera. Let Mimi know what I’ve said. She’ll be waiting to hear from you.’
I hesitated and glanced at Dee. Hazel rarely referred to Mum at all and when she did she didn’t mention her by name. To hear her use a shortened version was odd to say the least. She made it sound as if they were real friends. They certainly shared some sort of history, even if it was something neither of them seemed to want to extend to the rest of us.
I sensed that something terrible had happened, or was about to. I couldn’t work out what. I struggled not to panic.
‘What’s wrong, Hazel?’ I asked, my voice quivering with fear. Were we in danger? ‘I don’t understand what’s happening,’ I admitted, too frightened to keep quiet. ‘What has Mum told you?’
‘Tell us, Mum,’ Dee demanded, starting to cry.
I looked at my friend and then to Hazel. She was staring at her hands, a haunted look in her eyes. There must be something badly wrong. Why else would she react this way and why would our mums, who never bothered with each other, make contact now?
‘It’s not for me to say,’ Hazel replied eventually, her voice calm, controlled. She grabbed me, holding me tightly in a hug for longer than seemed necessary. Then she kissed the top of my head before taking my wrist and pulling me to the front door, then she pushed me outside.
‘Go. Now. Hurry home and don’t stop for anything along the way.’
I ran home as fast as I could, not stopping until I found Mum in the kitchen, wiping down the worktops.
‘Well?’ she said, turning to me. ‘What did she say?’
I was out of breath, so it took me a moment to gather myself. ‘She said to say she’s got your message, that she feels the same way you do and will do as you ask.’ I tried to calm my breathing. ‘And that if you want to speak to her about this again, you can phone her,’ I panted. ‘Or, if you’d prefer, she’s happy to meet up with you.’ I waited for her to say something and when she didn’t, I added, ‘Do you want me to phone her now and arrange a time for you two to meet up?’
She shook her head slowly. ‘No. Not just yet.’