Charlie
“Charlie, hon, I think I should take you to the doctor. All this puking can’t be good for the baby,” my mom says, her hand on my upper back as I bend over the toilet and dry heave.
If Lance were here he would’ve made sure I’d eaten enough before I got to this point.
That thought sends me into a spiral of fresh grief.
I thought that being with my family would somehow make everything magically better. Or at least make sense. I guess I associated having children with my own family, but now that I’m here with my parents in Green Valley, I feel lonelier than ever. Or maybe it’s the ache in my heart that won’t go away.
I applied for a job with the postal service here and in Tucson, but there aren’t any openings at the moment. I’ve spent the last week helping my mom with her gardening, crying, and throwing up.
So yeah, it’s been fun. Heartbroken, pregnant, living with my parents again. Oh, and puking a lot. One star, do not recommend.
“I’m okay. I just need to force some food down. Are there any more crackers?”
“I’ll check and see, hon.”
I sigh and wash my face in the sink.
When I come out, my mom has poured a sleeve of crackers into a Tupperware bowl, which she sets on the table. I plunk down on a chair and pick one up. She sits across from me.
“Have you talked to him?”
I shake my head. “No.”
Frankly, I’m surprised he hasn’t contacted me. But then, I saw the hurt on his face when I broke up with him. What had I said? I can’t even remember—I was so raw with emotion and hormones.
Just thinking of him makes me cry again. I miss having him close. His easy-going grin. The safety I feel in his strong arms. The way he makes me smile, relaxes me, takes care of me.
The cracker is dry on my tongue. “I think I made a mistake, Mom.”
“With Lance?”
I nod. “With leaving. I thought being near you and Dad would be the best place to raise a child, but now…”
“A child needs their father,” my mom says.
I slump in my chair. “I didn’t have a father half the time. And half the time, I didn’t have a mother,” I say. “It was terrifying growing up worrying one of you might never come back.”
“Oh, Charlie.” My mom’s eyes glitter with tears. “I’m sorry you suffered. We suffered too. You think it didn’t kill us every time to ship out and leave the most precious thing known to us behind? I mean, I knew your father would take good care of you, but would he do the things I would for you? And then I had to miss all those months of you growing up. Time I’ll never ever get back.”
“I know. I just don’t want my child to worry about his or her father like that. And Lance is in a dangerous business. He and his brother are mercenaries—they could get killed any time.”
But I remember that’s not really true. Lance told me he’s nearly indestructible. And I saw how quickly he healed from dozens of gunshot wounds.
“There is no perfect, Charlie. Your dad and I did the best we could. That’s all you and Lance can do, too.”
I let her words wash over me, realizing how true they are. My mom was younger than I was when she got pregnant with me. She was in the Air Force, which made starting a family less than ideal. She wanted better for us, but she did what she could.
“I get that you want to shield your child from pain, but the fact is, there are never any guarantees when it comes to life. Or love. We risk our hearts every time we open them, and believe me, this child will throw yours wide open. And honestly? It seems to me like Lance has, too.”
“Yeah,” I admit. “He has.” Images of his handsome face flash in front of my eyes. I pick up my phone and stare at it. Should I call him? Tell him I’m coming back? Maybe he’s too angry to take me back.
That thought stabs me straight through my gut.
“I miss my friends, too,” I realize aloud. Tabitha, Sadie and Adele are like sisters to me now. If it takes a village to raise a child, they would have been my village. Why would I move away from that?
“I think you had a trauma. Getting kidnapped scared you and set fire to your worries over creating the perfect life for your children. It made you want to run and hide in a hole, so you came here. We must’ve done something right if your safe place is still with us.”
I let out a watery laugh. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
But my safe place isn’t still with them. I just thought it was. My safe place is with Lance.
All the time I was kidnapped, when I was freaking out, I just kept thinking that he would come and save me. Of course, he did. And when things went wrong on the rescue, and it looked like we were going to die, he saved me again. Easily. With a smile. Lance isn’t afraid.
He isn’t human— he doesn’t have the same fears I do.
But he does have needs. And he told me that one of them is staying close to me—his mate—and protecting his pup.
So I did the cruelest thing possible in leaving him. Taking away his family. How could I be so thoughtless?
I rub my head, and my mom pats my shoulder. “Get some rest. You’ll feel better after a nap.”
I trudge back to bed, and curl up around a big pillow. I’ve only closed my eyes for a few minutes when my mom sticks her heads into my room. “Charlie? There's someone out here to see you.”
What? Who would come visit me here? I don't know anyone in Arizona, other than my folks. “Who?” I slide off my bed. Maybe Tabitha, Adele and Sadie made a road trip—but Adele is still dealing with the fallout from her business partner's death, and I told Sadie and Tabitha privately to stay to support her. But jumping in a car to do a crazy road trip is something Tabitha would do.
“Just come see.” My mom walks away and I scramble after her.
“Did they say what they wanted?”
“No.” My mom squints at me, looking amused. “Charlie, did you order a new car?”
“What?” I quicken my steps and head to the door. My mom is right. In the driveway is a shiny, silvery blue minivan. Brand new. There's even a red bow on the front.
