Sitting in the rain, huddled into my coat, I was lost in thought until I registered the sound of someone shouting my name. Glancing up, I was astonished to see Cara racing down the hill, dressed only in a denim shirt and black jeans, her feet bare.
‘Erin, please talk to me,’ she said, her face streaked with tears. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’
I could hear my heart roaring in my ears. Just the sight of her set my blood on fire. ‘I’ve nothing to say to you,’ I said coldly, turning away from her.
Cara ran around to the other side of me and crouched down, her hazel eyes meeting my green ones. ‘I really didn’t mean for this to happen. I wanted to tell you before. I said to Brad we should have told you the first time we slept together—’
‘But what?’ I spat, cutting her off mid-flow. ‘But you thought it would be funny to laugh behind my back while you slept with my fiancé, the man I thought up until five minutes ago I would be spending the rest of my life with?’
Tears continued to trickle down Cara’s face. ‘It wasn’t like that. It just happened.’
‘Bollocks!’ I roared. ‘Sleeping with your best friend’s fiancé does not just happen.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she tried again. ‘It really did just happen. You were out of town on Rachel’s hen weekend a few weeks ago. I was feeling lonely, do you remember? Because I’d just found out Ian had a new girlfriend. I had forgotten you weren't there and I went to see you, only Brad was there. He saw how upset I was and invited me in for a drink. One thing led to another…’
Her voice trailed off and I was glad. Her sorry excuses were making me feel sick. Even if she had been upset, that didn’t mean she got a free pass to sleep with my fiancé. In a way it was almost laughable. ‘So this is my fault? Is that what you’re telling me? Cara, I’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve played the woe is me, divorced parents card. Let me guess, you’re about to use that one now and come up with some crap about how you didn’t get the love you deserved as a child so therefore it’s my fault you slept with Brad?’
Cara looked at me with shock in her eyes. ‘No! That’s not what I’m saying. Of course not. I’m just explaining. You mean the world to me, Erin. I know it will take time, but I want you to know that what Brad and I have is real. We did try to fight it honestly, but there has always been a connection between us. It’s meant to be. It’s why Ian and I split up, I’m sure of it. I thought somehow that would make you feel better to know that it’s not a one-time thing. I know you’re going through some pain right now, but your happy ending is just around the corner in the same way mine was. I’ll help you find it. Both Brad and I will. We love you.’
I looked at her in amazement. She truly believed what she was telling me. She really did think in her own small way, she had done me a favour.
‘You honestly think I can forgive you for this?’ I asked incredulously. ‘You think things can carry on just as they were?’
Cara looked at me pleadingly. ‘I thought they might, in time…’
‘Well, let me explain something to you,’ I said, leaning my face into hers. ‘You may think this is your happy ending, but he’ll let you down eventually too. And like me, you’ll have no best friend to fall back on because you and I are done, Cara. I never want to see you again.’
As I stood up, Cara sprang to her feet and grabbed my arm. ‘You don’t mean that, Erin. I know you’re hurt now, I know that Brad and I behaved badly, but you and I are family, we’ve grown up together. We can’t not be friends because of this, we just can’t.’
Too angry to reply, I fled down the street, desperate to get away, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Cara had always been selfish. Mum used to joke that whenever she bought me a new toy she’d inevitably end up buying one for Cara too, as she always wanted what I had. Mum had felt sorry for her being pushed from one parent to another, but warned me that I didn’t have to give Cara everything that was mine just because she wanted it. That wasn’t what real friendship was about. Looking back, I think perhaps Mum saw Cara was taking advantage, but I had just wanted her to be happy. Now, I could see Mum was right. Cara was greedy and selfish, and that selfishness had now cost me my world. I had no place to live, no best friend and even though I was fairly sure Brad wouldn’t have the nerve to fire me after what he’d done, there was no way I could carry on working for him every day, so I was basically jobless too.
In that moment I longed to feel Mum’s arms around me just as I had when I banged my knee as a little girl. But equally, I knew I had to stand on my own two feet. I was a different person now to the one Mum and Dad had turned their back on all those years ago. They had seen me as a child who didn’t know her own mind and yes, they might have been right about Brad, but I was no Sandra. I wasn’t going to get them to bail me out. No, I would do this myself, and if there was ever going to be a time for us to find our way back to each other as a family it would be when I had sorted myself out. I didn’t want to go back to Mum and Dad with my tail between my legs, desperate for help. I might not have much right now but I still had my pride, and one day, if I was lucky enough to be reunited with my parents again, it would be because I wanted them in my life, not because I needed them.
