I almost lost my footing on the gnarled branch of the apple tree as I raised one plimsoll-shod foot and reached out to Dee’s windowsill, missing by inches. I held my breath for a second. I’d never known Dee’s mum to ground her before. I couldn’t imagine what she must have done to upset Hazel this badly.
‘Shit.’ I grimaced, silently praying that I could hold on long enough for her to realise I was there. I could hear her mum’s raucous laughter as she partied with her friends on the other side of the barn where it opened out onto the meadow.
Having no siblings of my own and a mum who had long since disconnected with her relatives, the people at the farm were like my family. I could confide in Dee about anything and she understood how it felt not to know the identity of your father. No one, not even Hazel, was going to stop me seeing her.
I didn’t want to insult Mum by letting her know how much I wanted to be a part of Dee’s home where everyone chatted openly about their thoughts and dreams. At home the only dream that mattered was the size of the next part Mum might get. I understood that she needed to earn enough money to pay for everything in our lives, but did she have to be so controlling? Hazel wasn’t married either. She needed to find ways to pay for her farm and kids, but unlike Mum she was carefree and fun to be with.
Someone put on another record and Hazel began singing. It was safe to carry on. I braced myself ready to propel forward once again. Grabbing hold of the sill with one hand, my nails grazed one of the wooden shutters. I groaned as two nails broke near the quick, tearing the skin.
‘Dee,’ I almost hissed, trying not to be overheard by her mum.
Something clattered onto her wooden floor and Dee’s face appeared at her half open window. ‘What the hell are you doing up here?’ she asked, barely able to stop from giggling. I noticed her headphones dangling from around her neck – no wonder she hadn’t heard me.
‘Bloody help me,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I’m stuck.’
She pushed the other window wide open and leant out. She pulled me to her by the elbows. ‘Shit, you’re heavier than you look.’
I didn’t have the strength to argue, but pushed my feet hard against the branch, launching myself towards her, and together we fell back heavily onto her floor.
‘Oof. Get off me.’ She tugged at the wires now wrapped tightly around her throat.
Relieved to be safe, I pushed myself off and lay next to her, willing my heart to slow. ‘I thought I was a goner then.’
We stared at each other in silence for a couple of seconds, before amusement washed over her face again. ‘You looked so funny hanging on for dear life,’ she giggled. ‘I never knew your eyes could go that wide.’
I punched her playfully on the shoulder, wincing as the broken skin under my nails tore further. ‘Ouch.’
‘You hit me after nearly strangling me?’ she teased, tears of laughter running down her face.
‘It was your headphone wire that nearly strangled you, not me,’ I argued. ‘Anyway, I was terrified,’ I said in between hysterical bouts of laughter. ‘You know I’m scared of heights.’
Dee wiped her eyes with the bottom of her T-shirt. ‘Why did you climb the tree then, moron?’
‘To see you.’
‘You can’t use the front door, like everyone else?’ She threw her iPod Classic onto the bed.
‘When I saw your mum earlier at the greengrocer’s, she told me I wasn’t to come here. She said you were in serious trouble.’ I sat up and crossed my legs. ‘What did you do to piss her off?’
She sat up opposite me, frowning and stared at the floor in contemplation. ‘It’s that idiot boyfriend of hers, Jack.’
I didn’t like him much either. There was something odd about him, though I had no idea what. We’d discussed our thoughts on Hazel’s relationship many times, while stuffing our faces with popcorn and watching 10 Things I Hate About You on DVD, desperately trying to work out ways that we could meet Heath Ledger. I suspected that our nastiness towards Jack had mainly been due to boredom.
‘What did he do?’
‘He shouted at my brother.’
Anger coursed through me. ‘Why?’ Leo was a quiet kid. He never really got into trouble and I couldn’t imagine him having the courage to give Jack any lip.
‘Leo said he saw Jack push Mum, but she denied it.’
I thought about how I’d feel if I saw someone being rough with my mum. ‘Why are you grounded if Jack was the one in the wrong?’
‘That’s precisely what I said when I walked in on her shouting at Leo.’ She traced a series of circles in the light dust on her bedroom floor with one finger. ‘She’s been acting a little odd lately.’ She hesitated. ‘I think she’s doing more than smoking the odd spliff, Sera.’
I wasn’t sure what to say next.
Dee shrugged. ‘Never mind that, you know how I never stand up for Leo, so that must tell you how nasty things got earlier.’
She was right, she didn’t. It must have been a bad row for her to defend her brother. ‘True.’