“My god.” I walk barefoot down the drive. The minivan is bigger up close. A boat-sized monstrosity, designed to haul kids and dogs with optimum safety. A soccer mom’s fantasy. No sign of who brought it.
There’s a beep, and I jump as the minivan’s passenger doors glide open. There are two brand new car seats in the back. One is designed for a baby, the other for a toddler. I know this because I’ve been shopping online for car seats. A stroller rolls out from behind the car—light blue to match the car seats. Pushing the stroller is Lance. “Hey, baby.”
My jaw drops to the pavement.
“Check this out.” He rolls the stroller up to the baby car seat, and unhooks the top part somehow. “If the baby’s napping and we want to get her in or out of the car…” A click, and he sets the baby car seat backwards on the stroller. “Easy peasy.” The matching stroller and car seat become one. Lance lifts the whole thing easily to show me. “It’s called the all-in-one baby travel system.”
I find my voice. “I know. I have one in my online shopping cart. Lance, what are you doing here?”
He straightens. His blond hair is mussed and his face looks leaner, almost gaunt. He dips his head to catch my eyes, looking a little uncertain. But his eyes flare when they catch mine.
“Delivering your new car seats.” He prowls up the driveway, sexy as ever. He stops a few feet away, his hands outstretched, forearms and biceps taut and quivering a little, as if he wants to reach out and pull me into his arms. I kind of wish he would. I didn't realize how amazing it would feel to see him. Lance is more than my baby-daddy. He might be it for me.
“I had to see you,” he says. His voice is raspy, like he hasn't had a drink of water in a long time. “You look good.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. I realize I have my hands on my belly and drop them to my sides. “What is this?” I nod to the minivan.
“Your new ride.” The corner of his mouth turns up as he gives the car a rueful smile. “Isn't she pretty?”
“She's big.”
He chuckles. “Not exactly my dream ride, either, but it's what you need. And if you like it, I'm going to buy one for me, too.”
“What!”
Behind me, the front door closes. My mom leaving me to my fate. I don’t care.
“Lance, you can't do that.” I take a few steps and now I'm the one leaning forward, my body tense and vibrating, ready to leap into Lance’s arms.
“Already done,” he says gently. He takes a step forward. Hesitates. “I know I'm not what you would choose,” he says, “but I want you to know that I choose you. Charlie, I choose you over everything.”
Tears prick my eyes. “So what does that mean?”
“Here’s your new minivan. Stroller. Car seats.” He gestures to each in turn. “Did you know the fire department will teach you how to put car seats in? I stopped at six fire departments, and now I'm a pro.” He sounds proud. “And look…” He walks around the car and pushes a button. The trunk door glides open and my mouth gapes wider. Stacked in the back are boxes and boxes of diapers. All types. All sizes. Each box has pictures of chubby, happy babies and toddlers crawling on the sides. “And I got wipes.” Lances reaches in and pats the row of boxes in the back. “In bulk. Apparently, we're going to need a lot of them.” He shrugs his broad shoulders.
“You got a minivan.” I still can't wrap my head around it. I have a panicky thought. “Lance you didn't… You didn't sell the Ducati, did you?”
Now both corners of his mouth turn up. “I would have, baby. I left it in Taos. Put it in storage. Figured you might want to ride again someday.” He steps closer, wheeling the stroller to the side so there’s nothing but a few feet of air between us. “But if not, Charlie, it's okay. I can give it up. I can give up anything. The only thing I can't live without on this planet is you.”
I stare at him, heart pounding. The world narrows and all I see is Lance’s beautiful face.
A loud honk makes me jump. A black BMW convertible has pulled up to the curb. Out pops a woman wearing a blush pink pantsuit and a broad smile. “Hello!” She waves, pulling off her oversized Ray-Bans. “I'm Amy. It’s so nice to meet you! Lance? And you must be Charlie!” The sun glints off her extra white teeth, blinding me. “I’m your new realtor!” She splays her hands like she’s expecting confetti to fall from the sky.
“Um…” I stare at Lance.
“Hey, Amy. Thanks for coming out.” Lance nods to her.
“Of course! I have, like, five homes for us to see today.” Amy digs a folder out of her huge purse and waves it at us. “Are you guys ready to go?”
What? I mouth to Lance. I feel like I’ve been dropped into a prime time family sitcom. The only thing missing is my parents popping out the front door to a laugh track.
“Yeah,” Lance says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Can you give us a moment?”
“Of course,” Pantsuit Amy chirps, and pivots on her nude pumps. She heads back down the driveway, pulling out her phone.
“A realtor, Lance?”
“Yeah, I figured I’d better get a move on settling into a place nearby. Was hoping you’d come look at some places with me. Give me your opinion. Oh, and,” he ducks into the front seat and grabs a sheet of paper, “here's a list of the best places to give birth.” He hands me the printout. “There are some hospitals on there and OB-GYNs. But also a birthing center that came highly recommended. Kylie helped me make the list.” He swipes a hand over his forehead, eyeing me. “I know you’re doing your own research, but I wanted to help.”
“Wait.” I can’t process all this. I glance from the paper, to the minivan, to Pantsuit Amy. “Are you moving here?”