As the rain continued to pour down, I huddled into my coat and kept running across town, past the Abbey Churchyard and up through Queen’s Square where the early morning boules players played come rain or shine. I didn’t know where I was going, but the one place I knew I wasn’t going was Brad Masters’ Architects. That place could stay shut for eternity for all I cared.
I stopped for a moment and caught my breath. Who did I know that would be home during the week? Then it hit me – my old uni mate Rachel. She was home on maternity leave from her job as a junior architect with her six-month-old daughter, Matilda.
At the thought of a coffee with my friend and a cuddle with her baby, my heart soared. Settled on my mission, I rounded the corner before reaching Rachel’s place, not far from the further education college.
Rachel and her wife Lily had bought a derelict flat when they left uni. At the time I had been amazed they had become so responsible so quickly, but now as I pressed the bell on the old Georgian townhouse, I had never felt so grateful for a responsible friend.
Seconds later I heard the sound of a sash window being pulled up. I looked up and saw Rachel’s beaming face quickly turn to concern as she took in my red-rimmed eyes and bedraggled appearance.
‘What the hell’s happened to you?’
‘Brad’s cheated on me with Cara,’ I shouted up at her.
Her jaw dropped open but then, to her credit, she quickly composed herself and threw the keys down for me to let myself in.
‘I’ll get the coffee on. Come straight up.’
Relief flooded through me as I made my way up to their apartment. It always made me feel safe, and right now that was all I wanted.
Rachel opened the front door and led me to the sofa, where I sank down and leaned my head against her. She didn’t rush me or make me talk. Instead she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and kissed my head, telling me how sorry she was.
When I felt better, I wiped my tears away. ‘I caught them in our bed. There’s no mistake. He says he loves her. She wants me to come round, that she’s sorry but she and Brad are meant to be.’
As I said this last part, my voice broke, the effort of saying the words out loud too much to bear as the truth of the situation hit home.
‘That pair of bastards,’ Rachel growled. ‘I know she’s your oldest friend, but I have never liked Cara. She’s always looked down her nose at Lily.’
Privately I knew that wasn’t true. Lily was a make-up artist and had taught Cara all the tricks of the trade over the years. However, I appreciated Rachel’s support and wasn’t about to start defending Cara now when everything about her was indefensible.
‘What do you want to do?’ Lily asked softly, having just arrived home for lunch to hear the tail end of my story.
I shrugged my shoulders. I was so tired all of a sudden. ‘I want to sleep and then I want to get my stuff from Brad’s place. Just my clothes and things. Nothing Cara would have touched. I ought to go to work too. Do things properly at least.’ I sank my head into my hands. It all seemed so much to deal with. ‘Brad’s out of town on a conference, or that’s what he told me, so at least I don’t have to face him. If one of you don’t mind giving me a lift, I can go up and get my stuff later when I’m sure he’s gone.’
Lily smiled kindly and looked at her wife. ‘We can manage a bit more than that can’t we?’
‘Tell you what,’ Rachel reached behind her for a rug. ‘Why don’t you stay with us for a couple of days until you get sorted? In the meantime, have a nap, then you can nip into the office for a chat with HR? While you’re doing that, I’ll get your things from Brad’s.’
‘I can’t ask you to do that,’ I exclaimed.
‘You didn’t. I, or rather we, offered,’ Rachel replied firmly. ‘Besides, you can’t want to run the risk of seeing him again, especially now. It’s fine, give me your keys and I’ll throw everything together.’
‘You really don’t mind?’
‘Not at all, as long as you don’t mind looking after Matilda.’ She grinned, gesturing towards the sleeping baby.
‘It would be my pleasure,’ I said, meaning it.
Rachel got to her feet and I handed her my house keys out of my bag. ‘And it would be my pleasure to cut off Brad’s balls if I see him.’
*
After two days with Rachel, Lily and Matilda, I felt a lot stronger. The first night had been horrible. I kept waking up on their sofa-bed wondering where the hell I was and feeling sick and angry at all that had happened. But the following night I slept like the dead, my mind finally catching up with my body, seemingly in need of rest. I think the fact I had a mountain of paperwork, as well as all my stuff to sort through, thanks to Rachel, had helped. In all honesty, I had been dreading going into work and talking to HR, but they had been brilliant when I explained, without going into too many details, what had happened and why I felt it best if I left immediately.
