From Anna Marie Thompson's journal

 

June 8, 1886

 

I have my gold. It is a necklace of little links that Samuel gave me as pay. It is beautiful and I am wearing it right now. I have never had anything so wonderful, and yet I want to throw it into the Shanghai mud. But that would be stupid. I chose this life. I don't want to be a nun. I don't want to.

I didn't want to do what I did, either.

Samuel told me that the mandarin might want to celebrate. He said that after we got the money—if the mandarin wanted to share—that we could share. And that's what happened.

The mandarin wanted to celebrate. He boiled the opium and gave me a taste. It was like always. It was wonderful. And the world was beautiful, and Halfy was shy, just like before. Except, Halfy wasn't shy. He was very strong. And the mandarin celebrated in his own way inside me while Halfy held me down. And I cried because it hurt. It hurt so bad, but Halfy was nice and gave me more opium because it hurt.

Then it was Halfy's turn. And the money man's. Maybe more, I don't know. I couldn't fight so I took the pipe instead and let them do as they would.

I don't want to be a nun, so I'm selling the necklace and keeping the money in a bank. And I'll never, ever do a run with Halfy again.