Twenty-Four

Genesis

Mom placed a cup of peppermint tea in front of me before she sat down at the other end of the small kitchen table in her breakfast nook. I swirled the bag around by the string.

“How was speech therapy today?” I asked her.

Dad took it three times a week still.

She sighed and shrugged. “I see it helping some, but it frustrates him. You know how your dad loves to talk. Tell his stories. It’s hard on him to struggle to speak and be understood. But we are thankful every day that he’s here.”

I nodded. So was I. I missed hearing Dad tell stories, even the ones he’d told so many times that I knew them by heart. I wished I could hear those stories again in his deep voice and jolly laughter.

“He’ll get there. He’s determined,” I said, hoping I was right.

She picked up her cup and took a sip, then put it back on the table. Her eyes never leaving my face. I knew that look. She wanted to talk about something. I mentally prepared myself for whatever it was.

“Kye sure is over at the house all the time. Morning and night. Bowie only stayed one night, and then he was gone.” She paused, and her brows knitted together. “I’m not being nosy. Truly, I’m not. You’re an adult; you pay your own bills. I have no right to question you about anything. But I am your mother. And I love you and want the very best for you.” She took a deep breath. “Gen, honey, why were there baby items dropped off by a scary biker-looking man earlier this week? Are you doing some kind of charity thing and taking donations?”

I had known, at some point, Mom was going to notice something like that. For the most part, it had been easy to hide Jagger from her. I parked in the garage, and we took him out from the house through the garage door. When we went to the park or out with him to a store, we always went to Gainesville to get some distance from any locals. This had been bound to happen eventually.

I took a drink and tried to decide how to go about explaining this. I was very protective of Jagger. My mom could be opinionated. She’d worry about me first. Not think about the abandoned baby who needed someone to care for him.

She needed to see him first. That was best. She’d see Jagger, and when I started explaining it all, she’d accept him. Not lecture me on what a terrible idea this was.

I took my phone and called Kye.

“Baby Doll? Your dad okay?” he asked, sounding worried.

“Yes. He’s resting. Could you and Jagger come over here, please?” I asked him.

He was silent for a moment.

“She knows?” he finally asked.

“Yeah. She saw the baby stuff being dropped off.”

He sighed. “On our way,” he replied, then ended the call.

Mom put her cup to her lips as she stared at me over the rim. “It’s Kye’s then? That’s why he’s there. You’re helping him. I’d ask about the mother, but I’m guessing she’s one of those wild women he always messes around with. She didn’t want the baby.”

How my mom could pull all of that together with the short conversation I’d had with Kye, I didn’t know. Maybe it was just that the older you got, the more you saw and understood.

I stood up. “I’m going to go let them in. But yes. Everything you said is correct.”

Mom shook her head, looking worried. “Poor baby. Didn’t ask to be brought into this world, and then his momma just left him.”

I nodded. “Yes, she did. She’s a horrible, selfish person.”

I turned and went to the door just before Kye and Jagger appeared on the steps. He looked up at me. I could see he wasn’t sure what to expect, but hadn’t questioned me about bringing Jagger over.

“I want her to see him. She’ll understand my decisions better,” I whispered as he reached the door.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked.

“Yes. Of course.”

The pleased expression on his face wasn’t what I’d expected. I had assumed he would want to escape my mom and the questions. I left Jagger in his arms and led them into the kitchen.

“Mom, this is Jagger Henley Levine, at least as soon as his last name is officially changed,” I said to her, then stepped aside.

Kye took Jagger over to stand in front of Mom.

Her eyes softened, and I saw them well with emotion as she looked at him. She held out her hands and took him from Kye.

“Oh, he looks like you,” she said to him with awe in her voice.

Jagger stared up at her and lifted his little hand to reach for her hair.

“Be careful. He likes to pull long hair in his attempt to eat it,” I warned her.

Mom laughed and placed her finger in his hand instead. “You are a handsome little man. Yes, you are,” she cooed at him.

Jagger kicked happily and studied her face, waiting for her to say more.

“Tell me about custody and his future,” Mom said, not glancing up to look at either of us.

Kye’s gaze swung to meet mine. Was he wanting me to tell her? I wasn’t sure anymore. Kye hadn’t even mentioned the birth certificate, custody, or finding him parents.

“I have full custody,” he said, still looking at me. “The birth certificate now has my name as the father, and his last name is officially Levine.”

I hadn’t known that. When had he gotten that done? Why hadn’t he mentioned it? I felt panic grip me as I waited for his next words. Was he already in the process of finding parents for Jagger?

I couldn’t breathe, I realized. I gripped the edge of the table and tried to draw air into my lungs.

“So, you are going to raise him?” my mother asked.

There was a whooshing noise in my head as I fought to inhale. I wasn’t ready for this. He was going to give Jagger away. How could I let him do that? Jagger was mine. Ours.

“I know he needs a mom and dad. A stable home. I want him to have it all. To be loved and cherished. I want him to know he is loved and wanted,” Kye said.