Dee hadn’t finished. ‘I couldn’t believe it when she turned on the pair of us and sent us to our rooms, so she could be alone with him.’
Despite Dee’s comments about her mum and what she was getting up to, it still didn’t make much sense to me why Hazel had been quite so angry with her. I voiced my concerns.
She sighed. ‘Well, she also caught me cutting up one of her dresses.’
‘What?’ I shrieked. ‘Why would you do that?’ But Dee was always braver than me so I could picture her doing such a thing.
‘She slapped me.’ Dee put her palm up against her left cheek and I saw it still had a pink tone to it under her tan.
‘Won’t do that again then, will you?’ I asked, stunned to think of Hazel raising a hand to either of her kids.
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t know what all the fuss was about; she hadn’t worn it for years.’
‘Can I see your creation?’ I asked, but had no idea where Dee thought she’d wear a new dress, if she had managed to make one. There was little to do in our village. There certainly wasn’t anywhere you’d bother dressing up for.
‘I can’t,’ she pouted. ‘She threw it away.’
I hated seeing her cross, she was usually so cheerful. ‘At least you have a mum whose clothes you can make into something you’d choose to wear. Imagine me trying to do that with my mum’s stuff?’ We sat contemplating this amusing notion for a bit. ‘So,’ I said, standing up. ‘Are we going to sit here all night, or are you coming down to the woods for a swim? It’s stifling in here.’
I was worried I’d get caught by Hazel: while she could be odd at times, I loved her and didn’t want to get into her bad books. Coming to this farm in my free time was what I enjoyed doing most. I wished my mum and Hazel were friends and she could see how lovely and open this family were, but Mum would have none of it. She didn’t really like me spending time here with them.
Mum wouldn’t even take me to visit her mother and sister and it didn’t matter how many times I tried, she never answered any questions about my dad. Giving me a name would have been a start. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t give me that, at least.
‘Stifling?’ she said, mimicking my voice.
‘What?’ I said, realising I hadn’t been listening to her.
‘You been listening to your mum talking posh again?’
‘Shut up,’ I pushed her, unable to stop smiling.
She got up and pulled open the middle drawer of the wide chest next to the window and lifted out her pink bikini. ‘I think I could do with cooling down a bit,’ she said stripping off and changing, and I knew she wasn’t just referring to the heat in the stuffy bedroom. She was angrier about what had happened between her and her mum than I’d realised.
We stepped out onto the landing, stopping to listen for Hazel’s voice, or any one of her cronies who might have come into the house for drinks. Then we tiptoed down the stairs, covering our mouths with our hands to stifle our giggling. As soon as we were outside, we glanced at one another, and without speaking, tore off, running as fast as we could towards the wood. Dee shrieked as we neared the coolness of the dense trees circled around the natural pool.
When we were younger and first discovered this place, Dee had insisted it was a fairy glade. I didn’t believe her, but now I was sure that the pool had magical properties.
‘Remember when we thought time stood still for everyone else when we were in here?’ Dee asked. Without waiting for a reply, she dropped her towel, and ran into the water. She didn’t stop until she was in the deepest part of the pool, instantly lowering her head.
I imagined it must be spooky here at night-time, but right now it was an oasis cooling our hot skin. I followed her, my breath catching as the cold water reached my ribcage.
‘This is brill,’ she shouted, splashing me and cheering as if she hadn’t been out here only the day before. ‘I love this place. One day I’m going to buy this wood. I’ll make sure I never leave it.’
‘You have to leave it sometime, you can’t stay here forever.’ Dee gave me a sad look and I wondered if maybe the situation between her mum and Jack was worrying her more than she was letting on.
‘How come you’re here tonight?’ she interrupted my thoughts. ‘Your mum doesn’t usually let you out this late.’
‘She’s away filming, again.’
Dee’s mouth fell open. ‘She never leaves you by yourself in the house.’
‘I know.’ I just couldn’t imagine my controlling mother leaving me alone in the house for several days. ‘She’s got another babysitter from that agency to stay with me.’
‘That doesn’t explain why you’re allowed out,’ Dee said, lying on her back floating, her arms and legs outstretched. ‘Where is this babysitter?’ she asked, emphasising the word ‘baby’. ‘How did you escape from her?’
I hated my mum treating me this way. I was twelve, not six. I sulked as I stared up at the dusky sky through the trees, copying what Dee was doing.