Lance steps close. So close, my cells cry out for him to touch me. But he leaves a few inches between us as he murmurs, “I told you, Charlie. You're it for me. And I don't want another second to go by where we're more than a town apart.” He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. “I mean, I'd rather you be in my bed,” he purrs. Heat flares between my legs. “But if not, I can deal. I figured I could buy a house close to your folks. Or maybe a duplex? You can live on one side; I’ll live on the other. We can share the backyard.”
There’s a knot in my throat the size of a minivan. “Lance, you can't just leave Taos. What about your pack?” I add in a low voice, glancing to make sure the realtor can’t hear. She's walking around the cul-de-sac, chatting on her phone. The blinds over my mom and dad's front bay window are still, but I bet my mom is peeping through a crack. We definitely have an audience.
I step closer to Lance so I can whisper, not because I'm dying to touch him. “Are you really moving here?”
“I told you, Charlie.” His murmur caresses my ears. “You're the only one I need.”
And then I can't wait any longer. I take two steps and launch myself into his arms. He's there to catch me. Like always.
“Lance,” I cry, wrapping my legs around him. He feels so good between them. Like always.
“Baby.” He's kissing my face and my neck, licking and nipping a little too. We're giving the realtor and my parents a show, and I don’t even care.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, I just was freaked out. I know it was pretty rash thinking I could just up and move here.”
He makes a noncommittal sound. “I might have been a little rash, too.”
“This isn’t rash,” I tell him. “This is perfect.” I’m crying fresh tears now, but this time they’re happy tears. “You came for me. With a minivan!” I shower his face with kisses.
“What do you say, baby?” He nips my ear, his palms on my ass, squeezing hard. “You want to let me in? You want to do this together? Birthdays, first day at kindergarten, Little League games? I'm willing to do it for our kid, but I'd rather do it with you.”
“Oh my God, yes. Yes.”
Lance sets me down gently and goes to one knee and pulls out a pacifier. “Will you be my baby-mama?”
I swat his shoulder. “I'm already your baby-mama.”
“Let's make it official, then.” He slides the ring on the back of the pacifier onto my right ring finger. Then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a real ring, sparkling with a line of yellow gems. My birthstone. The real ring fits perfectly on my left ring finger. It's different. Unique. Just like us.
I lean down and kiss him.
“OMG!” The realtor streaks up the driveaway, holding out her phone and clicking a picture. “Did he just propose? I’m so happy to be here during this special time!”
This is worse than restaurant staff who insist on singing happy birthday. I mouth to Lance: Get rid of her.
“Uh, Amy, can you come back another time?” Lance calls over his shoulder, wincing as she snaps another photo.
“Of course!”
I muffle my laugh against Lance’s shoulder as the click of heels tells me she’s walking away.
“Sorry, baby. Overkill.”
“It’s okay.” I smooth his hair back. “It’s just, we won’t be needing a realtor at all. I don’t want to move here.”
He cups my cheek. “You sure, baby? I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Lance…” My voice hitches. He’s beautiful and he’s here, warm and solid against me. I’m drowning in his ocean eyes. “I’m sure. You’re the one for me. I realized that before you showed up.”
“Don’t cry, Charlie.” Lance kisses away a tear.
“It’s hormones.” I laugh through my tears, holding his face and kissing it, and he turns me in slow circles. “And I’m sure. I want you to take me back to Taos. I miss my other family.”
“Yeah? You sure?” He walks me toward the new minivan and pins my ass against it, pressing into me.
“I’m sure. I made a huge mistake. I missed you so much. And I was wrong about your work. Your missions don't make me vulnerable. They make us safe.”
“I quit,” he tells me. “You were right. I have Little League to coach. And I was thinking about becoming a CPA or something.”
“Stop it!” I laugh, even as my heart aches with how perfect he is. “I don’t want you to quit. I mean, not for me. You don’t need to change anything for me. I was out of my mind when I didn’t think you were the perfect man. I mean, mate. You’re the one, Lance. It’s you, all the way.”
Lance flashes that pirate grin at me and slides his lips across mine. “It’s you all the way for me, too,” he murmurs.
A loud throat-clearing sounds from behind us and Lance whirls, expertly lowering me to my feet just before he sticks out his hand. “Lance Lightfoot, sir.” He’s instantly the soldier, his chest lifted, shoulders back. He’s as respectful and as respectable as they come.
My dad grudgingly takes his hand and shakes it. “I’m Ed Holland. Minivan, huh?”
“Yes, sir. I thought I’d better get a family-friendly vehicle. You know, for carpool and Little League.”
My dad’s lips actually quirk at that. “Sounds reasonable.”
“Yes, sir. And I thought I came down here to house-hunt with Charlie, but it sounds like I’ll be taking her back up to Taos with me.”
My mom appears behind my dad, beaming at us both. “I think that’s the best thing,” she says. “Not that I didn’t want to have my grandchild close. I’m Sandra Holland.” She extends her hand to shake Lance’s.
“Lance Lightfoot.”
“I’m glad you came for Charlie,” my mom says.
“Always,” Lance says, sliding a look my way. “I will always come for Charlie.”