My eyes lifted to look at him as they began to burn.

Don’t do this to me. Please, I can’t take it.

I had known this day was coming, but I wasn’t going to be able to handle it. Suddenly, I bolted from the room and ran to the back door and rushed outside into the night air. Bending over, I grabbed my thighs, digging my nails into them as I sucked in oxygen. Tears rolled down my face, and through the blur, I saw them splash onto the wooden flooring of the porch.

“Baby Doll!” Kye’s voice sounded as frantic as I felt.

I couldn’t look at him. I wasn’t ready to face him. Hear him tell me what he had planned for Jagger. I didn’t care how wonderful the family was or how much they were going to love him. Yes, I was being selfish, but he was mine. I’d fallen in love with him so completely. That sweet little face staring up at me as I fed him and rocked him. How would I just let that go? Never experience it again?

“I want him!” I blurted out, standing up and finally looking at Kye. “Don’t give him to someone else. I want him, Kye.”

“Baby Doll,” he started, and I shook my head.

“No!” I shouted. “Do not tell me why I can’t have him. Don’t!”

He reached for me, and I took a step back, holding up both my hands.

“Baby Doll, I’m not giving him away,” he said slowly.

I stilled, staring at him, unsure if I heard him correctly. “You’re not?” I asked, almost afraid that I’d hallucinated that.

“I’m not.”

I pointed at the house. “But what you said in there to Mom.”

“What I said in there was that I wanted him to be loved and cherished. To know he was wanted. I might not live the ideal life to raise a kid, but neither did my dad, and I wouldn’t have wanted any other parents. I never felt unwanted or unloved. Sure, I lived most of the time with my mom, but the family was a huge part of my life too. I can be Jag’s dad. He’ll know I love him and that I want him.”

I wiped at the tears on my face as I listened to Kye. He was serious. He wanted Jagger. He was going to rearrange his life for his son.

“I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I wasn’t going to ask you to keep helping us like you have been. I spoke with Trinity, and she wants to help me. Keep him when I’m working. She’s excited about it. I just didn’t know how and when to tell you. Then, Bowie did what he did, and I wanted to be with you. Make sure you were okay.”

His words felt as if he’d reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. I knew he hadn’t meant to, but he was slowly killing me with every word he spoke. I turned away from him and reached for the railing to steady myself. He wasn’t giving Jagger away, but he was taking him away from me. I was still losing him.

I hung my head and tried to process the sheer agony gripping me. This was never supposed to hurt this bad. I had known from the beginning that I wouldn’t get to keep Jagger. But I’d grown attached. So very attached.

When Kye’s hand touched my back, I jerked. I didn’t want him touching me. Which was a feeling I’d never experienced. Normally, where Kye was concerned, I wanted to be near him.

“Talk to me,” he said gently.

I sucked in a deep breath. “I can’t right now. It hurts too much.”

He wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest. I didn’t have the energy to fight it.

“What hurts?”

Did he really need me to spell that out for him?

I closed my eyes tightly. “I’m still losing him.”

Kye grabbed my waist and turned me around to face him. “No, you are not losing him. What makes you think that?”

My bottom lip pouted, and I couldn’t even stop myself. I was doing all I could not to cry some more. “You’re taking him away from me.”

Kye moved his hands and cupped my face. His eyes held mine. “Baby Doll, I’m taking him there so you can have your life back. As much as I love seeing you take care of Jag, I can’t expect you to keep doing it. He’s not your responsibility. You want to design clothing. You’ll eventually go finish your degree. But we won’t be out of your life just because we aren’t in the same house. You can’t get rid of me. You’re stuck with me for life. And Jag too. We’re a package.” He smirked when he said the last part.

He still didn’t get it.

“I want him too,” I said in a hoarse whisper. “I can have my dreams and Jagger too.”

He shook his head in disbelief as he smiled. “Damn, Baby Doll. I’m trying to do the right thing by you, and you go and say shit to make it hard. Real fucking hard.”

I wrapped my hands around his wrists as he still held my face. “If you’re taking him back to the other house because of me, please don’t. It will kill me, Kye. I will miss so much. I don’t want to miss his firsts and not be there when he wakes up in the morning. Don’t take him away.”

Kye’s eyes dropped to my mouth for a moment, and I felt my heart rate speed up.

“If we stay with you, I can’t promise that what happened this morning won’t escalate.”

My breathing hitched as he lifted his eyes back to meet mine.

“Okay,” I replied breathlessly.

He tilted his head as he looked at me. “You sure that’s okay?” he asked, his voice a low whisper. “Because when I say escalate, I mean, I’m gonna end up spreading your legs and feasting on your pussy until you are begging me to stop. I’ll fuck you.” He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, then opened them again. The pale blue color had turned a piercing shade. “Hard and deep and raw. My control with you is slipping. Every day I am with you in that house, it cracks a little more. I can’t stay there with you and not be able to fuck you on the nearest piece of furniture—or hell, against the damn wall. Rip your top off so I can suck on your bouncing tits you tease me with.”