‘Her boyfriend snuck around to the house about half an hour after Mum left. I told her I had loads of homework to be getting on with and needed to be left in peace in my bedroom to do it. I said I’d see her tomorrow morning at breakfast. I think she was relieved to be left alone with him.’
Dee turned to look at me, a look of admiration on her tanned face. ‘And she believed you?’
‘Yup.’
‘Fab.’
We floated silently in the cool water after our tedious day spent in a humid classroom. I was almost dozing off when she splashed me. The shock made me sink slightly, so that I swallowed a mouthful of water. I frantically attempted to clear my airways.
‘What did you do that for?’ I eventually managed to splutter.
‘Sorry.’ She grabbed hold of me and helped me swim to the side of the pool. ‘I had a thought.’
We both giggled, amused that her thought had caused me to almost drown. I grabbed my towel and sat on it, patting the space next to me for her to join me. ‘Go on then, spill.’
She raised her shoulders and gave a little squeal. ‘Why don’t we ask your mum if you can come and stay with us every time she goes on location?’ She gave a satisfied grin. ‘Brilliant idea, don’t you think?’
I shook my head. ‘She’ll never go for it. You know odd she is about Hazel.’
‘I suppose my mum is very different to yours, but it doesn’t mean that you won’t be looked after. We’ll just have to work on her and persuade her it’s the best option.’ She thought for a moment. ‘We could tell her how much money she’d save by not hiring nannies for you so often.’
I grimaced. ‘Nah, she’d hate anyone to think she didn’t have money. No, it’ll have to be something else. But what?’
Dee hugged me. ‘We’ll think of something. Imagine you being able to stay at my house night after night, it would be fun. We could have midnight feasts at midnight.’
I laughed. ‘Not at seven-thirty in the evening, you mean?’
‘Yes. And we could sneak out and meet boys.’
I pushed her so hard she fell backwards, leaves from the ground getting caught in her damp hair. ‘We don’t know any boys, silly,’ I said, wishing we had the nerve to do as she suggested. ‘Only the stupid ones from school.’
‘True, but we could meet some if we sneaked into the village at night.’ She lowered her voice despite us being alone.. ‘I heard that Frankie was caught snogging Steve by the bins near the chippie the other night.’
‘No, really?’ I didn’t like Frankie very much, she was often spiteful and teased me about not having a dad, but I couldn’t help being impressed by this news.
‘It would be fun. We just have to think of a way to get your mum to agree.’
I had to admit I liked this plan of hers. Staying at the farm and sharing Dee’s bright bedroom would be much more fun than having to make small talk to an endless round of babysitters. ‘What about Hazel? We’d need to ask her permission first.’
She shrugged. ‘You know my mum would love you to stay with us. Especially if it kept me quiet and out of her way.’
This was true. ‘Fine then, we’ll make a plan. I’ll hint to my mum when she gets back.’
Just as I’d expected, my mother’s initial reaction had been one of horror. She looked over her shoulder as if expecting to find someone lurking there. I was used to this odd behaviour. She’d always worried about strangers and checking doors were locked even when it was the middle of the day and the house was busy with people. In fact, I was sure that her slightly neurotic manner was the reason I pushed myself to be more open and trusting of others.
‘Leave you in the care of that mad woman and her wild family? I don’t think so, Sera.’
‘Why not?’ I said. ‘At least there’s someone to have fun with there. You’re always learning lines. Why don’t you talk to me? We could spend more time together and you could tell me something about your family, or—’ I braced myself for her tone to change ‘—you could tell me a bit about my father.’
‘No.’
‘But…’
Mum’s expression changed to one of irritation. ‘But, nothing.’
For once I didn’t care about her issues. It irritated me that she had this unspoken rule never to talk about her life before Oakwold, and never to mention Hazel’s name. It was ridiculous and I’d had enough.
‘If you met her and tried to get to know her you’d probably get on well,’ I argued. ‘She’s kind and funny.’ I laughed, picturing Hazel’s silly antics. ‘And she’s an incredible singer…’
‘Shut up,’ Mum bellowed. ‘You don’t know her.’
‘I do,’ I shouted, confused. I bent towards her, hating her at that moment. ‘Hazel’s much nicer than you.’
Grabbing me by the shoulders, she shook me so hard my neck hurt.
I cried out, shocked by the uncharacteristic violence of her reaction. The loathing in her face scared me. I writhed away from her, frightened.
‘I hate you,’ I shrieked, running away from her to the safety of my bedroom.
‘Hazel isn’t the perfect person you think, Sera,’ she screamed, as I slammed the door.