As I was owed some holiday there was no problem and they even sorted out my final salary payment. It wasn’t huge but would be enough to tide me over until I found something else. Then there was just some exit interview stuff to go through, which they assured me could be done over the phone.
‘Do you feel like going for a walk to the park?’ Rachel asked me as I finished getting ready after my morning shower.
‘That sounds nice,’ I said as Matilda let out a healthy burp in her mum’s arms. ‘Maybe we could even call in at Phil’s afterwards?’
Rachel’s face lit up at the suggestion. ‘Brilliant! After this one kept me up all night, I need several espressos to get me through the day.’
In the end we abandoned the idea of a walk, as Rachel said she was just too tired. Instead we went straight to Phil’s and ordered our usual from Ginger, the world’s grumpiest but most efficient barista.
‘My favourite ladies,’ Phil cried, ushering us towards my usual table by the window. ‘And how are the three of you this morning?’
‘Fine.’ Rachel smiled. ‘Tired, but I’m hoping one of your legendary coffees is going to sort me out.’
Phil smiled, his brown eyes crinkling with understanding. ‘It’s hard being a parent, yes?’
‘It is,’ Rachel sighed. ‘And please don’t judge me, but there’s a small part of me that can’t wait to get back to work! There’s only so many times I can listen to “Baby Shark” without wanting to stab myself in the eye!’
As Phil and I roared with laughter at the mix of amusement and guilt spread across Rachel’s caramel features, Ginger appeared with our order.
Taking a grateful slug of coffee, I felt Phil’s eyes turn to me. ‘And what’s wrong with you Erin? You don’t seem yourself.’
‘I’m fine,’ I lied.
Rachel rolled her eyes. ‘If fine means you’re all right after your fiancé sleeps with your best friend, then yes, Phil, Erin is totally fine.’
‘Not Cara!’ Phil gasped.
‘The very same,’ Rachel confirmed.
Phil’s jaw dropped open. ‘How could this have happened? I knew that Brad was trouble from the moment he came in here, but as for Cara, I’m disgusted.’
As Rachel nodded her agreement, I let their chatter pass over my head. Phil adored his regular customers and said he thought of us all as family. Even though he had been born and bred in Bath, his parents were Spanish and had brought him up to believe in the very Spanish tradition of family coming first. Named Philippe but far more comfortable with Phil, I felt his kindness once more as he pushed another croissant, that had somehow magically appeared, towards me.
‘Erin, what will you do now?’ Phil asked gently, bringing me back to the present.
I shook my head. ‘Don’t know. Rachel’s letting me sleep on her sofa but they haven’t really got the room.’
‘We have,’ Rachel insisted, draining her cup dry. ‘You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.’
‘That’s sweet but you and Lily are new parents and you only got married a couple of weeks ago! I can’t cramp your style.’
At that Rachel made no protest, and I smiled gratefully at my friend as Phil tried again. ‘What about your family? Have you any other friends you can stay with?’
‘No,’ I said quietly. ‘My family and I haven’t spoken in three years, I can hardly turn up now.’
Phil raised his eyes to the ceiling for a moment, his lined face clearly deep in thought. ‘I have it!’ He suddenly shrieked with delight, banging the table for emphasis. ‘For you, Erin, I have the perfect solution.’
‘You do?’ I asked doubtfully.
‘Yes, yes,’ Phil said excitably. ‘But first, Erin, can you drive?’
I nodded, feeling bewildered. ‘What’s that got to do with anything? Oh, Phil, do you want me to work here and be your delivery driver? That’s so kind but—’
‘No sweetie,’ Phil replied, somewhat sadly. ‘I have no money or need for your services. But I have another suggestion. Wait here just a moment,’ he said, scuttling across to the community noticeboard.
‘What’s this?’ I asked as he set a white lined index card down in front of me.
‘It’s your new home.’ He grinned, looking decidedly pleased with himself. ‘I know this lady. She is lovely and, like you, has just lost someone close to her. She needs someone like you and you need someone like her.’
Glancing down, I began to read.
Houseshare available with an elegant and mature lady. Room to rent, reasonable rates, in exchange for help around the home and driving duties. Car provided. Enquire within.
I looked up at Phil feeling confused, only for him to smile and pull out his phone. ‘She brought this down only the other day. I’m sure the room will still be available, I’ll give her a call.’