My knees buckled, and Kye shoved his knee between my legs, holding me up.

“You want that? You think we can do that and not lose what we have? Because as bad as I want to have you, I can’t lose you.”

I wanted to shout, YES, I want that. All of it. I had always wanted all of that.

But what would happen when he was done with me sexually? Would I be destroyed? Would I be able to ever love another man?

He lowered his head, and his mouth covered mine. The hard metal from his tongue piercing flicked over my lips, and I opened to him. Taking in the taste of mint and spice. The world around me faded away. I felt like I was floating as he groaned deep in his chest while he kissed me like a man who was starving and I was his last meal.

Jagger’s wail from inside caused us both to stop, and I opened my eyes as he pulled back away from me. His eyes went from my mouth to meet my gaze.

“It’s time for his bottle. I’ll go take him back to the house. You can think about it. Make sure this is what you want. I need you to be absolutely sure. I can’t lose you to sate my need for you.”

I nodded and stood there as he turned and walked away. I wasn’t sure I could move yet, and I wasn’t at all ready to face my mom. She’d have questions after the way I ran out of there and how long we’d been outside.

When she stepped through the door, I should have guessed she wasn’t going to wait to confront me. Not after the scene I’d made. I watched her as she made her way over to me.

“I don’t think I can explain it right now, Mom,” I said weakly.

“Oh, you don’t need to explain anything. I’m your mother. I saw and heard enough. I’m here to talk to you, and I hope you listen.” She reached out and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “You, my beautiful girl, have a big decision to make. This day was coming for you the moment you laid eyes on Kye Levine. I saw it in your eyes then, and as you grew older, it never went away. Even when you dated Bowie, the way you looked at Kye was something much deeper and powerful.” She let out a long sigh. “I always feared the day would come that he would hurt you. Don’t get me wrong. That boy would rather cut off his arm than to see you in pain. He adores you. It’s the reason I can overlook the fact that he is in organized crime.”

My eyes flew open wide. “You know?” I asked, shocked.

She gave me a small shake of her head and laughed. “Honey, there is little that I do not know when it comes to you. Yes, I know who and what Kye is. And if he hadn’t grown up right under my nose, I’d be terrified of you having anything to do with the Mafia. Seeing as how Kye would give his life for yours, I think you might be one of the safest females in the southeast.

“Anyway, back to what I was saying. I’ve known since you were kids that you were soulmates. It was clear as day. The problem was that Kye was a wild one, and I didn’t know if the day would come that he was ready to settle down. That is, until I saw him on Thanksgiving with you and Bowie. He was territorial. You were his, and he wanted Bowie to know that the ring on your finger wasn’t going to keep you away from him.”

She looked up to the sky and seemed pleased about something. “Fate often takes over when we can’t seem to get things right. It’s why we call it fate. Nothing we do can truly change it. You weren’t meant for Bowie. You never were,” she said, her eyes moving back to mine. “That sweet baby boy has your heart wrapped around that tiny little finger of his. The fierceness I witnessed when you told Kye you wanted that baby made my heart proud. It also scared me at the same time.”

She stepped up to me and grabbed my hand and held it in both of hers. “You have a choice to make, and I won’t lie to you; it’s a gamble. One that I wish I could shield you from, but I know I can’t. You have to make it. What I know is that Kye loves you. The big kind of love. The kind that never fades or goes away. You love him that way too. It’s intense, and it can burn the world around you to the ground if it’s not handled correctly.”

I let out a hard laugh and wiped at my face with my free hand. “I think you might be wrong about that, Mom.”

Kye didn’t love me that big. If he did, then he would only want me.

She gave me a knowing smile. “I’m not. I’m seeing it from the outside. I can see all of it. Unlike the two of you, who are circling this flame that’s just getting hotter, the more you pretend it isn’t there.”

She patted my hand. “Here’s the thing, honey. That boy doesn’t think he can be with one woman for the rest of his life. Oh, he knows he loves you. That isn’t something he can ignore. He loves you so much that he is terrified that he will hurt you with his inability to be with just you. That’s the only reason Bowie ever stood a chance. Had Kye trusted himself to be faithful to only you, Bowie would have never been an issue.”

I shrugged. “What do I do with that, Mom? It’s not like I can change him.”

She leaned closer to me. “That’s where you are wrong. You are the only one who can change him.”

“How?” I asked, not thinking she had this answer but desperate for some hope.

“Let yourself be honest with him. Give him all the love you have for him. Let it free. Let him see it. Let him feel it. Show him. Take all he gives you and let that flame explode into something that he can’t live without. Once he’s had that, he’ll never want another.”

I stared at my mother, wishing every word she had just said was possible. “I don’t know, Mom. What if I do that and I lose him in the end? That would break me in a way I don’t think I could recover from.”

She kissed my head. “That’s why I said it was a gamble.”